For the past few months, I've been suffering from a regrettable affliction: the Anitas. On an average of let's say five times a week, "Caught Up in the Rapture" pops into my head and then I am literally vexed with Anita Baker in my head for a minimum of 10 minutes. Sometimes "Rapture" merely loops, sometimes a whole medley of hits plays (a medley consisting of her most irritating freak-outs from her hits). This condition is not unlike the hiccups or ocular migraines as far as unpredictability and unshakability is concerned.
Now, while this is somewhat crippling, I should state that I sort of love Anita Baker. At least, I find her fascinating, the way she manages to make music that is both amazingly middle-of-the-road and astonishingly grating. That voice is acrobatic if you consider a seal that's flopping around an acrobat. Imagine Anita singing while balancing a ball on her nose and clapping and you can see why I love her so much.
However: I do not want her in my life for all time. NeetNeet, take your sweet love and shove it in your mouth so it intermingles with those mashed potatoes that have been in there, crippling your annunciation for the past 20 years. Really, this is the best that you got? Get outta my body, get outta my soul.
Listen here for a rough approximation of what goes on in my head whenever I suffer one of these flare-ups. You'll notice that it all starts and ends with "Caught Up in the Rapture" (what's this about a butterfly?) and does not include "I Apologize" (probably because that one isn't annoying!). I'm hoping that by passing this along, I'll somehow transfer this affliction a la The Ring. And then I'll be rid of Samita for good.
Actually, scratch that, because if Anita Baker came out of my monitor all contorted and with stringy hair in her face, I think it would be the best thing that could possibly happen to my life. Forget I said anything.
LOL. My favorite Anita song is "Angel" and I have no idea what the heck she is saying in it to this day. Only you Rich...Only You!
Posted by: Hateraid | June 23, 2006 at 02:17 PM
and I'm first BIYATCHES!
Posted by: Hateraid | June 23, 2006 at 02:18 PM
Gods. Damn. You. Why did I click to listen? Why? Anita Baker is among the list of singers that I hates for their inability to sing without a goiter-afflicted bullfrog thrust down their throat. If she and Shakira ever did a duet? My eardrums would pack up and head out.
Posted by: E.D'Trix | June 23, 2006 at 02:22 PM
I get that way with this horrid song called "From Paris to Berlin" I believe one day it may cause me to jump in front of a subway just to make it stop.
Maybe now that you've shared that sound clip it will stop..just like in the Ring and now were all subjected to it until we figure out to pass it on.
I got you figured out Rich.
Brilliant move.
Posted by: brandy | June 23, 2006 at 02:32 PM
I always HATED "Sweet Love" until the day my college boyfriend (a pompous R&B expert) played me an mp3 of Anita doing that song on Saturday Night Live long ago. Admittedly, she sang the bejesus out of it in that performance and I was forced to rethink my whole philosophy.
Posted by: threetoedsloth | June 23, 2006 at 02:41 PM
I was at a used CD store and I saw "the Best of Anita Baker" for $4. I had to make a decision between that and "The Best of Ace of Base"...I love me some Anita but I opted for the latter.
Posted by: Ernesto | June 23, 2006 at 03:08 PM
you know what? "I Apologize" is probably THE most annoying song to ever come out of Anita's mouth. Rapture, sweet love, and angel are all wonderful!
Posted by: dropitlikeitshot | June 23, 2006 at 03:09 PM
I LOVE Anita. Hands down. But I think the funniest thing to me is that when she came back a few years back, her single sounded EXACTLY like it could have been on one of her earlier albums. She was like "F*ck this 2004 sh*t. I'm sticking with what works for me."
*Anita, please send a handwritten version of your revelation to Toni Braxton."
I loved your mix Rich. It sounds like a commercial for a smooth jazz radio station. I'm going to listen again. I love you Rich ... just because I do.
Posted by: ETS | June 23, 2006 at 03:40 PM
LOL, You are out of control. "Angel" is my favorite L'Nita song, then I "Apologize" because a buddy of mine wrote it.
Posted by: bucknips | June 23, 2006 at 04:50 PM
thanks. thanks a lot. now all i hear in my head is "ah-ah-ah-a-a-aaaaaah, caught up in the rapture of love...." and i didn't even listen to your mix, cause i thought that would mess me up for sure!
my mom used to LOVE her songs. "Shhweit Love" and all...
Posted by: summer | June 23, 2006 at 04:52 PM
Oh man, that song is going to get stuck in my head forever.
But at least it kicked off that Madonna song about celebration outta my head. hehe.
Posted by: frank | June 23, 2006 at 05:27 PM
"Shhweit Love"? Wow, completely dying at that, Summer :-)
Anyhoot, Rich, you are one of the few people that can get away with this. Now I've got a case of the 'Nitas. Listening to that mix made me realize how wonderfully awful she is and I totally tolerated her songs for so long. There's something about back-to-back 'Nita that makes one's face contort into a perplexed expression right before busting out laughing.
And yeah, I seriously think she should've just gathered up her riches and never attempted a comeback. (Regina Belle, Stephanie Mills are you listening? Don't do it again)
Posted by: rebelde01 | June 24, 2006 at 11:16 AM
Thanks for that earworm. I think that I will put a hot poker in my ears now.
Posted by: Blair | June 24, 2006 at 04:24 PM
Anita's shining moment: JUST BECAUSE! L-O-V-E!
Posted by: david | June 24, 2006 at 04:32 PM
totally lame of me - but in town for pride and I saw you walk by on the street and got a little celeb struck. :) I'm a fan from your antm recaps... happy pride
Posted by: Allen | June 24, 2006 at 11:39 PM
For YEARS I used to imagine I'd dance at my wedding to "You Bring Me Joy". OK, OK, I still imagine it. I love that song. I feel my taste may be so bad as to be beyond rehabilitation. Should I just embrace my inner (big, gay) Philistine?
Posted by: Michael | June 26, 2006 at 12:06 PM
But, the question is, do you imagine Anita (or find yourself) twriling and whirling in her long skirts as she does in every fucking video? Welcome to my affliction.
Posted by: Kia | June 26, 2006 at 10:26 PM
I LOVE Anita! I mean, ok, fine, the only CD I have of her is that collection "The Best of" but you know what? It's got all the hits, and as much as I love her, I can only deal with her for so long b4 I need to switch up.
The only thing that used to bug me about her was that twitchy side to side bending thing she used to do. That always creeped me out.
Posted by: Bertram | July 11, 2006 at 06:39 PM