Wow. I had no idea that Gina suffered from the same affliction as Jerri Blank's father (so there, Twiggy, she's posing like she's on a good comedy show).
I shouldn't be joking. This is serious. Gina is gone, y'all. A little piece of me died when she was packing her bags, explaining that no matter how friendly she is, there will always be people who don't like her. It makes me almost feel bad for all the jokes I made at her expense. And, of course, for all the jokes I'm about to make at her expense.
But really, I can't believe that they eliminated her without telling us that she's deaf. She is deaf, right? What?
No matter. I cry, she cries.
And that's all for the episode. One cry! We're dealing with some hardened bitches this time. Gator skin without the bumps, all around (or in Furonda's case, gator skin, period).
I couldn't decide on this week's Tyraism, so I'm just going to do two this week. Why not? After all, she's endlessly quotable, like a modern day Oscar Wilde. Or Yogi Berra. Or Yogi Bear.
"What I want to do today is I want to talk to all of you about your future goals, because I want to help raise very strong women, as well. Not just models."
Raise? I know they're sheep-like and all, but Tyra's now taking the mother metaphor way far. I guess that's to be expected since the theme of this cycle is "transformation." I can't wait till next cycle when she shows us how to be fierce while working a breast pump.
"I loved your film, Joanie. It was spicy." I don't really have a quip for that. I just thought it was dumb (in other words, not spicy).
But you know what is spicy? Miss J's attitude in this week's Jwatch.
This concludes this week's Jwatch.
1. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you this cycle's girl with all the potential in the world:
Well, now that that's been revealed, what's the point of going on with the show?
2. I'll answer my own question: to make fun of Gina, obviously. Oh, she's gone? Fuck.
Of the many golden Gina moments in this week's episode, my favorite is her patting herself on the back for reading Jade (if you need a tutorial in reading, here is Dorian Corey explaining it in Paris Is Burning). "It was my battle and I think I did pretty well," said Gina about her showdown with Jade. Here's Gina's step-by-step guide to a successful reading.
Step 1: Identify the target.
Step 2: Attempt to verbally shrink away from confrontation.
Step 3: If that doesn't work, intimidate your target by pointing out spectators.
Step 4: Take words your target threw at you and replace the "you" with "I"s and the "I"s with "you"s.
Step 5: If you're still intimidated by your target, lie.
Step 6: Physically slink away from confrontation, avoiding eye contact.
This method is fool-proof. It'll have them praying for mercy.
Alternately, you can just call the target an "overgrown orangutan(g)" and be done with it.
3. At least that's a better way of reading someone than by forcing them to say something they don't want to and then chastising them for it.
Janice picking on an already battered Gina was such bullshit (and confusing, too -- "Get your ass off?!?!"). I would have figured Janice to be in a good mood, since Tyra clearly hooked her up with some extensions before the episode was even over:
So, yeah. I was disappointed in this Janice appearance (sit in on the fucking panel, already!), but at least she was weird...
...and weirdly sexual. Would you fuck model? I'd fuck model.
4. Hi Lisa.
5. As if eager to prove her warmth, Jade had this to say about Gina's photos from the Sears challenge:
First of all, of course she does. It was a fake shoot for Sears.
Second of all, Gina actually looked good in her shots. And third, who the fuck is Jade calling cheesy?
Shit, Jade looks cheesy even when Sears isn't involved.
(Jade's roots and array of hairstyles in her confessional clips scare me -- do they point to the fact that she's going to be around for a while?)
Is that an anthill in your fro, or are you just an asshole?
Yeah, because looking like Kim Cattrall is sooooo hot right now.
Who's cheesy now, Jade??? Huh???
6. Nnenna won me back this week.
First of all, her boyfriend is hot.
I'm sure you disagree, but that PWT mustache is fucking sexy.
But also, I like that she doesn't take shit from him.
Oh, but contrary to Tyra's sensationalism, this is not a French kiss:
Mouths are open, yes, but no tongues!
Not that Nnenna isn't a lil' freaky.
I mean very freaky.
7. Hey. Who wants to be hot like Furonda?
Here's her secret:
8. No, I really do have to give it up to Furonda for turning out a good picture this week.
Power to the weirdos!
The girls who are able to change how they look so drastically when in front of the camera really fascinate me. That's a big reason why I love Danielle so much and really, really want her to win.
Now that some time has passed and it's not just a knee-jerk impression, I have to say that Danielle's picture from last week is my favorite ANTM picture of all...time (I just typed that in Tyra voice).
I also love Danielle because she helps me out. She came up with a wonderfully bitchy, backstabbing retort to Jade's bullshit "future goal."
Capping my love of Danielle is her wonderful singing talent.
It's a catchy tune!
10. Even though Joanie hasn't impressed me with a picture since the first episode, I did love this:
"He totally pitched a tent while they were in Africa. And not one that you camp in, either," she said about Nnenna's hot model companion during their shoot. I like how Joanie all of a sudden became some drunk floozy in a bathrobe at 3 p.m. sitting outside her trailer during the last sentence.
Hi, Vegas Mom!
11. Yo, I'm a little bit scared for Nicole.
Check the empty expression, and hear her emptier words. It's hard out here for a supposedly working model.
Is she strung out on pressed powder?
12. So Tyra wants to be a blow-up doll when she grows up?
Ah, good ol' Light Bulb Head.