Faces of Winston
My boyfriend recently bought a Mac. Being a PC loyalist coping with the discovery that a loved one is a Mac person is, I imagine, like being a kind-hearted but circumstantially ignorant straight person who discovers that someone close to them is gay: you're supportive but concerned about the bigger picture. It's a cold world back there in our makeshift office, and I just don't want that Mac to mistreat him, is all. I gently suggested that he try not being a Mac person, but apparently things don't work that way. Oh well. All I know is what I hear on Oprah.
Anyway, one great thing about this new Mac is its built-in webcam. Frankly, I cannot wait to start masturbating furiously for all of the Xtube community to enjoy. Just kidding -- I want Winston to masturbate furiously on Xtube. Then he'll really be a star. Until he learns how, though, here's the next best thing: distorted shots of his face via Mac's insanely addictive Photo Booth program.
Like his face isn't fucked up as it is, right?
You can click on many (but not all) of these, to enlarge them, by the way. All captions are under the picture they're describing (I tend to mix things up normally in that respect, but I'm keeping them uniform in this post for the sake of clarity).
What is he, fuckin' Burmese or something?
Mean bunny rabbit.
Meaner bunny rabbit.
Ever since Gizmo died, I've wanted another guinea pig. Thank you, Easter Bunny!
Doesn't the shot above look like a super-magnified closeup of an insect? He'll eat you after you mate with him.
If you look at his two little duplicate noses as one big nose, he begins to look like Patti LaBelle. It's as though he knows I'm gay!
Winston wasn't like the other orangutans. No opposable thumbs, for one thing...
"Please sir, will you help me solve my Encyclopedia Brown mystery? Verrrrrry curious!"
"Anyone else smell something funny?"
A sign of intelligent life, perhaps?
Who will edit The Paris Review when he dies?
Here, he looks like my paternal grandfather.
And here, he looks like my paternal grandfather exasperated, as he inevitably would be every time he watched Jeopardy! or went through the McDonald's drive thru.
Here, he's saying, as freaks of nature often do to whomever happens to be near them, "Kill me."
He really means it, too.
Hillarious!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: | February 28, 2007 at 09:12 AM
You. Are. So. Bad.
Posted by: dizzy | February 28, 2007 at 09:14 AM
that was hilarious Rich!
ANTM starts TODAAYY!! excited much?
Posted by: #1fan | February 28, 2007 at 09:28 AM
Okay, that straight-up made my day.
Thankyouthankyouthankyou for sharing the fungasm that is Winston.
Posted by: Jessica | February 28, 2007 at 09:44 AM
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha
THIS WAS DEADLY HILARIOUS! HAHAHAHAHAHA
my favourites are "Anyone else smell something funny?" and the last one!
you and your Winston Rich, you're the BEST! :D
Posted by: omar | February 28, 2007 at 09:49 AM
My boyfriend bought me an iMac for Valentine's Day and one of the first things I did was take random pictures like that with the built-in camera...lol.
Posted by: Katherine | February 28, 2007 at 09:54 AM
*dying laughing*
love mean bunny rabbit the first. :D
Posted by: moss | February 28, 2007 at 09:56 AM
funny funny funny
Posted by: ME | February 28, 2007 at 10:07 AM
Hilarious. I like alien Winston.
Posted by: jelodi97 | February 28, 2007 at 10:07 AM
I think Winston would do well at panel. Tyra would compliment him on the variety of faces, as well as his expert use of neck. Nigel may find the poses "too porn" and suggest putting him the "scare you" bottom two, just to send a message. This from Miss J - "Blah blah blah dragalicious blah blah blah." No one listens to Miss J. Twiggy would be all "What's a Winston, luv?" Congratulations. You're still on your way to being America's Next Top Model.
Posted by: Joe | February 28, 2007 at 10:09 AM
Hysterical. I'm a MAC user - once with Mac never back - to Windows. You'll learn to love your new machine.
Posted by: vagabondblogger | February 28, 2007 at 10:16 AM
I laughed, I cried, I ruined a perfectly good mascara application...
God, I love that little hamburger head.
Posted by: subpolka | February 28, 2007 at 10:19 AM
oh my god, that's the funniest thing i've ever seen. love it!!
Posted by: camille | February 28, 2007 at 10:20 AM
Mac = Crack = WACK.
If crApple were a person, I'd take off my shoe and slap it in the face.
At least something good came of the Mac invasion into Rich's home... but isn't there some sort of CAMP to send the man to, to brainwash him into realizing The Truth?
Posted by: WC | February 28, 2007 at 10:23 AM
freakin' awesome, rich! by introducing mac into your home you will truly come 'round to a world of endless possibilities we mac users have known for years and years! welcome!
ps: i can NOT believe i have loved you, your blog, your cat, all this damn time and not known you were a PC person!!
my powers of perception are really slippin'
Posted by: carlos | February 28, 2007 at 10:33 AM
i LOVE photobooth.
best mac program EVER!!
Posted by: bryce | February 28, 2007 at 10:41 AM
It makes me happy to hear that you're a PC loyalist...
Don't give up hope...I converted my Mac user husband to a PC. The promise of "free" software was too good for him to pass up. I give him the evil eye whenever he even mentions the idea of getting another mac...besides, we have two that are just collecting dust...
Posted by: MizoFizo | February 28, 2007 at 10:46 AM
In the spirit of ANTM -- the camera loves him!
Posted by: Jill | February 28, 2007 at 11:21 AM
Wow, does it really have to be PC versus Mac? We Mac people don't hate PC people, maybe it's an inferiority complex? Hmmmm.
Soon, you all find that there are free programs (and fun ones like the ones you just saw) and you'll all turn! Muhahahahaha!!!
p.s. Did you really bring it there with the Encyclopedia Brown reference?!?! Fuck yeah!!
Posted by: Brandon H | February 28, 2007 at 11:23 AM
You meant "'A' Burmese", right? As in, the cat type? Burmese folks are rare in our parts but they do exist!
Posted by: wingus, dingus... listen up: | February 28, 2007 at 11:29 AM
As an admitted cat-hater, I must say Winston is both cute and awesome.
Posted by: fasthugs | February 28, 2007 at 11:33 AM
i'm going through the same thing as my b/f just bought his first mac a week ago too. it's like now he's in some secret society and i'm looking in wondering what the hi sign is.
Posted by: amy | February 28, 2007 at 11:37 AM
I gotta admit, this almost makes me want to buy a Mac purely for Photo Booth.
The top pic?
WINSTON 9000!
Posted by: tankboy | February 28, 2007 at 11:42 AM
Fuck Winston.
Posted by: Lola Falana Luvs Mike Tyson | February 28, 2007 at 12:30 PM
encyclopedia brown fucking rocks. these pics are also fucking adorable, in a really ugly way.
Posted by: tiffany | February 28, 2007 at 12:31 PM