The only thing that helps the hurt in my heart from losing model Megg is the promise of model/musician Megg.
"I'm planning on, y'know, me and my friend we're gonna start like a two-person band. I'll be a musician model. We'll see what happens, man." That we certainly will. If Megg needs any help promoting this endeavor in which she'll undoubtedly aim to be the White Stripes but end up sounding something like Drunky Brewster, she knows the blogger to reach out to.
I hope that since there are two of them, they dub themselves Rock and Roll. It seems only right.
Last week, someone noted in the comments that Potes' (totally fucking great) Television Without Pity recap caught a bout of crying that I missed during the cobblestone walking challenge. Potes writes: "Miss J. says that Melrose stumbled but didn't recover like a model should have. And then Melrose is, like, crying on a bench. WTF?" The thing is that Melrose, like, crying on a bench is different than Melrose crying on a bench -- I rewatched the scene and Melrose's hair is in front of her face. She has her hand on her head, but it's impossible to discern if she's just distressed or actually crying. And so, my Crying Count number stays in tact. I will, however, follow Potes' lead and start spelling "Caridee" without capitalizing the "D." Potes, after all, is my hero.
I like how she had to tuck her hair behind her ear to wipe beside her nose. She just has hair everywhere, huh? Time for more threading?
Oh, by the way, she was crying about being talked about by Melrose in the last shot. In this one, too!
Annnnd, this one, too. Different outfit, different incident.
It was here that Anchal confessed: "I never really had friends. I always got made fun of. And nobody believes that because of the way I look now, but it's really hard for me to believe in myself." You know, I'd scoff just about anyone else who dared to usher us down such a well-worn path (go tell the Ugly Duckling, Swan Droner!), but this only makes Anchal more endearing to me. I'll be her friend!
I think she was crying here. But isn't she always, somewhere deep down inside?
I have to say that running eye makeup really is rock and roll.
"I went to panel just yesterday / I wasn't so fierce, I was cast away / Uh huh / It ain't no big thing."
Except, it kind of is.
Anchal needs all the friends she can get. (Incidentally, look how Stepfordly content Michelle looks. The twins are crazy, yo!)
You know, it's testament to Megg's character that her elimination affected so many girls so thoroughly. Where were you the day the music died?
The first Tyraism of the week doesn't come from Tyra but, in fact, Melrose who clearly watches this show, takes notes and then pratices reciting Tyra's typical nonsensical "this slight difference is actually a vast difference" nonsense. I get the feeling Melrose had been waiting years to tell someone...
...when I shoulda been like...
No, not smiling, but these are two very different faces: this...
Do you see how different they are? Like, just when you have a little bit of happiness in there, it'll sell an outfit."
TV teaches you such good...things.
Tyraism 2 (this one's actually from Tyra):
"Is anybody struggling with the inter-personal relationships between the girls?" Aw. She cares so much. She only wants to cut down on the drama that makes her show so compulsively watchable. Oh, wait, what's that in her hand?
Ah yes, a shit stirrer. Now everything becomes clear!
"The fashion industry, and modeling and all that, it's just brainwashing people to think that something's fabulous." i.e. "My whole career is a sham founded on lies. So is this show. Next on Tyra: Is your man triflin'?"
I gueess she really isn't over it, huh?
1. Really, I didn't hate Megg's picture.
Tremayne says her photo reminds him of the Mona Lisa and, shit, you don't need to tell me twice...
My first impression was that the facial hair made her look a lot like Leif Garrett.
Once more for the sake of eulogy:
"I just wanna rock and roll and have a good time." Me too, babe. Me too.
2. OK, so there's a Melrose smear campaign going on that's going to ultimately make Melrose the underdog, which means I'm going to end up liking her and I hate that. In the meantime, however, I will delight in the girls' bitchiness directed toward her.
And I love A.J. Especially when she does shit like this behind Melrose's back:
Brooke, meanwhile, offered a clue as to why Melrose gets under everyone's skin:
"Melrose always rubs girls the wrong way, 'cause she's a Little Miss Know-It-All." Now, you know I love Brooke, but hearing essentially the living embodiment of Election's Tracy Flick call someone else a know-it-all is rich.
By the way, if you look up "Miss Know-It-All" on Amazon, one of your product choices is this lovely cross-stitch...
Now, look at this and tell me that Brooke doesn't make a better Miss Know-It-All:
It's like her face was made to match 45-degree arm angles.
And not for nothing, but if you search "knowitall" in Yahoo! Images, an alpaca comes up...
Sexy, right? I have to say that while Brooke makes a better Miss Know-It-All...
...Melrose makes a better alpaca.
Oooh! I think I just stumbled upon a new photo shoot idea! You taking notes Mr. Jay?
Finally, I think I like Caridee's assessment of Melrose best: "Melrose always sucks up when it comes time to, like, meeting people. Which is a good strategy, but it's kind of funny to see her stick her nose right up their ass." Caridee is totally vulgar, which I totally love.
3. To keep this vulgar spirit going, I give you Anchal's bouncing tits:
Like, just try to pay attention to the fact that there is stretching going on in this shot:
Oh, and since when is she "the voluptuous girl?" I remember her saying that she needs to work on her body, but she's being boxed in that role now? And is that how they say "plus-size" these days?
Like, she isn't skinny? Really?
But also, this is Keenyah all over again:
I love Anchal. I love a woman who isn't afraid to eat. But come on: you don't enter a modeling competition and then start smacking your metabolism around. Your metabolism is going to wise up and lash out one day: "Until you do right by me, everything you do is going to crumble!" Not smart to abuse it.
4. All of this said, I am currently and resolutely pro-Anchal and anti-Melrose, if for no other reason than Anchal hangs with the cool kids and Melrose hangs with the squares.
I mean, they're smoking. They're obviously the cool kids.
As much as I love Brooke, I think any group featuring her is automatically the uncool kids.
5. Why was A.J. so excited to be the cannibal in the photo shoot?
Any guesses? Is she really just that goth?
6. When I saw this...
...I thought the same thing I thought when she popped up on the My Life as a CoverGirl segment a few weeks ago: Not Atooooooooosa! If recent gossip is to be believed (and of course it is!), she is a fame-obsessed tyrant. In other words, a perfect fit for ANTM.
Anyway, were it not for her reputation, I might have taken exception to an email one "Alien" sent me after this episode aired: "I dont mean to be mean, but Atoosa looks like the dude from Saw." Like I said before, you don't need to tell me twice:
But in all fairness, Atoosa came off as kind of helpful and level-headed with her comments during the episode. In other words, what the fuck is she doing on this show?
Really, she nailed down Brooke better than I have. For weeks, I've been wondering exactly how to express Brooke's precocious pluckiness (I think I would have gone the cutesy/Care Bears-with-pencil-tucked-behind-fuzzy-ear route, were it not for having exhausted that shtick with Project Runway's Alison). Atoosa put it all into perspective with, "You just wanna put her on a cupcake!" Brilliant. Of course, I won't actually do this. I'm not anybody's maid!
7. But really, how cute. Brooke does "Don't get it twisted."
Yo, is it just me, or does she resemble Mother Teresa in the last shot, like, a lot?
You can barely tell the difference!
Look who found herself a new top! Of course it'd be the boyee girl this time...
9. Why is Melrose's neck so long?
Is she the thing in...The Thing?
Is she the ultimate in alien terror?
One more question: Did Melrose's side-show get-up remind anyone else of a certain diaper-peeing contestant of yesteryear?
And nice that they give the girl who they say looks old the aged face (and, for that matter, nice that they made Anchal and her big self the giant woman -- way to prey on insecurities!).
Also how dumb was this?
I really think they put her nose on upside down -- since when are tusks on top? Damn Sutan!
People still say "Siamese twins" in 2006? Really? This show never stops teaching you shit!
10. Before we saw Stacey McKenzie...
...we heard her, and I really thought it was Miss J doing his "drag on" voice.
I've got nothing but love for Stacey, though -- in my review of the first episode of Canada's Next Top Model, I described her as looking "as though she is upholstered in vagina." Stacey, or someone on her behalf (but really, I like to think it was her), found this and commented: "funny how gay guys like to *talk* about vagina..." Touché! Regardless of her upholstery, the woman is not a pussy.
More Stacey McKenzie, please!
If these girls don't stop with the gaping, I'm gonna have to start handing out Blowjobface of the Week Awards.
12. So, it's rare that I talk about the preview for next week, but I laughed for about five minutes straight after Brooke asked Janice:
"What makes you so bitchy?" First of all, what the fuck kind of question is that? How do you even answer it? "My dark past"? "Rotten produce"? "Gas"?
Second of all...
Doesn't Brooke know that Janice is on the PTA?
I seriously can't wait for this shit!