Tell me whyyyyyy. No, for real: tell me.

I'm proud to report that I was named the winner of this year's Tube Time event at the New York Underground Film Festival, about which I gave the heads-up here last week. I can't entirely bask in the glory, though, of winning over about 150 people (140 or so, strangers) with my selection of viral videos -- I was lucky that the ones I chose downloaded properly and completely. Many other people's videos were plagued with faulty sound and/or shortened running times as a result of the videos being downloaded as files from YouTube (it's always a dicey prospect to convert streaming video to actual files). Those people might hold my illustrious title and the resulting status today if everything worked out for them. But then, where would I be?

As described, the event was basically a viral-video battle. There were probably 14 participants at the start of the event. We were paired up (randomly?) and, in turn, each contestant announced which video we had chosen to play. The videos were then played from the control room, which beamed a computer desktop onto the big screen. After both videos were played, the audience was asked to cheer for their favorite of the two, Showtime at the Apollo-style (as Nate pointed out). Whomever selected the winning video moved onto the next round. The process repeated until there were only two of us left standing. It was also possible for videos to be booed off before they were finished, again in the tradition of Showtime at the Apollo (and The Gong Show). The audience was extremely vocal, which the event called for, but sometimes overly harsh, I thought. For example, exhibiting a complete and utter intolerance for white-girl-hip-hop irony and maybe general girl-ness, they booed Jessica Delfino's "My Pussy Is Magic" (played by its creator) not 30 seconds into it (as soon as she said, "vagina," in fact). I like that video, but its unquestionable strength is its chorus (it's a catchy tune!). Had the audience allowed it to play for at least 30 more seconds, things could have gone different for Jessica.

I don't remember the entire selection of videos that were played, but I remember a few. The audience hatedthat "Whistles go woooooo!" news segment, I suppose, because everybody and their 6th grade cousins have already seen it. Valentine for Perfect Strangers (which I'd never seen before but fucking love now!) and Chow Daddy (looped three times for maximum hilarity) were huge hits. A clips reel of unintentional comedy from the Wicker Man remake had the audience cracking up for about a minute, before everyone became unruly and decided they hated it (they screwed themselves, as it was shut off before the sight of Nic Cage in the bear costume). An elephant eating poop out of another elephant's ass and turtle sex went over well; a kid with...uh, problems, singing Phil Collins and 500 Asian people having sex (penetration and all, so it's not on YouTube) did not.

For my part, here's what I played (in order):

Since we had to select and send in the videos ahead of time, I also had this Tyra thing in my folder, but I didn't get to play it. Going over my selections in my head before the event, I came to a conclusion: my shit was sooooooo gay. Like, hold-on-to-your-asses-because-the-butt-pirate's-on-the-rampage gay. I decided that I'd see what the audience was made of by what they made of my selection. If I lost, I could play the homophobia card and furthermore throw a fit to really show them what gay was.

It wasn't necessary, though, I'm happy to say. Liza got the biggest response, which I really took to heart since I assembled that gonzo reel myself. Florrie got some love, too, although there was a lull as her diatribe went on -- I'm not sure if people became bored or if they were genuinely interested in fate of the girl on the striker frame. Regardless, when Florrie ripped into "She is a RAVING MANIAC and her prognosis is NIL!" it was guffaws all over the place again. Shane King elicited the weakest response. I really thought I was going to lose it there. I guess maybe the power of Swan Brooner protected me. Or maybe it was the ghost of Robin Browne watching over me (I like to think she does that, ashing on my shoulder while she tells me not to be so stupid). Now more than ever I am sure that some day, I'll be Miss America.

For my last video, when it was down to one other guy and me, I chose Reh Dogg's "Why Must I Cry," which I've never written about on this blog but which really appeals to me on every possible level that my taste reaches. It is the Showgirls of YouTube videos to me. I love it like I love intricately painted acrylic nails, thrashing pool sex and chips.

I'm sure you've seen it already, and I'm doubly sure that you want to see it again:

So, I announce that this will be my final video and one of the contestants who'd been eliminated in a previous round yelled at the stage, "It's not funny!" "Yes it is," I said, because, yes it is. "It's mean!" he countered. "No it's not," I said because no it's not. Our back-and-forth was cut short by the actual video. The audience mostly agreed with me, apparently. For the most part, they, like me, found a guy droning "Why must I cryyyyyyyyyyy" while wincing and then doing so naked in the shower and then flipping the rhythm entirely to be funny. Honestly, I was worried that they'd get restless, as they tended to be all night, but people soaked in the bizarreness, and let the video play till the end. At one point, people began clapping to the rhythm. It was a moment of participatory beauty unlike any I'd witnessed. I was thrilled that they let the video play till the end primarily because they got to see my very favorite part: the sped-up shot that begins at 3:32 of the kid holding his one leg behind him and dancing on the other. I don't know exactly why, but that gets me every time.

So, as if I didn't love Reh Dogg enough already, his video won the competition for me. The MC asked me if I had any words of thanks to say, so I looked at the audience and said, "Thanks." I figure that minimalist is the way to go if you don't have something prepared. Although the next morning, I started wishing that I'd said, "I just wanna thank God for letting me win this. You guys really had nothing to do with it." My inability to think on my feet and my constant sense of regret regarding communication are key to me choosing writing (as opposed to, say, public speaking) as my primary medium.

Also, in my defense, I was sort of distracted by that heckler (again, whose name I don't know) who told me that I was mean. I don't know why that pissed me off as much as it did, but as soon as I said my thanks, I jumped off the stage and confronted him. "I didn't choose that video to be mean." "You don't think that's mean? To have everyone laughing at him?" he asked me. "No! Reh Dogg is setting out to entertain and he's accomplished his goal!" I don't remember how he responded to that, but I'm pretty sure he brought up the song's puported autobiographical component and how it wasn't cool to laugh at something that comes from someone's heart.

But let's face it: before it's anything else, "Why Must I Cry" is absurd. It's the song that dares to ask the question, "Tammie Starr, who do you you are?" Moreover, it's called, "Why Must I Cry." What does that even mean? How could you possibly answer that question without saying in some way, "Uh, because you're disturbed, dude. Maybe severely." And then there's the easy (but vaild!) "If he puts himself out there, he's risking criticism" argument, but I ignored that. Instead, to the heckler, I brought up the fact that what's compelling about "Why Must I Cry" is that it works on a lot of levels -- it isn't merely a retard joke. If we are to believe that this is Reh Dogg's truth, there's something moving about it. It's outsider-arty in its determination to relay its story, shortcomings of its creator be damned (in the video's description, Reh Dogg himself points out, "This song is highly emotional and it's not about how well the singer is it's about expression of hard times [sic all]."). And so, not very eloquently as my hot head was really getting heated, I explained that it's possible to be struck on many different levels by "Why Must I Cry." It's OK to be confused and to laugh and to be saddened (for any number of reasons). In fact, I argued, it's OK to experience art however it strikes you. That's really my guiding philosophy. The guy said that he only felt sad by it and I answered, "Well, I guess I experience things more complexly than you do!" (Somewhere in there, I also implied that, as someone who was eliminated before me, he wasn't really an authority on what was and wasn't funny. Perhaps that's true, but I regret being that condescending, as that's not really an effective way to disprove someone who just accused you of being mean.) To his credit, he soon congratulated me for winning, apologized for making me feel insulted me and shook my hand. Obviously, he wasn't a bad guy.

But then, I had to deal with someone else who'd crept up during our conversation, someone closer to the festival, who'd been filming the event. I'm sure you'll be shocked to find out that I don't know what his name was, either. He was also on the bleeding heart tip, taking me to task for allowing people to laugh at Reh Dogg's tumultous life. "Do you even know the story behind that song?" Duh. I'm not someone who could watch something like that and not want to know EVERYTHING there is to know about it. I said that I did, paraphrasing the "fatherless ghetto boy" who stole from the narrator "time and time again" that's in the video's description. Shit, I even know the names of the twins that form the center of the last part of "Why Must I Cry" (Tyreeq and Tyreez, motherfuckers!). Seriously, I watch his shit. I listen to him talk. I know my Reh Dogg. I know him so well that I know that his ex, Tammie Starr, has an amazingly fertile womb (she had twins with Reh Dogg and now may have triplets on the way!). I also know how ridiculous all of this sounds, and the melodrama is clearly key to the appeal of Reh Dogg's work, if it's even true in the first place. And if it is, his presentation is awesome -- seriously, this is some interpretive-reality-programming-type shit. And if it isn't: way to go Reh Dogg for subverting the truth-is-stranger-than-fiction cliche. Bravo! More! More!

So yeah, I told the camera man, I know Reh Dogg's story. "And don't you think that you should have told it to the audience before you showed the video?" Well, no. I didn't tell them about Liza Minnelli or that Florrie Fisher was a "reformed" drug addict or that Shane King's fruity skills pay his bills. It's all out of context, like any viral video. These things have to work on a superficial level to float in a competition that demands immediate response. Besides, we're really laughing at the eccentricity of all of these people, and as corny as it sounds, I like to think that in doing so, we're embracing diversity. We're giggling at the capacity of human emotion and behavior. If the laughter is coming from a place of fondness instead of derision, it's ultimately in support of the quirks that make for individuality. If we can't laugh at our differences then what can we do? We've already tried hating each other for them and, as you may know, that sucks.

I talked to a few more people after that about the Reh Dogg video. No one else was anti, really -- people seemed amused, maybe perplexed. One girl called it "intense." So it was. Ultimately, I love that something as superficially goofy as "Why Must I Cry" grabbed people and created immediate discourse. I thought before that night that maybe somewhere jumbled in the song was a sense of poignancy. Really, I had no idea how affecting it could be.

Comments

[princemoney]

makes perfect sense u would take this rich

u are so on top of ur game

[dodger]

congrats mr.44 , your choices are far out especially the dude dancing to love island by fatboy slim while a 4-year old girls watches/judges? i'm intrigued. winston owes you a foot rub.

congrats rich. kinda figured you'd win though :)

[Quel]

Congratulations, Rich! I'll have to come back to finish reading this post...gotta get to work...but I just wanted to be SO goofy and stop by your blog to say...

Hey FourFour! Today is Four Four! Get it? 4/4/2007?

'Scuse me y'all...just feeling a bit goofy.

[misha]

Congratulations! I hope they eliminated people a la tyra - 'you are still in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Tube Time Winner'
Your videos are amazing - i'll always have a special place in my heart for the living dolls one.

[Keisha]

Congrats! I knew "Why Must I Cry" would be a winner for someone somewhere when I first saw it months ago. I think you should interview him for your blog...

[Penny Woods]

Poor Jessica. I think "My Pussy Is Magic" is genius.

[slut machine]

also, people were laughing at the video of a bear ripping off a man's face. how is that suffering ok to laugh at, yet the one that lacked physical violence (but had dancing children and infants bathing!)was considered too insensitive? those people that said shit about that are total tools. i was sitting next to one of them. i kept giving him dirty looks. i don't think he saw though.

[Tyler]

"Shane King's fruity skills pay his bills"
Golden.

[Erika]

Congrats Rich!
you're always the best!

[Tootie]

Rich, I know the exact kind of audience you were dealing with at Anthology. Believe me, I would have stood and clapped loudly for Mr Shane. Fuck them if they don't get it. That shit is hilarious. I just wish you would have included the scene where the mother talks about growth hormones for her boy...

[Saun]

They don't know Reh Dogg like we know Reh Dogg. "Why Must I Cry" is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to hiss entertaining skills. The message may be serios but his videos are pure comedy. You should have played "You Call Me Ugly". That right there keeps me in tears.

[Rich]

To me, "You Call Me Ugly" was the first indication that Reh Dogg was maybe in on the joke he was creating. That shit is straight-up Biz Markie.

[Emily]

you are awesome! Congratulations on winning! could you send me the link to that Shane King video...I can't find it on youtube :( Thanks <3

[Tati]

"Why must I cry?"

because that shit is funny!
Seriously, the guy cracks me up.
And yeah, I noticed that today was fourfour as in 4/4/07, but then again I had to notice. I mean, I had to register for classes today (which sucks).
It's kinda funny how a new episode of ANTM premieres on 4/4. Like some divine intervention or something.

Peace Out.

[raging indie]

Happy Four-Four-Two Thousand Seven, Rich!

[deeyou]

Congrats Rich, i'm kind of sad Tyra didn't get to feature though...

[Deege]

"...it's OK to experience art however it strikes you"

And that's why I love you.

[krikri]

The audience favorite of your videos was *definitely* the Liza montage. Even my bf (who was already mortified that I'd brought him to a hive of hipsterdom to see my favorite gay blogger) was literally CRYING watching it - everyone was just howling. Overall the audience really liked you - (were they all FourFour fans like me?) and I think a BIG part of it was that you didn't try to talk up or give any context to your clips. I booed for the vagina video because that girl came off as super annoying - I'm sure her song was funny but "banned by the Catholic League" - who cares?! Shut your mouth and show me more turtle sex.
My other favorite video (besides "Valentine" - hoo boy!) was the "Christmas Tree lady" one w/ the scary drag Jersey mom - I thought that was just genius.

[MissRandom]

i love your writing flow

[Joe]

I mean, the whole POINT of viral videos - your YouTube, your Daily Motion and the like - is to make videos for people to pretty much make fun of. Isn't it? I mean, we're either laughing with or at you on YouTube. And Reh Dogg HAS to know that. Otherwise, why upload it? I can see if it's a situation like the one where the Bank employee was singing to U2's "One" at some company function and it was uploaded without his knowledge. But when someone uploads their own shit? You hit the nail on the head - viral videos are all about immediate reaction, no context. They why all the popular ones have people who are either fat, losers, mentally handicapped or just plain ODD. It's the truth.

[dee]

My co-workers and I have been obsessed with Reh Dogg for months. We truly love him. Have you seen the video where he talks shit about his ex? She has like 7 kids. It's remarkable. Sometimes it makes me really sad, but at times I feel like his biggest fan.

http://slipperysonic.ytmnd.com/
http://weardeodorantnigga.ytmnd.com/

[spazmo]

Now I really, really wish I could have been there, Rich. The whole thing sounds like it must have been a bit nervewracking though. Holding your breath that the videos play properly while crossing your fingers that some yahoo doesn't start chanting restlessly? I'd have been a wreck.

So...did anyone play the Lily Tomlin/I heart Huckabees freakout videos? I know they've been around for a while, but I love those clips to fucking death. Not sure why...

Congrats again Rich!

[Miss Lisa]

Rich--I love your mean, gay videos. Congratulations on your win. When I was in film school someone always brought up the "mean" element of documentary filmmaking. Everyone would bluster and worry themselves sick over it, asking, "Why Must I Cry"? over and over again, letting all of us know how compassionate they were as they filmed society's outsiders. It is nerve-wracking to deal with a live audience--looks like you handled it nicely and complexly.

[janine]

...and let's look at the underlying assumptions of the accusations of meanness: that this guy is to be pitied. I'm not terribly familiar with Reh Dogg, but the theme this song is no different than 78% of Trent Reznor's oeuvre and no one implies that we should go around pitying him. It seems to me that the problem is that this guy is in no way a hipster and "isn't that sad." It's people's own guilt for looking down on him and assuming that you must too. I think the reason you were blindsided by the accusations of meanness is that you don't look down on him. Is he acting a fool on the internet? Sure. But pointing that out is not the same as thinking he's pitiful.