Being the beautiful young lady that God sent her here to be
Yeah. Obsessed. I don't even play with my cats anymore. It's only about Whitney, Whitney, Whitney.
I hate how sanctimonious people are about Whitney. "Look at how far down she's sunk. Such a voice. Such looks. Wasted. It's such a shame," they might say after watching Whitney consitently say whatever the fuck on Being Bobby Brown. Whatever, no it's not. It's not a shame because Whitney is a born entertainer (slash born reality show subject) who will serve her function by hook or by crook (and no, I'm not going to make a crack joke even though "crook" sounds like "crack," because "Crack is wack" is the old new "Is that your final answer?").
Whitney is crazy now because she's always been crazy. Remember "Chaka Khan. Chaka Khan!" at the end of "I'm Every Woman?" Or "I don't know why I like it. I just do!" at the start of "So Emotional?" What about the chafed tone she's taken with every interviewer ever? Here's some pictorial documentation of Whitney's diva-loution via shots taken from most of her videos.
"You Give Good Love" 1985
"Saving All My Love for You" 1985
"How Will I Know" 1985
"Greatest Love of All" 1986
"Where Do Broken Hearts Go" 1987
"So Emotional" 1987
"Didn't We Almost Have It All" 1987
"I'm Your Baby Tonight" 1990
"All the Man That I Need" 1990
"The Star-Spangled Banner" 1991
"I Will Always Love You" 1992
"I'm Every Woman" 1992
"I Have Nothing" 1993
"Run To You" 1993
"Exhale (Shoop, Shoop)" 1995
"I Believe In You and Me" 1996
"Step by Step" 1996
"Heartbreak Hotel" 1999
"My Love Is Your Love" 1999
"I Learned From the Best" 1999
Two of her videos really stick out. One of them is the greasy "I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)." The screencaps were like potato chips on this one -- I couldn't take just one.
The other is "It's Not Right but It's Okay," in which Whitney is so intent on PROVING. HER. BADASSERY. THAT. SHE. CONSTANTLY. POINTS. No time for dancing, really, only pointing. She has always been the queen of the Rhythmless Nation.
Now, aren't you excited for tonight's show?
P.S. "Crack is wack" is wack when it's forced to exist as a joke on its own. My sista of anotha mutha Tracie "Didn't We Almost Linedraw It All" Egan put a punny twist on Whitney's infamous Dateline comment when she designed these panties for some feministy charity thing. Who's crackin' who?
you fucking rock!
Posted by: lovejoy0 | July 21, 2005 at 11:37 AM
so excited!
Posted by: a. | July 21, 2005 at 12:47 PM
I know what you mean about whitney being whitney, her record company had to sell the image. Frankly I'm surprised it took this long for people to recognize how "real" she is. Its not right is my fav whitney video, you tha bomb *does funky chicken dance*
Posted by: andrew | July 21, 2005 at 12:52 PM
You and Whitney (and Bobby) are so much fun! She is an Entertainer in whatever medium she chooses.
Posted by: rukus | July 21, 2005 at 01:32 PM
You forgot about when she randomly shouts "Take care of ma babies!" at the end of 'It's Not Right, But It's Ok' That's quality. Whitney's a good mother. She takes care of her crack babies, so they don't become heroin addicts, like their father.
Posted by: GothamWhore | July 21, 2005 at 03:35 PM
Whatever happened to the persistant lesbo rumors?
Posted by: dooku | July 21, 2005 at 04:09 PM
More like "Chaka Khan." "Sha-GAAAH!!!"
Posted by: Eric | July 21, 2005 at 04:24 PM
You are so awesome!! No matter what anyone says Whitney is and always will be a consumate DIVA! On a serious note the show really show be called "Being Whitney Houston" because no one gives two craps about Bobby Around or Brown or whatever his damn name is. HAHA
Posted by: Mark | July 21, 2005 at 08:37 PM
YEA!!!!!!!I adore this reality show!!!!Whitney FOREVER!!!!!!!She still the best!!!!and always be!
Posted by: Annie | July 22, 2005 at 01:16 AM
Looks like Whitney is taking everybodys advice and eating. Her belly is almost as big as Bobby's!!
Posted by: Marlina de Aragon | July 22, 2005 at 05:14 AM
So wrong...yet so right. This is like fudge brownie chocolate ice cream...deep fried...with butter.
Mmmmmm.
Posted by: karsh | July 22, 2005 at 07:44 PM
OMG! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! best post EVER.
Posted by: jase | July 22, 2005 at 11:22 PM
I have no words...!!!!
Posted by: kiki | July 23, 2005 at 02:36 AM
I love this post too ...this is really who whitney is and who we ve failed to realise she is ....AN ENTERTAINER FOR ALL TIMES ....GO WHITNEY..
Posted by: SIMEON | July 23, 2005 at 08:15 AM
Holee shit, you have totally opened my eyes on this. OF COURSE, Whitney's been totally crazy-ass since day one! Seriously, it all makes since now! What were we thinking?
Posted by: Joe Greenlight | July 24, 2005 at 02:51 AM
I laughed so hard looking at all the fabulous faces of Whitney through the years. I never got the "Chaka Khan!!!" thing. I really didn't.
Posted by: Joshua | July 27, 2005 at 06:17 PM
Oh Hell To The Yes!
This is the best site I've seen all night!
I've been quoting Whitney since the show premiered. Love her. Bobby Kris needs a big hug and I think that Whitney secretly wants Bobby to go back to jail so she can have a break!
Posted by: Jess | July 28, 2005 at 12:25 AM
Whitney sings out Chaka Khan to pay homage to her coz 'Every Woman' is a remake originally done by you guessed it...Chaka Khan
Posted by: KoolnDeadly | April 03, 2006 at 09:43 PM
18 comments....
Not many reading your site....
Posted by: | February 28, 2007 at 06:08 PM
The greatest singer of our generation.
Even the author of the article knows that.
He/She is just angry...
Posted by: | February 28, 2007 at 06:09 PM
I'm surprised I didn't come across this earlier. I loved Whitney when she wasn't a crack head! It's a shame. I use to look up to her when I was a young child singing with my hair brush to "The Greatest Love of All." Where does the time go.
Posted by: Lynn S. | March 05, 2009 at 05:45 PM