Ever wonder what the kiss of death looks like? It's something like:
Obviously the designer paired with Marla was going to be unlucky. She is dark-sided.
Diana, however, is not.
She just sucks!
No, but really -- Marla weighed down their team, no doubt, but Diana was no pro herself. Whatever, that's what she gets for lying to us about making her clothes all techno and shit during the first episode and then never doing anything approaching that during the course of the show (yeah, I complained about this last week -- I'm bitter, or haven't you noticed?). Maybe she didn't have a real opportunity to do so, per the show's constraints, but if D.A.R.Y.L. taught us anything it's that real robots find a way.
And you know what? Marla and Diana may have sucked this week, but just marginally -- I didn't feel any of this shit:
I guess I'm just not a Banana Republic kinda guy (and don't worry -- I'm fine with that).
1. Wait, who were they designing for again?
Banana Republic. In about 10 minutes of screen time, Heidi managed to drop that name nine times. Here's the proof.
Nice to know that she still, y'know, plays with pronunciation. Linguistically spunky, she is!
2. And let's get this out of the way:
"Lighten Up, It's Just Fashion"
Words and music by Santino Rice
Scary Clown Publishing ©2005
Fashion
Lighten up
It's just fashion
Lighten up
It's just fashion
Lighten up
It's just . . .
Take the corncob
Out of your asshole
Fashion
Lighten up
It's just
Fashion
Lighten up
It's just
Fashion!
I think Santino is a talented designer, but that's by far his best creation (esp. love the last, sighed "fashion"). Lovely bridge, too.
Oh, and you know that those are words Santino lives by, right?
Right?
I should add that as brilliant a songwriter Santino has proved, he sucks at impressions. Listen to him do Diana.
Not even close.
3. But, y'know, he's right about Diana being ridiculous. Total worrywart.
In this respect, she and Marla made a great match.
Andraé wanted a piece of the action.
And so did Kara.
4. See, Kara and Zulema's working relationship was the most tumultuous of all, thanks to Kara's bad ideas and Zulema's freak-outs. She's like some sort of drama vampire -- when the stress kicks up, she turns into batshit.
This made Kara go from ruffled . . .
. . . to pissed . . .
. . . to sad . . .
. . . to tears . . .
. . . tears . . .
. . . and mo' tears . . .
Whatever, at least it ended well.
Apropos of nothing (I think), Rod @ Manhattan Offender has begun to call Zulema "Zuzu." I love this. I love this mostly because "Zuzu" sounds like it could also be an abrevs., for Zoobilee Zoo. I'm tempted to slap Zuzu's face on a Zoobilee character, but I won't. That would just be silly.
5. Santino's model, Heather, is so hot.
Seriously. She makes my 4.5 Kinsey number throb.
6. I loved when, in the beginning of the episode, Heidi reminded us all that Santino won last week's challenge. He, of course, gloated.
The great part wasn't that, but Nick's reaction to the recap and/or self satisfaction in Santino that it spurred.
Icy hot!
7. At last! Michael Kors says something awesome. What are the chances?
"I can't quite figure out this '80s, like, powerbitch Mugler jacket," he said about the Zuzu/Kara ensemble. Powerbitch!
He then went back to normal after Santino basically said no one cares about stupid Michael Kors. This was pretty much the only reaction he could muster:
Not very powerbitch. Not very powerbitch at all.
8. What's up, hot makeup guy?
Good to see ya, if only for a frame or two.
9. OMG, y'all, Heidi cut her hair!
Just kidding!
She is way full of surprises. It's almost cosmic.
10. Fine.
How is it that you always capture the best pics/animations/reactions etc...?
I'm convinced Santino has a crush on Andrae.
Peace out Marla, it was a long-time coming...
Andrae looked like a pageant queen who had just won her crown during the window challenge reveal. Loves it!
I have to profess my love for Daniel V. I think I'm developing a little crush...it's bad. He's also a fabulous designer who now shares the top spot as my fave w/ Uncle Nick.
Love the recap Rich! Keep up the good work!
Posted by: AJ | January 13, 2006 at 10:11 AM
Omg Zoobilee Zoo...I had filed that into the part of my brain marked "tv shows that may have been in my imagination" along with Dr.Snuggles and the Secret Railroad.
Posted by: brandy | January 13, 2006 at 10:14 AM
You should do a recap of Andrae's continuous donning of the small small 80's shorts. He's too gay to live.
Was it just me, or was Zulema's bra not really doing it's job when she stormed out of the room?
Heather, Tara and Rebecca are some hot ass ladies.
Posted by: Kia | January 13, 2006 at 10:33 AM
And somehow, Zuzu totally fits in Zoobilee Zoo. (And if you want, I can totally sing the theme song for you right now.)
Posted by: Crimson | January 13, 2006 at 11:05 AM
I love the Project Runway recap! I've been visiting the site since ANTM, but it's my first time posting a comment. Here's my two cents on Wednesday's episode:
- They killed two birds with one stone this week...let's clap that one up!
- Nick, Daniel V., and Chloe are my favorite designers, hands down!
- Two words for Zulema's hair: kitchen ass!
Keep up the great work Rich!
Posted by: Desmon | January 13, 2006 at 11:54 AM
Rich, on further review the hot makeup guy kind of lots like you...hmmm.
Posted by: brandy | January 13, 2006 at 12:54 PM
Uh that should read "looks like you"
not likes.
yeah.
Posted by: brandy | January 13, 2006 at 12:55 PM
That's what I hear. Carly said so in last week's comments.
My narcissism rears its shorn head once again.
Posted by: Rich | January 13, 2006 at 01:07 PM
zoobilee zoo,
zoobilee zoo,
magic and wonder are waiting for you!
That was such a creepy show.
Posted by: IheartWinston | January 13, 2006 at 01:26 PM
OMG what is that last pictuer of. ahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Joshua | January 13, 2006 at 01:27 PM
As crappy as Santino's Diana impression was, his voice was dead-on when he did Tim Gunn in the Nicky Hilton ep ("Daniel, you don't have enough fabric for the sides of your dress. I'm shitting myself.").
Posted by: punk | January 13, 2006 at 01:29 PM
Zoobilee Zoo? now THAT shit is darksided...
Posted by: buzz | January 13, 2006 at 01:38 PM
Hey guys - thought you might find this interesting...or not?
http://www.azcentral.com/ent/celeb/articles/0109banks.html
Posted by: pesky808 | January 13, 2006 at 02:03 PM
Hells yeah, but she's been singing that song for years (she started calling Tyra "Tyrant," as she regularly frequented the TWoP boards).
Tyra having two sides makes me want to be friends with her even more, though.
Posted by: Rich | January 13, 2006 at 02:10 PM
um, notice how much that last photo of the zoobilee zoo character looks like the photo of whitney in the previous post. i think they share wigs.
Posted by: caroline | January 13, 2006 at 02:19 PM
so this was only my second week ever watching and all I can think is OMG what have I been missing. Marla and Diana needed to get the hell out. But I was about done with Zoo-girl and here yelling and freaking out after oh i'd say about 30 seconds.
How sweet was the little kiss from Daniel to Kara. what a sweet guy.
How the hell can anyone take Santino seriously with that hair, beard and those teeth? Bleah it turns my stomach to look at him.
Although he did kick some major ass when he put Michael Kors in his place. A-men brotha'!
PS I wasn't diggin' any of the outfits really either.
Posted by: Ceece | January 13, 2006 at 02:26 PM
That episode was a little disappointing, though it had it's moments (namely Santino's song) this re-cap however, made me almost pee with joy. Seriously, you do the Lord's work here. xo
Posted by: Keila | January 13, 2006 at 02:43 PM
your recaps are GOD
Posted by: | January 13, 2006 at 03:04 PM
Ok, first, I'm so glad someone mentioned these recaps in TWoP, because we all know they are better than the ones there.
Also, number ten cracked my shit up.
Also, recap of short shorts NEEDS to be done.
Finally, AJ, I am so glad you mentioned the Santino <3s Andrae thing because though Andrae might have it for Daniel, and who could blame him?, ever since I saw the extra footage on Bravos web site with Andrae and Santino cuddling, I refuse to believe that Santino isn't harboring something for Andrae.
Posted by: Lizzy | January 13, 2006 at 04:07 PM
That should be "Mugler." I think you were confusing the spelling of his last name with retarded first name, "Thierry."
I love it when queens namedrop irrelevant fashion designers. Speaking of, this week I watched the Criterion Edition of Grey Gardens, featuring interviews with Todd Oldham and John Bartlett (I actually had to look that up, he's so forgettable). In my opinion they left out someone that would've made it into a stellar trifecta--Isaac Mizrahi.
Posted by: Nick | January 13, 2006 at 04:40 PM
erm, anyone else think that, when santino did his song and dance routine in the kitchen, he drew a striking resemblance to Igor in "Young Frankenstein"? the hoodie is no-goodie on him. (although, what is? his soul makes him ugly)
Posted by: betty | January 13, 2006 at 04:42 PM
Thanks, Nick -- noted and changed.
Oh, and there's still hope for Grey Gardens -- Criterion is issuing a 2-disc edition in April. Or so I hear.
Posted by: Rich | January 13, 2006 at 04:49 PM
Best Recap Ever. Santino is realizing that he and Nick are not BFF's any more so he is moving in on Andre - But Daniel is watching....
Posted by: Laura K | January 13, 2006 at 05:09 PM
And already looking forward to Czar Santino the Soul Taker next week.
Do you sense a little frustration among the judges that as Mr. Kors said, Santino "is always trying to prove to us how damn talented he can be."
Daniel is helped greatly by being consistent, and the ability to follow instructions and take advice, but Nick is still my favorite.
Posted by: M to the G | January 13, 2006 at 05:55 PM
I swear that makeup guy hit every branch on the ugly tree he was swinging through.
Now here's a humiliating story:
About six years ago, when I worked at A&F, a group of us Aberqueens got into this big fight with some Bananafags at this restaurant around 3AM after we had left the club.
"OMG yall are fucking stuck in high school in that abercrombie shit..."
"Well at least we arent ugly queens!"
I forget the rest of it, but it was quite dramatic.
Shameless self-promotion:
http://churchofannette.blogspot.com/
Posted by: Brandon | January 15, 2006 at 07:04 PM