I don't think that Sean "Like We Care" Combs is completely useless as a musician (he kinda did invent the remix -- at least, as hip-hop radio knows it -- with his beat-heavy spin on Jodeci's "Come & Talk To Me," he's done many a great one since then and he produced virtually everything on the best R&B album of the past 15 years, Mary J. Blige's My Life). I do, however, think that he's a douchebag, particularly when he opens his mouth. He's got the rapping chops of Barney Rubble and literacy that's dubious at best (my two favorite -- meaning most reviled, since the two distinctions are virtually interchangeable in my head -- Diddy couplets are: "Watchin' us while we pray for you / Everyday we pray for you" from "I'll Be Missing You" and "And I'm a Bad Boy and bad boys do bad things / But if you kiss me right I'll put some carats in your ring" from his otherwise fab remix of Total's "Kissin' You").
He's no more articulate when making a rare excursion into singing, as the bridge of 1998's "Come With Me" attests. The would-be anthem of the would-be blockbuster remake of Godzilla, "Come With Me" is almost as bloated of a failure as the film it called home. As though "cinematic" weren't a trite enough quality for a pop song to aspire to, Diddy or Puffy (call him Duffy!) enlists Jimmy Page to help with the song's "Kashmir" recreation, bringing things so over that you can't even see the top. Duffy makes the execution of that stupid idea stupider by getting cathartic all over the track's six minutes. He would have been shadowboxing on the radio if "Come" could have mustered up airplay. Its video, though, did experience heavy rotation for a minute and I remember spending each second transfixed. "Come With Me" is so ugly and stupid that it's as awe-inspiring as a 500-foot rubber lizard suit looming over your head.
"I love you dearly, and that's sincerely / But you annoy me," spits Duffy. Yeah, I know how that feels. If his upcoming solo album gets anywhere near this crappy, I'll fucking bite him. And love it.