Baptized in the chunk
I knew VH1's Strip Search wasn't worth my stare during the first episode when the faux-hawked twit Billy Cross told contestant Bryce he'd need to lose the love handles. So, I keep just one wary eye on it. I disagree with its think-thin philosophy, but I'm not about to go masochistic and stop watching completely. That would mean depriving myself of beefy Bryce.
Not that it was a surprise that the solidly built slab of meat that Bryce is would be asked to shape up -- you don't need a working knowledge of Playgirl to be familiar with the taut and toned standard of male objectification. During last week's episode (No. 4), Bryce complained that he needs visible abs in three weeks (because blahblahblah the show's a competition blahblahblah eliminations blahblahblah show Bryce again). This would seem an impossible feat:
But I'm saying bullshit: Bryce is the only guy worth watching on that show precisely because of his body (his edible face doesn't hurt, though). Bryce is hot because he isn't an ideal or an Adonis archetype -- he's a real guy with a real butt and a real belly (I realize that there's a dab of narcissism in my appreciation of husky boys, btw). Slender and vaguely muscley is the status quo's approved body type, presumably because it's a sign of effort put into physical upkeep and therefore tangible evidence of good health. But the state of being that is chunky (not fat, not pleasantly plump, not round, but chunky) is a middle that's often just as hard to maintain -- see how so many guys teeter on the edge of fat and end up falling (rolling?) over.
In a way, Strip Search is worthy of praise just for featuring someone like the frequently shirtless Bryce. At least we get the chance to appreciate him (if, y'know, that's our thing). But I fear he's, in fact, an example: the plus-sized ne'er-do-well. I'm afraid he's nothing but Strip Search's Toccara.
"I'd pay for liposuction to get the body," voiceovers an exasperated Bryce during Episode 4's workout montage. Well, that doesn't seem very healthy does it? Look at how sad he gets:
I have no idea how Strip Search is going to pan out, but Bryce's days are probably numbered. Oh well. Hopefully he didn't lose too much weight in the whole, retarded process.
Bryce, I fetishize you just the way you are.
Bryce seems like a good guy, and I hope he does well- but seriously, Johnny is the best thing about that show. There is possibly nothing more entertaining than a batshit-crazy 30 year old waiter who has the temperment of a cranky toddler. Plus his eyebrows are like junior versions of Peter Gallagher's.
Posted by: Kevin | June 23, 2005 at 11:52 AM
I haven't bothered to watch the show... I've only seen pics via the mini-bios on VH1's website, but have to agree with your opinion on Bryce's bod. And I love the "narcissism" comment, because in all honestly, that's specifically why I'm endeared to what he has going on.
Posted by: Dan | June 23, 2005 at 06:08 PM
His face is gorgeous, but there is nothing attractive about a guy who looks like he never exercises. Sorry...
Posted by: Jane | June 24, 2005 at 12:18 AM
Are you for real????He looks like a handsome,HANDSOME,normal person.Unless there are other photos I should see I would not classify him as abnormal in the least.He's cute.
Posted by: Chris | June 24, 2005 at 11:42 AM
bryce is a-dor-a-ble! sexy hunky little sparkles. don't change a thing. signed, 36 year old lady who knows her boy toys
Posted by: amy | June 24, 2005 at 01:43 PM
Never excersises?!? HE IS A CONSTRUCTION WORKER! Hes got muscle, he's just not cut. He's a man who has a body from doing a manly job - not a body made from vanity excersise, which to me is kind of femine. He's beefy and hot.
Posted by: Ralph McGinnis | June 24, 2005 at 01:48 PM
I think he's certainly hot. It's a shame how Hollywood is teaching men and women both to hate their bodies unless it fits a certain strict, unrealistic standard. Bryce is fit and muscular looking to me, not a fat-ass by any means.
Posted by: tygirwulf | June 24, 2005 at 02:43 PM
There's another point some are missing here--- It's pretty likely that his youth is a prime factor. He's cute, and one of the youngest. If he gets in shape, he'll only get better over the next few years and can be hired for more shows.
Posted by: rrgg | June 24, 2005 at 06:55 PM
I guess he could be hot if you have a thing for beer bellies. But come on,even if he does drop ten pounds in one week he stands no chance against those other bitches. Whatever,I dont care,Ryan is a SEX GOD!
Posted by: Lucas | June 24, 2005 at 10:57 PM
Bryce's FACE looks hot in SELECTED shots, but his MILDLY chunky body is PLAIN and BORING (there are much hotter chunks, out there). What is REALLY DISTURBING is his CRAPPY JEWELRY -- earrings in BOTH ears, and necklace (in addition to the one contestants wear) -- not to mention his sucky, Magic Marker tattoos.
Frankly, this DEER IN HEADLIGHTS looks like he SMELLS.
SUMMARY:
The longest book that Bryce has read probably contained matches. Shower him thoroughly, fuck him until you've climaxed, and, then, call a taxi for him. DON'T give him (1) money for his taxi ride home or (2) your phone number.
Posted by: ChunkyLover | June 24, 2005 at 11:13 PM
Meh. He's got a gorgeous face, but his love handles are gross. He may not need to be "cut", but he could be slimmer, ya know. He looks LAZY. And he is, judging by what I've seen on the show. He hides from the trainer. Again...meh.
Posted by: scoots | June 25, 2005 at 12:41 AM
Oh yeah...Johnny. Johnny was hill-air-ee-us. Those effin' eyebrows, and that refusal to deal with reality. What a hoot. He reminded me of a cross between the foreign guy on "Suddenly Susan" and the crazy SCTV guy who played a mad scientist in "Splash".
Posted by: scoots | June 25, 2005 at 12:43 AM
Just like driving by a car wreck, you gotta slow down, and you can't look away. Go figure!
Posted by: Dashfield | June 25, 2005 at 06:31 PM
This man's body is amazing.
He's a great looking man.
Posted by: ebee | June 25, 2005 at 10:27 PM
I'm glad you posted this--Bryce is the best thing about the show and is wonderfully sexy in his realness. The very first time he came on the screen, my friends and I agreed: he's 100% "chunky booty"--our highest compliment for strapping, unfeminized guys like him.
I will miss Johnny's big dose o' crazy, though.
Posted by: TJ | June 27, 2005 at 12:22 AM
are we missing the point, the show is about strippers. who wants to see his fat jiggle when he dances. ick. strippers are always hot chisled closet cases.
Posted by: doug | June 27, 2005 at 05:48 PM
bryce is the best. when ryan said, "no one wants to see a guy shake his keg around (refering to bryce)" i thought to myself... i wouldn't mind.
Posted by: devon | June 27, 2005 at 06:39 PM
Bryce is absolutely hot! He's got the best face and smile on the show. As someone who doesn't have the best body, I understand the pressure of being stuck between working my personality and trying to keep up with society's physical standards. But, I think it's awesome that Bryce is there and Billy picked him as one of the first saw he obviously realized how good looking he is! I'm sorry but most of the "buff" guys are asshole ESPECIALLY Ryan!
Posted by: Niki | June 28, 2005 at 01:05 PM
I love Bryce, he's so cute, but man, I don't think he'd be all that hot in a thong.
I'd eat up Tony in five minutes. Shake that thang baby. Hey, are you watching Kept? That mess is COMEDY.
Posted by: Voodoo | June 30, 2005 at 02:43 AM
beefy is good... ! he's not horribly overweight. he could lose 10lbs. we could all lose 10lbs. i wouldn't want him to become some washboard - the pudge is what makes bryce, bryce.
Posted by: toby | June 30, 2005 at 11:16 AM
Bryce is by far the cutest one. He's the guy I could easily see as my boyfriend, which makes him all the more appealing.
And Bryce does have a hot body...maybe not standing next to Mr. Fitness, but as far as my standards are he's SEXY. annnnnd it helps that he's from Texas (I can hear his accent....yuuuum!) and that taps into my cowboy fetish ;o)
I hope he makes the final 7 so I go to Vegas and get me some Bryce!! WHOOO! LOL
Posted by: Carly | July 01, 2005 at 07:07 PM
Bryce.... yum.
Yes, he's the only reason why I watch the show now, and he's just worth it!
Great blog, by the way.
Posted by: stan | July 05, 2005 at 11:05 AM
If I'm going to go watch a guy get naked, I don't want him to look like the average person. I want him to be built and cut and blazingly hot. That's why you go to these shows.
On the other hand, he is really cute. His tummy doesn't bother me at all... but I'm not going to pay money to look at it.
Posted by: anii | July 07, 2005 at 04:01 PM
I completely agree with you. I love Bryce just the way he is. =) Ryan called him fat, what an asshole.
Posted by: T | July 11, 2005 at 12:41 AM
totally hot. I would never kick a cute construction worker out of bed. He looks like a guy...I thought thats what we we're suppossed to be into. Sorry but the waxed and plucked crew doesn't do it for me.
Posted by: brad | July 11, 2005 at 02:59 PM