I'm really gonna miss him.
And as for the outfits...
Didn't mind Kayne's at all...
...isn't couture supposed to be ridiculous? (And really, it did fit well.)
Laura's was an unfortunate casualty of travel.
It definitely worked better in France. We didn't see her explaining the ruffle deflation to the judges, which sort of drove me crazy (I shouted, "Tell them that! Tell them that!" at my TV screen so many times that it picked itself up and bitch-slapped me).
I loved how the judges gagged over the "night-and-day" difference when Michael tucked in the bunny ears of his gown.
Seriously, Heidi, what kind of bunnies are you hanging out with?
And how much did it suck that Angela was booted on the eve of the challenge that called for the most handmade detail? I can only imagine the fleurchon within a fleurchon exploding with baby fleurchons sucking on fleurchon nipples that she would have sent down the runway. But whatever, at least Vincent picked up her slack...
His own spin on it, but fluerchon is fleurchon. You know where that came from, right?
(Or maybe that should be "fleurchamps." Is French!)
My biggest regret about Vincent leaving is that I won't be able to take the Little Vinny line into the world of feminine hygiene. I really wanted to do a deodorant spray, but was never given the chance (though I suppose that, looking back on it, Laura's pregnancy was a missed opportunity).
And speaking of genitals and Vincent...
1. He was back to being sexual again this episode, alternately getting off and turned on. This leads me to believe that he always talks like that and the editing was, in fact, merciful for only giving it to us in small doses. I'm not going to mix his pillow talk into another song (what would be next, "Erotica?"), but instead, I'll just walk you through some highlights of his erotic interludes.
i. He bares some skin...
...and his soul. "I trained in couture dress making. It just turns me on." His tattoo turns me on.
And by the look on her face, she's deaf or can't understand English or could be blind or, in the worst-case scenario, he knows what she likes. Nasty.
iii. Tongue action.
iv. He was way inappropriate with Catherine Malandrino:
"You are one of the most sensational women I've ever laid my eyes on..." By "laid my eyes on," he means "ravished with my pupils," right?
Oh, and it was great how amused everyone was by his display.
v. He was even more inappropriate with the form.
vi. "It's a stunning fit." I think we all know what he's referring to.
vii. Crotch shot:
viii. And, because he knew we'd miss it, one more "It just got me off," to describe his Project Runway experience. No, no, Little Vinny -- you got us off.
She could really star in some erotic (speaking of...) Adrian Lyne rip-off called Pregnant Pause. Just as long as she stayed sexy, not scowling.
It's funny and all, but ultimately: not a good look.
3. And not to rag on Laura's appearance, buuuuuuutttttttt...
Not only is she showing immediately, but she's showing weirdly. I think it might be her outfit, but the elongated, oval shape of her womb makes me think of the Itchy and Scratchy episode "Esophagus Now," in which Scratchy repeatedly is fed a part of his own oblong stomach.
That's a ridiculous plate, no?
4. This exchange between Jeffrey and the French stranger also seemed (say it with me) erotic. It was like some sub-Fassbinder ooh-la-lameness.
Meanwhile, this was an out-and-out lovers' spat:
I'm not the only one who's going to miss Vincent, per the misty, far-off look in Jeffrey's eyes.
5. And while I'm gayspotting...
"I was sweating like a whore in church," says Michael [sorry for not having an accompanying sound clip -- will update tonight]. But he's talking like a drag queen onstage! Seriously, I think he's daring us to speculate.
After all, he just wants a smoky eye like everybody else.
Let me get some champagne, feel myself up and contemplate...
That's what friends are...for...?
8. I didn't mention that I thought Jeffrey deserved his win this week. But the best part of Jeffrey's dress was hearing Michael Kors rationalize its surprise factor. He thinks Jeffrey is goth. Jeffrey isn't goth. He isn't Edward Scissorhands "I can't"-goth and, despite wearing something straight out of Hot Topic last week, (good one, Leila), he isn't even mall goth.
But you know, at least it was fun to watch Kors actually say the word "goth":
He learned everything he knows from the Cure!
9. I have nothing to say about this sound bite except that I love it:
10. Oh boy, Richard Tyler.
First of all, I can smell him from here. And the show aired days ago. And it was taped months ago. In addition to making me feel dirty, he makes me feel dirty.
I haven't felt this violated since Vincent humped that form.
11. And finally, I must pay tribute to the new love of my life:
Dare to be perfect! Catherine turned me on and got me off throughout the episode, but it was during Heidi's reading of her comments that I fell in love.
(On Jeffrey's design) "And she wrote, 'Magnifique.' A lot of stars..." Fanciful!
(On Vincent's design) "Catherine Malandrino wrote, 'No...no, no, no.'" So maybe I love Catherine vis-à-vis Heidi the most. Can they hire Catherine to sit on Heidi's lap so that Heidi can work her like a ventriloquist's dummy every week. If they need space, they can just cut those horror-movie previews starring Collier Strong. Please?
Anyway, I took the liberty to fantasize what a few other of the blunt-and-sassy Catherine's cards must have looked like...
I also loved that Catherine pointed out that Jeffrey's tattoo is "really forever." I hope that next time she teaches us how to remove nail polish and how ice gets to be ice.
Basically, I love this woman. I love everything she does, stands for and says. Vincent's right, she's sensational and so I bestow her the greatest honor I can: Patron Saint of fourfour. And for this occasion, I have prepared a picture of her, Sears-portrait style...