Simp-son! If any true entertainment is to be had via Jessica Simpson's tit-perky new single, "A Public Affair," it's not really the song itself, but the joy in watching the gays who shape our lives get their feathers all ruffled over the fact that Jessica Simpson dared to be reminiscent of Madonna!!! I mean, dining out on other people's "sound" and "culture" in the name of pop music? Can you imagine?!?! Simpson is practically a pioneer in nerve!
Yes, the guitar riff of "APA" is pure "Holiday," and the cascading sound effect is a wink at "Lucky Star," but "A Public Affair" recalls more than that -- it's fluorescent-brite like Kylie Minogue's "Love at First Sight" and just rhythmic enough without pouncing on you, so that it's mostly like Jennifer Paige's "Crush" in a major key. And that's my ultimate problem with "A Public Affair" -- it's all head and no ass, as melody screeches and gushes in your ear, while beat and bass line are turned way down (there's a rather hilarious go-go-esque drum breakdown that's literally buried around three quarters in, probably so as not to offend the soccer moms). Here is where the dance-pop revival puts on frosted lip gloss that's so cheap it'll end up giving you a rash.