And back to Africa she goes!

It turns out that Brooke's comment, Crashy or not, was a curse. Ooga booga, y'all. Oh well, Nnow nnothinng's inn Nnnenna's way on her quest to become America's Next Top AFRICAN Chemist. She's gonna achieve it, too, worldly as she is.

But for real: THANK YOU TYRA! Thank you for this! Thanks for keeping Jade around because the vocabulary she has in her pinky is more colorful than anything Nnenna has in her larynx (dropped g's, failed r's and all). Thank you for keeping Furonda around because her face is much more...interesting than Nnenna's one of perpetual gloating.

Thanks for clearing the path for a Top 2 featuring Joanie and Danielle. And thanks for shaking things up, for being unpredictable (however predictable being unpredictable has become). Even though, y'know, I knew Nnenna wouldn't win, whatever, I'll still act shocked and play along. You did a good thing, Tyra Banks. Mama's proud.

This is an occasion so joyous that it's virtually tear-free. The sole crier?

58. Jade

Weeping over the departure of new best friend Nnenna. I get the feeling that Jade has a lot of new best friends. I get the feeling that Jade cries a lot.

It's unsurprising that more of them weren't weeping, though, as the Tyraism of the Week at judgment was bizarre enough to confuse all their tears away.

"Nnnenna, you started this competition at the top of the pack. You had that it thing. But that it thing is fading."

Ah yes, that it thing. Tyra could fill a thimble with the specifici-tea she's been brewing this cycle. I do believe that the flower in her hair has sucked up every last drop of sense the woman had. And it's not like she started with a full tank.

(Insert Chewbacca noise here.)

Meanwhile, please allow this week's Jwatch to serve as a cautionary tale.

If you're going to be this expressive in public, you're going to come across as an asshole. Such an asshole, in fact, that you'll be almost impossible to look at. You'll struggle to pick up a child prostitute, and you want to experience Thailand to its fullest, don't you?

So stop right where you are, remain perfectly still and don't express anything.

There. That's...better?

Nice pigtails, though.

Anyway, enough with the hating. Onto the love.

1. Oh, and there is love. Lots and lots of love.

How do I love thee, Danielle? Let me count the ways.

• "My uterus is, uh, probably flat as a pancake right now."

Quote of the cycle, quote of the year, quote of the entire existence of the show. I dare anyone to find me a better one.

• Although this one is almost as good. In the realm of travel commentary, "Forget the gap, sucka, I'm goin' to Thailand!" is the new "Pack your bags, y'all, you're goin' to Milan!" And that is a big thing to be.
• Sucka.

Not being one to ever pass up the chance to reference "Buffalo Stance," I give you an excerpt of the track with Neneh Cherry's "sucka"s replaced with Danielle's. It's never sounded better.

• Who's lookin' good today?

Danielle's lookin' good today!

• Realness!

• A cool mom is a plus.

That's her mom warning her not to go the way of last cycle's Cassandra who didn't cut off enough of her hair and ended up spiting her face. Danielle's mom knows this shit!

• A colorful vocab: she's cantankerous and...

...you better watch, don't mess with her.

• And yes, I went through a similar how-do-I-love-thee session for Bre. This means that Danielle has officially replaced Bre in my heart, which is cool because Danielle can actually model.

(Apropos of little, when I went searching for an airbrushed heart to place Danielle's face in, I found this. It's supposed to be for kids. Buy it for that budding anarchist or future union member today!)

2. And maybe the biggest contribution Danielle has made to my heart is her in-it-to-win-it attitude, the fact that she sucked it up and went forward with the gap removal.

But Jesus, after so much talk about closing gaps, you start to feel like you're in an Alice Walker novel.

And even more so when you consider the fact that what it comes down to is that Danielle received a mouth clitoridectomy (the perfect way to compliment vagina arms, no doubt):

Oddly, Danielle is now possessing the secret of fierce.

3. I'm dusting the old Bug-O-Meter off for old times' sake.

Look at her, confident and kicking ass. Twiggy was a fountain of good quotes this week, many of which benefited from her sudden, endearing British-ness (is that a Jade word?). "Nnennar." "I love that, you see," on Danielle being country. But the best thing she said was, "Jade frightens me, don't leave me in a room with Jade!"

Twigstack, you stay that sassy and next cycle your head will be floating over a Love-O-Meter each week. Guarantee it.

4. And speaking of the frightening one . . .

• It's downright spooky the way Jambi Jade properly predicted the outcome of this episode at the beginning of it, creating a bookend. In retrospect, it felt fabulous:

(She's playing Tyra)

(Nnenna and Furonda are up against each other in the end)

(Furonda wins)

Jade can see the future. She was right. Imagine that!

• Of course, she fucked the Tyraspeak all up (they were playing finale episode, so Tyra wouldn't be holding pictures anyway, the winner would show up on a screen, but even if Tyra did have pictures she wouldn't say, "I have one more picture left," she'd say, "I only have one photo in my hands.").

Imagine that!

• Before they left the house for Thailand, Jade looted it, the cheapskate.

Imagine that!

• "Proportionable."

Imagine that!

• Jade actually looks hot here:

Try not to get an aneuryism while imagining that!

5. And also on the subject of frightening:

I thought that dude knew a thing or two about makeup!

6.

7. Furonda's hand never ceases to amaze.

I know her fingers are really thin, but way her index finger bends in that shot reminds me of a crooked penis. Furonda Penishands!!!

But don't worry, she'll be safe. She's got plenty of money to spend on condoms.

8. I don't want to talk about George Wayne at all because I find him truly loathsome. Buuuuuut...

I have to note that it makes sense that he acts the way he does, considering that every "George Wayne Q&A" is more about him than his subject. (A recent example of Wayne's probing questioning: "(To Ian McShane:) Is that bush across your top lip real? Or is it a snap-on, you know, like a dildo?")

You don't say things like, "You look like an arrogant bitch to me," during an interview no matter who you are, because your wounded subject will pick her arrogant ass right up and walk right out of the room, leaving you with an incomplete assignment. He was just being a dick because he could be.

Ugh. And that high-society-meets-Jamaican-roots accent? Like curried foie gras.

Which is to say abhorrent, of course.

9. Hey look everyone:

Jay is fanning...

...the flames...

...of his faggotry!

Thanks for making this item so easy for me, Jay!

10. Continuing the Danielle love, this week's comic strip is devoted to her. You can call this one "Fish Juice."

Joanie can take solace in the fact that her bod looks bangin' to at least one homo:

Some consolation prize, I know.

Also, Joanie's fucking devious.

...and misunderstood...

Piece out!

11. I should have never called her Sara, Tall and Tall.

I should have called her Sara, Boring and Boring. Snore. Oh, and did you know that she's smart? I didn't!

Panel: dump her ass, already!

12. I was totally going to rag on Tyra for this:

Maybe say, "If by 'real' you mean 'shaped by the magic of Photoshop,'" but I won't go there. I'm still so pleased at Nnenna's dismissal, shaped by the magic of Tyrashop. This show has lost nothing over the years in watchability. The woman is a genius. Bravo! You are my TyTy Baby for now and for always.

(Note: I will be recapping, to whatever extent, the clips show that aired after this episode. That should be up on Monday. I really can't pass up the opportunity to revisit the wonders that are Duh-Gina and her teeth!)

(Note 2: I don't mean to sound like an asshole, because I appreciate being appreciated, but seriously, y'all, get off my dick. I never post recaps before Friday morning because it takes that much time to generate them. Sad, I know, but my carpal tunnel can attest to that being true. I work as fast as I can, and really, I'm the only source of pressure that I need. I don't go out on Thursdays ever because of this shit and I really, really don't need people breathing down my neck and getting all, "Jet-SON!!!" on me. Pissing me off slows me down. Even though I know that asking where the recap is comes from a place of love, it sounds pretty fucking rude from over here. Thank you for understanding.)

(Note 3: In retrospect, the note above seems too cantankerous. The last thing I want to come across as is an ingrate. "Oh, poor me! People want to read what I have to say! What will I ever do?" That's gross. Anyway, just rest assured that, as Joanie might say, the fire I have lit under my own ass burns the midnight oil.)

Comments

[leisa]

again, brilliant as always!

[Andie]

I laughed for about 5 minutes when Twiggy said that Jade scared her and not to leave her in a room with Jade. Wickedly awesome and oh so true. Jade scares me, too.

[Michael]

danielle is the greatest thing ever in the history of the world.

[meg]

I will spread the love for my girl D too-when she suctioned Jade's head, i lost it! However as gorgeous as Danielle looked in her picture, it was Joanie who took my breath away-we have a wiener:)
PS-LOVE the title:)

[T-Dawg]

OMG! Thank you for this!! Having a rough morning with allergies but your unfrozen caveman photographer brought me to tears! I had to cover my mouth with both hands because I was howling in my office cube.

You sir, are my crack.

[Jill]

You take however long you need, your re-caps are always worth the wait! And 2 for the price of 1 this week - fantastic!

[karen]

Where's mah recap?!!

Nice one =)
I did a little happy dance when Nnenna got the boot.

[Just little me]

I thought the episode sucked. Nnenna's dismissal was ridiculous. If they wanted to get rid of her, fine, but at least give her a reasonable justification. As usual, the panel dismisses people with justifications that don't meet reality. With Toccara she was "losing her fire" (actually, they didn't want to keep a larger-size woman around). With Nnnenna she was "coasting along". Well, if you are the prettiest one of the bunch and actually have some brains, I guess you would be allowed to coast along, wouldn't you? What will they say about Furonda? They won't tell her that she goes good on film (touch-ups anyone?) but bad on camera. They probably got rid of Nnenna because Covergirl doesn't want a too-dark black girl as spokesperson. As in all reality shows, producers have a lot of say when it comes to dismissal of contestants and I am sure that Covergirl wants the judges to pick the winner who fits their demographics better. Example: Why the hell did they pick Nicole over Nic last season? I wonder...

[Tallsonofagun]

Genius, as usual.

So happy to see Nnenna go. She looks like a model in person. She's got a model's name. She acts like a model with her phone hogging, air of superiority and clueless ideas of also being an African AIDS curing chemist (i.e. thinks she's smarter than she is). She has the ability to take beautiful pictures (although I think she really just perfected one look and hasn't varied from that in most of the shoots). All that and she still wasn't fierce... or even interesting. Seriously, if you've got all that going on and still don't generate any heat, then you deserve to go. Bye bye Nnenna, don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out of the fabulous Thai hotel. Hope the whiny boyfriend still wants to bone you now that you're a loser.

Go Danielle and Joanie. With the snaggle teeth gone, Joanie looks fabulous in every shot and is just conniving enough to push her way to the top. However, my money is on Danielle. She rocks this fag's world. Looks, height, personality, down home ghetto fabulousness and she takes incredible pictures. Love her! - 'love' spoken in a higher register and stretched out just enough to not be mistaken as said by someone who likes vagina.

[E]

'Tis the price of fame Richard, people can't get enough of you. I imagine you chained to a typewriter, 'Misery'-style, weeping, as your hands turn more and more arthritic.

[Will]

Hey why didn't you re-cap the show after this one also. Just kidding man. Great re-cap as always. I watched the show but did not realize that Jade predicted the final two! I knew she was not of this planet.

[Just little me]

I loooove Danielle but she is not winning this thing at all. Joanie is the obvious winner because she "improved" along the show (got her teeth fixed) and has a better "public persona" (i.e., that's judges' speak for 'she's not too ethnic'). I love Danielle, I hope she succeeds in her modeling acreer. The other 3 are just delusional about being models.

[whatwouldjanicedickinsondo]

oh my god, as i was watching Jay fan himself, i flashed on the same Margaret Cho quote about Karl Lagerfeld...to see you quote it is....well, it makes all good in the world.

And Danyelle? i love her more than life itself. Anyone who drops "sucka" into her sentences is alright in my book.

[kesha_nc]

Thanks for the recap, Rich. Now that I've had my ANTM fix for the morning, I can proceed with my day. I was very upset that Nnenna got eliminated, I really thought it should have been Sara, Tall and Tall. She has no self-confidence whatsover. Hell, she was found in a mall!!! Anyway, I wish my girl Nnenna was still there but, alas, the show must go on (By the way, I always sing her name, "Nn-nn-nn-nnennna" like the Chia Pet jingle, "Ch-ch-ch-chia"!) Jade is still a bitch with an extra-curricular vocabulary, and I'm sooooo rooting for Danielle and Joanie!!! P.S. "Piece" of mind... some ANTM broadacast intern was fired for that!!!

[kesha_nc]

LOL... just like I typed "broadacast"... my bad!!!

[moss]

Well, if you are the prettiest one of the bunch and actually have some brains, I guess you would be allowed to coast along, wouldn't you?

Just little moran, the show is not called america's next top CHEMIST. There is no coasting!

[Jill]

Thank you for the terrific recap - you made my morning! Thought Tyra's judging was funny this time around with the focus on Furonda's disco dress. Who knew that that slightly tacky dress could be solid grounds for elimination! Agree with all the Danielle love - am a Fanielle myself! Think that she and Joanie have shown the most heart in this cycle's crop, and I do love how Joanie submits to the game and plays along so well. If only she didn't look so Celine Dionish in some angles . . . Pls give Winston a kiss and a pet from me! Thx again!

[Just little me]

Re: Moss. "Moran"? Who is "Moran"? Do you mean "Moran" as Margaret Cho's birth name? Or do you mean "moron"? God, I guess Nnenna is ACTUALLY smarter than you. A chemist would not make a typo like that.

[Will]

Good one Moss.

I love those "This is not America's Next Top....." comments.

[brandy]

I hope the final two are Danielle and Joanie.
If there is a higher power it will be.
Your recaps are always the highlight of my Fridays, but I guess Ive been reading your blog long enough to know that it's Fierce Fridays, Winston Wednesdays(sometimes)
People need to understand and respect that genius takes time.

[RaJ]

Guys, Joanie's not going to win, she's 24 years old. It's going to be Danielle.

[Tater]

Who ees this who dares to get upon your dick? Tell them to vacate IMMEDIATELY! Sheez... some peoples.... Parking upon a dick without so much as a pretty please....

Tater appreciates your recaps of this truly amazing show, because Tater is not able to watch it for himself.

Every time Tater sees Ms J, he throws up a little bit in his mouth..

so unnattractive. unapetizing too.

awww! Jambi! aww..

[moss]

Moran is an in-joke here on the internets. It's a reference to this picture:

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/images/blpic-moran.htm

[moss]

But my point is, if a person wants to be respected for her brains, then "coasting" on a reality show is not the way to the top.

[Keisha]

Awesome, as usual Rich. Oh, but BTW, they played the VH1 all-access Micheal Jackson's childhood (or whatever it's called) the other night, and in a clip from Studio 54, there is MISS JAY in all her glory, twirling and spinning...I swear to God it's there! My mom even recognized Ms. Jay...you've gotta see it for yourself...

[purty]

I wish Joanie and Danielle could both win. I have come to believe that Joanie is the perfect white woman and Danielle is the perfect black woman, whatever that means.
And thanks, Rich, for inspiring my sense of childlike devotion week after week. You're a way better Lord and Savior than Jesus ever was!

[lovah]

foie gras, my dear!

[Arthur James]

dont you mean:

"...,get off my dick, sucka'"?

:-)

Sorry JLM, but playing the race card is getting really old on this blog-enough already! I guess I won't mention that every challenge is geared toward the African American women on this show (ie, crumping, church fashion shows, Wild n' out, the list goes on..) not saying white girls can't do that stuff but there is more of a minority of caucasians right now anyways so your arguement doesn't hold water. Also-Nicole won bc Nik had bug eyes, and thats the end of this dicussion.

[Rich]

Shit. I typed that, I swear. Fixed and thanks.

[Sumati]

YBF blog has posted the winner for this cycle.. not sure of how true it is.. but yea.
http://ybf.blogspot.com/

[Radha]

Ooga Booga? Um...damn Rich...I don't know what to say...

[Jude]

Joanie does, indeed, have a bangin' bod. I think she's taken over from Brooke for having the best rack in the house--and she's much more "proportionable" than Jade. And don't you love Joanie's slightly overemphasized but definitely admirable cultural sensitivity?

Danielle is sooo gorgeous when they get all that makeup on her, and then she opens her mouth and starts talking, and I love her even more.

Nnenna's pictures have been looking more and more like a dude for a few episodes now.

Furonda--can't believe she said "I'm gonna go wash my finger now!"

[Donny B]

Why does everyone assume Joanie was being devious? I'm not convinced. Even if she was, I still love her. I smile every time I picture her mocking Jade's performance on Wild 'N Out: "No one's saying to her, 'Yo, Jade, you look like an eighty-five-year-old woman...'" And then later in the truck: "She's not very mature for being so close to thirty." Genius.

Also, did anyone else notice the Payless Shoes commercial with the two girls in the photo booth? I'm positive one is Mercedes from Cycle 2. It plays every week during Top Model. Rich, you should check it out. The editing goes too fast to really tell so maybe you can get a screen shot.

Love your recaps, by the way.

[reddahlia01]

Although Nnenna was coasting, I think they should've kept her around for another episode and given Sara the boot. Although Nnenna's picture did suck this week, Sara, overall, sucks harder. I seriously don't know why they kept her around.

I heart Danielle and Joanie.

Kick that nappy ass Furonda off the show already. She is NOT cute. She really looks like any other 'round-the-way girl ... just with a whole lot less meat. Ugh. SHE makes me want to puke a little in my mouth. Get that bitch off!

Rich, great recap per usual. My appy-polly-loggies about the overzealous who won't get off your ass about posting recaps sooner. That'd make me want to give a big "FU" as well. Keep up the great work :-)

[RightO]

Who gave you shit!?! I will serial get all cycle 4 Tiffany on their ass! They ain't paying for your funny (which btw, if you charged, I'd totally pay.) So fuck em. I love you.

If the final two is anyone other than Joanie & Danielle...well I'll just eat my hat. I do love Danielle, and her bites in the clip show made me love her even more, but Joanie is just STUNNING.

As sure I was the Nnenna wouldn't win, I don't think she should have left before Fugronda. Whom I ABHOR. I know some find her amusing in her retarded praying mantis like ways, but she just makes me queasy. Her penis finger makes me want to take a shower.

Sara is gorgeous. Sara lacks something that both Danielle and Joanie bring to the table. Buh bye Sara.

Oh Jade. Your fantasticness amazes me.

[jasmine]

Thank you SOOOO much for the recaps!! I get antsy waiting for friday, but I will never rush you, I dont wanna mess up the magic!!

[jasmine]

Does anyone know if Danielle has a myspace account? I have found everyone else, but I can't find my fav, Danielle! (Maybe because she is too busy with her Top Model contract right now??)

[kdub]

Rich, good call on that "Buffalo Stance" clip. It's perfect!

And wow, that is weird how Jade prognosticated at the top of the show - oh wait, this is Jade, so I should say "that was so prognostically".

[Lizzy]

I'm so happy that you love Danielle too because that means more D-recappage for me. She is so freakin cool. I like Joanie and all, but Danielle keeps things a little real too and cracks my shit up.

[brooklynchick]

Whoever is breathing down your neck needs to get a grip!!!! They can host a site and come up with their own WHACK ass re-cap (cause that's what it will be if they tried to do what you do......WHACK!!!) the nerve of some people.......... But I digress.....

Continue doing what you do when YOU do it!! :) I will say I love your re-caps no matter when you post it.

O.K. Did we not see the monstrosity of an outfit that Furonda wore to panel??? I have to believe that the girls don't know when they are going to go to panel. How could she have thought that; that outfit was a good idea?

mon·stros·i·ty
Pronunciation: män-'strä-s&-tE
a : a malformation of a plant or animal
b : something deviating from the normal
c : FREAK
2 : the quality or state of being monstrous
3 a : an object of great and often frightening size, force, or complexity
b : an excessively bad or shocking example

all of the above meanings explains what Furonda's fashion statement

[ivy]

Rich honey you take your sweet time! Rome wasn't built in a day and though snarky comments and bitchy reviews can come like lightning, it takes time to frame it in such a way that makes reading them in your blog an absolute pleasure! I really appreciate your work. So keep ya head up! Heart cha'

[Joe]

i adored the 'buffalo stance' clip! neneh would be proud. as for the other nnena...well i too am not surprised they let her go. she was my fave at first, but after a few episodes, i've been loving danielle, and even furonda.

and can anyone be more gay than jay manuel and his tacky fried blonde hair? maybe his pancake makeup. and he calls jade a drag queen? imagine that.

[BobbyWombat]

Well I wanted to be the first to pop that recap cherry but seems someone beat me to it.. you whore!!! Love Joanie and Danielle.... I can all but hope for a final two with them in it... i have 3,0000 baht in my wallet as we speak think im gonna use it to buy me something from one of those little asian women in the river market... thank gawd Nnenna is gone.. Can you imagine her speech in the Covergirl comercial?? WAnd was it me or did she not sound like Count Dracula on her farewell spech...

[Christy]

Doesn't $77 go a pretty long way in Bangkok? I've never been there, but it's my understanding that a three-course meal is like $0.50. And most of their expenses would already be taken care of...I think they unfairly tried to make Furonda look stupid.

[Penny Woods]

A lot of people give Rich shit in non-ANTM posts. But I don't mind waiting. Every week I need my Imagine That! With Jade fix. This, along with Wrestlecrap and Gawker's Blue States Lose is the highlight of my Fridays.

[Leah]

I want Danielle and Joanie to co-win.

Or maybe I want them both to lose so they can have real modeling careers.

Who knows!

Great recap!!

[pphillihpp]

if i were a photographer, i would love to work with danielle or joanie. danielle would have me in stiches.

and sara isn't "boring" - she's just not a drag-slash-drama queen. and guess what - they keep her cuz she's tall and beautiful, and clothes will look great on her, *cuz that's what models need to do* - tho they don't admit it.

toccara was gone becuse of "personality" ( = too fat). mollie sue because of "personality" ( = too short).

but someone, please, escortify jade, that sixtygenarian from the peremises, and out of thailandia, and back to ignoramaville where she belongs. feh!

[Gloria]

dude, u are too gooood at predicting this show!!!

nnenna did get boring though! her pictures has just been eh these few weeks.. she's not that versatile..

i LOVE joanie!! she was like, "i'm gonna puke.. i just drank coffee".. hahaha..

[Free]

Nnenna was the closest contestant they've EVER had to an actual supermodel. She looks better than Tyra and Naomi, that's for damn sure. She's up there in Iman territory.

I guess she wasn't a good enough mold for them. Imagine that-- her wanting to use her publicity for AIDS research in Africa, rather than becomimg some useless party-going publicity machine for ANTM like the past winners. FOR SHAME, NNENNA!

And double that for being so proud of your African roots!! We all know that no one should be proud of coming from Africa, sweep that shit under the rug, and get rid of that accent! Africa is not a good place to come from. The whole world tells us that.

The only purpose of this show is to humiliate these girls, and get rating for Tyrant.

[RiceCrispy]

I look forward to your recaps..it has become part of my friday ritual! I loved it!

PLENTY of girls have been kicked off unjustly, shall I mention the most gorgeous one of them all, Kari? Nnenna getting kicked off had nothing to do with her race, if anything, its gotten her this far.

[Foxy]

In our house, we decided that Twiggy being better than ever was somehow due to her being overseas. Prove me wrong.

And can we please bring back "jank" and "janky"?

[aL anon]

Wasn't Yoanna 24 when she won?

[Summer]

** @:Sorry JLM, but playing the race card is getting really old on this blog-enough already! I guess I won't mention that every challenge is geared toward the African American women on this show (ie, crumping, church fashion shows, Wild n' out, the list goes on..) not saying white girls can't do that stuff but there is more of a minority of caucasians right now anyways so your arguement doesn't hold water. Also-Nicole won bc Nik had bug eyes, and thats the end of this dicussion.**

Arthur James--It is JLM's right to voice any opinion he or she may have regarding the post. It is interesting that you would say that EVERY challenge is geared towards African Americans. Did you only see Episode 7 or did you not know there were 8 other episodes? Please explain how the following challenges are geared towards blacks: (A press conference, 15 minutes to apply makeup, walking the runway, doing a "commercial" photo shoot for Sears, being criticized at a go-see, or being interviewed)? Please explain how the following photo shoots are geared towards African Americans: being bald, posing with ice (as far as I know, blacks dont like ice very much), posing as a fairy tale, job or career, living dolls, or being a mermaid)?

Out of 20 challenges and photo shoots, you can only name 3 examples to support your statement that EVERY challenge is geared towards blacks?

Finally, caucasians are not in the minority on the show. There are two blacks, two whites, and one "biracial butterfly"

[Quel]

I think Danielle will win this one. Joanie has a great personality and photographs beautifully, but Tyra said, "You have to be a Top Model in person too." I think, of the two...and you called it, they WILL be the last two..., Danielle has that in-person model thing going.

Great recap.

[Janine]

You support the closing of the gap?? p'shaw, sucka. My heart broke a little. Nevertheless, go Danielle.

[Lulu]

I'm sorry, but I'll have to agree with that comment summer. The comment about covergirl not wanting the "too dark black girl" got me going. Is Nnenna darker than Danielle? or Furonda for that matter? And you have to admit, the judge for this week, even though he thought nnenna was a snob, he still made her the winner. It can go both ways I guess.

[interesting...]

i was soo hyped that it was friday to check the recap...but then i read the title and thought "uh oh, not a good sign". then i got to 'oonga boonga' and knew it was over. i thought jokes were supposed to make people laugh, not be all pissy and shit.

i don't know why everyone keeps over looking the fact that nnenna was from texas, that the show pigeon-holed her into this whole "african princess" shit...i mean, granted, this is what antm does, set up the girls to fail, but furonda over nnenna??
at least nnenna could have won this shit, and will prolly get signed somewhere else. furonda...not so much.

[Janet]

Rich - you are a wonderful writer. I don't know which I like better, ANTM, or your recaps. thanks from a old fag hag MOT

[Sydney]

Is It Me Or Does Danielle Look Like A Skinny Tocarra? Or Has Someone Already Noticed This!!!

[Rich]

Yeah, I'm a racist! I'm not at all someone who makes fun of racism or racialism, in their overt and inadvertent forms. This whole blog? Fucking subversive.

Secretly, I wish I could push Angela Bassett into that fire like Bigger Thomas did with the remains of that white lady he smothered, but alas, I can't be acting like one of them.

Suckas.

[Lisa]

I make this comment every week..the girl gets on my nerves..more&more..seriously,have you watched her talk show? but i can't stop watching..

Maybe say, "If by 'real' you mean 'shaped by the magic of Photoshop..

Lisa Terrasas|Adobe Systems
OM|Finance
"Better By Adobe"

[Wendy Young]

Thank you for making final exams easier to get through! The part referencing Margaret Cho's joke ('fanning the flames of his faggotry' about Karl Lagerfeld was just too good---and too true. Could someone please get 'round to giving Jay Manuel a reach-around????

[mariaaaaa]

ANTM owes you money, Rich. I've been reading your recaps religiously but never watched the show. But because of you and my desire to enrich my RECAP reading experience (and to bask in the Tyra-isms, too, of course) I tuned in on Wednesday...

[boriquanegra]

Tyra was correct at judging Nnenna is prob the type that would and did intimidate. She was the supermodel of the bunch gorgeous, elegant and well-spoken, like most African models. After her, looks-wise, Jade is physically the most stunning and unique, she does not fade into the background like Joanie and the other white girl. (sorry i cant think of her name)Nothing about either is all that great. Danielle or Jade will prob win. nuff said, and who is Bigger Thomas ????

[julie]

TEAM DANIELLE!! I love that chick!

[Jackie]

"unfrozen caveman photographer" = genius!

[gayestneil]

Rich: gurl u sassy today (re: jmg) ;)

[tia]

not completely random...they've banned foie gras in chicago.

[emmy em]

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Nnnnennnna's gone. She was REALLY starting to piss me off.

[LvH]

OMG you did NOT namecheck Jambi!!

Jambi Jade: MEKKA LEKKA HI MEKKA HINEY HO ... NESS!

You really are tops, Rich.

I love Danielle so much and it's going to be so awesome to see her win. Suckas!

[Grant]

the update is always worth it no matter how long it takes =)

[Charlie]

Marry me.

[mariaaaaa]

I was incensed when Nnenna (nn-nn-nn-nnenna! kesha_nc you rock!) was given the boot - what dumbasses! What is this America's Next Top Mediocrity? (No offense to Joanie and Daniel). Oh wait, no sorry, it's America's Next Top Learner/Tryer. How could they get rid of the most stunning girl with the best chance of actually being an international model, singer, actress, dancer, CaNAdian (hello Buddy Guy!)?!! But then I remembered my Rich-schoolin'... this ain't about modeling, it's about good TV and Tyra banks and abusing and confusing the fuck out of young vulnerable girls. I think Nnenna has the best chance of making it on her own, and the more distance she can put b/n herself and the show the better (the track record ain't great so far.)
I do loves me some Danielle and Joanie, though. Nnenna was the most gorgeous, graceful and meltingly beautiful creature, but Danielle and Joanie are adorable. I LOVE - L.O.V.E. love - Danielle's "country" ass (shut the fuck up, Tyra, 'afore I put a country lovin' boot up yo' ass! I'm with you Miss Twig!) She so cute! I'm glad they left a little gap - it gives her that touch of spice (grits?) that is so Danielle. And I love how seriously Joanie takes her ambassadoress role (her ambassadoressnessness?) She's showing real professionalism - yes, even though she did drink the coffee Mr. (ha!) Jay.
No objections on Sara (she tall) or Furonda (loved how she irritated Joanie with her half-assed (half-fingered) massage!) but Jade - good God. I keep vacillating between "she takes an interesting photograph" and "get that ugly-ass, illiterate, stank ho off the show". I'll stick with "she takes an interesting photo" 'cuz the other would be hateful, and God don't like hateful.

[grape]

boriquanegra... bigger thomas is the protagonist from the novel "native son" by richard wright. not exactly "two blacks, two whites, and a biracial butterfly" but one an important literary examination of race/racism nonetheless.

[God]

Sorry, mariaaaaa, but sometimes I do appreciate a little 'hateful'. That's why I've allowed Jade to stay on for so long while I made sure the one who should have won the contest (Mollie Sue) went home early. Was having my period that day and felt like being a little hateful myself. My bad.

[Saun]

Yeah suckas, get off Rich's back. Nothing good comes before it's time. ( I just needed a reason to use the word sucka.)

It took me a minute to pick myself up off the floor after reading "fanning the flames of his faggotry". I'm in tears. I'm with you in the Danielle fan club. She's my fav. Even more than Bre. I was a little shocked by Nnenna leaving only because I thought they would have gotten rid of Sara first.

[Meghan]

Ahhhh... thank you so much for the "piece" of mind. That shit drove me crazy, but not as much as all those ads for "judgement" day on Veronica Mars (there's no "e" in "judgment").

*America's Next Top Copy Editor

[Elisabet]

Oh my Lord. I adore you. I love Friday's so I can read this. It's almost as good as the show itself. :) Good thing that the show will be around like Survivor, according to Tyra on True Hollywood Story: ANTM.

[Summer]

Bigger Thomas is the main character of Richard Wright's novel, Native Son. His character is raised in the South-side of Chicago and at some point he unintentionally kills a white woman.

It is interesting that the self-proclaimed racist doesn't want to "act like one of them" yet he takes the time to read and reference a novel by one of THEM.

[eatsdirt]

Who exactly are these people that can't wait until Friday for your recaps? It's the perfect start to my weekend each week. Thanks for taking the time to do the ANTM recaps. You're not getting paid for this shit and you should be.

I too am really digging Joanie and Danielle. Not only does Danielle take pictures but she's so sassy and it's refreshing. Joanie was sensitive enough to realize that she was in another country and culture and actually paid attention to the woman teaching the massage. Top Model behavior, if you ask me. And homegirl had HOURS of dental surgery last week and still turned out amazing pictures. If these two don't make it to the final two, I will officially stop watching it. (okay, maybe I won't)

Also, thanks for the Pee Wee Playhouse Jambi Jade joke.

[Fred V]

When you (MAKE OTHERS) snooze, you (MAKE YOURSELF) lose. It was real with Nnenna, and fun at times (ESP. WHEN SHE WAS BEEFING WITH HER MAN!). It just wasn't real fun.

[thumper]

I knew when they started talking about dead fish that Nnenna had passed her expiration date.

[oh no you didn't!]

"I get the feeling that Jade has a lot of new best friends. I get the feeling that Jade cries a lot."
Aw.... you actually made me feel sorry for Jade with this comment. For shame!

[Rich]

It is interesting that the self-proclaimed racist doesn't want to "act like one of them" yet he takes the time to read and reference a novel by one of THEM.

Yes. Very interesting. Almost as interesting as someone reading me without a sense of irony. I'd love to pick your brain some time.

Edit: By the way, everyone, "Summer" has the same IP address (and likely is the same person) as "Nikki" who took (homophobic) issue with my admittedly easy targeting of 50 Cent. That explains the lack of irony. Scratch that "pick your brain" comment.

[Boobie]

I really got a Naomi vibe from Nnenna during her interview. When he called her an arrogant bitch, her mouth said no but her giggle and bitchy stare said, "I am an arrogant bitch and I don't really care about you. Where's my cellphone?"

BTW, the editing team did a much better job setting her up to be a bitch than it did for Brooke to be a crybaby. I mean, she didn't start falling apart until the beginning of that episode. Nnenna's been a bitch for at least three.

However, Nnenna's pho-to was horrible and had shades of last cycle's superhero shoot. Does Jay (and his Thai fan) like strapping women up in their "womanly areas"?

And how stupid was it that the cap show that aired RIGHT AFTER this episode recapped this episode? Whatever ... the clip show is where the editing team gets to have their real fun and "make" all the girls look like morons.

A shout out to Twiggs this week ... she was vocal and fun. Miss J may have been trying to keep his fag hags close with the "misunderstood" Jade and Nnenna, but I think there was too much Nnaommi in Nnenna for Tyra to keep her around.

I'm so glad Twiggy snickered at Jade.

LOL NENNAR
hahhaah man you effing rock
and take your time doing these cuz they're well worth the wait :)

[Dr. Grissom]

Yes, perhaps Nnenna IS more beautiful than the other girls...but look at her portfolio: she truly only has one facial expression, maybe two if you count smiling which she does rarely.

The other girls may not be as classically beautiful, but they are willing to work hard, take direction, and not just skate through. And while it IS important that America's Next Top model be beautiful, she should really also be able to take direction, or she'll never get anywhere.

Of course, if that's the case, I can't really figure out why Sara is still there. And Jade...well, she's just so awful. Furonda tries really hard, takes good photos, and is amusingly sassy, but...Nigel is right: she DOES look like a praying mantis in person. Also..BRUSH YOUR WEAVE ONCE IN A WHILE!

As for the show having a racial agenda...I wouldn't really give any of those in control credit with even knowing what an agenda IS.

Final point: LIGHTEN UP! IT'S JUST FASHION!

[the "original" summer]

great recap. i'll admit, i still haven't mastered antm predictions -- my top three were nnenna, mollie sue, and danielle. yikes - that doesn't bode well for danielle.

honestly, though, i so want danielle to win. but i can't see her winning with that accent -- actually it's beyond an accent. it's the tone, pitch. sounds like she should be in a play. people keep calling it ghetto, i think that's incorrectly applied. she's just really, really country. but man, wouldn't her My Life As a CoverGirl be Hi.Lar.i.ous? I would never channel-surf during them. "Ya'll, dey had me next ta, uh, Queen Latifah, and I was like, dis here is crazy...."

[Gebbs]

psh, the racial stuff- dont you remember when they went to Africa? visited Nelson Mandela's prison cell?
They have always had a great variety of races (well, among blacks and whites. There has been a sad lack of other minorities, which I guess reflects current television.)
And Tyra already talked about the whole "Did Nicole win because a black girl won last year" rumors.

[Kristine]

"as far as I know, blacks dont like ice very much"

You HAVE to be joking. You were joking, right? Tell me you were joking.

[whoo]

that was dead funny.

[alicebtacos]

Has anyone seen Flavor Flav and Furonda in the same place at the same time? I'm just sayin.

[Friend or Arthur James]

I just want to make a correction to Summer. You shout out "Arthur James" for the comment below but that comment was made by an anonymous person. The "Arthur James" comment was the one above. Just wanted you to make sure when you want to go off on somebody that it's the right person. See the chain copied below.

dont you mean:

"...,get off my dick, sucka'"?

:-)

Posted by: Arthur James | April 28, 2006 at 11:42 AM

Sorry JLM, but playing the race card is getting really old on this blog-enough already! I guess I won't mention that every challenge is geared toward the African American women on this show (ie, crumping, church fashion shows, Wild n' out, the list goes on..) not saying white girls can't do that stuff but there is more of a minority of caucasians right now anyways so your arguement doesn't hold water. Also-Nicole won bc Nik had bug eyes, and thats the end of this dicussion.

Posted by: | April 28, 2006 at 11:43 AM

[marina]

I thought that the poses werent that appropriate since Banana Boat targetted more to the teenage and above demographics.

I would have preferred a more smiley commercial pose rather than those 'high end' poses.

Its just me

[Kerria]

I know nothing should surprise me of this show, but the blatant tactic of humilating the girls by forcing them to serve hand and foot to the contest winners was just too much. Damnit Rich, if it wasn't your fantastic postings I wouldn't able to stomach it! Take your time posting, it's well worth it!

[licoricepirate]

LoLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLzzzzzz ~ ~ ~ <3

[Mandy]

I love your ANTM and Project Runway posts. the best EVER. entertaining.

and ur ANIMATIONS rock

[Jack]

Furonda delivered a great line which totally flummoxed George Wayne:

"No, I've never been to Sheba."

[meg]

I agree with you, that George Wayne guy sucks. I remember watching that and feeling the urgent need to punch him thru the tv screen.

[spazmo]

So what type of racism do you have, Rich?

[Amanda]

You should take whatever time it takes for you to write these recaps because I have been enjoying them since last cycle and even if it takes you longer the quality goes up and its just that much more funny. <3

[Mara]

ok, so have calmed down and reluctantly accepted that nnenner is gone...for now :) it would be better if she became waaay more sucessful without the show. i didn't realize how many people didn't like nnenner, including the editing team of antm...darn those editors, darn them to heck!!

someone said that tyrant covered why nic didn't win last season; wtf did she say?? and i swear, if danielle doesn't win this time, i'm never watchin' this shit again, for real this time!

like sara, but really don't understand how she (or fugronda) outlasted nnenner...and i can't even think about voldamort aka jade; even the show called her out on her vast knowledge of made-up words.

in conclusion, if tyrana-soreass wants to photograph slimmer, she should loose some damn weight; i'm sure even the airbrushers are sick of that ass...