So, I guess living in your own world/celebrity haze with someone else is a lot like being trapped in a car with no air conditioning along with someone you don't like very much. At least, that's how it seemed on the London-set Episode 3 of Being Whitney Houston's Husband. Bicker, bitch, shop, bicker, eat, drink, be bitchy is sorta how it went. Not that I'm complaining -- this gave Whitney the opportunity to make her best faces yet.
To counterbalance the greed and gluttony that made up this week's themes, Bravo offered a moment of sensitivity before the episode aired, just in case you were worried that it was being shot (and edited) live...
Thank god Bob and Whit aren't in the same jam as Omarion. Actually, scratch that. I'd like to see that press release. Anyway, the episode hits the ground blinging, as Bobby attempts to convince Ma Whit to buy him a watch as hideous as it is diamond encrusted.
Whitney knows just the answer.
Brilliant! Cut to credits, hotel rooms and then, a promise for the shopping ahead:
They don't seem to make good on it, and instead use the trip to Harrods as another display of their bumbling antics. Trouble got so sick of following Bobby, that it now walks in front of him. He can't make it through the sensors upon entering the store:
While trying on clothes, he says he's not gay. The leather tells a different story:
This woman clearly has no idea who he is:
While attempting to find something for their unfortunately proportioned daughter to wear ("She's got body, baby! She's a Brown," says Bobby on Bobbi Kristina. In the episode's most unnecessary exchange, Whitney hazily laments this fact, effectively agreeing but starting a minor argument, anyway). Bobby goes off to get a hamburger and Harrods owner Mohamed "the nicest man" Al-Fayed walks up to Whitney, who instantly becomes more saccharine than "One Moment in Time" and adopts a British accent. They go find Bobby and Mohamed gives him "Egyptian Viagra," which supposedly will make Whitney have three babies. But wait, there's more:
Everyone laughs and is happy because it's funny even though Bobby does not need Viagra. Also, Whit plays with her bra:
After shopping, Bobby ditches Whit and Bob2 because they're stupid bitches. He runs into the Dalai Lama who might be deaf and who definitely has no pop-culture savvy. He, like many people on this show, has no idea who Bobby Brown is. Not even when introduced as "Whitney Houston's husband."
I hope Bobby didn't take it personally. Bobby and Tommy (his brother, I think?) go to Brixton to check out the hood where women are alternately wiry, Whitney-style...
...desperate (the woman below hit up Bobby for rent money and he gave it to her!!!)...
...and whory...
...even Bobby was taken aback. Flash forward to dinner time. Whit and Bobby and 500,000 other people dine at some Chinesey restaurant, where Bobby announces the massive shit he's about to take. Just when you think this show couldn't fit in any more privilege, entitlement or smugness, in walks Prince Jeffrey of Faggai, I mean, Brunei, who flashes so many successive judgment lapses, watching him gave me a seizure. When asked what's up with his car (which must be notable), he proudly announces:
He made it crash. It was willful...and fun!!! Also at dinner, Bobby drinks and drinks and drinks, much to Whitney's dismay. It'd be sad if it weren't so funny!
This leads to the inevitable question Bobby asks when back at the hotel: "Why is my shoe following me?"
Whitney's not doing the "shoe following me thing" right now, and so they fight. The episode ends on a truly nasty note as Whitney criticizes Bobby's parenting (which is like the pot criticizing the kettle's black love) and then walks into another room. "Yeah, you better close the fucking doors," Bobby threatens. "What was you gonna do if I didn't?" asks Whitney. Aaaaaaaand cut.
During this more somber moment, I want to take the time to urge everyone of all walks of life to break the chain of pseudo-violence. Do not end up like these shadow-boxing people.
Because in the end, play-fighting only makes the brats brattier.
Next week on B³: Whitney looks scorchin':
And she finally reveals where broken hearts go...
...camping!
Can't wait!
This is by far, the worst of all the celeb reality shows. It is a fucking trainload of AIDs infected orphans that has been set on fire and has hurtled at full speed into a busload of geriatric nuns. It can't be canceled quickly enough.
Posted by: 13tongimp | July 08, 2005 at 10:58 AM
great recap. i can't believe he gave her rent money- are you sure it wasn't drug money??
Posted by: toby | July 08, 2005 at 01:40 PM
what's up with whitney and those visors?!
Posted by: a. | July 08, 2005 at 03:23 PM
I totally disagree with the first commenter...this is the BEST reality show just for it's sheer "who are these crazy people and i can't wait to see what happens next" moments."
If anything, it's all about Whitney. She cray-cray.
Posted by: Voodoo | July 09, 2005 at 02:14 AM
I think I want to have her babies.
Posted by: Rich | July 09, 2005 at 02:37 AM
This reality show is as real as it gets. They are not afraid to be themselves,show their flaws. OTHER celebreality shows like to fake alot and may not show their true flaws.
I love this show, its orginal... 2 rich crackheads living the high life.
Posted by: gina | July 09, 2005 at 08:43 AM
I believe it shows Bobby in a better light. At the same time, its shows how much of a crackhead Whitney is all by herself. I can't wait for Bobbi Kristina's autobiography to come out when she gets older. I will be the first in line. Damn, where was Bobby when I needed my rent money??
Posted by: Shanna | July 09, 2005 at 06:30 PM
I love it when Whitney randomly breaks into song -- "i'm not doing this with him, TODAAAAAAAY"
And poor BK, she obviously uses food to mask the pain of having dyfunctionally bizarre parents.
Posted by: Dennis | July 10, 2005 at 12:56 AM
I cannot thank you enough for the service you are providing with the B3 recaps. I pride myself on avoiding reality TV in general, but this show has completely captured me. I'm disgusted, but I can't look away. The pinacle of the American dream brought to us weekly for our viewing pleasure - the intersection of too much money and no class.
Posted by: Talix18 | July 14, 2005 at 01:04 PM
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Posted by: KocholateFunyBaby | July 14, 2005 at 06:50 PM
OPS mah Nick was wrong, anyways,
i watched the show and i wanst even AWARE of them BOTH making a show and they look HIGH as hell, and also i think Bobby i kinda too Wacko man too LOUD that mr. LAMA thing Shiiiiiit! and Whitney has some Bitchy attidute she has to keep in mind she aint no Diva anymore shes just the Crack Diva! I mean LOOK AT HERRRRRRRRR and HIMMM!!!! poor little daughter!
Posted by: KocholateFunKyBaby | July 14, 2005 at 06:55 PM
Won't someone please help me? I'm hooked on "Blow Out" and "Being Bobby Brown". Is that wrong?
Posted by: dooku | July 14, 2005 at 08:39 PM
k, so I'm watching BBB right now as I read your fantastic review-esque thingie. it's like eating while watching Molto Mario/ doin my hair while watching Blow Out/ reading the review while watching One Night in Paris.
Loves it!
Posted by: Ian | July 24, 2005 at 01:27 AM
MCiPKs
Posted by: Bqwynqig | July 14, 2009 at 04:55 PM
If you have to do it, you might as well do it right.
Posted by: reviews on adipex | July 30, 2009 at 04:37 PM
See, reading this now, that picture of BK looks so sad. You just wish you could rescue her from those two.
Posted by: bummer | April 07, 2012 at 10:44 PM