The title of this recap is a total lie. My bad!
So tell me please, did anyone, anyone at all in the world with a brain and a set of eyes, really think that Vincent deserved to win over Uli?
I mean, I love a comeback. I love a surprising story arc. And really, I kind of love Vincent, what with his who-me?-ing after he won the challenge.
Seriously adorable. Not in a sexual way, of course, but in a pat-him-on-the-head-and-fill-his-tummy-with-Marshmallow-Neuroses kinda way. That said, all I could see when I looked at his outfit was:
(BTW, I think Vincent and Uli's mom might be getting serious.)
Meanwhile, Robert's really was the worst. Beyond unflattering.
I mean, this shot...
...made me think only of curtains.
Curtains for Robert!
1. Jeffrey: what an asshole.
Seriously, the whole thing between him and Angela's mother was totally ridiculous. Here's a quick reenactment:
It pretty much culminated with him calling her a "crazy bitch," which is just beyond inappropriate, especially because she's the mother of someone in the vicinity and double especially because he was being filmed. He has no self control, or at least, very poor judgment (both of which would explain the bulk of his design work).
Although maybe he's the product of biased editing as every once in a while, he'll bust out something truly awesome and hilarious. Before the blow-up with Darlene, he commented, "I ended up with Angela's mom because, I think, God got drunk today." Ha! That totally needs to be the name of his autobiography.
Also, did we know that he's a former junkie? More importantly, did we know that he has feelings beyond disdain?
So weird! It's like he's a real boy!
Also that Salvation Army/Red Cross mix-up was as hilarious as it was painful. He's so complex!
2. Similarly, did we know that Laura has feelings?
Oh wait. No she doesn't. Nevermind, it was just a temporary lapse...
"I don't think anybody's really ready for their sixth child, but five, six, seven, it doesn't make that big of a difference. I'll just throw it on the pile with the other ones." Ha! That's the spirit! But for real, when's the last time you heard a pregnant woman say she was sick of her pregnancy being talked about? I mean, I understand that when you have a person growing inside of you, it's regularly notable, but Laura's no-frills, just-poppin'-'em-out attitude is decidedly refreshing.
3. So, unlike Jeffrey, I pledged to myself not to make fun of the moms in this recap. However, Joan Kors tests my limits.
I mean, she refers to herself as this week's celebrity judge. Uh, special guest, yes. Celebrity, no.
Look, lady, if you don't have a Wikipedia entry , you aren't a celebrity. It's that simple. (You know Michael's tap-a-tap-a-tapping away at his keyboard right now...) [Uh, nevermind...for now.]
But really, I think to mock Joan is to mock Michael. They're virtually the same person. At least, their heads are interchangeable.
Which is real, which is Photoshopped? Will you ever be truly certain?
4. Oh yeah, and let's just get the childhood pictures out of the way.
In response to awesome mom's unveiling of these, Kayne says that "sometime [sic] the past needs to stay in the past." True. And the same could probably be said about aqua crystal chokers.
5. I know I'm tough on Kayne, but I swear it's all for fun (and to save your pearls from erosion as a result of clutching, I won't imply that he's a "fairy" this time around). Plus, he exhibited a flash of self-awareness this week that was utterly endearing.
But just to prove to you that I haven't gone totally soft, here's a pit stain:
6. And speaking of changing perceptions, what in the lobotomy was up with Vincent this week?
"People felt uncomfortable with this challenge, because they like to dress beautiful, lean models that have perfect, 25-inch waists. You have to be able to compensate and deliver to real women because these are the people that wear your clothes." How's that for even-keeled? Seriously, it's like the voices have taken a break (they probably went to a gay, old party or something). I mean, yes, he bizarrely called Uli "Yooli." Yes, he sorta got manic around Uli's English-challenged mother (hee!). Yes, he even invoked, "Make it work." But still, he exhibited rationality I thought he was incapable of. Especially when he commented on the Jeffrey situation.
So, why the change? It's probably just editing -- it makes sense that Vincent would be presented as crazily as possible generally because, frankly, it's riveting. It also makes sense that there's more to him than that. However, I want to offer an alternate theory on his mood elevation:
Just throwin' it out there!
7. This makes me grin myself a headache:
No further comment.
8. And speaking of that, how hot is it that Daniel V. trolls the piers for inspiration?
You know, when you just want to kick back, relax, blow off some steam ("steam"), sketch, whatever, there's no better place to be.
Funny that his sketches keep turning out like this, though:
9. So, now I feel like the show's hiding Hot Makeup Guy from me. This week, he was only visible via mirror...
It took a while, but I was all kinds of Lisa Stansfield-esque in my determination ("I don't know where he can be, my baby / But I'm gonna find him"). Anyway, it's kind of fun, like Where's Waldo but with someone actually worth looking at.
10. Michael Kors described Jeffrey's design as "Commes de Garcon goes to the Amish country."
Nice try, Mike. We all know that you pulled that out of your ass. Everyone knows that this is really what's going on in your head:
Meanwhile, Joan Kors was thinking...
11. And finally, this episode was a hotbed of hot.
Hot at 60 (or so).
Heidi and Uli's mom?
Hot in any language.
Diabolically hot. (I seriously love this woman.)
Sweet Cheeks Garcia?