Nick, I swear . . .

Sorry again that the recap is coming late. Thanks for your patience. The absolute truth is that I had to take time to collect myself in dealing with the loss of Nick. Here's how I'd like to remember him:

I should be crying but I just can't let it show.

And, yeah, it sucks that he's gone. The short-term memory approach to judging that this show subscribes to can be really infuritating (even more absurd than Nick's forced departure was Heidi's assertion that had Daniel V. not won immunity last week, he would have gotten her "Auf wiedersehen" -- he's won, what, three, four challenges? Auf arbitrary). Normally, I'd say there's no way Nick should have left before Kara, except for the fact that she rocked the Fashion Week show hard (here's Bradford's recap of it, which I couldn't agree with more).

And really . . .

. . . this, Nick's design, was like Annie Leibovitz does Horses. And by "does," I don't mean "photographs." I mean "poses for."

Chloe kicked ass with this. Maybe Santino's right: you can't polish a turd. But you can always fan flames (hello hot and hellooooooo pink).

Finally, the word "vulgar" is so often thrown around on this show. And yet, no one applied it to this:

Um, whoa tootie. So much tootie. Tootie Ramsme (upside the head).

But back to Nick . . .

1. I think what I'm the most sad about is that this is the last time I'll get to animate his already animated ass. This right here, then, is the final go 'round:

Until the reunion show, that is.

2. And, Jesus, with the emotional overload.

Danyelle, Andraé's model, really was a lovely girl.

Um. Sometimes. But yeah, sad that she's gone, too.

3. And while we're on the subject of the first segment, can you guess what about Heidi's introduction had the designers so worked up?

Was it the fact that they'd be designing outfits for each other?

Was it Heidi's sly, sparkling language?

Maybe, but I like to think that this is what really had them mesmerized:

It was a different kind of sparkling. That's an undoctored shot. The light just happened to catch her. Know why? The woman is magic, I tell you. Magic.

4. Less than magic: Satino's makeover.

I know it made Kara all wet and all . . .

. . . and yeah, he did look better. Polished even. But come on -- Brad Pitt he isn't. Nor is he a pit bull, The Pit and the Pendulum or the pit at the center of James' giant peach. But don't tell that to world-renowned makeup artist Collier Strong.

"You have an incredible jaw line, you have beautiful skin, magnificent eyes. It's like when Brad Pitt grows out that stuff on his face. It's like, 'What are you doing?' Y'know, it just doesn't make sense," Collier rhapsodized. I think someone's in the market for some ass. And just in time for Valentine's Day!

5. Collier's presence meant no hot makeup guy. Again. The best we got this episode was some skin from Daniel V.:

I'm sure legions will disagree, but it's a poor substitute, if you ask me.

6. The love just grows for Kara. She's gone from hinting that she hits the bong to practically being like, "Get high and watch me." Here is what she said about Santino's impeding makeover:

"He's ready to, like, shaaave . . .

. . . and cut . . .

. . . and grooooom."

Wacky!

Wackier.

"Santino was like . . .

. . . (weird gobble-esque throat sound).

Dude!"

Dude!

Of course, it all makes sense, considering that Kara is, according to Santino, a "free spirit, granola, kind of hippie, maybe?"

Maybe.

And wait, who's the hippie, again?

That's what I thought.

7. The saga of Kara and Santino ends, well, at the rear.

"Are these space pants?" asked Santino about what Kara had designed for him. "Because my ass is out of this world." I have to believe that Santino was just waiting for the chance to say that because no it isn't. I mean, what ass? That ass couldn't find its way out a pair of chaps, let alone the world. Kara's on the other hand . . .

. . . that's an ass. That's not a jumpsuit, it's a spacesuit.

8. Freddie Leiba, who?

9. More powerbitchy brilliance from the Kors.

On Daniel V's design for Chloe: "To me it feels very, like, I don't know, real '80s, bitchy kind of like Knots Landing. I don't know."

Oh, I think he knows.

And, on Nick's decidedly femme getup for Daniel V.: "To me it looks like, I don't know, a Golden Girl jacket that you'd belt and wear with leggings." Whoa. That's a tall order. I'm not gonna get into all that.

But I will do this:

10. Finally, some words of wisdom from Santino:

"Yeah, eating my own feces is the key to everything."

Nick's response:

God, I'm gonna miss him.

Comments

[Jen]

Once again, Rich... your recap is a knee slapper!

Maybe I'm crazy, but I really liked the jumpsuit! I'd wear it myself if my ass were as fine as Kara's.

Re: Nick's suit... Do you remember those annoying ValPak coupon packets your parents got in the mail? The ones that came in a blue envelope? Now... remember "Haband for Her"? That's what Nick's suit reminded me of -- poly fabric in weird pastel colors, no buttons, no pockets. The Kors hit it on the proverbial nail when he likened the suit to a Golden Girls outfit. All that's missing is the southwest motif turquoise jewelry, available on QVC.

[Mr Prince]

The jumpsuit wasn't that bad, but he didn't finish, so he should have gone! Damn him! it's like Wendy Pepper all over again (except he has a glimmer of talent.) XP

[adam]

again, fabulous.

you don't know how long i will treasure all of the micheal korrs clips i have collected from you these last few months.

[Janie]

Once again a flawless recap.

HOW WAS SANTINO NOT ELIMINATED? WHAT IS UP? I think I'm currently in the anger stage of grieving.

[jeremy]

fer real? you got to go to the show w/ all the scene nyc 'mos? you be so lucky--ok, and talented. loved the gary coleman joke.
and btw, when i come to nyc, you better have something equally exciting lined up for me to do, m'kay? thanks!
i was thinking something like donning our chaps and hitting rawhide?

[carlos]

nick's suit was a mess, and i hated to admit it, hated worse seeing it... bye, nick

kara: does it hurt to eeee-nun-cee-yaaaaate so vividly every word? great ass, horrid face and mouth... and why was everyone pissing themselves over her outfit for santino? what they were really responding to was his trimmed facial hair cuz the outfit was, well, run-of-the-mill at best.

sheesh

[stroll]

I like the jumpsuit too but just that it was glued together and falling apart was enough to eliminate Santino. He does look nice with a shave and a haircut though.

I didn't think Daniel V's outfit for Chloe was that bad.

I like Kara more and more every time. I think she might end up winning the whole thing...

[Carly]

I fail to understand how having an unfinished outfit sunk Zuelema and saved Santino. Perhaps because Santino = drama?

Goodbye, sweet Nick. I'll pour a little out for ya.

[aj]

Rich, I feel you dude! I just did my re-cap yesterday because I was in severe denial for the better part of last week.

Wednesdays won't be the same without Nick's expressions and quotes. And who knew Kara was so flippin' funny?! She may be granola, but I dig it.

Thanks for the great re-cap as always! Nick pretending to be a Yiddish Granny will never not be funny...;)

[jessicarabbit]

Rich, you failed to mention that on the runway almost all of Heidi's critiques were dubbed over. It was really freaky.

I love Santino but he really should have gone home. He has squeaked by every round, and for some reason the fix was in since day one for him to go to the end. I don't get it...

You, on the other hand are hilarious as always. kisskiss

Buy my chiclet!

[sunnybunny]

Queerty is way off the mark WRT the fashion show. Chloe's is the best by far IMO. I'd rank 'em:

Chloe
Kara
Santino
Daniel

Anyway, nice recap Rich.

[Talix18]

*I should be crying but I just can't let it show.*

Love. That. Song.

[gorjus]

The jumpsuit was terrible, just terrible! And I still don't understand the outrage over Nick's (future) boysuit. So what if it's got no pockets?? It's 2006!

[Pip]

u want skin? go to the PR website and watch the extra footage that includes cutie Daniel in his underwear (well, nick's underwear actually).

[Oksana]

"Are these space pants?" asked Santino about what Kara had designed for him. "Because my ass is out of this world."

hahahah! that was funny.

Nick should have NOT being out. The show is NOT going to be the same w/out him. He was so nice and fun, and oh man I'm going to miss him. That episode was so depressing starting with Andrea's model crying! then Daniel's face when he knew he had the power to make her stay. it was depressing already from the start.. then Nick being gone. SO sad.

Nick deserves way better than this!

[Ian]

Wait, I thought Collier WAS hot make-up guy...?

[Elisa Camahort]

Major props on the Kate Bush reference. Got my attention right outta the gate.

Count me as another WTF-is-Santino-still-doing-there person.

[Patricia Jones]

I must agree. I think that the reason Santino has lasted this long is because Santino = Drama. Also, Nick should not "rejoice" when one of his competitors receives criticism.

[Veronica Vinegar]

No need for apology, Rich--your recaps are always worth the wait!

I'm surprised you didn't mention Kors' other funny line about Nick's pants looking like Friar Tuck leggings or such and such.

Also, I uploaded a bunch of new Hey Foxy's tonight. Think of it as a V-day present from me to you!!!

[prfanatic]

Beatrice Arthur's head on Daniel's body and Nick's creation, is just wrong. But I have finally stopped laughing about it. Great recap.

[anon]

"Nick, I swear..."

triple L-M-A-O!!

Rich, I wish I could quit you.

[brian w]

I nearly choked to death over the "Gary Coleman: Fashion Stylist" picture, thankyouverymuch!

[Reinita]

I liked the recap- but I have to disagree with you about Collier Strong. I thought he was 'handling' Santino and doing it brilliantly. Smart make-up artists and hairstylists know how to flatter their clients, and thus get permission to do whatever the heck they want. Poor Santino- he grew up ugly AND gay, and he never had a chance in hell of fitting in, and that's why he dresses so aggressively ugly, like he's never going to be liked, so he might as well make the world suck it and LOOK at his spray-painted lion t-shirts instead of trying to look decent and failing. But Collier Strong, with a few terrifically sincere sounding comments, reached right into Santino's chest and gave his wounded heart a soothing pat. He just wants to be pretty, you guys!

In sum, I was way impressed with Strong's makeover skills.

[Rhonda Hariel]

I think that Santino should have been out. The only reason he was not out is because they need the villian to make the show more dramatic and who would be it if they let him go. I definitely think that Nick's suit for Daniel was better than Santino's jumpsuit for Kara. It at least held together.

since when is santino gay? i think he likes the ladies at least sometimes. even when they are not nicky hilton maybe.

and the reason unfinished-ness saved santino but damned zulema is because a) it was the third time she pulled that crap and b) an unfinished jumpsuit with decorative piecing and fitted shape beats an unfinished raggedy muu-muu.