The most valuable lesson I took away from Diana Ross' appearance on Monday's Inside the Actors Studio is that her eyes are watery like Winston's (I wish I could claim that one, but it was my boyfriend's observation). Seriously, I just wanted to dab her with a moist paper towel the entire time. Runny as they were, however, her eyes weren't glassy enough. That's to say that she wasn't drunk enough (if at all) to sustain two hours worth of interest. She just kind of babbled and then sang and then babbled and then sang. On the plus side, I've never seen anyone crack themselves up so consistently. Seriously: Diana Ross thinks Diana Ross is hilarious.
I do too, but only when she's chopped up into nonsensical editing that condenses her weirdness down to three minutes. Or drunk. Since she wasn't the latter, I offer you the former. Here's a clips reel of her hottest moments. This is a woman of, like 50 different laughs, and most of them are diabolical. She really reminds me of Mr. Burns.