I think it's too hot for me to think too much. Or at least, that's what I'm blaming this week's (creative? critical?) blockage on. Anyway, below are some passing observations from the past few days. Don't expect too much.
- I think this could be my favorite three seconds in ANTM history (looped a few times to make a good thing better):
It's Cycle 3's Kelle fighting to look at herself in the mirror, after the judges' criticism practically hollowed out her psyche. Minutes after this, she turned the page and came to terms with her appearance. "I was in denial about my snout and now I know," is the quote.
This comes from Episode 5 of Cycle 3, which I believe is the best episode of the show to ever air, period. Among things it featured were:
Janice's boobs squeezed into a bathing suit so that they resembled those shiny, Chinese pork buns.
Tocarra amongst food.
A challenge at La Perla, which led to Amanda jumping into this weird smooshed-bodybuilder freeze-frame.
Tyra getting all Jesus and guiding her flock.
Tyra getting all Paula and acting totally loopy at judging. I'm not saying she was high, but she was somethin'. It think, maybe, she was sleep deprived and you know, someone affected by a lack of sleep is just as entertaining as someone affected by a medicine-cabinet full of drugs. Same outcome, really. (Case and point is Mariah's pre-breakdown breakdown in the summer of '01 in the parking lot of a Jersey FYE. It's one of the most entertaining moments of her entire career.)
Ah, the good old days. I miss Tyra, but more importantly, I'm scared for the future, what with the writers' strike. Get a good picture of what the ANTM writers are taking a stand against via this interview with a guy who used to write for Television Without Pity and moved on to writing for ANTM.
- If you were married to T.I., this is what you'd wake up to:
That'd be enough to turn me into a morning person. (No further comments on ATL, however. This is the best part. Really.)
- A new Monica song, "Sideline Ho" has leaked (purposely, I suppose as AOL is streaming it). I don't know why this isn't the first single off her forthcoming The Making of Me album, because it's pretty much the best thing I've ever heard in my entire life. The foundation is just beat-heavy, MOR, generic R&B -- the track relies on Monica and she's more than up to the task of greatness. She coins a phrase (at least, it isn't up at Urban Dictionary yet), defines a concept ("If you don't make his breakfast, you's a sideline ho") and ultimately is hilarious. I know, I know: me falling in love with a sassy-black-girl anthem? Imagine that! But still! "Ho...ho...sideline ho / You's a ho, you's a ho, sideline ho," is simply the funniest, most blunt couple of opening lines in such a slow jam since Erykah bleated, "I'm gettin' tired of yo shit / You don't never buy me nothin'" in "Tyrone" ("He might be doin' you, but he's thinkin' about me," from Mokenstef's "He's Mine" also springs to mine as one of those amazing openers). "Sideline Ho" is a classic upon arrival.
- And Escort's "Starlight" is classic upon revival. No fewer than nine people helped construct this boogie throwback, which Michael Gill describes as "great nearly to the point of suspicion" (big, sloppy ups to Michael for turning me onto this -- when Gill tells you to listen to something, it is invariably in your best interest to do so). The only thing that suggests that this is current and not from '82 is the sound quality, and so "Starlight" really is the best of both worlds to hear boogie so crisp (the keyboard's wiggling tickles your ears). Forget "Promiscuous," this is my summer jam (pay special attention to edit by unassuming heartthrob Darshan Jesrani, one half of Metro Area). Listen to it even if you've ever had the slightest inkling that you might like disco.
- Mariah (or you know, whoever) has reupholstered "Dreamlover" with the beat of Biggie's "Juicy" (or, maybe more accurately, Mtume's "Juicy Fruit") for her current tour. Brilliant.
- On Rick Ross' "Pots and Pans," guest J Rock sounds like a really low-rent Andre 3000, which is to say he's a ringer for Chappelle's Sir Smoke-A-Lot character in Half Baked. This song sounds like a parody of baking-soda rap, but it is in fact, just plain baking-soda rap. Still, I think I might love Ross' album, Port of Miami, and I think I might hate myself for that (more TK on this, maybe).
- I don't want to come off as braggy, but I also really want to share this: my first post on The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency is quoted in a new round of promos airing on Oxygen.
(Thanks to Ian and Koa for the heads-up on this.)
I love that they pulled that of all quotes. I know it's lame for me to be excited enough about this to post it, but, uh, there you go.