I made my bed, I'll lie in it

As an avid fan of ANTM, I've come to learn that discerning televised truth from fiction only gets in the way of entertainment. Either is fine. "Dramality" is OK, because spectacle is spectacle. The lengths people go to to lie are sometimes just as impressive as impressive as the fantastic truth (this is why Silvia Night's public freak-out after losing Eurovision was just as funny after I found out that she's just a character and that the whole thing was a sham -- if someone's going to act that way in public, someone's an asshole worth watching regardless of the degree of sincerity).

Besides, this willingness to lie for entertainment turns out material that's truly surreal. Take, for example, the scandalous, tear-soaked finale of the Mrs. World 2006 pageant that aired this weekend (it originally was held in St. Petersburg, Russia). Would you believe it if I told you that Alan Thicke hosted it?

Try not to pinch yourself. You aren't dreaming.

Would you believe that Mrs. Russia was named Mrs. World 2006 . . .

. . . causing cherubic devil spawn to come out of the fucking ceiling bearing the crown . . .

. . . which ended up on Mrs. Costa Rica?

Would you believe that the rest of the contestants were either stupid enough to play along with the sham that was shaping up, or just plain stupid enough to then congratulate Mrs. Costa Rica even though Alan Thicke clearly named Mrs. Russia the winner and continued congratulating her?

(Yeah, I guess the stupidity thing is pretty believable.)

Would you believe that this mishap then caused a man with the countenance of Buffalo Bill and the voice of Harvey Fierstein to completely fag out on the woman who fucked up by crowning Mrs. Costa Rica?

And then, after way too long of a time, when the error finally was caught...

...would you believe the gentle outrage, the manicured anger, the emotional chaos that ensued after Costa Rica's crown had been ripped off?

Would you believe that I had to restrain myself from counting the crying bitches?

Would you believe that someone had the nerve to claim that this isn't a reality show, which only served to prove that it in fact, is, what with all the backstage footage (when have you ever seen a pageant go this deep for extended reactions?!)?

Here's that fucking awesome kid again, randomly. Believe it.

Would you believe that when it was time to rightfully crown Mrs. Russia, Alan Thicke announced that this was "take 2," undermining the entire concept of re-taking by pointing out the fact that that's what was happening?!?!

Would you believe that these women looked up...

...to see that child, who's by now my personal lord and savior, one last time?

Would you believe that after all this, Mrs. Russia gloated around the stage in a swaying motion? Her hips don't lie; they say, "I told you so."

And then, when it abruptly ended and plunged us into the credits, would you believe that a presumably related duo by the name of Frat and Frit did the show's choreography?

If I told you all this, in person, without the pictures, you probably wouldn't believe me. But it really happened! Or, at least, it falsely happened.

(Download)

But, of course, what's important is just that it happened. And it was awesome.

Comments

[jeremy]

That is some funny shit. Damn I wish we got, um, We. If only for Felicity--but it appears they have other quality programming as well.

[Miss Kitty]

Good God, that's funny! Now if only I could stand crying bitches for more than 30 seconds at a time... :-P

[whatwouldjanicedickinsondo]

so a wee Russian girl suspended by pulleys over an auditorium is all it takes to usurp Gina as your "personal lord and savior"?
Hmpf.

HOW DID I MISS THIS!!

[brandy]

Wait...so the angel put the crown on the wrong head?

I would believe you in person because this is just too good to be make believe.

[brandy]

Frit and his twin brother Frat played the "3 headed devil" in the hit movie Monkeybone...which even though everything in this last sentence sounds like a porn it is not.

[Genevieve]

Awesome!!!

[dayle]

TOO much. Love the look on Mrs. Russia's face when they took the crown off Costa Rica. My crown; eat it, bitches. FUN FUN FUN!!!

[Arthur James]

This.was.the.best.thing.EVER!

I'm so glad I wasn't the only one transfixed!

[Saun]

That's what I get for giving up on "Miss/Mrs" pageants. I never thought they could be this fun. I must go watch this now.

[pphillihpp]

so mrs. whatever-her-country-is says that "mrs. russia never ONCE came to any of the rehearsals" - and yet she won! gosh, what a surprise! the contest is held in russia, and mrs. russia knows all she has to do is show up to win! (if you've ever lived in russia, you know this makes perfect sense.)

oh, and alan thicke's comment about the show coming from the "monumental oktriabrskii theatre" - um, ok, fine, if "monumental" means "hideous stalinist pile in desperate need of cleaning and renovation."

[pphillihpp]

(equally fabuouls: mrs. norway's use of "fucking" as a modifier - just like a native english speaker. now *that's* talent!)

[mutterhals]

This reminds me of an acid flashback I had once...

[EM]

How about the contestant who mouthed "Fuck you!" right into the camera?

[Amber]

I actually started to watch this show on WE - I made it until Mrs. Bolivia was named Miss Congeniality. I then turned the channel, thinking this was just going to be another predictable, Alan Thicke related show. Oh, man! Do I wish now that I had watched the whole thing! Maybe WE will repeat it. If only that little girl could drop out of the sky and crown me - I could then travel the world performing miracles. Thanks for letting us know how unbelievable awesome this pageant was!

[Carrie]

This was too good. And you're so right, the sashay Mrs. Russia performed after finally getting her crown was priceless! lol

[Hateraid]

OMG...you really can't make this *ish up.
This is beyond funny!

[Jackie]

Frit and Frat . . . priceless

[Emily]

The more I read and scrolled the more I was sure crack had to be involved... Devil Spawn's pixie dust perhaps?

[vi-girl]

This was f-ing priceless...I can't believe I missed it on tv! GOOD GOD. A 'fiasco' is right. Poor Alan was just caught in the thicke of it...

ps: cherub angel = creepy as f*ck

[anita]

I'll bet that sashay and twirl Mrs. Russia did felt fabulous!

[istolethetv!]

weren't frit and frat the twins that taught the ANTM gals to twirl?

[Keisha]

LMAO...that was BEYOND ridiculous. Lmao @ how ppl were still excited even though he repeatedly said "Mrs. Russia is the winner." @ how the lady STILL put the sash and crown on Mrs. Costa Rica, regardless. At the look on that same lady's face after she got berated by the guy. (The look back and the concurrent group hug and congrats - PRICELESS.) And the spinning child from the ceiling - WTF? Hahahaha...

Oh Rich, only you are able to capture ridiculous moments on TV and make them THAT MUCH BETTER. I <3 you so much.

[Y]

I'm crying here. CRYING!!!

[SOSEDUCTIVESARA]

DID ANYONE SEE WHEN THE GIRL PINNED THE CROWN ON MISS RUSIAS HEAD AND STABBED THE SHIT OUT OF HER? AND SHE MADE AN OUCH FACE ROFLMFAO I HAD TO KEEP REWINDING IT TO SEE IT AGAIN

[SnapDragon]

I especially love that they hoisted the child back up into the ceiling and forced her to be lowered once more. No concern for her safety or mental health was involved.

[inothernews]

DAMN! I was watching that even, but decided to like, go outside and enjoy nature before the end of it.

This ends me trying to do something "good" like nature. Trash TV 24/7 it is.

This is seriously the best blog ever.

[Vanessa]

How sweet is your title shoutout to Hole and the once great Courtney Love? Too sweet. I'm Miss World, somebody kill me. (Or crown me, in this case.)

[Marlaina]

That was beautiful!! I can't believe that "really" happened and they showed it. Something told me to stay tuned to fourfour after the ANTM finale. I need to give you my cell so I can catch some of these shows you managed to see. Although I did catch that infomercial about the colonics- friggin' HILARIOUS!

[jtalia]

i just came on here cause i missed the antm recaps and to see whats up, and i wasnt disappointed! this was like a whole damn ANTM season crammed into 5 minutes!!

"shiat up! what have you done?! mrs rasia won! not mrs coasta rica!"

classic! imagine that...

[Charlotte]

Hahahhah

I thought that Mrs. Costa Rica's mother was Paula Abdul for a hearty 23 seconds

[Charlotte]

Okay, I realize now that it wasn't her mother. Paula Abdul was actually Mrs. Bolivia

[Fan]

Woo! Silvia Night's rant is funny as hell!

[Scout]

One of the five funniest things I've ever seen.

I'll love Mrs. (I think) New Zealand forever for so gleefully pronouncing into the camera: "Fiasco!" Hey, one of these gals had to have a sense of humor about it all. The wonder is that more of them didn't (especially those early-round eliminees).

[sandra]

My god, I'm so jealous that you saw it and I didn't. Did Alan Thicke sing? Please say he sang...

Also -- I kind of wish Paula Abdul had been there (maybe even as a judge). Can you imagine the waterworks?

[Desmon]

This is the stupidest shit I've seen...but it was so friggin' hilarious! I couldn't take the whining, bitching and tattered English coming from some of the contestants. I love how there were only 6 contestants on stage for "take 2" of the crowning...priceless.

[Danaye]

I haven't even read your most recent post yet. I just need to let you know, I looooove your header. I think it's hilarious that right after this scene, Ice-T tells (as he will always be known to me) Nino Brown "I wanna shoot you so bad, my dick is hard". (Unintentional) Comedy gold!

[Jeremy]

So much for the whole smart model thing. TAKE THAT ELYSE.

[ben]

to quote the Trunchbull... why are all these women married??

[Claudia]

I love Mrs. New Zealand. But not as much as Mrs. Norway!

Well done Rich!

[Daniel]

"They took the crown, the crown is gone?! I can't believe it--I'm shocked, so shocked!!" I almost DIED!!! Mascara running! Priceless.

[irina slutsky]

ok, you guys have to read this article written by one of the men chosen to be a judge. the reality is worse than we ever thought! yes, the contest was fixed and they totally screwed everyone over. incredible. here's the article. http://www.exile.ru/2006-May-05/feature_story.html

[Zebedee]

Mrs World? Eurovision? Ye Gods!
How do you parody a parody?
Why would you bother?
I worship your blogtasticness.

[Jenny]

http://www.offoffoff.com/dance/2003/dailygrind.php <---FRIT AND FRAT!??

LOVE URE BLOG!

[gayestneil]

Rich:
I have experience with cables and slings. If you want, I can come over and build a little hoist for Winston. Find me nine feet of cord, a leather strap, fairy wings and a mini crown and I'm so there, dude.

[gayestneil]

Wow. Seriously. This is too regal for words. This so out-classes ANTM. I love the icy indignation and the decorum Ms. Vodka maintains through out Ms. Pinata's joyful walk. Wow. I'm in awe. If this were ANTM, there'd be snatching and grabbing within five seconds of the mistake.

[Mango]

Shucchomouth and say it ain't so, Rich! I'd have to see it myself to believe it. How do you even get WE anyway? You should sell a bootleg DVD on eBay--I'd snap it up like that!

[Jazzy]

I went looking around for news reports from around the date of the pagaent and it looks like a lot of the news stories were trying to imply that Costa Rica WAS declared the winner, but that the producer ran on stage and demanded it be changed. This video clearly shows that that wasn't the case, and that it was a miscommunication. They really should have been more careful in a room full of non-English speakers. If you've got two women on stage waiting to be crowned a winner, and you shout out "COSTA RICA", the "Costa Rica" is what people will hear, not the "runner up" part. I can't believe they were that stupid. The English speaking sash-bearer should have known who to crown, but the audience had no clue that anything was wrong.

From what I've read, this pageant just seems like a gigantic mess, and I feel sorry for anyone who participated in it.

[E]

I'm going to get Frat and Frit to choreograph a dance for my wedding one day. I bet they're hot.

[E]

.... it'll be like the big African dance number in the beginning of Coming To America. And yes there will be small children on wires descending from the ceiling.

[rod]

... and on take three Mrs. Russia breaks the crown into pieces and hands out pieces to the other contestants and then throws out the rest of the pieces to the audience (one of which is caught by her chunky, faggy friend) all while making a heartfelt speech about how we are ALL Mrs. World.

[Scout]

Attn: Rich's BF:

Please, for the love of God, let me spend just one weekend hanging out alone with Rich! I promise, I won't touch him, I just want to watch t.v. with him, that's all. How about the first weekend in July? Perfect. I'm packing right now.

[Foxy]

Fiasco!

[is]

PRICELESS!!!! That was the MOST AWESOME thing I have ever seen!!!!!

Frit & Frat, sounds like they should be dating the "Aswirl" Twins.

[Elle]

Jesus, the 1812 playing in the background is just too much.

[foo]

You guys missed the classic hairflip from Mrs. Norway 10 seconds into the videoclip! Thanks Rich for making my day. 2much 4words.

[Suznews]

That classic hair flip is from a spontaneous dance Mrs. Norway did for the audience while waiting for the auditors to calculate the winner and runner up positions. Once the accidental crowning took place, the confetti cannons were blasting, the 1812 overture was booming, and probably 60 % of the women on stage didn't speak English, nor did the Russian audience, or the Russian director for that matter... With all of the noise and confusion, the women believed they had misunderstood the announcement and were elated that the winner was Mrs. Costa Rica. Because of the loudness of the music, the excitement and clapping onstage and off, the various language and communication barriers (Alan Thicke did not have an ear piece because the director was Russian), the only way to stop the "fiasco" was to have the producers rush on stage and stop it. It was a night I won't soon forget. I was there.

If you missed it or want to see it again...tell your friends! Mrs. World 2006 will repeat on WE again this Friday, June 9th and again on Saturday, June 10th. Enjoy!

[vortextx]

5th picture from top... Is that a "wardrobe malfunction boob" popping out??? Mrs. Spain in the red dress... Wow...

[Gretchen Weiners]

Uh that was incredible. Best. TV. Moment. Ever.

[Tuffy]

Mrs. Russia must have been really really unpopular. All the losers couldn't wait to congratulate Mrs Costa Rica, but it was like a wake when they crowned Mrs. Russia. Notice how finally Mrs. Russia had to sort of beckon them, like, "Come on, at least pretend to congratulate me!" Also I'm not sure but I think the top 2 aggrieved bitches (pic 11 from the top) skipped out on the second crowning.

[snizzlikker69]

the only thing that could have made it better was if the "angel" had puked on the way down!!!!!!!!!!

[Kendyl]

This was Hilarious, I watched it twice, on Saturday calling my mom back and forth bec. grown ass women were acting this pathetic. But the contestants said Miss Russia didn't come to any practice at all, and in previews they talk about wanting Mrs. Costa Rica to win. This was a hot mess!

[Penny Woods]

I'm upset the last thing I saw on We was Flashdance, and I didn't bother to watch the whole movie. I will surely see this fiasco in repeats--probably June 10, the birthday of Jade, my ANTM personal lord and savior.

[acotlye]

i do so love you rich!

[Tootie]

I thought I was the only person in the universe watching this shit! These women were really frightening to look at plus they wore the most hilarious costumes. Mrs Israel was wearing a fucking bird on her head. Priceless!

[yo]

Same in big brother american idol, all in te shittv es a deal

[v]

I would honestly pay 100 bucks to just watch another hour of the backstage bitching, moaning, and crying.....absolutly pricless.......I love trash tv!!!!!!!!!!

[Mrs Russia]

Hi all, I'm Mrs Russia. Thanks so much for watching my show.

I guess my $580-million dollar husband was right after all: I AM THE BEST MRS EVER!

[jason crighton]

I just finished watching the pageant and googled some of the key words and come up to this website. tears are still rolling down my eyes...but not the same kind as those coming from Mrs. Boliva.
I especially enjoyed Mrs South Africa whining about Mrs. Russia never coming to practice.

I couldn't help but thinking..."hmm...Mrs Russia is a nineteen year old 'dancer' who married a businessman...she was seen pole dancing in an earlier segment of the pageant,(to the disgust of Mrs. Guyana) her greatest achievement in life was marrying her husband....do they have mail order stripper brides in Russia too?"

[Mara]

i blame frit and frat for everything...did they also choreograph mrs russia's victory parade? cuz that was classic...

[Morgan]

Here is Frit & Frat's website :)

http://www.kindance.org/

"Co-Artistic Directors and Choreographers Frit & Frat Fuller have collectively earned their BFA and MFA degrees in Dance Choreography and Dance Performance, with an emphasis in Modern/Ballet (...) As performers Frit & Frat Fuller, co-hosted TV’s “ 9 On The Town” & PAX TV’s “Extreme Fakeover”. Commercials: Truth, Sony, Captain Morgans, Califonia Lotto, Lexmark, GM & PATH. Worked under Choreographer’s Keith Young, Patty Columbo, Barry Lather Russell Clark, Maranda Garrison & Tina Landon. Film/Television: worked with directors Joel Schumacher, Henry Selick, Greg Beeman, Bruce Gowers, F.Gary Gray, Larry Einhorn & Woody Frazer.

Their Other choreography includes –“21 Stories” A Broadway Tale, "Flirting With Morty", “Universoul Circus” U.S./International Tour, Vox Lumiere: "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" at The Ford Amphitheatre and The Prince Theatre in Philadelphia, The Mrs. America & Mrs. World Pageants 2004 to the present and several pop videos."

[1984 Was Not a Shopping List]

That is so f------ funny. The kid swinging down on the cord is what gives it that real touch of "Spinal Tap."

[ohlordy]

I have played this clip 3 times and cannot control my cackling. The best part is the the livid producer. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRRKD9ruQEw

[participant]

Hi! I am one of the participants of the pageant. This competition has been a complete disaster since day one. We were not treated so bad but we aere most of the time in the hotel and they only took us out three times to see the St. Isaacs Cathedral, The Resurrection Cathedral.. We only had one day off to do whatever we wanted and mostly we had rehearsal, rehearsal. Frit and Fratt were the original choreographers but three days before the pageant a Russian Choreographer was called in to change everything. Frit and Fratt are excellent choreographers and they tried their best in making our experience with "Nikita"- Russian Choreographer, the best possible. All of the contestant were aware of what was really happening when Mrs. Russia disappeared for 2 days and then received with open arms by the organizers of the contest. We were so excited when the crown was put on Costa Rica because we thought "look one of the good ones won" "one that really deserved to win". We thought that they did not achieve their mission in making a show out of us, but at the end they did. We thought they were going to edit the ending, but since they saw our reaction they used it in their own way to benefit themselves in rating. I wish this would have not happened. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity for most of us. For instance I have a daughter which I had to leave for 2 weeks. It is not easy to leave your child. We wanted to represent our countries with honor, and to make of this experience an unforgetable one. Obviously we did. Do not treat us like stupid or bitches. Because we are not. Some of us came from so far away, like me, not knowing what was waiting for me at Russia..

[Bertram]

I don't get it. So was this real, or no?

[Isis]

Actually the FIASCO thing would not happen if everyone cares to listen careeefullyyyyy!!!!

Listen with your good ears...from the video he says "First runner up Mrs. Costa Rica and Mrs. World 2006, Mrs. Russia!!"...but stupid thing happen when the crown was given to Mrs. Costa Rica instead..and Mrs. Costa Rica didn't do anything but accepted it..
Who's fault????

Why people hated Ms.Rusia...it's not her fault...she was announced as Mrs. World in Take One.
She's 18 married to older man...so what?? Do you see any problem, thousand have done that?? It is terrible if she marry to a 7 years old boy...hahah..

Anyway Mrs. Rusia looks like a princess to me...and costa rica...better change that outfit and hair...look messy and so like beach party look....Ordinaryyyy!!!

So lesson to learn here for next time... Listennnn carefullyyy....!

[Asinoe]

Hem...i can see some of the contestant talking to each other...and they are like...She's the 1st Runner up..not miss world!...Whats going on???...heheh...Please look at the girls at the back...They look confused...

[Faith]

Mrs New Zealand's two oldest kids are my best mates and right after the Mrs World Pagent, I went to Ireland with her and three of her 8 children... When we met up she was telling us all about the pagent. One rule about the pagent is that the representative of the host country isn't allowed to win, but she did. Also all that stuff about voting people on or off the show did happen, but nobody voted, they just handed in blank sheets of paper. What the one article fails to mention is that yes Marmel pushed the woman bearing the flowers off the stage, but she was injured and he pushed a cameraman off the stage too, and pretty much ripped the sash and crown of Mrs Costa Rica. FYI the blonde backstage that was telling how Mrs Russia never showed up to rehearsals was Mrs South Africa, who recently won the Mrs Commonwealth pagent in London, Mrs New Zealand was runner-up. What would have been fun to see was that after Marmel took the crown from Costa Rica Most of the contestants took off their sashes and cut them up passing them to Mrs South Africa who then threw the pieces into the audience. The people of Russia loved Mrs NZ, when the Prime minister heard how many kids she had he made an announcement saying that Russians should have more children like she does. Oh and did you know her husband is head of the Russian Mafia and that Mrs Russia's mother and Grandmother were killed in January of this year in an assassination atempt on her husband?

[Katybeth]

THANKS FOR WHISKING ME OUT OF MY BAD MOOD. YOU GO RUSSIAN GIRL GO!!

[Tony]

We have opened again! Costa Rica Friendly Tour! Welcome!

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