Bath time is fun time!

Theory: Every time you bathe a cat a boy turns gay.

Prove me wrong, suckas!

We bathe our cats for a simple reason: they smell bad. More specifically, Winston smells bad. Most specifically, Winston's face smells like death. I think it's because he's too stupid to properly clean himself, and so the folds in his eye-nose region make it a home of uncharted nooks and crannies. He is an English Muffin of funk. His odor becomes baked-in when he turns into a cinnamon bun while asleep:

You can practically see the stink lines.

Rudy's implicated in all this by his common role as Winston's lollipop (and vice versa). Secretly, I think he enjoys how hot he is rocking the wet look. Move over, Kelly LeBrock!

In the picture above, he reminds me of Falkor of The Neverending Story. I wanna ride on his back while Limahl whispers sweet "Oh-uh-whoa, oh-uh-whoa, oh-uh-whoa"s in my ear.

I don't know why, but he really reminds me of Dianne Wiest in this one. I think maybe I'm just tired. Don't speak!

In any event: God, my cat is so sexy! Note that there aren't shots of Rudy's actual bath because it was sort of unexciting. The same could not be said about Winston's. It was a rainbow of fruit flavors.

He went from pissed...

...to wishing he were dead...

...to conflicted...

...to defeated...

...to complacent.

'Atta boy, Winnie. Make yourself at home.

Note the seal flipper:

I threw a fish at him, but it just slapped him on the face. I tried bouncing a rubber ball on his nose, but he put is head down.

I don't really know how to explain the next picture, except that after snapping it, I yelled, "You've been watching Evita again!" and spanked him.

Also? He is a million-year-old troll.

Which would, come to think of it, explain the smell.

You know, sometimes, I look into his eyes and I say...

..."You are the ugliest fucking thing I've seen, much less loved, in my entire life."

But then, I'll take a step back, look at a different angle and let those saucer eyes kill me...

...and realize how wrong I am.

(The inevitable postscript is that four days after his bath, Winston is back to smelling like he's homeless. He keeps it real.)

Comments

[Rocco]

I don't know what got me hotter.

A Wet Winston

Or,

A Yummy Puerto Rican JEw with tats!!!

[princemoney]

winston is all furonda in this story

pretty

ugly
pretty

ugly

[L]

princemoney - I totally thought the same thing! Winston is dead sexy at times, and then hideous at other times. Rudy is just Rudy - he's the man.

God these entries make me laugh my ass off. I especially love when you talk about your babies, awww. Too cute.

ANTM tonight suckas, oh yeah!

[Susan]

I enjoy your site but love your Winnie and Rudy posts - they make my day!
Addicted to ANTM because of you but we are a season behind over in London - makes navigating your site a bit dangerous so thanks for the categories.

[Brian]

My favorite part of Winnie are his whiskers. They make him look evil and demonic.

I'm sooo jealous of you Rich, because you have two photogEEnic kitties. Mine just looks like his eyes are that of Lucifer on camera.

[lover]

Rich, I have a no-frills bear too! You kick ass!

[van nasty]

just when i thought i couldnt love you anymore, i saw the tattoos. im not sure if they're yours, but, im going to let myself believe they are.

[brandy]

I have to say that I am a bit suprised that Winston is such a skinny little cat. Skinny (wet) Winnie.

Im sure you already know this but his face stink is a common problem with cats with pushed in faces. Its the same with smush faced dogs.
Can I suggest a daily wipe with a warm face cloth? (If you arent already doing so)

I loved the Neverending Story. I used to make myself cry and say "name me Bastian..please." Which just now typing that is kind of hot.
sort of.

[sarah]

i sympathise with the dianne weist comment, or at least i don't think you're crazy. i have a picture of my cat that totally looks like a mid-90s shot of meg ryan. yeah - snub-nosed and self-satisfied. i said i HAD this picture, not that i was happy about it.

[SR]

for a moment I thought the million year old troll picture was actually a picture of Jade.

[Suzy]

He kind of looks like Ocscar the Grouch in the Million Year Old Troll shot...which could explain the smell.

[GKP]

Jeez...thats a lot of empty liquor bottles on the top shelf.
tee hee

[Blanquinou]

This made me laugh until I cried. Especially the Evita comment.

p.s. My cat looks just like Mr. Darcy as played by Colin Firth in Pride and Prejudice.

[Jade]

So excellent!! Especially the pic of the million year old troll, I think that was the thing hiding in my closet for years when I was growing up.

We've missed your cats, Rich! Thanks for bringing them back!!

[nOva]

Ok, so Rudy is giving Kelly LeBrock "wet", but Winston has always had this Anthony Michael Hall quality.......

[James in SF]

Seriously your best work yet. I'm inspired to go home and bath my cats...after I pick up some of those gloves you wear to handle falcons.

[matthew]

omg, Rick...you really should do a side by side of Winston and Anthony Michael Hall. this post was hilarious but nOva, you got me with that one!

[inothernews]

miserable winston bath pics are the best ever!

[inothernews]

By the way, he looks almost, creepily, human in the "to defeated" photo. love it!

I'm cracking up so loudly, co workers are looking concerned. I used to love bathing my roommate's cat because she looked alternately pathetic then disgusted and then resigned to her fate. And the only thing that angered her more than the bath itself....was people staring and laughing at her when she looked so pitiful.

I want Winston for my very own. He DOES look a bit like Anthony Michael Hall....and also Kim Stolz from ANTM.

[Erin]

God, so true ^..^! Poor Wet Winston does look like Kim Stolz. And sadly, like my mother's retarded Lhasa Apso. Who is a bigger bitch than either Kim or Winton. He bit me on the foot this morning. Anyway, I laughed so hard over those pics... :)

[Bon]

Preh. Shuhsh.

[Kim]

My cats have major hissy fits (literally) when I try to bathe them. I gave up and take them to the groomers. I'm a wimp.

Winston looks "special" when he's all wet...LOL

[Grant]

pretty sure that was the boyfriend... he is CUTE & love his tats.. =)
& the cats..

[Ang]

I ♥ Winston and Rudy!