I think Kara said it best (week after week after week): Everyone here is crazy. Of all the possible outcomes for this week's episode, seeing her go was the one what I wanted to happen the least. It's not just that I've grown fond of her cracky facade. Whether or not you were in love with her (decoy) Fashion Week collection, you can't argue that it was at least surprising, that it at least would have shaken things up and made the final show truly exciting. With Kara booted, I really think Daniel V. is going to win this. That means from here on out, the show sleepwalks. Boring.
The funny thing is that of all weeks to abandon that (more or less) non-cumulative, short-term-memory judging ethic that Heidi & Co. so love, this would have been the best to do it. Forget that Kara up till now hasn't impressed much, that Daniel V. is the clear frontrunner with Chloe nipping at his heels and with Santino way out there, sucking his own penis. Forget all that and see that Kara's blandness . . .
. . . was no worse than Chloe's . . .
. . . and underwhelmed only slightly more than Daniel's winning piece . . .
As for Santino's made-to-accompany-jazz-hands travesty . . .
. . .I'll let Michael Kors handle the rest of the commentary on that one.
I guess maybe that's what Kara gets for designing through osmosis.
1. Another possible reason for Kara's elimination: the show is homophobic. How else to explain Nick's elimination last week and then that of Kara, the heir to his fag-out throne.
Give me a recount, or I'll slap you silly, Heidi.
2. Or maybe Kara's substance abuse had TPTB worried. Check her getting her guzzle on:
And surely, this was a product of a few hits from the bong:
No, Kara, I don't know. I have no idea what the fuck that could possibly mean (she said it about the "party" the designers were forced to attend in the middle of completing their dresses, which totally seemed sadistic, and hence was really an anti-party, but whatever).
3. I promise I'll stop mourning Kara after this one last item:
Can you even say that on TV? Whatever. It's awesome. Kara's awesome. The show was better because of her. I think I'm going to go fill my head with clouds of smoke and forget about the loss.
4. Or maybe I'll just distract myself with some meat.
God, I missed him. I missed him so much, I didn't even know how much I missed him:
New development: that fucking arm! I had no idea he was that serious.
I'm serious, too. I wonder if he knows how special he is. I wonder if he knows how much I love him.
5. You know who I didn't need to see, though?
I mean, she's hot and her accent is funny and all. But seriously, enough with the shilling.
I'm not offering her any commercial space, just like I didn't last time she tried to sell her boring-ass book on a show that I love.
Take it to Survivor or Starting Over or something, Immie.
6. With makeup guy back, I can't say this really did much for me.
Eat a donut or 24, Slim. But I'm not trying to totally knock Daniel's physique.
All signs point to hung.
Outrageous, I know.
What? Wait. I don't want to know. I don't want to think. I don't want to think that I ever thought about what he could possibly be doing but probably isn't. My balls just dried up and fell off.
8. So who does whom best?
Here's Santino doing Michael:
And here's Michael doing Santino:
The answer, of course, is Kara!
Her Santino is the best Santino. It's not necessarily accurate, but it really works the demonic angle. And there's nothing wrong with channeling Pazuzu every once in a while, as we know well by now.
9. The night's best quote, however, came from Tim Gunn. Good old, reliable, somewhat potty-mouthed Tim Gunn.
"You just have to say all these things on the runway. 'Nina, I wanted her to look like she had a big, fat ass.'" He said that about Chloe's dress. I really wanted to throw that "big, fat ass" as a sample into a ghetto-tech track (a la "Ass n Titties"), but, y'know, there are only so many hours in the day. But really, it's begging to be used.
10. Speaking of quotes, how's this for one?
I guess that would make sequined fabric like this the ball?
And what are the goal posts, Heidi's ears?
Get it between them to score.
That shot, by the way, is from the party. Heidi is the hostess with the mostess nonsense.
"Mingle, mingle, mingle, everybody," she told them. Well, since you put it like that...
11. And speaking of that party, attendee Austin Scarlett is transgendered, right?
I'm not saying that to be funny or mean. I'm in no way out to put that down.
But, I mean, he's gotta be, right?
Totally on the road to Vaginaville.
12. Not that I'm going to watch it, but I really wish that Project Jay . . .
. . . were called Project RunJay. Is that a Bedazzler in the top left?