Last night's what-happened-to-the-Cycle-4-hoes-anyway ANTM special, Return to the Runway, was way complicated. Just so you lose no sleep over the current status of your favorite loser, I've assembled sort of a visual Cliff's Notes with minimal text. This is no time for literacy!
Via the special, we learned:
Tyra has some hot left in her.
Naima's doing the mime thing (Maima?!?).
Brittany signed to Next and is fuckable as ever.
Brita is "holding too much weight" (Nigel™) for print ads, so she switched to billboards.
Keenyah is now Keenyah!!! .
Tiffany is taking her time building up her confidence, since modeling is a career that waits for everyone and has no age restrictions or anything.
Lluvy is engaged to a slab of beef.
Michelle likes little girls.
Noelle has yet to muster up a point.
Rebecca, once accused of possessing "girl scout"-like wholesomeness, has appeared in "various magazines," probably including American Girl.
Brandy is full of ideas.
As she did with her Tyra-installed weave, Kahlen gave up tending to her sexual ambiguity.
Tatiana is still very pugsly (again, Nigel™), and very Shelly-ish (the secret's in the missing teeth!).
Oh yeah, and Maima has a twin.
Sarah was not included in the episode. I bet it's because she refused to participate, as though anyone cares about what her bird-ass is up to.
I gotta admit, I missed these girls. Theirs was a uselessness that was all their own.