A fool before, a fool forever

The video embedded below is sort of a sequel to my Liza on Larry clips reel. This time around, Paula Abdul is the star, which makes sense -- Paula is cut from the same cloth as someone like Liza or Judy Garland or Whitney (when she's together enough to appear in public). These are all women on the verge whose visibility correlates (or correlated) strongly to their messiness. I realize that guffawing at Paula's seal claps, interpretive dancing and meltdowns on American Idol is a cliché, or at least, a national pastime. It's also extremely rewarding.

The following reel was assembled from Paula's stint shilling jewelry on QVC last week. She recorded two hour-long "shows" -- despite the first one airing at 1:00 a.m., Paula seemed rather composed. Maybe she ran out of happy (or sad) pills for the day. The second, which ran the following night at the more sensible hour of 9:00 was an improvement, which is to say that's she was at least slightly messier. It was this one that I mined solely for the reel. I have to note that it's really fucking bizarre that Paula Abdul spent two straight hours talking on live television last week and didn't start blubbering or slip into a coma or laugh at her imaginary friend or shoo the hummingbirds that she saw hovering around her head. Not once! Could it be that she's getting it together? Could it be that she's finally found the right pill cocktail to even her out? Probably not, but I find it pretty fucking astounding that she has even hours of composure.

Regardless, that second hour did provide its share of insanity (mostly in the form of momentary fits and giggles) that I've torn out and put back together. Yes, this is extremely manipulated and yes, I'm ripping things from their context to make them funnier. But whatever, I'm not the one who made her proclaim, "Right on! Bling's good. Bling is very good. Very, very good." That shit is Wall Street for the hip-hop generation.

She's havin' fun, everybody!

(Note: Bonus Paula madness here.)

(Note 2: fud·dle - v. tr. 1. To put into a state of confusion; befuddle. See Synonyms at confuse. 2. To make drunk; intoxicate. -- I'm not including this to be condescending; I'm including it because I had to look it up after Paula said it. I was glad that I did.)

Comments

[snag]

first.
That video edit was good very very good.
What a nutcase, i love a part of her.

[k-dawg]

did she actually admit that her seal clapping is absolutely ridiculous and makes her look like, well, "the other sister"?

my god, i loved her bipolar breakdown after eliot's performance this week. i was totally simon, laughing at her "pain".

[Pop Muse]

... it must be Paula Posting Day. that bitch is a hot mess, today, tomorrow and in 1991... see what I mean: PopMuse.com

[karsh]

Paula must be channeling Stuart from MadTV in parts of that clip. Look what I can do!

[Quel]

Thanks for the laughs. Paula Abdul is loopy.

LOVE your current banner. Who are you?! Where did you come from?! Are you sure you're not mixed...even a little bit?

Whatever got into the mix that made you is the shit. You're awesome.

[Freshalina Lee Simmons]

PURE GOLD! I love it you like I love you. *claps hands* More more!

[Mara]

best part: paula butchering her already butchered dance moves from the 90's...priceless.

liked the vid, love the site :P

[E]

All those years of bulimia obviously left her slightly brain-damaged.

[a.]

The clap-kick is too damn funny!

[elb]

So, Paula did a stint in a hospital here in Tulsa called Laureate and one day the whole bulimia ward went on an outing to a local bookstore that just happened to employ my husband. Anyway, Paula's chiahuahua had to be tethered outside and the poor pet dashed into the parking lot and was annihilated by a Ford F150. Legend says you could hear Paula screaming for miles around.

[Penny Woods]

This montage was even better than the last one with Liza. I just wish we had QVC at UNC so I can watch more Paula drunkeness.

[Toby]

LOVES IT!

[Foxy]

I thought for sure you'd be posting about the "Janice Dickinson undergoes psychotherapy" Tyra episode from the other day.

I guarantee you Paula got on the phone with her doctor and said "I want what Janice Dickinson is on..."

[randomaz]

ooooooh, just saw the new blog header - "sets your shit on fire" - that is seriously fabulous! please don't ever change it!

"shoulda leffffttt yoah ass a long time agooooo"

[onenami1lion]

oooomg this is the best. That high clap, low kick thing makes her look retarded. She needs to lay off the sauce. The video really should serve as her wake up call. Oooh and nothing beats the end when she's trying to do some of her old school moves and model the braclets. lol thanks for the laugh.

[Carly]

I'll have what she's having.

[Jessica]

I was totaly talking about the way she claps last night, glad to know its not just me that thinks its off. Thanks for the laugh =]

[summer]

good gracious, she is loopy. kudos to you on the editing.

[emily]

is it just me or is she, like, BECOMING joan rivers?

[Rose]

The music at the end when she dances reminds me of the theme music for Borat on Da Ali G Show.

[rod]

to compare her to Liza, Judy, or Whitney is a bit wrong-headed. whereas they are legendary and she is a difficult question on trivial pursuit in the year 2010. barely. more accurate might be a comparison to Joanie Laurer.

[Rich]

But I wasn't talking status. I was talking public behavior.

And you think you won't be able to remember her in four years? Who is wrong-headed?

[Charlie]

Damn, Four Four DOES set my shit on fire!

[Chris]

She's f-cked up.

[kdub]

I think even in four years the phrase, "I'm forever your girl" will cause you an earworm. Then you'll be cursing Paula's name! NEVER FORGET!