Justin Timberlake is a weenie

Some things that annoy me about FutureSex/LoveSounds

• The meaningless title - I don't care about the lack of spaces. I don't even care that strung together, these words make less sense than a post-Ooohhhhhhh...On the TLC Tip Left Eye rap (check your vernacular!). What drives me crazy is what these words imply, specifically the "future"/"sounds" part. I don't demand innovation, I love shitty pop music for what it is, but I also hate pretension. If you're going to be as bold as to advertise your album as being of the future, it better knock my space socks off. FutureSex/LoveSounds does sound like the future...as it was in 2001. It's a little sad that Timbaland's production no longer makes you feel like you're alternately suspended and zooming through a time far, far away -- it's very said that this album title pretends that it does. His beats have the forward-thinking lopsidedness that they have for the past 10 years (not that I don't love it love it baby, love it baby, love it baby tsk tsk stutter). Bass lines zap like they're out of boogie tracks that are 25 years old. Guitars lurch like they're from disco songs that are even older. But Timbaland also throws back to himself -- "SexyBack" stomps like the pseudo-house of "4 My People" that Tim produced with Missy for 2001's Miss E...So Addictive. "My Love" contains the giggling of a synthetic baby, much like Tim's 1999 production for Aaliyah "Are You That Somebody." Maybe even more blatant: the tracks' tongue-clucked percussion fills are virtually identical (here is the one from "Somebody"; here is the one from "Love"). When the admittedly lovely "Until the End of Time" isn't ripping off Prince's 1984 Purple Rain anthem "The Beautiful Ones" (backwards drum sound and all), it sounds not so suspiciously like Missy's "Take Away" (also from Addictive). Check the intros: "Take Away" "Until the End of Time." Dig the harps? I'm almost willing to forgive the last one, though -- "Take Away" wasn't the hit that it should have been when it was released as a single, maybe because it was too out-there for it to be something people could listen to while getting their fuck on. "Time" is already getting airplay, and it's a no-brainer of a single that can make right the unjust reception of "Take Away." Sometimes the future needs some time to catch up with itself.
• The pussy-ass way he drops the "u" in "fuckers" in "SexyBack" - He does it not once but twice. If you're gonna go for it, go for it. There's no thug appeal in singing like an asterisk is lodged in your throat.
• "When you cheated girl, my heart bleeded girl..." - I don't have to explain this one, right?
• He refers to himself as "Daddy" in the title track, and yet he often sings as though his balls haven't yet dropped - And this is the major problem that I have with Timberlake -- his persona is all over the place. Sometimes, he's a seasoned letch in a club, talking to a "little girl" (that'd be the title track, as well) and sometimes he's a twinky school boy facing a bout of "SummerLove." He's seemingly obsessed with the notion of commitment (in "My Love" and "What Goes Around" rings and names are ready to be passed out, respectively; "Until the End of Time" speaks for itself), but he's also bent on convincing us that he's a player (in "Sexy Ladies," he sings girls all over town who are willing to wait on him or dance with him or dance to his music, and punctuates the boast with "Now it might sound cocky / But is it really cocky if you know that it's true"). And there you go -- when he steps out of the life that we know from the tabloids, the guy in a very public committed relationship, he's only out to brag (and I have one word any time anyone goes out of their way to say, "Be impressed by me!": "No." They usually don't like that.). Don't get me wrong, I'm not exactly demanding that everyone live what they sing about. Even though Timberlake went out of his way to court fame and form a public identity, it's understandable given the glare of the paparazzi's cameras (those flashing lights) that he'd want to seek refuge in his art (he says in a recent Rolling Stone cover story that he FS/LS lyrics "are not autobiographical in any way"). But this is problematic, too, for if Timberlake doesn't have truth or a solid persona to offer, what exactly does his pop art have going for it? He doesn't have a singular, unique perspective that he's willing to share (he's more than happy to pander to bridge-and-tunnel triteness in his lyrics, per that Rolling Stone interview: "I don't really think I'm bringing sexy back. But when a twenty-eight-year-old male or female is standing in a club in New York City at 2:30 in the morning, I want them to feel like they are. That's what music should do."). And though he works within the soul tradition where (at the risk of sounding like a record that's both skipping and cracking in that oh-so vintage way) how you say is more important than what you say, his voice is too limited to be impressive and too slick to transcend the banality of his lyrics. He is then, practically an incidental component of his music.
• Maybe the most annoying seven seconds committed to tape this year - Ya think ya ready, but you aren't. (Seriously, he sounds like the hitchhiker in the original Texas Chain Saw Massacre. Oh but for a mention of head cheese. That'd be a great look for his persona!)
• Maybe the most annoying two seconds committed to tape this year - But this time, it isn't Justin's fault.
• "Losing My Way" - This falls somewhat under the persona umbrella but it's so excruciatingly irritating that it warrants its own bullet point. "Losing My Way" is a message song in which Timberlake plays "Bob," a crack addict whose addiction has ripped through his life and estranged him from his family. "Can anybody out there hear me? / 'Cause I can't seem to hear myself," sings Timberlake as Bob. But more to the point, he's singing of himself -- by actually saying these words, Timberlake is answering Bob's question in the affirmative, for it is he who can hear Bob's message (for how could he relay Bob's message if he couldn't hear it?). The song is an instant pat on the back -- Justin singles himself out as one of the few who cares about the tired, poor, huddled masses. Someone get this self-righteous bitch a torch. Justin has exhibited this Hollywood sympathy, this willingness to take a stance only if it's self serving, outside of music as well. In a Z100 interview last week, he admitted that he handled the 2004 Superbowl incident improperly, that he could have taken more of a stance to support Janet instead of letting the blame fall on her (I didn't actually hear that interview, but here is a clip of the DJ relaying this message to Janet, who appeared on Z100 just hours later). He also apparently bled his heart dry by hypothesizing that Janet bore the brunt because she's a woman and a minority. This goes beyond Timberlake's normal slickness and into sliminess: it's a very convenient stance to take, oh, two and a half years later when he's promoting his fucking record. The incident is now far away that everyone can collectively look back on how silly the entire ordeal was and sigh over the nice, white boy and his adorable amends.

So yeah, that's what I don't like. Ultimately, I think I'm maybe just predisposed to disliking Timberlake. But you know, I tried -- I've spent plenty of time with the record and, in fact, there are a few things that I do like about it:

• It's just dumb fun - Really, for as many gripes as I have, broad and specific, I have to admit that it's not a chore to listen to this record. I don't think that it's exactly the club album that people seem to think it is (it's mostly midtempo), but there is a sort of breeziness that makes it at least akin to dance music. It's dance music for the soul. The tired, poor, huddled, not-so-particular soul, but still.
• "My Love" - The falsetto? Painful. The Timbaland self-references (in addition to those listed above, the segmented, staccato motion of this song makes it an overall ringer for "Cry Me a River")? Shameless. And yet, there's a zoomy giddiness that's infectious. Chasing the cat, he sounds like a pussy. Appropriate!
• "LoveStoned/I Think That She Knows" (All seven and a half minutes of it) - One of Timbaland's best tricks on the album is his building the songs into suites -- melodic, rhythmic and lyrical ideas are snatched from songs and twisted into intros and conclusions that shift the tone (or, as the intro to "Until the End of Time" purports, "Set the Mood"). "LoveStoned" starts as a beatboxed run through a club, peppy but unremarkable. At around the 4:30 mark, the disco strings begin full-on mourn mode and all of the programmed production gives way to a droning guitar and live drums. Emotion kicks in and the flashing lights of the club that held Timberlake's object of desire now become something different -- something to lament, as flashing lights are when you're superstar. For a second, Timberlake's fun dumbness has depth. There's more to him than what he shares and here's the nudge. Here's the irresistible wink. He is kinda cute, after all.

Comments

[scott]

Dammnnn, you went right upside that boys head! At the end of the day I don't listen to, or more importantly watch, Justin to hear him sing, I watch him to see him wiggle and THAT is something the boy can definitely do.

I just loves it when he wiggles.

[Amber]

"Someone get this self-righteous bitch a torch."

Aaaahahahaha! Loved it.

[Miss Kitty]

You have just put into words what I've thought of J-Timb all along. He and this CD still suck big fat purple donkey dicks, and to me he'll always be a goofy little boy-bander.

I [heart] you, Rich. Keep up the good work.

[tia]

told you.

i've really been meaning to give this a more thorough listen but i think "my love" is the best song on the album. mostly because it's throwback timbaland. and "set the mood" should've been an entire song.

i liked "losing my way" when it was "bobby james" on n.e.r.d.'s album.

on another note, i will say after listening to jus-jus and kelis i'm surprisingly impressed with will.i.am's production.

[Penny Woods]

He refers to himself as "Daddy" in the title track, and yet he often sings as though his balls haven't yet dropped

Exactly what I was thinking, except I call it "he sounds like his nuts are always being kicked in."

Yet he pushed over 700,000 last week. Oh, well.

[ohnoyoudi'int]

Harsh.

I think looking for meaning and art in pop music is about as trenchant as looking for a blow job at Lillethfair.

It's just fun to listen to, dude. It's Pop, not Mahler's 9th. Relax.

[shocka]

dead on assessment there... also find myself enjoying several tracks despite the blatant timbo retreads and even more blatant style/sound-biting/byting... purple rain synthetic drum kicks anyone? i think it comes down to the fact that a retreading timbo is still better than most of the shite out there today.

[inothernews]

I am disappointed with how...egotistical JT has become. I loved his last album but the album title and even SexyBack (which is still a hot song) turned me off with its pure, unadulterated egoness. I'm glad you voiced (wrote) how I was feeling cause I thought I might be alone...

[mer]

Rich, the whole bleeded thing doesn't bother me. Why you ask? Because poets have been doing this for hundreds of year all in the name of poetry. JT is a modern Spencer. Joking about that.

[Just little me]

Gosh, I cannot believe that you care so much about somebody as bland, disposable and irrelevant as Justin.

[Pop Muse]

Fourfour, I LOVE your CD reviews. The thing to keep in mind with Justin is that he is, at heart, "Orlando". Which is to say, he's cool, sorta, but with a thick layer of velvetta cheese, which means he tastes good sometimes but isnt really that delicious, ya know? (And I know he isnt FROM Orlando, but really, he is, ya hear what I'm saying?) So, I like the CD, I liked Timberland in 2001 and I loved Aaliyah more than I have ever loved a female popstar, so if Tim wants to sample her, I'm so down with that.

It's listenable and I believe it is more true to JT's life than Janet's new CD is to hers. I mean, when she was recording all these songs about how hot and wet her spot was, she was like 100 pounds overweight, and going to charity events is not the same as going to 'cluhhbs' which i doubt janet has in years. At least Justin is a commitment freak (hello Britney) and does attend a shitty club once in a while.
thanks for the review,
the popmuse

[ariel]

I am really satisfied with the bookending nature of "Cry Me A River" and "What Goes Around Comes Around." Oh Justin, oh Britney.

At least, that's how I take it. I think it's kind of great.

The rest of the album -- "SexyBack" is ridiculous but I am a secret sucker for this song. It's true. I want to dance on the subway platform when it comes on my headphones.

[tara]

I think he's actually singing "my heart beat it", not "bleeded".

[Keisha]

You're always dead on. However, like you said, it's still dumb fun. Funny how most of the tracks you singled out that are Timb throwbacks are also my faves.

Keep it up, Rich.

[anon]

I actually really like this album..and I appreciate the way it switches up..

[sleeps at gmail]

not trying to insinuate anything, but this new album makes me think that justin is trying to say something without saying it.

[bobeotm]

BET is currently streaming Janet's new album, and I would love to hear your take on it.

http://www.bet.com/NR/exeres/0DB31BD2-76DF-4A1D-8135-14EC139EAE9D.htm

I for one am a bit relieved at Janet's effort, especially after roughly 3 days of trying my best to find enjoyment ine Beyonce "I-have-no-inside-voice" Knowles loudly sing track after track on Bidet.

As for Justin Timberfake, it seems as if being in a boy-band has permanently caused him to be dependant on image. He tried so hard to be down with the black folks with Justified. This time around he is trying so hard to make us think he is so foward thinking and cool. He always falls flat.

[ohnoyoudi'int]

No, I think Rich is right. According to on-line Lyric websites like this one:

http://www.moron.nl/lyrics.php?id=91234&artist=Justin%20Timberlake

"When you cheated girl
My heart bleeded girl"

LOL! Kind of inspired in it's idiocy, dontcha think?

I may be way off base here, but isn't it somewhat common for hip-hop artists to revel in stuff like this?

Let's get it crunk, we gon' have fun
Up on in this dancery
We got ya open, now ya floatin'
So you gots to dance for me
Don't need no hateration, holleratin'
In this dance for me

- I don't have to explain this, Right?

If SexyBack is so many people's "guilty pleasure" how can it be that bad?

[xnowhereboyx]

I have one nagging question I desperately wish JT would answer: Where did sexy go?

[Rich]

I think looking for meaning and art in pop music is about as trenchant as looking for a blow job at Lillethfair.

But why shouldn't I give any piece of pop culture the courtesy of taking it seriously? I mean, I obviously know what I'm dealing with, as I'm criquting JT as not a vocalist or a writer or a thinker but as an overall pop star. And besides, I don't think my demands are ridiculous (asking people to cut the shit is not asking too much). If you're going to just file all pop music under "brainless fun" at face value, what's the point of music criticism? Wait, don't answer that.

Oh, and I'll get to talking about Janet. Oh yes I will.

[Quel]

Justin is fine. And he can dance. I don't care how awful is music is or isn't. As long as he keeps making videos I'm good.

[Dash]

Ok...so you think JT and his record are annoying, yet Bidet is a masterpiece?! Something is wrong here. Though I can see why. Both are equally as disposable.

[Rich]

Nah, B'Day isn't a masterpiece (and I never said it was), but I enjoy it much more than LS/FS -- B'Day doesn't shoot nearly as far and so, is much more able to hit its mark, you know? B'Day is absolutely disposable, and it seems totally aware of that.

[ohnoyoudi'int]

I guess I just feel that some music is worthy of critique, while other music neither asks for nor is qualified for similar consideration.

Kind of like a gourmand critiquing McDonald's new McRib sandwich;

Updike critiquing the new Harry Potter;

Denby critiquing "Dude, Where's My Car";

I just don't really think JT was trying to make a statement, advance the art, or change our consciousness. But your in depth analysis is nevertheless very impressive. You definitely know what you're saying and show passionate conviction. That's undeniable.

It just seems a little bit like doing a Doctoral Thesis on Shrinky Dinks.

[Charlie]

I like to listen to the first track while I walk to work. It has a good walking rhythm that makes me feel like I've got a sexy back. side.