Jaeda dissed

Jaeda bitched and bitched and bitched about her short hair making her look like a boy. And yet, she'd sit like she was housing a pair of grapefruit in her scrotum.

I will not miss her.

I will, however, miss what she contributed to the Crying Count. Oh wait, that meant having to hear about her hair every fucking episode. Sorry, I lied: I won't miss that either.

56. Amanda

It seems a little redundant pointing out that these tears were the product of an acting exercise, considering the nature of the show. But there you go.

57. Melrose

Everyone believes me when I say Melrose is deranged, right? Right?!?!

58. Jaeda

Yep. Hair. Fuck you and your follicles.

59. CariDee

I almost don't want to count this, as this Crying Count was devised to record all the stupid reasons girls cry on this show. Not real reasons, like, say, attempted suicide. God, CariDee, way to ruin shit for me.

(You know I'm kidding here -- this was as real as ANTM has been all cyle ["Happy Mothers Day!" excepted] and it only made me love CariDee more. She is a walking triumph of the human spirit, damn it!)

60. Melrose

But no, now I am pissed because I was fine with hating Melrose and then she had to go and show actual compassion and be a nice person. For this reason (and a few others that I'll get to), I can no longer hate her (for now at least). God, Melrose, way to ruin shit for me. Hey -- I think I hate her all over again!

61. CariDee

She's crying about when she cried before. OMG this show is sooooooo self-referential! Enough already or I'll have to break out the Self-Referential Bug-o-Meter.

62. Jaeda

NOT hair this time! Well, maybe it is, actually -- she's crying about having to kiss the guy next to her, who's such a Neanderthal, his tongue's probably hairy. You'd cry too at the prospect of having that shit in your mouth (you can never get it out!).

63. CariDee

Her first major scolding from the judges. It shook me just as hard.

64. Jaeda

Uh, I thought she was leaving. WHY ISN'T SHE GONE YET?

65. CariDee

She was scared for her future after being announced in the bottom 2. I was not. More on this soon.

What goes better with bullshit than some bullshit? Why, the answer could only be multiple Tyraisms of the Week!

Tyraism 1 - "You did a very good job, because I kinda tried to follow. I thought, 'That don't sound right, but it sounds right.'" No, it wasn't Tyra that said that -- it was Miss J. But they might as well have been Tyra's words! This is really just to reiterate how saying as many words as possible to convey your non-logic is contagious.

Tyraism 2 - "You were the challenge winner, but, to me, that kind of canceled it out."

Bullshit. If CariDee rocked the acting challenge earlier, than failed the second one, maybe some variable besides her is the culprit. Like, oh, I don't know, the fact that she had to speak in a language that until now was a figment of her imagination created by this schizophrenic she once sat by on a bus who yammered on about why the Don Quixote Cliff's Notes were better than the book itself.

This is to say that CariDee has enough problems speaking English, OK? She's never gonna be the model that gets work that requires her to speak in anything non-English (and really, neither should Twiggy). Her personality is about 50 times more radiant than anyone else she's competing against -- this is no reflection on that.

OK?

Tyraism 3 -

"One of my favorite parts of it was in the end when you were kind of in his face. And then up and then like down and then up and then down and then up. That's when girls do when they're, like, in love." Some girls, perhaps. Others go up and then down and then up when they want to make a quick buck.

Tyraism 4 -

"Bitch, I could reduce your blonde ass to a powder with but the strength of my fist. I'm not even gonna start on the suffocating torture that my vagina arms could wreak up on you." Psyche. Tyra didn't really say that. She did, however, say, "Now it's like, CariDee's not perfect." Just in case you missed it before.

Speaking of:

1.

OK, first of all: nice ponytail. I cannot believe that this guy is particular at all as he is a) European and b) horrible looking. And I don't just say that, you know, but I am in utter shock that this guy is a model.

Is he a hand model? Is he a model of what not to look like? And if he puts so little into his appearance (he looks like he should have crumbs collected on his cheeks to go with his breakfast hair), I wonder how bad he smells. I wonder how often he gets to turn down the black girls he says he doesn't like. I wonder HOW THE FUCK HE'S A MODEL.

Look, even if his nose were straightened, it wouldn't make a difference:

Although, those eyebrows are whispering to me (in that lispy Spain Spanish) that in addition to not liking black girls, this motherfucker doesn't like any girls.

In conclusion, Jaeda, I think had every right to be upset about having to kiss someone who was so rude. She had more of a right to be upset about having to kiss someone so hideous.

I thought, actually, that most of the male models were lacking.

OK, so, like, why is it that if a guy presents himself like this, he's cute, but if a girl does, she's Ugly Betty?

CariDee totally got the cutest one though.

I want to put him in my pocket. That's a bosillo, Victor. Climb in.

I love how she totally went for it, too. She kissed him so hard, I felt it. Thanks, CariDee!

2. Am I the only one who lives in constant hope that Tyra will resurrect the immortal words she used to announce the trip to the Cycle 2 girls: "Back your bags, y'all..."? I mean, this just doesn't cut it:

It's all about the y'all. I miss the y'all. I miss it so much, I took up watching Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team. Except now that's over, too, so I miss it all over again. I'm feelin' alone, y'all.

I have a feeling that I'll similarly wait my whole life for Tyra to replicate this:

She just gets faggier, doesn't she? The entire concept of Spanish gay pride has been explained to a nation.

3. With that in mind, Blowjobface is back in full effect. So much so, in fact, that I can't even choose one to represent the week.

That shit's like achievement in the field of Blowjobface. The only person who came close was Melrose.

But really, she sucks so bad that that shouldn't be surprising.

4. Just kidding! Like I said before, I kinda felt for Melrose this episode. I don't think the girls were justified in getting on her for preparing extra for the commercial. Yeah, she's ass-kissy and a total nerd, but, uh, total nerds excel. Or they start blogs about their pop cultural obsessions, down to the finer (cough, blowjobface, cough) details. And who wouldn't want to have that?!

I forget: were these subtitles on screen because Amanda was speaking in Spanish? Because the translation is terrible. Oh, wait, she's that inarticulate. Oh wait, I'm watching America's Next Top Model. Sorry, I lost my bearing for a second.

Sad. I understand Eugena's point, but she needs to realize that she's just salty that Melrose plays the game better than she does. Melrose is no more fake than, oh, say, Tyra! A different face and voice for every occasion. Or every sentence within a given occasion, even.

I was really saddened by this:

Melrose: Cheers.
Jaeda: (refuses to even acknowledge her)

Melrose: (clinks with Jaeda's mug anyway)

Melrose: (walks away alone, the weight of rejection slowing her stroll ever so slightly)

Sniff.

But again, I like what Eugena has to say about Melrose, because I pretty much like what Eugena has to say about everything.

"I'm just gonna say she's wrong!"

I just find her succinct nastiness really refreshing. It's economical, even. I want Eugena to tell me about myself because a) I bet she'd be right and b) it wouldn't take that much time at all. I bet I'd even get my own hand gesture and everything.

5. I also love Eugena for this:

I think acting coach put it best when she said that Eugena wasn't afraid to be ugly. I like that in a girl.

How ridiculous was that whole acting exercise? Silly ugly is right.

Nice, right? Way to convince everyone that you don't have any problems with eating, Toothpicks. The girl can't keep down prune juice!

Also, what's up with Amanda's obsession with her own ass?

I think Tasha wants to take a bite.

We here at fourfour are all about making dreams come true. And so:

Tasha's all, "An applebottom a day..."

Also, I love how, when Tasha was consoling CariDee, CariDee was all, "Yeah, whatever. You're an acting teacher."

6. Did you see the note that Jaeda wrote to her bf?

Aw. Sweet and illustrated. Here are ideas for other notes that she can write while she's in detainment, having been eliminated and waiting for the show to end:

7. Melrose mugs while her doppelganger looks on:

8. I feel like if I don't show Miss J's judging hair, I'm doing a disservice to my readers.

I feel like if I comment on it, I'm doing a disservice to my brain. So there: it is what it is.

Similarly:

And, making it a trilogy:

9.

Twiggy's really gonna hurt someone with that pen one day. I can feel it.

10. You know, CariDee's commercial may have sucked, but pretty much everyone else's did. And you know, she did show her capacity to entertain when she went back over it in the interview:

I'm not captioning it, as there aren't letters on my keyboard that would be able to represent many of the sounds she made. It wasn't Spanish. It wasn't of this planet.

Nor was her attempt at rolling her R's.

She says it sounds like a dead car. I say it sounds like a Wookie.

Regardless, I think Tyra & Co., are just trying to scare us with how they came down on CariDee this week. She's clearly the person who's supposed to win this shit, and that's been extremely clear up till now. They're just trying to psych us out. Even CariDee knows that.

I think that showing us Tyra reprimanding CariDee for rudeness in the preview for next week's episode is also to throw us off. If she were getting kicked off next week, why would they spoil it?

Furthermore, why would they risk upsetting the balance of the universe and the very notion of fairness by not allowing her to win this shit?

11. Oh yeah:

Comments

[BK]

Good bye!!! I was getting so tired of her bitching. And big deal CariD had a bad day. I LOVE HER. Great post.

[sonny]

My friends and I were debating whether or not the smarmy model actually said he didn't like black girls when talking to Jaeda. We thought he said "I don't like it with you" which Jaeda turned into he doesn't like black girls. Are we wrong here? I mean, I wouldn't want to kiss Jaeda either. Girl is fugly!

[david]

Yay, this is my favorite recap of this season's cycle so far. i have a love/hate relationship with the commercial episode since, a) EVERYONE's commercial always sucks, but b) it's immensely entertaining to watch them all screw it up. Melrose's being named best in ANTM history pretty much solidifies that fact. But you make watching such awfulness so worth it. Thanks!

[Leila]

Oh my god, Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders: Making the Team is soooo amazing.

[JustSomeGuy]

This recap is better than the episode itself. It's just a matter of time before some joker starts recapping your recaps.

[Maya]

Somtimes i just want to sream at Trya: MODELS DO NOT ACT!!!!! I just do not understand because, as we know, the contestants usually mess up when they are doing commercails in English, so why teh F would you make them do a comercial in a random spanish dialect. Next saeson she should have them record a commercail while falling out of a plain and speaking in swahili. And they prize will be a spead in TigerBeat. Also, with how flaming and rediculous Mrs. Jay has become, I think he should dress as a conservative senator for each taping.

[jelodi97]

Did the producers go out and find the ugliest girls in the lower 48 for this season? I liked previous seasons for the campiness, but after the first couple of epis, I just couldn't bring myself to continue watching. Thank gawd for this blog.

[Amanda]

I think you should just start spelling caridee's name with all lowercase. Or maybe just create a symbol for her.

[i love winston]

A reference to Ugly Betty! Tell me that you watch the show?

That picture of Tasha What'sherface chomping Amanda's ass-- my stomach will hurt for a month because I was laughing so hard.

And Eugena just keeps looking prettier every week. But not as pretty as CariDee (and yeah, the first picture of her isn't flattering but the girl was crying hysterically, c'mon now).

[Mike]

I wonder how Jaeda would have done in the competition if the show didn't chop off her confidence? For all of her crying and complaining it didn't seem like she tried to make her hair look any better? She should have worked the Halle look. Maybe for next season they should shave all of the girl's heads and see how they do?

[Mike again]

Eugena's gonna call someone fake? Look in the mirror at your hair bitch?

[bertBrown]

that's a good point, maybe the male model just doesn't like short haird girls...who complain about having short hair

[Marilyn]

Hey! Just wanted you to know that I am living in Barcelona right now, and NOT ABLE TO WATCH ANTM!!!!! So you are providing people all over the world a wonderfull service! p.s. If you saw how they dress over here, you would just cry.

[leia]

oh man, the last of Jaeda's love notes... just TOO funny! so wrong yet so right.

otherwise, I thought melrose's commercial was fantastic. I notmally can't stand her but she was adorable, i think she nailed it completely.

[Sarah]

Might I add that their "secrets" were the worst secrets I've ever heard. "I sometimes go an extra stop on the subway if I see a cute boy"
They should have had something more like, "I've seen Tyra's penis.. and it's tiny"

[tinker bella]

I thought Melrose's commercial was the fakiest worst-acted thing I've ever seen. She acts like an attention-starved puppy.

Rich, your recaps are the highlight of the show.

I couldn't beleive it when Tyra told CariDee that her commercial was the worst ever. Um, hello, Jade? F-bomb? Brooke? (cycle 6)

[veronicajames]

you know you're a fan when you find yourself thinking;
"Oh I'm sure Rich is going to write about THAT...'
While you're watching ANTM...

I would like to contribute:
I can't seem to get past the similarities btwn that male model and (another) neanderthal John ROcker:

http://images20.fotki.com/v357/photos/4/44611/1438473/malemodel_gorgecopy-vi.jpg

[HawkOwl]

Thanks for filling in the bits I muted. I couldn't stand to watch the whole acting exercise thing with the screaming and crying. How fake was that? And why were they all talking about their feelings about ANTM? It used to be that girls talked about real issues like lupus and being the black sheep of their families.

Everything has gotten so ugly, lame and pointless, I don't even bother taping it anymore. Now I'm all about Sports Kids Moms and Dads.

[true]

Wow Rich, you hit on all the points of the show that I wanted you too. And for that, I'm thankful. You rock!
Thank God they kicked the boy off. And now since my old fav Anchal's been kicked off, I'm joining team caridee. You're right, I think she got this one....

[deeyou]

I laughed so hard at Jaeda's....interesting position. She'd make such a good fag.

[Mer]

"Is he a model of what not to look like?"
HAHAHA.
The only thing Melrose could cry about was modeling and taking good pictures? She must have some reall isthues like being molested by her dad or something cause I ain't buyin' it!
PS I love Eugena now.

[Finster]

I had to rewind several times to look and how spread apart Jaeda's legs were without her evening noticing.. and after hearing so much bitching about feeling a boy...well I guess that explains it.

[Dan]

Thanks for running a photo of Ms. Jay's hair, I believe he is going for the Extraordinary Chickens look this season.

http://www.amazon.com/Extraordinary-Chickens-Stephen-Green-Armytage/dp/0810933438

[miss c]

I also thought that the fuggo male "model" just said that he didn't like Jaeda, NOT that he didn't like black girls. Can't we all just get along and speak in "newscaster accents?"

And how DARE Vag-arms berate CariD(d)ee for not being fluent in some random ass language! I think Tyra pointing out that "CariDee's not perfect" was for her own benefit. She doesn't know what to do with a contestant without an obvious flaw. Boo.

P.S. If Melstank wins this I am boycotting ANTM forever!

[summer]

please, oh please add a sound bite of tyra's spanish tyraism of the week where she shows how the girls should have emphasized the "strong enough for a woman" line in Spanish . i'm like, she practiced on that all day and still sucked. but thank you for the clip of twigs saying hoLAH. yikes.

as for the caridee scares, yeah, you're right. obviously, eugena's going home next. the judges have never liked her, just tolerated her.

Let me start off by saying, Fuck Tyra. While I'm at it, let me add, Fuck Jay, who every week looks more like that old yenta from 227. I agree that maybe the jackass didn't like Jaeda in particular. That is besides the point. Jaeda thought he didn't like black girls. She told Tyra that and Tyra does what?? Tells the girl to be fiercer. Well then! Malcolm, Martin and Huey apparently had it all wrong! Worse episode ever. And that's saying a lot. I realize Jaeda was no fan favorite (maybe that's why I liked her) but that was a truly fucked up way to be kicked off the show. No one should have to work with someone like that. Period. Even if it was on a stupid ass commercial.

[Cote]

I agree with the second comment (sonny). I too heard/saw the male model say "I do not like" or something of that nature.

Did they cut out the part that he doesn't like black girls? Or did Jaeda just jump to that conclusion?

[Rich]

Just a note that I should have included in the recap: It's true that we never heard Captain Cavemodel say that he didn't like black girls, but I just figured that it was cut, since it was repeated so much (there's only so much time in a 42-minute show...). Although why they'd such a potentially disgusting (read: great-for-television) moment is beyond me. Who knows?

I give Jaeda the benefit of the doubt, though.

[Tina]

I need to clarify something that has been bothering me about Jaeda in this episode. This is about the spanish guy who said "No, I don't like". when europeans who barely speak english say, "i don't like", that means "i don't want to". As i recall Jaeda was asking this guy, "do you want to make-out or something?" I'm assuming she wanted to practice her kiss with him. his response was "I dont like." how that turned into "i don't like black girls" just blows me away. who in their right mind would want to make out during dinner anyway...AND with a dude (Jaeda). This chick needs to get over herself and her man-hair.

[Sarah]

1) Might I just add how much I loved that sassy Mary Jenkins!
2) Melrose needs to touch up her roots
3) I actually LIKED Eugena in this competition.
4) The twins speak as if intonation is just too much of a chore for them.

As I said, whether or not he said he doesn't like black girls matters little. Jaeda clearly thought he did say that. I felt really bad for her. Annnnnd, it's not Mary but the old lady who was always hanging out her window on 227(much like my mom used to do).

I should really add a name to my comments.

[Dee Bee]

Blowjobface Tyra (incl. flaring nostrils) = RuPaul.

[Karen]

If you read interviews done the guy did say that he doesn't like black girls but they didn't show that. They also didn't show that he walked away from the table for 20 mins.

[Scott Free]

I can't believe she bitched about her hair...again (and again and again and again)!
On the upside of things, does the fact that Jay Manuel is hosting CNTM's next cycle mean that he won't be around for the next cycle of ANTM? One can only hope.

[LaSexorcisto]

I wouldn't want to hang out with Melrose. But the other girls giving her so much shit had nothing to do with her being "fake" (if anything I thought he was just being a brownnoser which is not the same thing), but because a) they suck even worse b) Melrose is pushing herself forward. Desperate and lame? Yes. But these other girls ain't even making the effort.

Jaeda finally goes home. i do feel bad for her, Nacho the model was really acting like a dick. Altho he did try to feed her her lines during the shoot so MAYBE it was all a big misunderstanding? I dunno. I was over this chick already and she should feel lucky she made it as far as she did without doing anything right. And she was still bitching about her hair, god!

Those two twins are awful. Ugly, gangly, graceless, with bad skin, bad posture, bad diction. Why are they still in this?

Melrose won't make it to the last 3, I think. She'll be the surprise boot like Lisa and Nnena. Nigel already said she was too old. CariDee getting a lecture is good for drama but we all know she's winning this.

[Deege]

Another great recap Rich. Damn near choked on my cashews. You're a fool, and I LOVE IT. As far as Blackgirl-Gate, I can't believe people are actually arguing about whether he actually said it. There was nothing lost in translation. He didn't like black girls. Period. The end. AND he was incredibly rude and full of himself. What's even more galling, but not at all surprising, was Tyra's reaction: "Model through it, FIERCELY, honey!" Tyra's an ass. Sigh. I only watch this show so that I can get all the punchlines in your recaps.

[Aubrey]

I just about died at Tyra's vag-arm carnage & applebottoms. Jaeda deserved to go, she can't put a sentence together and was so effin' rude, not acknowledging Melrose's unrealised clink. Nice manners there, not to forget the incessant whining. Pity on her boyfriend. Melrose & Caridee are my final two, if it's anyone else I'll scream.

[H]

Hey Karen - what interviews? I too didn't understand how she came to the conclusion that he didn't like black girls.

[Morgan]

Jaeda's ugly male model looks like Eddie Veder of Pearl Jam in the only shot of him smiling. Perhaps our grunge stars are hot in Spain.

[LaSexorcisto]

We might be losing something in the editing/translation because he only said he "did not like". So...maybe he just didn't like the fact that she was being so pushy when he was trying to eat? Or maybe he doesn't like women and he's a big 'mo? A couple of the other girls remarked on it in interviews but I don't know. It was all weird.

[Sarah]

The Mary reference was an aside, I would/could never confuse her for the old lady.

[Star Jonez]

To the reader in Spain, get to know mininova if you want to stay up on American TV. I'm in France and bit torret is my best friend.

I actually thought Jaeda was cute, but was getting verrry tired of her bitching about the hair.

As far as the jerk model was concerned, she should've told him it wasn't a wedding rehearsal, just practice for a damn commercial. I mean, what does he think the casting calls are? Speed dating opportunities or something? Even if he just meant he didn't like Jaeda, it was totally unprofessional of him to say.

Team CariDee for the big win though. The twins look mildly "special." Seems they're dangerously close to wonky eyes. Eugena's skin doesn't work for me, and ever since the previous NeYo comparisson I haven't been able to see her any other way. Melrose gets an A for effort but just looks too old and all the challenge wins in the world won't help that.

[Lisa]

What was with them calling CariDees comercial the "worst in top model history?" Jade's "fabulous" foundation comercial last year was by far the worst ever.

[siren823]

You know why the girls hate Melrose? Because she acts like a professional. Instead of acting like she lives in the Real World House and having to make friends with everyone, she goes into every challenge with gusto and professionalism. What she gets and the others girls don't, is that she is applying for a job. Instead of bitching about challenges or holding back, she goes for it. The rest of them bitch and moan even though they are being handed a huge break by being on the show. The other girls need to buck up and try to act like professionals, Melrose doesn't need to hold herself back.
As much as Melrose doesn't take a bad photo, I am solidly in love with Caridee. I hope she wins.

[InNYC]

This was a bullshit challenge.
I model, and there isn't a legitimate agent around who would submit you for a commercial where you're required to speak a language you don't know.
You simply wouldn't be cast.
I also thought it was interesting that they didn't show them re-recording the spot in English -- for the actual Secret ad we saw during the show's commercial break.
This faux emphasis on how important it is to be a spokesmodel is utterly ridiculous; Danielle proved last year she was incapable of it, and she continues to remind us each week with her uncomfortable "My Life As a Model" spots. Everytime I suffer through those ads I can hear the Revlon execs weeping about their wasted money.

[Abe Froman]

In the grand tradition of "The Dark Side of the Rainbow" or "The Wizard of Floyd," the video of CariDee after "Even CariDee knows that" fits *perfectly* in time with "If You Leave" by Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark (from _Pretty in Pink_). Truthfully--I'm a little freaked out by it and can't stop watching.

[plain]

The last four episodes are the weakest I have ever seen on ATNM. It seems that they show up at a location and make stuff up like, dive for a vollyball and become an action model, squirm on the floor and now you are ready for TV work, in Catalan.

When all else fails, Tyra comes in to function as bizarre, increasingly insane filler. No one looks good in any of the challenges.

Time for a reality check Melrose, too short too old, too horsey to ever model. None of the finalists will model much, but what else is new?

[Ridwah]

It was so frustrating this week! If Jaeda could have just pulled her head out of her ass she would have outlasted the "do they even want this?" twins. And poor Melrose, treated like a physhotic when only acts the way she's told to (just like rest of them were). I'm nervous for Caridee next week. I'm sure they're making something out of nothing for ratings, but if she gets kicked off before the top two, I won't keep tuning in.

[Joe]

Quit dissing the twins, fellow commentors. They may be fug in real life, but look in any fashion mag and you'll see gangly, rail-thin girls with high cheekbones. Unless, it's Victoria Secret. Then, it's all about the bosoms. Thank God, the "Acting" episode is over! It's the ANTM season equivalent of a Hump Day. I don't think the male model was racist - I hardly think he'd get away with it on this show and not have Tyra, Miss J or even (especially!) Sutan punch him in the nuts HARD.

[Vampy]

Yay! Jaeda and her mangina are gone! FINALLY! Why she lasted this long is a total mystery to me. I'm pulling for Caridee, which of course means she won't win. I loved the twins,to me, they look like the models in the magazines out nowadays, but they are getting on my last nerve now. I feel sorry for Melrose, each episode I like her more, they are just haters 'cause she wins all the time.

[guerlane]

Great recap Rich!

Tyra is such a hypocritical and inconsistent bitch! I have heard Tyra cry about the struggle of being a black model in the business. I've heard her cry about Naomi even more than that. So where the hell is the compassion for Jaeda. Everyone knows this show is not "real" modeling. So why the hell can't they protect the girls and catch their back a little?

Tyra and crew are triffling bitches.

CariDee, why am I not surprized that the judges came down hard on her. It was so produced and fake. All of the commericals sucked except for Melrose. She was no worse than anyone else. Especially the twins - they look like talking hillbilly statues.

I bet you $5 that Caridee will not win. I think a twin or both twins will win. Tyra's all about the sideshow freaky deaky y'all.

[Amber]

I, too, was puzzled because I never heard Captain Caveman say he didn't like black girls, but I also agree with Rich that they must have cut it for time since so many of the other contestants mention it in their interviews. I felt badly for Jaeda because of that incident, but she clearly needed to go. Halle Berry, she ain't.

Some friend of Tyra's really needs to be one to her and tell her how horrible this cycle has been. From the stupid challenges to Tyra's look (both the outfits and her hair) to Miss Jay's hair, this show has turned into a caricature of itself. I think it has turned because none of the past winners have ever become top models, so now it's like that is not even the goal of the show anymore. They should work harder to actually find a top model, which would give the show, Tyra, and all of her flunkies some much needed credibility.

Rich, as always, you complete me. xxx

[Kyklopos]

Fort-interview with Jaeda

There was kind of a leap in logic in what we saw. We saw the model saying that he didn’t like you, or he didn’t like the way you were practicing cozying up to him, and then everyone was talking about him saying that he “didn’t like black girls.” So did he actually say that?

Yeah, he actually whispered that in my ear. Well, not – it wasn’t a whisper, he came close and said, “I usually don’t like black girls.” And I was like, “Okay,” and I don’t know if a camera was on me at that moment or not, but I was kind of like (making dropped-jaw noise). And some of the other girls heard it -- Eugena heard it.

from hip candy interview:

The fact that he said what he said to you, (what was it exactly) “I don’t like you, I don’t like Black girls” that was UNBELIEVABLE.

Jaeda: Well he said he didn't like me, then he said it was because I was BLACK, he told me he just doesn't really like Black girls. And so after he said that, I was like, "OK" but I still wanted to learn the lines and everything but he didn't seem like he wanted to participate. He even ended up LEAVING THE TABLE for about 20 minutes!

Me: Oh wow! They didn't even show that!
Jaeda: Yes! They did NOT show that, and I was just talking to Eugena and we were both like, they didn't even show that!

so Nacho did say he doesn't like black girls, and ofcourse everyone has his/her own taste...but he wasn't acting professional at all..

[Erika]

I agree with all of you who said that making them act in commercials in SPANISH was a stupid move. I mean let's think back: the Japanese Campbell's soup commercials from cycle 3 weren't tolerable to watch, and last cycle's Cover Girl commercials (in ENGLISH, mind you) were downright disastrous. From Jade's "fabulous" drag queen twirling to Brooke's "Cover Girl is just SOOO nice to wear!"
What are the judges looking for, the next Meryl Streep in Adriana Lima's body??? KEEP DREAMING, VAGINA ARMS!!!

[mandy]

i really love caridee, but i also love melrose. i really don't understand why everyone seems to hate her so much. i mean, she's pretty much the only girl that's actually competing...since it is a competition!! the other girls just hate on her cause she keeps doing so well and totally blowing everyone else away (except for caridee). there always has to be someone to hate on, and this season it's poor melrose.

final two will be melrose and caridee, and i'll be happy if either one of them wins.

[Maureen]

Rich, each week I eagerly await your ANTM recaps and devour them as soon as they are posted. And I've never even seen an episode of ANTM--your recaps are *that* good.

I have to speak out, though, about the phrase "vag-arms." See, the vagina is a canal; it's internal. Tyra's pit flaps are not canal-like at all--in fact, they resemble "the EXTERNAL parts of the female genital organs" (thanks, Websters). What you got there, son, is a vulva. So call them vulv-arms if you need to, but stop perpetuating the pernicious vag/vulva confusion that runs rampant in this country.
And hey, great recap!

[Crisp]

The ugly JaedaMaleModel was GAY! What is up with the plucked eyebrow Guido look? I'm gay and I like my men to look like men. Not all plucked and cunty looking, thank you.

Now that I'm off that rant, I suppose that was what Tyra was trying to get through Jaeda's thick skull was "Honey, in this biz, ur going to encounter all sorts of shady gay models, so work with it and just turn the cunty little bitch out."

[terryg]

Well, it sure took them long enough to put Jaeda out of our misery.

Now I'm thinking the next shocker has got to be one of the twins. Cuz they both pretty much suck. And the DRAMA! Will be AWESOME!

Thanks for the entertainment, as always. You're the best.

[NikitaJones]

I pretty distinctly heard the male model say, "I don't like it." IT. Whatever that meant.

[Rebeccalicious]

Love the recaps!!! Btw, does anyone else think that Melrose and Nigel are making the sexy time? I thought I saw a little "look" there a couple of episodes ago....

[Mara]

i don't think even top model would stretch him not liking jaeda into completely not liking "black girls"...thats a bit of a stretch, even for top model.

as glad as i was to see jaeda go, it did suck about her having to kiss that ass.

i can barely sit thru the show, but the reviews here are always on point...i especially liked the model guys bit--hand model, ugly betty etc

and i so want the last note 'jaeda' wrote to her boyfriend on a t-shirt...:P

[nictate]

Brilliant update, as per usual. I was just hoping there would be an animated gif of CariDee's ear wiggle during the down-to-two elimation.

[Miss Lisa]

They model bald; wearing giant moving wigs; on ice; with elephants; hanging upside down; on gigantic platform shoes; on cobblestones, naked atop a building; on a watery runway; on floating barges that tip; over alligators; alongside the cast of "Jackass"; kissing racists and sex fiends. They cry, roll around in raw meat, and box joyfully for the camera, then they stand in a line and take criticism for it. Let's hear it for "America's Next Top Fear Factor Model."

You gotta stick up for Melrose (and you did!). She alone seems to realize how ridiculous this show really is. And she's grabbing all the prizes she can before she's given the boot. Well played.

[spazmo]

I sorta liked Jaeda.
Actually, I sorta like androgenous girls in general.

The thing is, she just folded under pressure. I kept waiting for her to rally, and show off her stuff, but she didn't.
She may look like an Amazon, but inside she's just a foldy old deck-chair.

Great recap, Rich. This episode was so painful to watch. Thanks for taking the hit for me.

[MAXAM]

Uh, you know they showed CariDee's photo for the next week, right? During the latest Covergirl Of The Week, they totally showed CariDee's next photo. I don't know if it's good or not. If CariDee doesn't win this show, I will seriously go insane.

[Niecy]

ummm, love that u say "salty". i say it about anyone who fits that description everyday. i just wanna know if im the only person that notices that these bitches ALWAYS say "spotanUITY" instead of "spotanEITY" (sp). please dont let me be the only one.

[Jaime]

My FAVORITE part was Amanda saying "the competition is just like before....but with less people".
Its sincere so its brilliant.

[starstattoo]

- I wonder if Nacho actually used a racist epithet (in English, Spanish, or Catalan), and that's why it was edited out. I noticed how choppy the editing was for that little segment.

- Melrose's acting-class "breakdown" was utterly fake. She did not get in touch with any emotions at all, and the shrieking and hair-tossing only made it more fake. Not that I think she should've gotten "real" on us or anything...

- I think CariDee is bipolar. She reminds me a lot of the bipolar people I've known, and she's been mostly hypomanic for the whole show.

I ♥ that the name of the picture with Victor, CariDee's male model, is: Please have sex with me.

aaaah... genius!

[Ian]

I have to admit, this was the episode that almost lost me forever. The acting in SPANISH was freakin' brilliant (though I'm disheartened they didn't show THAT commercial)... but something about the acting session really irked me.

[Brandon]

My all time favorite line of the show...

"I'm just gonna say it, Melrose is just wrong!" God I laughed soo hard when that bitch said that. Sigh- and I'm glad that someone else picked up on it too. hahaha

[nidra]

I agree with all y'all (how's that, Rich?) who mentioned Jade's "improv" commercial. Tyra's memory must be failing her -- Ty, honey, I know you've got a lot on your mind, but it was just last cycle! I feel that it is doing a disservice to Jade for Tyra to even hint that anyone could top Jade's performance for sheer hysterical horrific-ness. CariDee's performance, as excruciating as it was, didn't come close.

And yeah, the "CariDee's not perfect" nonsense fooled no one. She's as close to it as they are going to get this cycle. Obviously she is able to act well enough to get through a few Cover Girl commercials, provided that they are, you know, in English. Sheesh.

Poor Jaeda. Yes, she annoyed the hell out of me, and then she kept squeaking through the elimination to annoy the hell out of me some more, but still, Tyra's response to Jaeda's complaints about her model mate was cold, man, cold. Ty, it would kill you to show a little sympathy? "Yes, Jaeda, your acting partner is a complete and utter asshat. It sucks that you have to work with him. Just get through the commercial, and then I'll kick his ugly, scrawny, racist ass from here to Madrid, 'kay?"

[nidra]

Oh, and...

My FAVORITE part was Amanda saying "the competition is just like before....but with less people".

Jaime, so true. How could I have forgotten *that* little gem? Priceless. Amanda could *be* Tyra in a few years with trenchant, on-point observations like that.

melstank is just like, i dont even know the word. insane? probably. i think the girls made a valid point about her making the rest of them look bad. that said, shes just starting to be hated because she keeps winning and its boring, just like when yaya won like seven challenges in a row. hopefully melstank meets the same fate of suddenly getting kicked off.

[plain]

The girls were required to deliver their lines in Catalan. This is not Spanish. It is spoken mostly by people of and around Barcelona. It combines Spanish and French but is a very old dialect with a structure that resembles Latin. That said, it is much more difficult to learn and speak than Spanish.

[regine]

tasha's sporting a very nice blowjob face herself.

[kety]

Rich, the show is boring, only your recaps give me strenghth to carry on. I'm imagining the hairly tongue and laughing non-stop. Really Tyra should pick some brain or swallow her pride and borrow some from Naomi and do some things that are model-like. How many times in her model life did she have to kiss a 'hairly tongue' fugly man? how many times did she do strip tease or whatever, on top of that the spanish stunt is sickening. LOL to the person who said she might even ask girls to fall out of plane while speaking SWAHILI! God that's so hilarious and crazy as I try to imagine it, coz I'm a swahili speaker too.

Rich you murdered me with Jaeda having a pair of grape-fruits in her scrotum. Then I think she'd cum through her mouth coz the grape-fruits size can't store that much hehe!

[Abrego]

I was sure that this recap would be titled "Hair No More". The male model Victor is ssssoooo yummy, and the blow job faces this week were out of control. They were great! PS...horses may rule, but I still hate Melrose.

"You know why the girls hate Melrose? Because she acts like a professional." HAHAHAHA! That's the funniest, B.S. thing I've read in a long time.

Yeah, Melrose's constant sh*t-talking about Anchal was REAL professsional. HAHAHAHA

[tiff]

PSYCHE.

the perfect use of that word...*Swoon*

[Zach Retox]

THANK GOD people also noticed the male AHEM model never said that he didn't like black girls... He didn't like JAEDA (who could blame him?)
Jaeda's a retarded man, I'm glad he's gone.

[mosh]

The only thing Jaeda was good for was calling Melrose a "ding dong". These bitches made me cry this week and not from laughter. Thanks for bringing back laugh-tear!

[Angél]

Oh Rich, how I love thee.

I hope you're right about the CariDee psych-out. If they boot her, I will probably stab myself. After I stab Melrose.

[j.talia]

HAHA that image of tacha munching amanda's ass is hellarious!! i read about it all the time, but i finally fell on my ass from laughing! i must admit, tacha was also very funny in ATL.. whatever, go caridee! (aka karolina kurkova on crack)

[design_officer]

i'm kind of rooting for melrose. carridee is the obvious choice but i actually like melrose. the little shot of her a couple weeks back with the mustache? that was awesome. if jade could make it to the final three then why shouldn't she? at least melrose seems to be a good person. oh and everyone's jealousy of her is so annoying. suck it up ho's, after you do this show your "modeling career" is going nowhere so you might as well enjoy the exposure you are getting now.

[avi]

they need to up the suspense on who's going to win. they didn't post heights on the top model site but if they did i bet caridee is like 3 inches taller than melrose and they really want an actual model height girl to win so melrose is dead. eugena can't win because if she had a chance they'd be getting on her about her less than perfectly smooth skin like they did yaya. amanda and michelle are too couture so it's caridee. though caridee sucks at walking which i guess will be her area of improvement tyra can take credit for.

[rockin robin]

:D twiggy and her killer pen!

[kashmunny]

i kinda hate how they really push girls to "work through" situations that make them uncomfortable, especially in the sexual sense. i recall someone during the Naima Cycle feeling uncomfortable with one of her male models (maybe it was Naima herself?!) on a shoot in South Africa. yes, they are in sexualized situations and it's their "job" to envoke a sexual environment and look believable, but really? i was feeling TERRIBLE for jaeda, and i'm one easy-going bitch. i don't think anyone should be forced to passionately kiss someone who makes them feel uncomfortable in their own skin! boo on the judges for perpetuating this idea that women just have to "put up" with it, and oh well, too bad. we all cut our losses and if it was the "ree-ul wor-l" (as tyra likes to say) jaeda could fake ill, lose the work, and feel better about not being paid to be some whore crying while her john does his bidness.

and fuck tyra for thinking that caridee thinks she's perfect!!!!! i could NOT believe that one. i think it's plainly obvious to see that the poor girl has suffered with enough self-esteem issues to know that she is far from perfect, and it's only from the validation she gets from those judges and this "competition" that she feels worthy.

ugh. thumbs down all around!

ps - in reference to the vulva/vag-arms discussion; my brother and i have been referring to them as "pit-pusses" or "pit-pussies" since that is a more all-encompassing term for the 'area'.

[nite*vision]

great recap...again. i loved the consecutive blowjobface photos - priceless...and i say that from...a place of momma!

[Angie]

please tell me you've seen this- http://www.cwtv.com/video?vid=408

basically, just watch megs. rock and roll!

[kety]

Jaeda knows what she heard about the toungue haired guy saying he doesn't like black girls right? RIGHT? And I have no reason not to believe her since like many others, I watch the edited version..SIGH.

And yes Trya was crazy saying 'perfect' shit about Caridee. May be Tyra knows that Caridee is perfect but and wanted to find a reason to disturb her perfectioness since she is a profession in making girls cry for no particular reaosn. And that in turn will give her a reason to send her away since..said in Tyraism style.."the fire she came with, that fire that gave her the ,It' thing,is no longer burning, and other judges are wondering where is that 'IT' thing? Since the fire is dead and there is no any lighter left, back ur bag y'alone and go home"

Well either that or she thinks we already know that Caridee is a winner and she is trying to shock us. And I was shocked.

Tyra should start fear factor because some challenges are really weird. She is playing with the girls' psychologies by discouraging them that they can never be like her just as she claims she was told bye who? yes 15 years ago y'all. Yeah Tyra as if you didn't just drop from school and start modeling straight away. Stop making the girls' life difficult please. Or 'are you afraid to be vulnerable?' hehe

[limadean]

These blogs are great! I googled "Melrose is ugly," got here, and it's been awesome. Thanks!

[Ben Plymale]

This doesn't really have anything to do with THIS particular episode, but from the finale of Cycle 1. It's a Tyraism:

(Tyra walks in on Shannon, Elyse, and Adrianne sitting on their beds)
"Ooh, why is everyone matching?" (points to Shannon) "Red..." (points to Elyse) "Orange..."

Tyra's brilliant.

[notorius]

OMG this blog is amazing...
LOL!

[Ando]

Crying laughing. You've outdone yourself. HEE-larious. I've been over Jaeda for a while, but she really never had a chance. Tyra's all, "You think your pretty and you are, but you also have masculine features, You're new cut will make you look like a man!" A bit of a mindfuck if you will. Personally, I think Tyra was jealous.

Anyways, Go Cari Dee! I guess it's a little ironic after her performance, but how great will her Cover Girl commercial be?

Tyra banks loves to humiliate young women.
AMTM is her playground to do as she pleases to
them."Chew em up and spit em out!" She's very good at it...

Model Scams:Tyra Banks Exposed Herself-
She's Just Another Wolf In Sheep's Clothing...A Predator!

The Oh So Righteous Tyra Banks boasts about her crusade and mission to save people from being victimized by the scam artists and predators out there using and exploiting women.Tyra became-IS- part of the problem herself under-using