Gay gardens

And so, with the grace of a dying flower that never once met spray shellac, the facially elastic Andraé (What Happened to Andraé) leaves us. Not, however, before comparing himself to an angel and being likened to a lamb by Santino in one of his borderline-obsessive, Tim-Gunn invoking fantasies (a lot more on those later because how could there not be?!?).

Andraé (What Happened to Andraé) just didn't know how to deal with his material (to say nothing of the moss that covered his dress this week).

Daniel V.'s design won, placing him in the pole position (four wins!) of this competition. Pretty flowers.

As usual, Chloe kicked ass, though this time it was painstaking, intricate ass. She ended up ditching the original pattern she set out using hundreds of tiny leaves, in a scramble to just cover her garment. Even unfinished (though fully covered), her design was one of the judges' favorite. Don't mess with Chloe, she has major power over plants, like Adonis or Seymour or something.

Everyone hated Nick's, and though I can't love him for mentioning Paris Hilton again when explaining his design (though this was supposed to be anti-Paris), I thought the dress was . . .

. . . kinda hot. Does that make me stupid?

But y'know what wasn't even kinda hot?

1. Nick's draaaamaaaa.

The episode opened with him complaining about Zulema taking his model, Tarah. Again. And then, because Zulema was eliminated last week and because Daniel V., last week's winner, felt loyalty to his model, Tarah was eliminated. Though if you were watching with the sound off, just looking at the crestfallen reactions to the sad, sad model elimination ceremony, you woulda thought that Heidi was informing Tarah that her face was lopsided or that Tarah's test results came back and, yeah, it is lupus. Or endometriosis. Or retinitis pigmentosa. Or something.

The truth remains that Nick is much better TV when he's bubbly.

"Even though we're all, 'Hey! We're all friends,' and everything, there's a definite competitive vibe."

Wait, how are you Nick?

"Haaay!"

How?

Nice!

He is so Mo'Nique's long-lost child.

2. Nothing, however, nothing tops Santino in the realm of good TV, though.

His Tim Gunn impression is so good, he has Daniel V., constantly requesting it. To prove how good it is, I want to play a game. What follows are sound bites of Tim Gunn and Santino's impression of him. Can you guess which is which?

1. What happened to Andraé?

Sample A Sample B

2. Make it work!

Sample A Sample B

3. Carry on!

Sample A Sample B

Highlight the text below for the answers.

1. A - Tim, B - Santino; 2. A - Santino, B - Tim; 3. A - Tim, B - Santino

Amazing, right?

Of course, there are things that no mere recap can capture adequately. Check out an extended clip of Santino's Tim impersonation at Santino's site.

Maybe the best thing about the entire incident was Tim's good natured response.

He didn't even get pissed that Santino implied that he eats at Red Lobster, or anything!

3. I've totally come around on Kara -- at least, Kara the reality show character.

"Now I've got a pile of green. And the only thing I want to do with it is smoke it, to tell you the truth."

Who knew she was down? (Though, really, next time go for the purple, Kar).

4. And who knew Chloe was so . . . around the way?

She got all head swivel-ly in the plant store ("Oh, this is $4.99!") and even busted out a "Fa real!"

Flava.

5. Also, it's been striking me for a while that Chloe looks kinda hot with her swept hair the way it is in a lot of her interviews.

But maybe I'm just saying that now because I have something to compare that look against:

6. So yeah, Chloe: hot. Heidi: hot.

Daniel V.'s coming out story: poignant. Daniel V.'s flexibility: hot.

Nick (sans drama): hot.

Shit, even Rachel looks kinda good.

(Not really.)

What's driving me to comment on this? What has me all wound up? Could it be the utter lack of hot makeup guy in this week's episode? Not even a frame! All you want is a little action, and every time, there's a hassle.

7. Is Michael Kors psychic?

A few of his comments in the just-judges round of the deliberations oddly echoed what was going on backstage. For example, on Chloe: "She really thinks about a woman's body, so that's a great thing." Cut to:

Thinking!

Even better was his take on Nick: "There's a little bit of vulgarity, I think, in everything he does." Cut to:

A little bit, indeed. Kors is a genius.

8. Besides Andraé (What Happened to Andraé)'s dress being a death trap . . .

. . . it was also kind of Astroturf-esque, wasn't it?

Let's take a closer look:

Michael said it best when he compared it to a doormat.

Another score for the Kors!

9. Know what this is?

Why, it's the universal gesture for petals of roses. Don't believe it? You should. Heidi likes shiny plants. She knows her shit.

Comments

have you seen the santino clip of him doing tim gunn doing nine inch nails "closer"? go to the bravo site if you haven't. it's fucking hysterical... "designers...i want to fuck you like an animal...."

[kickasphalt]

Chloe lives in Houston, and she's said in the interview with Andy from Bravo that most of her male friends are gay. so it doesn't surprise me that she can do the neckroll and speak ghetto fabulously. although it does sound a little weird with her accent.

[Michael]

Daniel V.'s flexibility: hot
I'll second that emotion. God help me, but I even love him with the top knot.

[Kel de Texas]

You, Me, Chloe and Daniel V. Thinking big ol orgy. That's Hot.

[Brandon]

Santino's Andrae / Tim story totally reminded me of some shit I would go off on after smoking a pile or two of the green. And OMG hahhaa my lesbian friend Daphne has that exact doormat you PS'd onto the AstroGown.

[Greg]

I'm kinda surprised that you didn't include a snippet of Andrae, arms flailing once again, weepily walking off-stage after his elimination. I'll miss the awestruck, wide-eyed wonderment he had for just about everything and the way he seemed so genuinely thrilled just to be part of the Project.
And you're right about Kara, she really stepped up to the plate with this episode, even without referencing her desire for green.

[AJ]

Rich, every week, you having me laughing out loud at work. For shame!

Anyway, I look forward to your recaps each week...keep up the great, and hu-sterical (as Kara would say) work!

[Lizzy]

Damn, you are always do the best recaps. I do not laugh at the others like I laugh at yours. And Andrae's head pasted on the lamb? BRILLS!

[Rich]

Greg: I really considered it, but I thought the Andraé (What Happened to Andraé) gif would be too mean. He's brittle, you know. He's a lamb.

[B.harlow]

The whole Heidi and shiny plants thing was just killing us on the last episode. "It's because she's German"??????? So next week, she should come out dressed in black shiny leather with a riding crop and Hitler mustache..."We like it shiny! We are German!" Plus the whole baby belly thing in shiny leather would be an added plus.
Also, do all Americans have dusty houseplants? I didn't even know they could be dusted. Isn't that like dusting your skin and digestive organs?

[Foxy]

Heidi can't afford real plants...Heidi can't afford real plants.

[Ando]

Was Rachel on Top Model a few seasons back? Was she the one crying on the floor in the bathroom? I think she was. It would make her crappy modeling make sense.

[Rich]

Yesssssss.

[Ando]

I'm crying with laughter right now.

[Lizzy]

I actually think you are supposed to dust or rinse your plants, as if they have too much dust and other such build up from being indoors, it can clog the plants pores (so to speak) and suffocates the plant. But I might be making this up. It sounds so familiar though!

[summer]

Hell, I don't even watch this show, so why am I waiting for the re-caps????

Because you are so creative. I love that you're nerdy-cool. And I mean that as such a compliment. You created a quiz?! And then you hid the answers with font-color-magic?! Ahhh. You are so refreshing.

[Tate Tullier]

This shit is too funny. I put a shoutout on your blogsite on mine at www.xanga.com/thetate

Peace.

[coglethorpe]

This show is far better drama than I though it would be initially. The designs show some real creativity and the judges (I think) are too safe.

[price]

How the heck do you do this? Sound clips? Animated .gifs? Perfect screen grabs? Seriously. It is the most elaborate multi-media presentation in all of the internets. I'm assuming that when the episode ends you spend 36 straight hours at the computer, feverishly compiling these posts... and it totally shows, and is appreciated. Good God, I am amazed weekly.

[gorjus]

Price nails it. This is a fantastic recap, and provides me with .mp3s for mix cd's!!

I tend to agree that Chloe might be kind of hott. And Daniel V.'s coming out speech was very sweet and surprising.

[brandy]

Thanks again Rich! I cannot say anything that hasnt been said above.

you rock the casbah.

[Paige]

I waited all day yesterday for this post, it was so worth it.

[Michael]

i love how you used the lamb from 'lisa the vegetarian' for the image of andre.

[Catty]

I think one of the brainstormers for the challenges has seen a bit of True Stories in their day. Behold:

http://img221.imageshack.us/img221/2113/snapshot200602040036107tb.jpg
That second dress? Totally Santino.

Though this one makes me think more of our little lamb.
http://img221.imageshack.us/img221/4257/snapshot200602040034265ha.jpg

[tim]

"or that Tarah's test results came back and, yeah, it is lupus" LUPUS?? Somebody call Tyra, stat! They totally stole Mercedes' cause...

And awesome catch with Rachael on the bathroom in ANTM...