You guys, hold on to your eyeballs, for I'm about to blow the lid off an ANTM policy that will make them pop out of your head.
ANTM has a womyn-born-womyn policy! And this revelation comes during New York pride week! For shame, Tyra, for shame.
But really, this is a BIG mistake on TyTy's part -- if there's one thing that any given ANTM house needs, it's a tranny! Imagine how nicely all those hormones would boost the crying count! I want a J-led session on tucking, damn it! This also explains why Tyra held that fakey America's Next Top Transsexual Model competition on her show (a wonderful convergence of guilt and freakshow-management mentality -- chicks with dicks aren't ready for primetime, but give them free reign on daytime TV!).
Also, note the reaction of Janice's son, Nathan: "The body says yes, the mind says no." That's awfully progressive for an 18-year-old boy, though I have a feeling that with a mom like JanDick, he couldn't be any other way.
And speaking of ANTM...
...uh, hi Michelle.
I guess the lesson is: if you can't be a model, be a model on TV and if you can't do that, keep trying.
Aw, and look at how happy Janice was to see her.
Love the outfit, Janice. Is that your Jack-Ass Sparrow look?
Also, this is Ebony from Cycle 5, right?
She, unlike Michelle, didn't make Janice's final roster. I think she should have said, "Don't get it twisted," into the camera. It worked for Tyra.
And what's Tyra doing popping up?
Probably taking back the trademark Tyraism that Janice stole.
Man, Ashanti's hard up for work.
This episode of JDMA followed another open call. Normally, I'd be pissed that they were still doing this four episodes in, but Janice does really well with fresh meat.
She hated this chick, whom she dubbed Fargo...
...Peter, Janice's business partner wanted Fargo (so called because that's where she's from -- shut yo mouth and say it ain't Cali!) and Janice and her homo handlers didn't.
The fact that Fargo has never seen Fargo did nothing to endear her to Janice. By the way, check how Janice rapidly jumps from subject to subject -- she doesn't even need an editor to seem crazy. Is she the world's first one-woman reality show?
In the end, Janice relented because her son, Nathan, dug Fargo.
A lot. A girl like Fargo seems a rather obvious choice to gag over (esp. after the progressive stance Nathan took on the tranny). Too obvious, even. But hey, he's young and still figuring shit out.
You can't buy that kinda honesty.
Oh, and speaking of gagging, here's Janice's hyperbole of the week: "Once in a lifetime, a Kate Moss comes along. Once in a lifetime, a Sarah comes along."
I wasn't so convinced.
But the girl can take a picture.
She's going to have to erode her septum and start casually calling people "gay" to convince me she's the next Kate, though.
Isn't this the best out-of-context subtitle ever?
It came from more tranny talk over Claudia -- Janice asked some kid to "make out" with Claudia and he was reluctant. Learn to love the temporary cock, was basically Janice's response.
I don't know why Janice just didn't ask this guy...
He's so into it! I mean, "into her!"
(I think that's really hot, actually.)
And while the temperature is up, here's your weekly dose of Oxygen-sanctioned ass.
Cute and tight, but from the front, this whisp of a boy seems mighty...proportionate to me.
Dude, put more of an effort into concealment next time so as to give the illusion of being hung. It isn't hard. Clearly.
The episode ended with the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency booking its first client -- Lily Holt Shoes. Four girls were chosen to attend, standing around in Lilly's shoes and doing this...
I was hoping some guy would come up and offer to take them to hear Caesar sing, but no such luck.
And finally: Oh. My. God.