I'm dreaming of a Brown Christmas

Hey girl.

Oh, you got all dressed up for me?

You shouldn't have!

You too, Bobby.

Lookin' good. Lookin' good!

For real: yikes. I'm assuming that this shit was filmed recently, hence the lack of decent sound, coherent promos or a discernible course of action (it really seemed like it was shot and edited during someone's lunch break, which, come to think of it, gave it a nice, so-fucked-up-I-can't-get-off-the-couch feel). But why, then, do Bob and Whit look messier than ever? Wasn't this show's airing a good thing for them? Didn't it give them their first real paycheck in two years? Couldn't they have, at least, bought a couple new wigs instead of finding them on the side of the highways of New Jersey?

I think she's going for that B.A.P.s look.

But whatever, it's nice to see Whit acting so happy. Over and over and . . .

Get her around puppies, and she's ecstatic . . .

. . . in heaven . . .

. . . literally!

I have to admit that as good as it was to catch up with the Houston-Browns, Christmas With the Browns was a tad disappointing. We didn't really get to check in with some of the show's best characters.

Pop was relegated to a handful of split-second shots.

That is not the Gary that I know.

And where the fuck was Skenecia? I mean, don't the Browns and Bravo know that the little girl practically has a cult that formed around her? Praise be to Skeneica! After getting Bob and Whit to sign on for this, finding Skenecia and getting her to attend should have been the first order of business.

Oh well, I guess we have to fake it.

But on the positive side, at least Bob and Whit are still up to their old tricks.

"Oooooh, I wanna dance with somebody who may or may not be or have been physically and/or emotionally abusive."

This dancing, by the way, was inspired by this choir of carolers that showed up at their door . . .

Nothing really gets that ass wigglin' like some tightly arranged white-bread acapella stylings of high school students.

Even more dancing from Whit:

You want an alternate angle, you say? I thought you'd never ask!

In addition to dancing, Bob and Whit are still threatening each other at every turn.

And just flat-out annoying each other . . .

That's a flower she's poking him with.

Bobby says: "You got one big-ass foot. It look like both of your feet is just one foot." Pay no attention to the fact that this makes no sense, and instead concentrate on Bobby having no room to talk about anyone else's feet.

And, on top of everything, Bob and Whit are still scary as hell.

Their ways are not like ours!

Bob says: "Kids, I wanna tell you: there's no such thing as Santa Claus."

That knife he's holding just makes it all that much more festive.

Oh, and BK is looking good and, obviously (if you listened to that clip), surpassing her parents in the realm of social responsibility.

Uh, sometimes.

Thanks for that, Bob! And thanks for brushing your teeth . . .

. . . getting your hair done all nice . . .

. . . and for dancing like you're blind to accompany your (surprisingly solid!) singing . . .

God bless them every one!

I mean, that angle says more about how haphazard Christmas With the Browns was than I ever could. But whatever, I'd watch them sleep.

Although it's been said many times, many ways, Bob and Whit. I love you.

L

O

V

E.

LOVE.

Comments

[Marie-Gingembre Brindamour]

It is tragic to see Whitney in such an awful state. What the hell happened to her?
It was not always that way, she was so talented, so beautiful and had so much promise. Ok, perhaps she took herself a bit too seriously but now she's nothing more than a recovering crack ho who looks like death warmed over.
Tragic

[brandy]

Bob Brown looks like he was really into the Christmas spirits in those last 4 shots.

I missed it! I'm sure Bravo! will play it over and over again, though.

Hilarious stuff. I wonder if Bravo! knows about you (Rich) and now is sure to leave their promos for other shows up on the screen for a longer time?

[eliot]

When Whit was playing the piano, was she...actually playing something? She looked as if she was about to pass out, and I honestly couldn't tell if she was playing a song or even playing music at all!

There was one scene, before Bobby knocked over the tin of gravy (...), where BK's white friend stood directly behind Bobby, picking at her food in horror, while Mr. Brown began to rant about Santa and Jesus and "whoever made up that story."

Bravo to Bravo. They provided a Christmas miracle.

And, personally, I cannot wait for the DVD.

Good show, good show!

[Lysette]

This is a classic you can watch over and over again like "IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE"!!!

Seriously though, like watching a train wreck!!! BB has RUINED the life of WH foreva!!!!

So So S-A-D!!

[duane]

Rich, there is nothing but love for you... Thanks for the great recap, as always...

I must say, I did notice that BK had lost a substantial amount of weight... sister is looking good!

When you said that Whit was going for a look from BAPS... I almost lost it.

[Scout]

Am I the only person that read Rich's post documenting Whitney's freakishness from the get go? Bobby didn't ruin Whitney! Whitney is just being Whitney! Also, Tyra's facial expressions were kind of amusing during the Whitney sabbatical on Bravo ~ But Girlfriend can't compete with Whitney's awesome mugging. The second pic of Whitney poking Bobby with flower is gold, Jerry... Gold!

[summer]

whitney was getting her crump on, no?

and, um, i fucks w/ bob's jacket. i liked it.

[Melissa]

Ok, when did BK turn into a valley girl? I mean it's nice to see a change in her, but let's keep it real

[sweetney]

you crack my ass up, dude. keep up the good work in 06.

[carlos]

all-some recap! (i was talking to some sistah and her mom at rite-aid and she kept saying the xmas shit was "all-some," so it's my new fave word)

btw, wtf?!: why was bobby wearing a confederate soldier's cap?

[zeze]

AMAZING!

the highlight of my nite: the Whitney Houston one-shoed, two step with Bobby.

[corlin]

i liked what appeared to be whitney doing coke in the car, looking in the side mirror...

[Sarah]

I just spent the last couple days reading your entire blog, and I just want to tell you that I think I love you.

[chrisafer]

BK has lost a bit of weight. Think she's getting into her 'rents stash?

[es]

ROFLMAOOOOOOO

I am dyin over here, good lawd... you are great

[Scout]

Sarah ~ You THINK you love Rich? What's there to think about? What's not to love?

[Erin]

awwww hell-to-the-YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've only started reading this blog a few months ago to see the recaps of ANTM.. and (silly me) I thought the blog would not be as interesting since the show has ended. What the hell was I thinking??? BTW, I noticed how enthralled you were with Bre, and if you like smoky voiced black chicks come holla at me!!! *kiss*

[Morena]

I am so mad I missed this. The Houston-Browns are my favorite.coons.eva! Thanks for this recap....I hope Bravo will repeat this -- I am quite sure they will!

[Kim]

Oh Rich, thanks for the recap. I can't believe I missed the show. Poor Skenecia.

[Kenneth]

Pure brilliance, Rich!

This is what made you a star ...

[Sarah]

Scout, you're right. I didn't want to come on too strong in my first comment ever on this blog, but who am I kidding. When I saw the "Um Ew" written all over Nicole's pictures from ANTM, I couldn't deny it any longer. Rich, you are awesome!

[my truth]

You and these photos...where do you find them? You definitely caught Mary with all of her facial expression...lol

[spazmo]

Lord, speaking of facial expressions...
That second shot of Whitney in spasm scared every bit of Christmas right out of me.

She looks like a zombie with osteoporosis.
For God's sake, what happened to her eyes?

[Sh'ellaqqua - Skenecia's older sister]

I am missing Skenecia a whole lot...bring her back right now

a quick question: what is that B.A.P.s look? please explain, thanks!