Theory: Every time you bathe a cat a boy turns gay.
Prove me wrong, suckas!
We bathe our cats for a simple reason: they smell bad. More specifically, Winston smells bad. Most specifically, Winston's face smells like death. I think it's because he's too stupid to properly clean himself, and so the folds in his eye-nose region make it a home of uncharted nooks and crannies. He is an English Muffin of funk. His odor becomes baked-in when he turns into a cinnamon bun while asleep:
You can practically see the stink lines.
Rudy's implicated in all this by his common role as Winston's lollipop (and vice versa). Secretly, I think he enjoys how hot he is rocking the wet look. Move over, Kelly LeBrock!
In the picture above, he reminds me of Falkor of The Neverending Story. I wanna ride on his back while Limahl whispers sweet "Oh-uh-whoa, oh-uh-whoa, oh-uh-whoa"s in my ear.
I don't know why, but he really reminds me of Dianne Wiest in this one. I think maybe I'm just tired. Don't speak!
In any event: God, my cat is so sexy! Note that there aren't shots of Rudy's actual bath because it was sort of unexciting. The same could not be said about Winston's. It was a rainbow of fruit flavors.
He went from pissed...
...to wishing he were dead...
'Atta boy, Winnie. Make yourself at home.
Note the seal flipper:
I threw a fish at him, but it just slapped him on the face. I tried bouncing a rubber ball on his nose, but he put is head down.
I don't really know how to explain the next picture, except that after snapping it, I yelled, "You've been watching Evita again!" and spanked him.
Also? He is a million-year-old troll.
Which would, come to think of it, explain the smell.
You know, sometimes, I look into his eyes and I say...
..."You are the ugliest fucking thing I've seen, much less loved, in my entire life."
But then, I'll take a step back, look at a different angle and let those saucer eyes kill me...
...and realize how wrong I am.
(The inevitable postscript is that four days after his bath, Winston is back to smelling like he's homeless. He keeps it real.)