No 'house gross enough

Grindhouse spoilers follow. Nothing big though. Although here's maybe the biggest spoiler of all: the film isn't really grindhouse cinema. Look at me undermining the format I've set for myself. Must be contagious.

For years, like Grindhouse directors Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino, I've fetishized grindhouse cinema, literally pining for a time machine that could take me back to Times Square in 1980. Sure, I can watch some grindhouse-era films via DVD, but that's not really the point. I long for those days I was too young to experience, days of wall-to-wall sleaze provided by specialty theaters for which porno was but one of several generic paths to depravity. I love the idea of not just watching garbage, but being surrounded by it in human (mind the junky-murderer-hookers!), animal (mind the rats!), architectural (mind the crumbling theaters!) and literal (mind the...garbage!) forms. It seems to me that the potential danger and decided seediness of the Deuce (42nd St, typically between 7th and 8th Aves.) was the next step in the progression of 3-D: the movies went beyond merely popping out of the screen at you and, via the area's nasty vibe, engulfed you.

I blame Quentin Tarantino for igniting my interest in grindhouse slop – in 1999, his Rolling Thunder pictures rereleased Lucio Fulci's 1981 zombie/eye-mutilation opus, The Beyond. I saw a midnight showing at New York's otherwise refined Angelika and became fascinated with the very existence of such a film. How did stuff this hardcore (enough to suggest the horror-flick equivalent of a porno) exist? Where did it play? Who was the audience? So kicked off my love affair with Italian horror, gnarly exploitation flicks and learning about the good old days of grindhouse (if Tarantino enrolled me, it was Bill Landis and Michelle Clifford's Sleazoid Express that eventually schooled me).

The irony here is that if it weren't for Tarantino's willingness to share grindhouse trash, I might not be equipped to call bullshit on his own purported version of it. Because, really, Grindhouse is the cinematic equivalent of a rich person pretending to be poor. It's boldfaced Hollywood pretending to be B-level. I guess I was somewhat naïve in the two years I spent excited for Grindhouse. Why shouldn't there be more grindhouse movies? I wondered. That question is answered virtually as soon as Grindhouse's purposely damaged film starts sliding through the projector. Instead of adding the authenticity that it's supposed to, the fraudulent wear and tear throughout Grindhouse (but more prominent in Rodriguez's zombie flick Planet Terror) is a constant reminder of how false the movie is. It's like the groan-worthy record hiss that was so popular to put on digital tracks (particularly of the trip-hop variety) in the '90s. Or, it's like ludicrously faded jeans hanging in a store, ready for purchase. But then again, those jeans are everywhere (seriously, have you tried to buy jeans lately?) and so maybe prefab grittiness is merely a way to play to the masses.

At least, that would make sense coming from someone like Tarantino who's made a career out of having a marketable edge. While I think Tarantino is great and smart and has a much more impressive movie collection than I do, his marketable edge is different than actual edge and that's never been more apparent than in Grindhouse. As a Hollywood film, the movie has no chance of reaching the level of offensiveness that its 25-year-old reference points aspired to. The closest Grindhouse gets is some zombie pus and a series of pictures of diseased genitalia that a doctor looks at in a hospital, which is gross, but not quite turtle soup served Cannibal Holocaust style, you know? There's an eye gouging, but as Fulci taught me, what good is a mutilated eye if you can't see it being penetrated? Mostly, I feel cheated out of the grindhouse staple of the random exposed penis. Why isn't there a random, exposed penis?!? Oh right: something like that would have made for problems nabbing the R rating, which, in turn, would have made Grindhouse more difficult to market. Considering Rodriguez's and Tarantino's knowledge, I wonder why they didn't realize this in the first place. Really, why didn't I?

Besides the limitations they have because of business, Rodriguez and Tarantino don't go as far out as they could have. Sure, the picture looks like shit, but the sound is pretty great. It should have at least been all recorded post-production (a la countless grindhouse flicks) – that way, even though everyone's speaking English, it still has the effect of being dubbed (and if there's anything that can further an endeavor in hilarious awfulness, it's dubbing). Rodriguez's script straddles the stupid-clever line fairly well ("It's go-go, not cry-cry."), but Tarantino's is totally clever and therefore not grindhouse. Tarantino just couldn't not be Tarantino in this case. Maybe this proves that if there's anything he loves more than cinema, it's himself. His would be car-slasher flick Death Proof is full of characters who endear themselves to the viewer via their quick-witted dialog and relatable fan-girl tendencies (as opposed to the grindhouse standard of characters who endear themselves simply because they're the protagonists or, depending on how fucked you are, antagonists).

Death Proof, in fact, is so gratuitous in dialog that it isn't so much a throwback as it is a pioneer of a whole new sub-genre: talksploitation. It asks a lot from its viewers (roughly: to sit through 25 minutes of dialog for five minutes of action and then 30 more minutes of dialog for 15 minutes of action), which lowest-common-denominator-pandering grindhouse never does. Unless I'm missing the reference here (and I often felt like I was during Grindhouse), I'm not sure how something so talky is supposed to be prurient. I Spit On Your Muscle Car it is not.

Don't get me wrong: Grindhouse is frequently fun. The fake trailers (especially Don't) are hilarious and feel more authentically crappy than the two actual movies. Planet Terror and Death Proof each have their moments, too (my sound qualms aside, Rodriguez's Carpenter-influenced, sprawling synth score is unwavering in its genius). And yet, the whole thing ends up feeling like a failed experiment that was half-hearted by design, anyway. The exploitation of exploitation movies is a funny idea (maybe even a fair one)...but then you have to sit through over three hours of a point being proved. Maybe worst of all, the defiantly unscary Grindhouse feels like a missed opportunity -- it would have been great to see Rodriguez and Tarantino let loose and do straight-up horror and not a culturally knowledgeable goof-fest. Their adherence to the grindhouse gimmick is almost like cutting off a nose to spite a face, but not exactly: the MPAA would never let that fly.

Comments

[katy]

eli roth...wtf?

[trevor]

STILL have not seen this, hopefully this weekend- at a drive-in, no less. Sleazoid Express rocks! I bought a "hurt" copy for like $4 dollars about 3 years ago, and it has been a constant reference point for me ever since. What I would give to be able to watch films at the Rialto!

[bethanne]

one) LOVED "don't". (and i hear edgar wright is toying with the idea of making it a feature film. i really hope that happens.)

two) i just loved this movie (death proof more than planet terror - i have a lot of love for quentin's movies.) and yes, they could have pushed the envelope a lot further, but for the time i spent watching it in the theater on tuesday, it was six bucks (matinee price!) well spent.

though sidenote: during planet terror's sex scene, this one guy (old enough to appreciate porn, no less) gets up immediately and walks out the door. as soon as the missing reel pops up and it goes back to the action, he runs back in the theater. i tried not to laugh. (though with two other people in the theater, i didn't want to ruin it for them. should have.)

[Ian]

To add further proof to your theory, for its worldwide release, it is likely to be split into two movies due to its poor box office on the opening US weekend and that not enough people were sticking around for the second movie (Tarantino's?).

http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/film/2007/04/being_cut_in_two_wont_be_the_d.html

[Freddy Dukes]

Rich, how do you think Planet Terror worked as a straight-up parody of grindhouse/exploitation movies? It had me laughing almost the entire time. I agree with you about the excellence of Rodriquez's score, even if it was way indebted to Carpenter. Also, how rad was the Machete trailer?

[Freddy Dukes]

Rich, how do you think Planet Terror worked as a straight-up parody of grindhouse/exploitation movies? It had me laughing almost the entire time. I agree with you about the excellence of Rodriquez's score, even if it was way indebted to Carpenter. Also, how rad was the Machete trailer?

[Jade]

I really enjoy reading your movie and music reviews.

It's rare (especially in an online blog) to see reviews this thought out and articulate.

[brandy]

i completely agree. overall, i think planet terror was much closer (c'mon--Tarantino's genitals sliming off when he is trying to rape mcgowan? awesome.) but yes, it shouldve had more boobs and gore...the cut the sex scene in it for godsakes!
death car, i thought was crap...too much talk, not enough gore.
anyway...it was still fun.

and i vote for the thanksgiving day trailer!!

[Romero]

...the 25 min. of dialogue in Death Proof...

It has to be this way in order to follow the formula for the ole doubleheader movie date -- First movie was a mindless mix of horror, sex and violence that hopefully was good enough to put your date in the mood. Second movie always starts off slow but if you are lucky this doesn't matter. So, good times for about 30-40 minutes,until something worth watching is happening on the screen. Slash, crash, bang, movie over -

[Romero]

I think it would be a shame for Miramax to split up the movie. While it may not be 100% grindhouse cinema, for a mainstream movie it comes close, enough for some of us to get teary-eyed nostalgic. It's also a little taste of "what used to be" for the new generation.

ps - Thanks for making me laugh Rich, your blog always hit the spot, especially when the laughs were needed :)

[ryancreed]

Good review! I just always have trouble judging any of Tarantino's movies because he draws from so many reference points that he's partially immunized himself from some criticisms (especially genre). I never know what's intentional, what's not, and whether or not intention makes a difference anyway. Damn postmodernism.

[price]

Sorry, but Planet Terror was one of the funniest movies I've seen in a long time... and then Death Proof was one of the most pleasant, then exhilarating. I guess there's merit in analyzing whether the entire concept is valid, but who really cares? It was the most entertaining three hours in a movie theater I've maybe ever had.

[shocka]

ultimately, neither half of "grindhouse" delved far enough into its respective genre to justify the concept or running time. of the two, rodriguez came closest, but where was the truly outrageous splatter and gore that made you laugh and cringe in equal measures?? and tarantino's dialogue was just plain AWFUL. it so clearly and desperately wanted to be arch and clever but only ended up being forced and flat. and rich, i totally agree that the fake reel-damage was an affectation too far. blurgh. blurgh i say!!!

[ivy]

that was a bit of a harsh review rich, i mean of course you'd be uber critical since on your own you know a lot about the genre. but maybe being very knowledgeable made your expectations waaay to high? its a fun send up to a genre of films we'll never experience again, sure death proof wasn't a grindhouse movie but i think they're both worth a matinee ticket

[princemoney]

First of all i think making the dialog purposefully bad would have been really annoying. Fulci and Argento didnt make their films with intentionally bad acting. Good acting as it were seemed justly unimportant to their goals.

i did most def think the damn film grain was stupid and the movie was hella long, still im glad they didnt just remake cannibal appocalypse or Demonia or some shit.

[beccatx]

I love the two movies, though I thought QT did stray into your aptly named new genre. But how good was it seeing Fergie come to an untimely end? Worth the price of the ticket!

[cranalan]

sometimes i wish i could have experienced the seedy pre-giuliani 42nd street, as well as the lower east side my mother lived in in the late 70s and 80s.

but this might have something to do with the fact that i find time square an exhausting and irritating place.

and i have no desire to see this film. at all.

[Supna]

While I'm by no means a grindhouse aficionado, I knew that GH would be a cuter, smoother representation of its roots-- basically the Kidz Bop remake of grindhouse classics. I'm sure, as you mentioned, a lot of it had to do with the fact that, at the end of the day, they're mainstream filmmakers, and NC-17 movies don't sell.

I just read an article about how Weinstein had QT himself pitch the ratings appeal to the MPAA, and at the end they quoted QT supporting the MPAA and the job they do. And considering the sales of last weekend, I can just imagine how low sales would have been if they hadn't lowered the original NC-17 rating.

Anyway, I enjoyed both films, because even though they might not have risen to their full potential within the genres they were inspired by, they were still good, entertaining movies. The trailers were basically genius (particularly Don't!), but I'm willing to bet that a lot of it had to do with the short runtimes.

I'm hoping that when it's all released to film, they'll release it unrated. In the meantime, I'm going to try to check out actual grindhouse-- which, I hope, if nothing else, was the point of the entire experiment.

[Andrew]

nobody gets as excited about Tarantino's ideas as the man himself. I guess this kind of blind faith in his own vision is necessary if he hopes to continue to convince people to shell out money to bankroll his movies. The problem I have with him is that he never really honors whatever genre it is that he is supposedly honoring. He just spends the entire 2+ hours trying to one-up it. No matter what movie of his I am watching, I can always picture him just off screen excitedly whispering to the audience "See?! Isn't my version of grindhouse/shock/mobster/pulp/blaxploitation/action so much cooler than the original?" It's endlessly irritating! If he would stop trying so hard to show us how talented and clever he thinks he is and just make a good movie it would all be a lot easier to swallow.

[Ryan]

I disagree that Grindhouse didn't go "far" enough. Rich, I think your threshold for the grotesque is much higher than the average person (see your Mary Carey's lap photo.) Planet Terror was so loud and visually chaotic I truly got a really bad headache watching it. Also, in the small audience I saw the film with, a teenage couple got up and left because the girl couldn't handle it.
I adored Rose McGowan in Planet Terror. I only criticism of the films is that Tarantino should be BANNED from appearing in his own films. He comes across as such a smarmy, pretentious ass... I like his movies, I can't stand him as an actor in them.

[Ryan]

Also, what was up with Rosario Dawson's tranny jawline?!? That was some straight-up Jaslene bone structure right there.

[James Derek Dwyer]

This kind of stuff just reminds you to pull out your Dario Argento dvd's and curl up at home with someone's head.

[dee]

Death Proof was fucking awful. Quentin Tarantino's fanboy obsessions don't become more interesting when coming out of hot chick's mouths.

[Toothy Tile]

I agree wholeheartedly that the movies weren't grindhouse, but really... you'd have to be out of your mind to expect them to actually be true grindhouse. I guess you should fault them for calling it grindhouse when it isn't, but whatever.. I enjoyed both movies just the same.

"Planet Terror" felt to me like it was intentionally bad, mocking itself the entire time. That's not to say I didn't enjoy the hell out of it. I could've done without Tarantino's rancid crotch, but overall I was entertained. One of my favorite parts is when they were hitting zombies with the truck. I swear to God, those things exploded like water balloons!

"Thanksgiving" was my favorite of the trailers. Seriously, the trampoline? That's some fucked up shit. The very last shot was insane too.

I'd have to say I enjoyed "Death Proof" more, but then again... I love Tarantino and actually get a decent bit of the references. I can totally see why people would be bored with all the dialogue, but to me it was really sharply written (Loved the Zatoichi reference, too!) and entertaining. You really felt like you knew those characters. After seeing Jungle Julia hang her leg out of the car I knew "Welp, THAT'S gonna come flying off..". The second half was more entertaining, if for nothing more than all of the action. Seeing Kurt Russell cry like a little bitch was totally worth my $7.50.

[J. Free]

definitely with you on Death Proof - and it's sad because this was Tarantino's idea in the first place. However, I thought Planet Terror was AMAZING. What are your thoughts on that one specifically?