I'd like to hate on the Academy

Hey everyone: look what God can do!

Now focus your attention on what he can't do: hair. 

This year's Oscars ceremony sucked. Seriously, you know something's amiss when it's boring on fast forward. It's bizarre because I thought Ellen was great, especially in her opening monologue, which basically implored the self-conscious to be more so. I was fine with, if not exactly excited for, most of the winners (especially Scorsese, Mirren, Arkin, until he started reading his fucking speech, and even Hudson). I was even OK with the predictable our-collective-heart-bleeds-green motif that wound throughout the night. But just about every non-awards bit was excruciating. Between the wannabe avant bullshit (shadow puppets lose their thrill after a while, no matter how big and cinematic they are) and the stupid montages (they're supposed to remind us why we love film but seriously, they just make me kinda hate it), I can't help but wonder if they're trying to waste our time (and I know, deep down, that, of course they are -- they have ads to sell). And I'm not even going to go into my displeasure at having to sit through 10 minutes of Dreamgirls all over again.

But whatever. With any awards shows come questions from me and here's the Academy Awards 2007 edition:

If Ryan Gosling continues his cuteness acceleration will he be the sexiest man alive by the time he hits 35?

Speaking of JenHud's hair, why is it flat? Does she sleep upside down?

(It looks like it might even be some weird digital cropping thing, some 'do letterboxing or something, but...

...nope. It's just...flat.)

Ugh, why Jack?

It's gotta be for a role, right? He's gonna be playing Mr. Clean or Daddy Warbucks or Kojak or Lex Luthor or Dr. Claw (as I imagine him to be behind that chair) or a penis, right?

What is that: velvet?

Do you think that Will Ferrell grew his hair out like that to show up John C. Reilly (as in: "This is what you go for but can never achieve, Skimpylocks?"). Or is Will gearing up to play Sideshow Bob? 

They can show genitalia on TV now?

What am I asking: of course they can!

Cate Blanchett, what are you doing to help the environment?

("Conserving oxygen by breathing through my nose, not my mouth.")

Why did Penelope Cruz bring a stick in the mud in a dress as her date?

 

(Seriously: why so hateful, lady? Does it hurt that much to be mistaken for Mexican?)

That camera can really sneak up on you, huh Jerry?

Did anyone else's heart rate quicken when Gore was doing his bit even though you knew it was a bit and you knew that even Gorebot wasn't about to announce his presidential campaign by reading off a prompter?

This guy (William Monahan, writer of The Departed) couldn't even keep his eyes open during his acceptance speech. That sheet he's "reading" off of is a ruse. Valium really, really works, huh?

Girls, isn't it about time you hung up the Prada? Isn't holding onto shtick the anti-fashion?

What is this Price Is Right Showcase Showdown bullshit?

I'd bid, but I know I'd go over.

You know how Gywneth Paltrow has saggy, baboon boobs (baboobs?)?

Do you think covering them was her strategy? If style comes down to accenting your strengths and deemphasizing your flaws, this hair placement was a triumph.

God. Lesbianism, cancer, global warming: it's always something with Melissa Etheridge, isn't it?

Girl, why you lyin'?

No one was surprised. Come on.

Do you think during JenHud's speech, Beyoncé was all...

"Please God, can you do that for me, too? I'd ask Daddy, but I hit him up for an Oompa Loompa earlier today and I don't want to push it. I'm a nice girl, see..."?

Is Eva Green the lovechild of Penelope Cruz and Elvira? Was Tim Burton the obstetrician?

Here's a multiple choice question: In which shot does Celine Dion mean it the most?

The answer is none of the above. Celine Dion means it the most when she contorts her lips to reveal the John Waters-mustache nature of her lip liner.

Do you think Kirsten Dunst chose a translucent dress because she wanted it to match her skin?

(Bitch is so pale she has the skin tone of a hot dog!)

OK, this isn't a question...

This is so cheap. It's one thing to read a list of names because people and their hurt feelings can be a hassle. It's another thing to read sentiment that's supposedly from your heart. At least Alan Arkin had the decency to acknowledge the lameness in reading a speech. Seriously, Forest, is it that hard to be a real person instead of an actor for 30 seconds? I'm not offended by his supposition that he was going to win (for why else write a speech?), I'm offended that he couldn't even memorize the bullshit that he was spewing. "I wanted to touch people" is just a pussy-fied way of saying, "I wanted to be famous."

Diane, how does it feel to be touching a human-sized penis?

Fabulous and post-menopausal, just as I suspected!

Did Marty forget his hearing aid or something?

Oh! I get it, finally...

Jack's supposed to be Oscar. His bologna has a first name and, more importantly, a purpose. 

Comments

[Joe]

God, u rock. That Oscarcast was lame - when a big ol Oscarfag like me gets winded at around 10pm central, you know they've lost everyone else. It was too refined, classy and dignified. Someone has to bring the crazy next year. Seriously. Melissa Etheridge quote - "This (the Oscar) is the only man who will ever be in my bedroom!" Oh God - we get it. You're a big, rug-munching dyke. Don't like the penis. Duly noted. That said, enormously happy for: Arkin, Scorcese, JHud. Also: I wanted to do every guy from Spain. Does that make me a whore?

[alex2.0]

this was my 1st time watching the oscars in its entirety. ellen was okay. could've been better. i thought the jack black/will ferell performance was funny. the dreamgirls performance wasnt that great. they were trying to out sing each other.

[chesca]

beyonce looked sooo pissed when jhud won. she was holding back tears but they were totally tears of jeallousy. so hillarious.

[D]

I think JHud's an amazing singer, but I never really thought that she was better than Beyonce, just different. After last night, I actually think JHud is different AND better.

Oh yes I did.

[angela]

Yes you are right about everything - still, I don't know, I mean I got up and walked away but still, you want some stupid interpretive dancing and now we know what Tom Cruise looks like with no moisture in his body, diuretics work too! They can do better but it is still fun even to hate it. I'm sort of sad that Jennifer Hudson couldn't remain charming through all of awards season. That broke my heart a little bit!

[nefertiti jenkins]

"what is that: velvet?"

HA.

is it me or did Beyawnce try to one-up Jhud during their rendition of "Listen"? Like, she was trying extra hard. And yet I did not care because that song bores me to tears.

At least Anika Noni Rose got some time to shine.

[moss]

I've never seen the Oscars but I can imagine that Forest Whitaker just didn't want to make a mistake right? I mean.. I don't think that I would extemp in front of the world on Oscar night.

[whatwouldjanicedickinsondo]

may the lord bless and keep the person who gave you a Tivo.

however, I really liked this year's broadcast. I went in with low expectations (Degeneres is basically white noise to me) but ended up enjoying it.

And as for Forrest Whittaker, are you taking issue with someone reading a speech at an awards show? Really? That's bothering you? I thought it was a nice enough speech. A bit too new agey and metaphysical for my taste, but the camera panned to his clock-stoppingly gorgeous wife enough to keep me interested.

[deeyou]

I hate Jack Black with a passion, why must he ruin all forms of media?

[Joan]

I thought Ellen's get up looked like a castaway Pips costume. Lame, lame, lame. Fake, fake, fake. It's a sad day when the Oscars become a parody of its own goofiness. Yawn.

[stroll]

Aw come on. Be happy for Jennifer Hudson.

[AntBee]

I wasn't watching the show, but could overhear it from the livingroom. I was going to go in and watch the Will Ferrell bit, but I saw Jack Black was his singing partner, and immediately turned back around. I hate that motherfucker!
I liked Ellen's purple velvet suit, and I don't care who knows!
I liked Kirsten Dunst's dress, too.
Ryan Gosling is my secret desire. Oops, guess it's not so secret anymore. Those sad eyes he has just make me want to...

[Shakespeare's Sister]

Best. Oscar. Wrap-up. Evah.

[trevor]

Yeah, Ellen looked awful throughout. Completely unflattering. Hated Nicole Kidman's dress with that THING! I thought it was pretty cool to see Speilberg, Lucas, Coppola, and Scorcese all on stage together (I could've done without Lucas though). And you're right, Jennifer Hudson had no reason to act as surprised as she did. Helen didn't get all shocked and she knew she had it.

[RichAndSinful]

Vat is dat, velllvet? Rich, you are da bomb!!

Oh, and are those 4 shots of Celine or the "Oh Industry" masks from Beaches? I'm confused.

[Carmine]

I get it. It's cool to diss the Oscars now.

[Rick]

You are correct. Jack is currently starring in a Rob Reiner movie alongside Morgan Freeman and Sean Hayes, and it's wrapping up shortly. That is why he's bald in the pic (God, for once in my life I feel like I'm in the know.)

[pesky808]

Penelope Cruz + Elvira = Eva Green.

Genius!

[amy [knitty]]

not just a purpose. a SPECIAL purpose. :-)

[Brandon H]

Haha, poor Jennifer, it's ALOT of work keeping all that shit together while dodging knife fights with Beyonce. Actually what I think was going through her head when Jennifer won was, "Oooow bitch you just wait! First all the attention and now a fucking Oscar! Do you know how many hoes I cut off just to get here! Ring the alarm!"

And I really just wanted Jack Black and those guys to just die. I really, really did. That made me soo angry looking at it. God!

At least there's Ryan Gosling. (sigh) And Peter Sarsgard (double sigh)

[rao]

Don't pick on my Forest!
His Golden Globe speech was an overwhelmed rambling mess. I felt sorry for him. Clearly he didn't have anything ready for that--or possibly couldn't remember anything he had planned to say. I'd much rather have someone pull out a piece of paper and make that sound meaningful than someone just reading a list of the names agents, lawyers and personal assistants.
Plenty of people memorize their speeches and they still sound like crap.

Although watching Jack Black make me long for the days of High Fidelity when he was so good in small doses.

[LaSexorcisto]

Forest just wanted to be prepared this time. I guess giving speeches is not his thing. A little corny but he was good. Rich, you're mean. ;-)

I'm so over J-Hud. Let's see what the future holds for her, but unless she finds another role about a dejected, rejected, talented, zaftig singer...well, I think she'd be wise to stick to music. Cause her acting is nothing special to me.

Ryan Gosling is one good-looking cat but he's that much better of an actor. He was good even in that crappy movie with Sandra Bullock about the two high school kids who were serial killers.

[Brad]

I'm shocked, SHOCKED, there's no hating on Seinfeld's nasty, overlong hating on the movie industry that, seemingly, was his revenge for not getting the gig to host. Or the worst damn audition for next year conceivable. Jerry, you got your glass buttplug to go up and read off the nominees, not to give us a preview of your new bit. Thanks to you, the second and third winner for Achievement in Sound got played off stage by the orchestra.

[Audrey]

I love you Rich! Once again. This is the first Oscar cast that I haven't watched since I was maybe 9 years old. It was a combination of how tedious and boring the Oscars are, how nothing I really liked was nominated, and that I'm the only one in maybe the world who thought "Little Miss Sunshine" sucked.

[Mike V.]

LOL!!
Bravo, great take on that 4 hour show.
Jebus, 4 hours.
But, I stuck it out.
Beyonce is the most beautiful creature on the planet.
And Penelope Cruz is the cutest.

[Kyklopos]

OMG you people, what's up with all the hate towards Beyoncé. Do you really get off speculating Beyoncé be hating on J.Hud?
Just accept that some people can be happy for each other.

[rose]

It was boring. I did perk up when Beyonce was straining to sing which resulted in what I would call urban yodling. With all that wig flopping she was doing, I was really hoping it would fly the fuck off and make the time I spent watching this oh so slow show worth my while.

[yougottabekiddingme]

No, no, no, no, no.

When Hudson won, I turned off the tv and went to bed. The Oscars are bullshit. Always have been. I have no idea why I continue my dysfunctional relationship with those awards. Didn't I learn *anything* from Titanic?

[yougottabekiddingme]

Oh, and Will Ferrell needs to go away. Talk about someone who plays to the LCD (lowest common denominator).

As for Beyoncé... Could you really pick her out of a lineup of other "pretty" women? Every time I see her, I'm like, "Is that Beyoncé?"

Nothing special about her except the rumors that she's a bitch. Oh wait. That ain't special, either.

[Reese]

1) Ha! I was wondering if anyone picked up that Penelope Cruz was mistaken for "Mexican."

2) Why didn't Best Supporting Actress get presented in the first 30 minutes like it usually does? Gawd! They knew we were all watching for that.

3) For the record, I think JHud was genuinely surprised. I know I was. I thought she wasn't going to win just 'cause the voters wanted to be different than everybody else. Awesome that she did win though.

4) Is it just me or were there a TON of lesbians on the stage? (Mellisa, Queen Latifah, Ellen, Jodie Foster, etc.).

5) This Oscars was the worst ever because it was way too long. You know they could have cut this show down to 15 minutes.

[Reese]

Oh, and Ryan Gosling = Fug.

Sorry, Rich.

[vince]

re: anne hathaway

prada? lady was wearing valentino.

[Quel]

Great recap as usual.

Diane Keaton is so beautiful and stylish. I love her.

And Ryan Gosling is a sexy beast.

[LaSexorcisto]

vince, I think Rich was talking about the "Devil Wears Prada" shtick going on between Anne, Emily Blunt, and Meryl.

BTW, I read somewhere that Anne Hathaway is also a lesbian so perhaps tally up another one for the softball team.

[AJ]

Whoever said that it looked like B was trying to outsing JHud, I totally agree. JHud just opens her mouth and can bring the house down. Beyonce tries so hard, it looks painful sometimes.

I was like "Honey, please, don't even try."

And thank you for the Ryan Gosling love! Such a hottie an incredible actor to boot.

[vince]

oh, ok. i missed the live broadcast last night due to being on the road, so i just assumed he was referring to the dress (didn't even notice that was Emily Blunt next to her). my bad.

[Sarah]

All I know is that I'm glad Martin got what was due him, though maybe for the wrong movie (haven't seen The Departed so not saying he's not deserving for that movie) but he was due a long time ago when he made Taxi Driver and Raging Bull.

[Andrew]

Yes...you are right...God can do just about anything but hair. At least she took off that awful gold leather cropped jacket thing when she sat down. Glad she won though.
I LOVE watching Beyonce try to compete vocally with Jhuds. I loves me some Beyonce...but she can't outsing her and it seems to make her crazy! From the Grammys to the Oscars Beyonce just can't win.
Thank you so much for the screen shot of Celine D'Yawns sphincter lips!
I'm with Joe on the Spain thing! I was the most excited when any of the Spainiards won! And I do think that Penelope's gown was the best.
What else... I heart Ryan Gosling too. Anne Hathaway was wearing some Nolan Miller reject and it was probably the most lesbionic Oscars ever.
In other news...E! Is the biggest piece of dogshit channel in history!
Frangipani and Acidophilus are both from hell.
U rock Rich!
Thanks for the recap!

[Jamie]

I usually avoid award shows, but I had money on this so I watched the whole thing, and I don't think it was that bad. I'll take shadow figures over interperative dance anyday, and that sound effects segment with the chorus of people was pretty awesome. Yes it ran too long and yes the montages made me want to kill someone, but for the first time reading one of your entries I felt you were being harsh for the sake of being harsh...poor Forest

[Lois]

I love J-Hud as an attractive human--so sexy, but is her voice that good? So far I'm not feeling it. It could be 'cause she mostly sings show tunes, which are NOT my thing. It could also be I'm sort of sick of the influence Amer Idol seems to have on singers these days. Singing that sounds/looks like the person is on the verge of blowing out a lung doesn't do it for me.

On another note altogether....forget about the obvious Beyonce and Jennifer catfight, a story the media NEVER fails to jump on, how bout Bee and Jay's days as a couple? She was there w/ her asshole pops and Carter has been missing at other recent, important events as well. In my gossipy opinion, those two are done and done.

[don'e]

damn... of course the hate is strongest right before a new season of America's Next Top Model... this year's Oscars were better than last years even with boring shadow puppets and over the top politics.

[luke]

I don't know most of what you're talking about, because even thought it was ON my television, I was distracted by my newest Pokemon game, which was more exciting.

[melanie]

so hillarious! i loved ellen, and i loved the will ferrell bit but the rest sucked...especially the f-ing montages!

[New York Moments]

Eva Green is into cheesy horror flicks. Did you see her hair during the Golden Globes? It was so "Bride of Frankenstein." This dress she wore to the Oscars makes her look like a mummy.

[Sarah]

Does anyone know exactly how many times they showed Jack Nickelson. I was playing the "Spot Jack" drinking game with a few friends and we passed out before Best Sound Mixing.

[TeesMyBody.com T-Shirts]

Wow, a reality tv star can win the most coveted award sought by an actor? Only in America...

Bob Hasko
www.TeesMyBody.com T-Shirts

[Madge]

I think Jack is going for the Britney look.

[neurot]

This years production was as cringe worthy as the year Rob Lowe sang with Snow White. I had to stop watching and switch to the SVU marathon on USA. I unfortunately missed the annual dead celebrities montage. Who got the big claps? Anna Nicole or Altman?

I'm just amazed that the tranny formerly known as Beyonce is sitting closer to the stage than one of the greatest directors ever. And Forest rules. Luv, luv, luv him.

[toni]

I think Beyonce is a pretty girl then she opens up her mouth and that voice is slow and stupid sounding because um, she is stupid. As far as Ellen's velvet look, it was cut so badly, narrow shoulders making her look all hippy, not a good look on a middle-aged woman. Dianne Keaton looked better than she has in years, better than most of the young ones.

[Ian]

Whole thing was so hideous... but I got halfway and just had to slog it out to the bitter end. Even after the we-love-the-environment lecture by Messrs Gore and DiCaprio.

Spent most of the last half thinking how enjoyable it would be to do/be done by Mark Wahlberg. Bit in love with Ryan Gosling too. Seemed to me he had bollocks chance to win so was just enjoying the free booze. I hope he got some last night, I really do.

And if I were 60, Helen Mirren would TOTALLY turn me.

[Jim]

Dude, I'm 40 and a gay guy, and Helen Mirren DOES turn me on. Seriously, she is hot!

[Lisa]

Christ. Can we turn down the bitter a little bit please?

[ETS]

Man, even when you stab me (the Dreamgirls and J. Hud disses), you leave me in tears (Celine's mustache).

[Turkey]

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,254626,00.html

It was for a role.

[♥dex]

"Does anyone know exactly how many times they showed Jack Nicholson."

I think cutting to him at awards shows is de rigueur anymore.

And laughing with Nefertiti @ "What is that: velvet?"

It makes me want to go pop that moving in and sigh for Eddie and his loss (although my money was on Arkin--whoo!). I read somewhere that he and his beard Edmonds huffed out of the theatre once he lost.

[ellesee]

"Please God, can you do that for me, too? I'd ask Daddy, but I hit him up for an Oompa Loompa earlier today and I don't want to push it. I'm a nice girl, see..."?

Priceless, Rich. I'm so psyched for Tyra's House of Fuggle and your recaps.

[Amanda]

When Al Gore was faking that "about to run for president speech" i too was freaking out even though I knew he was only playing with my heart. why al gore, why? and jennifer hudson overemphasized that I never thought I would ever win b.s.

[Adam]

What was up with Clint Eastwood? Was he high?

[yo]

The "save the world" shot of Melissa Ethridge playing reminded me of the damn Hero's promotions...

Save the cheerleader.
Save the world.

Ugh!

[el smrtmnky]

all i know is that there's a plan 10 from outer space and it's that bolero jacket JHud was forced to wear by Andre Leon Talley.

[.Chris.]

hahahahahahahahaha
god i love you.
[though i rather liked that wierd acrobatic puppet show shit]
I loved watching Beyonce unravel infront of our eyes. You know that bitch was crying dring jhuds speach because she felt that should ahve been her- and watching her sing with jhud on stage and being outshined- BWAHAHA! i loved everyminute of it.

[Daniel]

Baboobs! Almost died.

[Kristina]

Was it just me, or did Beyonce morph into Tyra during her performance. Seriously, watch it again and tell me what you think.

[I am not Star Jones]

why do famous black people thank god when they win awards?

maybe because they forget
that they are no longer owned by a massa and still think they are in the fields praying for any God to rescue them from their fate.

I think it is beyond ridiculous. but what can you do?

[tracy]

you are so right on about the oscars.
frankly i was puzzled that it ran an hour over.

[Kathy]

Dunno if someone said this back Jack Nicholson's hair WAS for a role. He is playing a terminally ill patient. :)

[coolmintboy5]

Forest Whitaker reading his speach was so lame. You win the award for supposidly being the best actor, but can't memorize a one paragraph speach. HELLO!?!? 90% of acting is memorizing lines/speaches. Maybe you should hand back the Oscar for not knowing your lines.

[moss]

90% of acting is memorizing lines/speaches

and 90% of the internet is the stupid.

Acting begins after the words are memorized. Probably 5% of acting is memorization.

[doglover]

ouch..harsh reviews. Did anyone expect the Oscars not to, at least, suck a little?

Ryan Gosling is a good actor. Part of his appeal is that he's not an overexposed star yet. That's why y'all find him so dreamy.

Beyonce seems like a diva and she's obviously hardworking and ambitious. Why, oh why, must we keep insinuating that she has a J. Hudson voodoo doll at home though?

Ellen was Ellen.

So Forest Whitaker read his speech...it's his moment to shine (or not)and I don't think it's reflective of a lack of acting ability. The more exciting Oscar speeches usually come from the people who didn't know they were going to win.

Helen Mirren looked hot. We don't need to add the "for her age part". The woman is a goddess and could've converted more of those gals into lesbians Oscar night.

Many of the winners were from Mexico, not Espana.

I did feel sorry for some of the winners, in the nonacting categories, who couldn't approach the microphone & say a quick thanks. If there was more than one person that won the award, there was only enough time for one of them to say their thanks.

All in all, a perfectly boring, long show with some very ugly dresses.

[Deirdre Savoy]

This was the most hilarious recap I've seen. I watched most of it and really agree with most of what you've said--particularly Nicholson's penis-like appearance. If I were Diane Keaton, I would have been afraid, very afraid.

All the best,
Dee

[Scott Free]

"Baboobs" made me snort in the lunchroom. Thanks!

[Marti]

Didn't watch, but is there a screen shot of Eddie losing?

[ItLovesCompany]

God has nothing to do with her hair, and clearly has nothing to do with haters either, so what's the point??

[ryan]

you know what tomorrow is...

[S]

Rich, you're the best! Like you need to hear it.
I didn't watch most of the show, but had to sit through the last 30 minutes since the tv was held hostage by my husband. Only way to get the remote back.
So glad I wasn't seeing things when Beyonce/J Hudson did their duet. Thought B was going to strain her vocal chords. Anyway, thanks for the laughs!

[Daniel]

Ha! Moss, you rock.

And Adriana Barraza was robbed. It would be nice to see a real Hollywood minority win an acting statue for a change.

[eli]

I got to celine and my eyes started to water
maybe Im high
or maybe you are funny
maybe both?

[vagabondblogger]

Thanks for the photo of Jerry Seinfeld - I just don't think I could live witout it. I was wondering if anyone caught that. Btw, why was he at the Oscars to begin with? Did I miss something? Furthermore, why was Jennifer Lopez there? Are they actually considered movie stars? Since when?

[Vanessa]

Rich, my mouth (and other parts of my anatomy) waters at the prospect of a new post. I didn't even bother watching the Oscars as they've been a snore for a few years now. But your post-sheer genius as usual. Jack's bald head makes me sad. He looks like my pervy 70 year-old stepfather now.

CanNOT wait for the ANTM goodness next-Monday??

[Dmone]

You are seriously one of the most hilarious people ever. End of story.

[Marie]

No, honey, Ryan is not cute. IMO he has graudated to offical hot manliness! If you caught him at the Indie Spirit awards delivering a very well-spoken and witty acceptance speech then you'd know what I mean. And that sexy, deep voice? Forget about it! He was a tall glass of hawtness ready for drinking.

[rod]

What is this Price Is Right Showcase Showdown bullshit?

I've heard/read at least ten references to 'Showcase Showdown' in the past week. Is there some zeitgeist moment that I'm missing?

To kristina....who are you to say those things? Maybe black people thank god because he was the one that created them and gave them the talent to make something of themselves. You are a very ignorant person and you should check yourself before you make a comment like that.

[Kristina]

Dear February 28th 9:30 am - I think your comments are directed at "I am not Star Jones" not me

[Molly]

lawl

[FoxxyBrown]

Why do we hate Jack Black now? When did this happen? I like the White Stripes. Am I not cool anymore?

[FoxxyBrown]

Ohhh - just realized there is a difference between Jack Black and Jack White. Never mind.

[Katie W.]

Wow. Uber-long comment trail. So, just a few points since I skimmed the comments (and therefor might be pointing out things that have already been said--sorry for that).

"Spot the Jack" is the Academy's favorite game on Oscar night. Every single year, the camera will pan to Jack Nicholson with a joker grin on his face, and the world smiles with him. "Spot the Jack" can happen any time during the telecast and is always random--Penelope Cruz mistaken for being Mexican? Cut to Jack smiling! After Jack got snubbed by the Academy for "The Departed," bloggers and journalists were freaking out that he wouldn't attend this year's ceremonies, thereby taking away the fun of "Spot the Jack."

Will Ferrell's hair is for some movie role. It's either for the one about basketball, or the one about ice skating. I just don't happen to know which of those is filming now, and which has already been filmed. (Keeping up with Will Ferrell's projects is damn near impossible.)

Everyone is right about this year's Oscars being a boring suckfest. Even though I agree that Ellen was probably the best part of the whole show. I recorded it (thank goddess) because I had The Who concert to attend that night, so my viewing of the show lasted less than two hours. I fast-forwarded through damn near everything.

I'm glad that someone brought up the fact that at least Forest was able give a coherent speech this time. Yes, it was read from a slip of paper but that was a GOOD thing. We all remember The Globes, and Forest's rambling mess of a speech. At least we were spared a repeat of that. (Can you imagine how excruciating it would be to watch Forest improv? That guy needs a script very, very badly.)

That's all. Loved the re-cap, and the pictures of Celine since I started fast-forwarding the minute they announced her name.

[Meri]

What is that: velvet?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAA

[lachick4ever]

I'm sure J-Hud knew she would get it but still she had to be like "Oh snap do I really have AN OSCAR now!!?!?!?" She was probably just surprsised at the entire situation.

To Kristina,

Maybe God has no place in your life...maybe you dont believe in God.Thats your perogative.If black celebrities want to spend 2.5 secods to thank God rather than or in addition to an agent or a director then thats their perogative.Referencing the slavery era is abit ridiculous.Why would you want to criticize something thats positive?

[Sharon]

VICTORIA CLARK aka I am not star jones seems to be a friggin culture vulture carpet muncher jumping from blog to blog commenting on why blacks do this and blacks do that! Why we thank God at awards shows is thank God from "vultures" like you who seem to swoop down and try to take over every dayum surface in the universe. You are a loser like this lame blog and need to stay in your lane and fall back, becuz karma is a bytch, BYTCHE!

[Sharon]

I didn't mean this blog is lame...this blog IS THE BEST!!!!!!!!

I meant Victoria Clark's aka I'm not star jones ' s blog which is crap!!!!

Sorry Rob!

[maddog]

i loved jennifers acting that was the vouge person thaT MESSED UP HER DRESS.a man from vouge made a dress for her.she didnt see it till before the show.she hated it.another person heard she didnt like it and gave another dress.she loved it.when the other man heard that she wasnt wearing his dress he went crazy on her.so she just wore the ugly dress.jhud and b can both sing just in different ranges.i like jhud better because she is a model person.

[maddog]

of course jhud would be surprised. shes a collage drop out,got voted off american idol,worked at the drive through mic at burger king,and worked on the disney cruse ship.im very proud of her and happy for her.

[andy]

HEY,

COME ON NOW PLEASE AGREE WITH ME BEYONCE IS AMAZING, JUST LOOK AT HER SKIN TONE, I LOVE HER