The most valuable lesson I took away from Diana Ross' appearance on Monday's Inside the Actors Studio is that her eyes are watery like Winston's (I wish I could claim that one, but it was my boyfriend's observation). Seriously, I just wanted to dab her with a moist paper towel the entire time. Runny as they were, however, her eyes weren't glassy enough. That's to say that she wasn't drunk enough (if at all) to sustain two hours worth of interest. She just kind of babbled and then sang and then babbled and then sang. On the plus side, I've never seen anyone crack themselves up so consistently. Seriously: Diana Ross thinks Diana Ross is hilarious.
I do too, but only when she's chopped up into nonsensical editing that condenses her weirdness down to three minutes. Or drunk. Since she wasn't the latter, I offer you the former. Here's a clips reel of her hottest moments. This is a woman of, like 50 different laughs, and most of them are diabolical. She really reminds me of Mr. Burns.
(Download)
Wow...time for new dentures.
Posted by: Tropico | February 21, 2007 at 02:19 AM
is it weird that she reminds me of my mom?
Posted by: pete | February 21, 2007 at 04:01 AM
did she discuss at any time the new row of teeth she appears to have grown on the left side?
Posted by: homogenize this | February 21, 2007 at 04:46 AM
You guys are terrible! OK, I'm one of you guys. I know she's a superstar of a certain age, demanding and deserving of a level or respect, but GF needs a dental intervention.
Oh, and you mean everybody doesn't walk around with an orange shoved up there? Keeps one cognizant of posture AND who doesn't enjoy a citrusy freshness twixt the thighs?
Posted by: Michael | February 21, 2007 at 05:21 AM
ah, too funny edit
age is no excuse for her
mess A mess.
Posted by: snag | February 21, 2007 at 06:10 AM
The only excuse for those teeth is a fear of the dentist. Those teeth are just so wrong.
Posted by: a. | February 21, 2007 at 07:47 AM
brilliant. she manages to combine woody woodpecker and a gurgling baby into one gnarly laugh. wicked.
Posted by: girl | February 21, 2007 at 07:51 AM
Lord knows I loves me some Miss Ross, but those teefus need some help! As Michael said, it's time for a "dental intervention."
It's pretty cool that she's so self aware that she thinks she could play a drug addict really well now.
Posted by: AntBee | February 21, 2007 at 08:05 AM
ok, i know, i love diana ross, she's a superstar, yada yada yada.....
but come on! inside the actor's studio?! give me a break james lipton! was mayim bialik too busy? jesus!
i swear to god, if britney or lindsey are ever on that show i will never watch it again.
on an unrelated note, i can't wait until top model next week!! did you watch the commercial on cw.com where tyra said "not just fierce...ferocious.") all serious like? oh, ty ty... what will you recycle next?
Posted by: shannon | February 21, 2007 at 09:09 AM
She looks like a witch.
Posted by: David | February 21, 2007 at 09:10 AM
What was the context for that orange story? Please tell me she was relating a case of vaginal scurvy.
Posted by: Kitten | February 21, 2007 at 09:11 AM
she's crazy, but she's aged well and can still sing the fur off a cat. go Dirty Diana- go on...
Posted by: James Derek Dwyer | February 21, 2007 at 10:11 AM
The audience is eating that shit up - "Look at the funny drunk lady prancing around and feeling her own peesh!" She needs to star in the life story of Florrie, I think she'd really wow 'em. The people they have on Inside The Actor's Studio, seriously - what was the last movie Diana Ross was even in? According to IMDB it was a TV movie with Brandy called "Double Platinum" which is all about "a young singer who is reunited with the mother who left her when she was a child." BEGGING for a recap, Rich. BEGGING.
Posted by: Joe | February 21, 2007 at 10:44 AM
I was in the airport in Indianapolis years ago, and Diana Ross fluttered by, alone. People were moderately interested, but no one cared enough to approach her or stop doing what they were doing. About 20 minutes later, I went to get a cup of coffee and to make a phone call, and Diana was at the courtesy phone, HAVING HERSELF PAGED.
True story!!!
Posted by: dana | February 21, 2007 at 11:11 AM
Oops, sorry for the double post!
Posted by: AntBee | February 21, 2007 at 11:15 AM
If only I could incorporate unnecessary arm posing into my daily conversation, I'd be set. (and mildly insane)
Ahh, Mr. Burns. Must go run and watch the movie trailer for the tenth time.
Posted by: rustyspigot | February 21, 2007 at 11:21 AM
I didn't watch this on TV but why the fuck did she have an orange between her legs just because she saw him on the street?
Posted by: deeyou | February 21, 2007 at 11:42 AM
Tyra needs to take her to the dentist.
Posted by: Gayest Neil | February 21, 2007 at 01:37 PM
How can such an incredible talent be so, so, so ...
there's not even a word to describe how strange she's become ...
Posted by: Paul | February 21, 2007 at 01:46 PM
Do you think Diana Ross and Florrie Fisher ever hang out?
Posted by: jesse | February 21, 2007 at 02:30 PM
The Teeth. That is all I can say. Tina Turner looks whooped, Dirty Diana looks well...
Posted by: Pierre | February 21, 2007 at 02:36 PM
Shannon wrote: "i swear to god, if britney or lindsey are ever on that show i will never watch it again.
on an unrelated note, i can't wait until top model next week!!"
Britney or Lindsey on the Actor's Studio would be hilarious: a stupid girl making a fool of herself on a show that takes itself too seriously. Isn't that why you/we watch ANTM?
Posted by: Shot of Love | February 21, 2007 at 03:45 PM
Today the "Culture" section of my newspaper had a piece called "Star Sounds", about what kind of music different celebrities had on their playlists. Lo and behold, I saw this:
"Diana Ross's playlist only contains tunes by Diana Ross."
In light of your recent post, I had a great laugh this morning. You totally got Diana in the bag - she's in love with herself and you totally proved it! In summary, YOU RULE!
Posted by: wingus, dingus... listen up: | February 21, 2007 at 04:32 PM
Diana Ross is the last of a dying breed. She is the one last true living Diva. Miarah Carey tries so hard but she just doesn't get it. A Diva doesn't dress like a slut. Diana Ross my need a touch up but you have to give it to her, for her age she looks great. And would an aging Diva every admit she needed some cosmetic help? I don't think she would because she would look in the mirror and still she herself 30 years ago. Love Diana Ross. She truly is a living legend. If only the young stars today had half her class and sense of style.
Posted by: PleaseThink | February 21, 2007 at 04:48 PM
but thats the thing, tyra is totally ridiculous (again, the cw.com commercial "not just fierce... ferocious.") but it's not supposed to be serious. this is the new school! james lipton! people mortgage their houses to send their kids there! i don't want lilo on the same stage as meryl streep! maybe the line is blurry, but in my mind, it's complete absurdity the level of "actors" they've had on that show recently. as much as i have a love/hate relationship with tyra and antm, they're not trying to come off as a highly esteemed educational facility. or else mr. j would be tied down while someone did something (anything!!) to his hair.
Posted by: shannon | February 21, 2007 at 05:07 PM