And it's just like cunty

Wow, Live 8 really is the charityconcertfestivalextravaganza that just keeps on giving. Not only did it raise awareness of the debt and plight of poor, starving Africans (whose bodies Mariah Carey never, repeat, never admired . . . publicly), but it also blew the lid off something most people wouldn't expect: pop divas are bitches. The lead story on Wednesday's Page Six alleged a request by Madonna to keep Mariah out of her sight backstage at the London Live 8 "for some unknown slight."

Allow me to introduce you to the slight: This rivalry is actually a longstanding one -- it stretches back to '95, when Mariah was nothing if not a hit-making robot and Madonna was struggling to move units (regardless of enjoying the longest running No. 1 of her career earlier that year). Supposedly, Madonna revealed during an interview that she'd kill herself if she were Mariah (paraphrasing here), a sour-grapes comment on Mariah's work-horsiness. Mariah hit back with a gem of a soundbite, which you can watch here:

"...when she used to be popular."

I love how she starts laughing only after the press does, as though she stumbled upon her cuntiness. She doesn't call herself Mary Poppins for nothing!

While we're talking Mariah, I've spotted a trend while trolling Mariah messageboards that's the digital equivalent of singing into a hairbrush while wearing your mother's high heels. For the need of validation alone, people post sound files of their rendition of their goddess' hits. Because it's SO MUCH FUN to sing, "We Belong Together" has a lot of entries in this aspirational series (I'm being totally serious when I state that there's never been a more exhilarating lovelorn bridge to wail along to than: "I'm feeling all out of my element / Throwin' things cryin' / Tryin' to figure out where the hell I went wrong / The pain reflected in this song / Ain't even half of what I'm feelin' inside / I neeja neeja back in my life, baby"). These fanatics try to keep it together but fall apart with their fascinating pronunciation, boggling overdubbing and complete lack of volume control. They're not all awful singers, but the very thought of a guy making like Mariah should be enough to make you wish for the silence of the lambs.

You've probably heard this song more than you'd care to at this point and, yeah, bad-singing-ha-ha-ha is well-worn territory. If you only download one fan's rendition of "We Belong Together," get Jordan's. Astounding!

"We Belong Together" by Jordan

"We Belong Together" by Matt and Sam

"We Belong Together" by Eman

Comments

[a.]

BWAHAHA! We all like to think we can sing, and most of us have people in our lives who love us enough to tell us to just stop. Sadly, these people are not loved.

Jordan completely lost it at the end shooting for the high notes and then added the background vocals! Hilarious!

Matt and Sam's duet was good in the beginning. I'm thinking their confidences was building and it all fell about.

Eman made remix! Oh my!

And here I thought I was the only one loving to sing this song with such conviction.

[dita]

mariah is an ugly chipmunk cow.

[Closet Mariah Fan]

Okay...I have to admit that I make fun of Mariah with the best of them. But secretly, even though she's a big ole diva 'ho, I love her music. C'mon, Heartbreaker is total danceable fun! It all started when my mom used to get free Mariah cds when she worked for Sony. (I hid them so no one saw that I owned them. They didn't go so well with my metal cds.)

Now I've finally come out of the closet and said it. Mariah is awful...but in that really great way that you just can't help but love. It's kinda like watching Kung Fu movies. They're so bad that they're good! At least she writes her own songs...which is something that Whitney never did.

[Nick]

Listen buddy you have no right to say all the shit you just said about mariah and her fans. Your entitled to your opinion but i just wana slap the shit out of you you dumb ass hole!

[SC]

"They're not all awful singers, but the very thought of a guy making like Mariah should be enough to make you wish for the silence of the lambs."

CLASSIC! I've been wondering myself why I have yet to hear a female fan sing this song, I guess all the guy lambs took up the rapidshare web space:(

[juanel]

of course,you want to be famous at the expense of hurting other people and trying hard yourself for other people's approval.grow up.

how's this?!your blog is crap and you're trying to be a writer,well,how about getting writing a favor?stay out of it.you're trying too hard.

[Paul]

You know this would be cute if it was true. But hey, there are alot of JEALOUS haters out there. Move along and enjoy her success and love she carries. Instead of a wanna-be hater that is so sad and upset over how incredible she is as a singer and a person the world admires.!! Grow up!

douchebag

[Newton]

Mariah has the #1 song on 6 charts on Billboard and her album just went triple platinum and she's the best selling female artist so who cares what Madonna or anyone else thinks?

[RichJuz]

Hi, it's me, Rich, this is my site. I'm really pathetic, most people who aren't into someone will just move on, but I have to put them down and their fans so I can feel better about myself. Thanks for coming to my site to validate my existance and my opinions.
Yours truly,
Rich

[Glammer]

You're entitled to your opinion, but...no, wait, you're entitled to your opinion *and* it's right.

She's like the Randall McMurphy of vocal gymnastics: Crazy, but more loveable for it. Plus, her diva African kiddie choir at Live 8 kicked Madonna's gospel choir ass.

[Phyllis Gabor]

Mariah is a useless cunt ... Madonna is way more influential in pop culture than Mariah and her cheese loving fans will ever be!

[Odisea Burbujas]

Also, no one talked about Mariah's Live 8 performance because she's useless on stage ... and how vulgar was her hooker outfit?

[jordan]

madonna was influential in the 80's because she was slutty!!! get with the times...

[Rich]

Hey lovers,

I just feel the need to point out that the comment from RichJuz is not me. I am, in fact, way into Mariah Carey and feel no need to move on.

I'm not deleting the comment because I'll take funny anywhere I can get it!

[Jose]

YOU'RE A COMPLETE ASSHOLE!

[vivian]

mariah carey should never be mention together with madonna (1) mariah, for we all know, can sing (2) mariah is very very creative in her music as seen in her wide range of lyrics (3) mariah carey is very hardworking and professional (4) mariah carey is sexy.

[luis]

ok, first of all, that mariah's quote about how she'd love to be skinny like those african kids is SoOoOoOo oldfashioned, and of course it's false.. but hey, if u like picking on old stuff that's ok, but u have a lot of new and fresh mariah (false) rumours, like the red carpet one, or the broken nail one. that's ok, ppl always loved to trash the so called diva-ish behaviour, but as mariah is doing so well in music industry, these cheesy ordinary shots at her are losing strength.. but hey, keep trying! mariah fans (me myself and i) and mariah herself always laughed at her haters. the oh-so-called-hooker/cunty/slutty/chubby/cheesy comments on her are getting a little boring... but once again... if u are happy to say them, that's cool! we all know mariah is a healthy, happy woman, with a fantastic (and pacient) sense of humour (and a great body too). and some of u dared to compare her to madonna.. ok, madonna is an icon, but c'mon... she had to be f***** 1 zillion times to get the respect and the personality she has! i do love madonna's work/image, but calling mariah a slut...(oops u didn't say that, but this is an answer to ur post and to the ones that agreed with it) it's sOoOoO ... off key lol!
about the fans... ok, i admit i only sing in the shower, but who are we to criticize these unknown fans, when an entertainer (so-called singer) screamed (@ Live8) like she was having a baby... oh madonna u are so in...out....in...out... breath dahhhling, breath, coz ur grannie's pants will help you out!
but what it counts is that we all are free to express ourselves, and u have ur opinion, i have mine, mariah has hers like madonna too. ´
peace! luis|breakbreakdown

[Phyllis Gabor]

Mariah's fat and she has her stylist paint fake abs on her flabby stomach ... she can sing and that's it ... she has no other talent and she's practically close to brain dead!

[Odisea Burbujas]

Aside from being slutty in the 80s, Madonna also had a brain and she was always in control and did not degrade herself by say, washin Snoop Dogg's car while dressed like a whore in a video ...

[Josh]

Madonna is actually the best selling female recording artist of all time, not Mariah. According to both Billboard and Genesis Book of world records. Both are very talented. Both hold different records and accomplishments. Madonna is more global than Mariah. You just can't look at how many #1's either have had in just one country. You have to look at global sales. Both have loyal fans. This is great. I prefer Madonna because over all she is more talented. Yes Mariah may have a better voice, but Madonna's is distinctive and more recognizable. Both are great female singers. Let’s compare them against other men not each other. And yes I have some of both of There CD's.

[Des]

side from being slutty in the 80s, Madonna also had a brain and she was always in control and did not degrade herself by say, washin Snoop Dogg's car while dressed like a whore in a video ...

YOU MEAN like how Madonna degraded herself with Vanilla Ice and various animals in her SEX book? All her new songs suck after Like a Prayer

[Annoyed Reader]

All you do is post on a blog, and you are making fun of someone who has a record breaking 16 #1 hits. Call us when you win a Nobel prize or something.. Mariah wants her four-inch pumps back. I think that they are stuck in your ass. Loser.

[Haters are foaming at the mouth]

"Madonna is actually the best selling female recording artist of all time, not Mariah. According to both Billboard and Genesis Book of world records."

WRONG!! Mariah is the best selling female recording artist of all time, not Madonna. Mariah has sold more in the U.S. and the entire world than Madonna. Mariah is far more global than Madonna. Nice try, though.

Why this fighting? Both are great in their own ways and both have haters who rip on them. Next.