The worst thing about Angela's elimination? No more nightgown.
Christ, can these people do anything right?
I wonder what the exact measurement is on how far you have to have your head up your ass to think that Holly Hobbie is hip. Angela grew on me and all, but seriously, after that I had no problem seeing her go.
As for the back of the shorts...
...Michael described it best with but two clucks of his tongue.
Kayne's was just as ridiculous for so many reasons...
...the foremost being that the back was totally sci-fi...
I expected some sort of alien or Gremlin to tear out of it and attach itself to a sewing machine. And seriously, the inherently dicky Jeffrey seemed restrained when he compared it to Liberace.
Michael really did look good...
...though the seemingly useless strings sprouting from his pants were waaaay reminiscent of 90's rave-wear (like UFOs or something)...
Does a field in the Midwest qualify as one of Michael's preferred "slightly breezy" destinations?
Meanwhile, Laura continues to be the most underrated designer in ProjRun history...
I loved how well she cleaned up, too...not that it was unpredictable.
And as for Jeffrey...
For now, let's chuckle at the pose he struck before entering the runway. He thinks he's cool, guys.
I'm putting Jeffrey on hold because I'm simply bursting to talk about...
"I thought it might be Tara Reid, because she's the only jet setter that I can think of that was hip. She had that show Taradise and she always took off her tops and showed her boobies." This is what he said after Heidi announced that they'd be designing for a hip, international jet setter. Again, I want a head-up-ass measurement. How many sequins do you have to snort to consider Tara Reid hip (and not just that, but the only hip jet setter)? And I don't know if you all you girls know, but exposing your breasts is the new thing. Seriously, all the hipsters are doing it -- the streets of the Lower East Side are lined with topless waifs with Karen O haircuts.
Anyway, I think Kayne's outlook on what's hot explains his frequent shirtlessness in this episode. He just wants to be cool!
It's also very chic to wear a sleep mask on your head when you address people...
(I know, I know, it's probably a pair of sunglasses, but it's more fun to think of it as a sleep mask, don't you think?)
2. And, you know, Kayne isn't the only one gone wild. Uli gets vasted. Laura was nailed on the runway last week. And Vincent looks just seconds away from a "Justified My Continued Existence in This Competition" reprise...
It ain't leather, but it's awfully risque. Isn't that right, Vinny?
Also, he made a man's thing. It's not so bad, right, Vinny?
3. With those out of the way, we can talk about Jeffrey. Specifically, his crotch.
How do you explain this? Where would you go dressed like this?
"Oh, is it not apparent? First to the jet, which may have to sit on the runway for a while until everyone calms down. And then, to a concert, to an interview, to a party." Actually, no, it's not apparent -- I had in the past given Jeffrey more credit than this. I didn't realize his image of a rock-and-roll lifestyle was some fantasy straight out of Guns 'n Roses' "Patience" video (I'm really surprised he didn't start out, "Well, after I stomp on a neon phone, I head to the airport..."). Really, what a douchebag. And the whole tight pants thing...
Why? Why do guys wear leggings? It never looks good. The only use I can discern of such outerwear is to show off genitalia. And if you aren't packing, what is the point? (Really, the critique is the same one that I throw at Laura for wearing cleavage-revealing dresses constantly -- obviously, it's OK to have small breasts, just like it's OK to have an underwhelming package, but why accentuate your shortcomings?). Having a big dick in tight pants is part of the rock-and-roll fantasy/delusion -- I guess Jeffrey thinks he can get away with just being a big dick in tight pants.
Hit it again, Vinny.
4. And speaking of that, even though I would have been fine seeing Jeffrey go before Angela, I'm glad that the show effectively intervened on their bickering.
So, Jeffrey gets points on that dismount, but seriously: tiresome.
5. More discontent: Who knew that there was bitchery going on between the models? I mean, I could have guessed, but now I know. When Amanda, the Wuornos-esque redhead with the iPod shuffle, was kept in the competition, Clarissa openly said "Fuck."
(Clarissa's in the middle.)
Clarissa looks pained! I usually find the model component of this show to be sort of worthless, but now I want to know more about the frivolous rivalries. But, soon there will be plenty of that in my life -- Sept. 20 is but weeks away.
6. And good thing -- I was able to limber up for ANTM by yelling, "You better work!" at my TV screen this week:
It's a butch walk, for sure, but it's still a...walk. That he's...practicing. Whatever.
At this point, it's all wishful thinking because Michael has gotten nothing but yummier as the competition's progressed.
7. It's official: Laura is my favorite pregnant woman to ever exist:
She's also maybe the hottest.
And the most amazing: she started showing overnight!
9. You know, with all the effort and time Photoshopping absurdity onto screenshots takes, it's really nice to be able to scale back sometimes and just show things for what they are. I'm relieved to present to you the Gallery of Gape-Mouthed Contestants.
("Arrrrghhh!!! First class! (Cackling)." -- Seriously, I LOVE HER.)
(That's just obscene...as usual.)
And this last one is quite possibly my favorite screenshot that I've ever taken...
Sheer. Terror. Did she mistake those glasses of champagne for Holly Hobbie's bloody, disembodied head. Seriously, how insane is she?
This insane. That sounds like a Pee-Wee's Playhouse-style greeting. Or maybe she's practicing for Jubilee Jumbles: The Animated Series.
10. But for real: Yay, Tim! I don't give Tim Gunn much love because I know he gets plenty elsewhere. I mean, it's a given: Tim Gunn is great. This week, however, I must take time out to salute him.
"Carry on, I'm carrying myself on." I applaud him for changing things up and putting a twist on his catchphrase (Vincent's all, "I'm the twist.). I anxiously await the day that Tim tells the designers to, "Make it twerk."
11. How on fire was Michael Kors this week?
Classic. "You're a mess just standing." That's my new favorite put-down.
"That kind of style works in Miami, works in the Caribbean, is great in L.A., works in the South of France..." Oh Jeez. Uli really painted herself into a corner, didn't she? I mean, she can't take that outfit anywhere (except for, you know, Miami, the Caribbean, L.A., the South of France...).
"I love the little bit of bling." Aw, and I love you, Michael. Here's a little bit of bling for you:
12. Not that he was any match for mega-bitch Malandrino...
At least half of the reason that I call her a "mega-bitch" is that she looks like Shannen Doherty. Here's the other half:
Awww! Heidi, Tim, can we keep her?
13. Finally, how great was Heidi's hair at the beginning of the show?
After a week, when it's grown out and her original color comes back, this is what she looks like:
That style is so hard to keep!
(And sorry, everyone, that this recap arrived late -- sometimes it bes like that and I'd rather take the time to post something I'm happy with instead of racing to get whatever up, you know? Still, I'm spanking myself for being tardy. I look kinda like Like Dat here, except my butt's bigger.)