Look: Bytches

My friend Kingdom recently came across a pack of unopened Yo! MTV Raps cards. I imagine finding one of those is something like finding a Mogwai reciting the unreleased Prince double album Dream Factory while riding a unicorn and wrapped in a rainbow. Some rare shit right there! Anyway, he posted the best find of the pack on his Flickr. And now I'm reposting it:

I don't care who you are or what you look like, but I can guarantee that these Bytches are hotter than you.

You can't be faulted if you don't remember them. With the abbreviated name, they were clearly positing themselves as a female-centric answer to NWA. Like NWA, BWP were so raunchy that major hits eluded them, but unlike NWA, BWP's albums didn't sell shit. 1991's The Bytches, the more successful of their two releases, spawned a few minor hits that are a lot more memorable than current discourse on the duo suggests (they don't even have a Wikipedia page!). Here are two of my favorites. Watch out -- they nasty:

"Two Minute Brother" - In which the Bytches tackle the problem of premature ejaculation. Best line - (After her man peters out) "Now I'm hot, I got an attitude / It's time for dinner, I'm serving seafood."

"No Means No" - In which the Bytches tackle the problem of date rape. Best line - A toss-up between: "If I wanted dick, I'd be fucking you" and "Are you deaf in your ear, motherfucker?"

I didn't really realize back in the day how awesome it is that they took the liberty to be multi-faceted about sex. I love that they were as hyper-sexual as they wanted to be, but on their terms (I mean, look at them). They were into sex, but no means no, and that's that. Complex! Seriously: it's amazing (and terribly depressing!) how feminism has jumped the pop-culture ship. I can't help but feel that we're going backwards sometimes.

Like any responsible blogger, I took to YouTube to see if I could find any BWP videos. No official clips are available (and I know for sure that there was at least one for "No Means No." I remember it involving a lot of wincing.). But there is this:

It's pretty amazing -- it's an album cut from The Bytches, "Is the Pussy Still Good," the most porno-rap of all their offerings. The song is not particularly good, but that video is hilarious and then kind of creepy and then surreal and then flat-out art. As the frank talk about sex plays, we are treated to this still shot and this still shot only:

During the candle-lighting mood-setting:

During foreplay:

During fellatio:

During cunnilingus:

Anal sex?

Swallowing?

Extended moaning?

So hot!

I just wonder who that woman is and what the hell happened to her hair.

Comments

[neurotj]

Cotex is my most favoritest song ever. When ever I am feeling sad, I just play that song and am smiling by the rhyme "You ain't had tissues, so you used a rag
You lying, dirty douche bag" Those bytches were genius.

[david]

"Bitch is bleeding! All fucking day!"

[hypnotic]

who could forget H.W.A=hoes with attitudes

and yes i was a BWP fan not to be confused with BDP

i miss the 90s

[Foxy]

BWP!! "Two Minute Brother"!!

Seriously.

You are killing me.

[LoLo B]

I thought I was the only one in the planet that remembers BWP!!! Now if you breakout the Synquis & Finesse and JJ Fad one's, I'll bow down and call you master for the rest of my life!

[Crystal]

This is why I love you. BWP!!! Two Minute Brother!! I soooo remember the song and the video. I remember HWA too! You are really taking it back. Viva the 90s!

[Eurydieus]

Do you mind posting mp3 for "Is the P still good?"

THX! Love your site!

[Eurydieus]

Do you mind posting mp3 for "Is the P still good?"

THX! Love your site!

[Boobie]

Oh my God ... this is the best Yo! MTV Raps! post I've ever found! I wish I was old enough to remember these girls! It's like LeTigre's "The Cars that Go ... BOOM!" with mutha' fuckin' Millie Jackson!

And that still ... I think it's mutha' fuckin' Della Reese! I like exclamation points and porno-rap!

Thanks Rich!

[Lucas]

classiest line [from the 'climax']: "...uh uh fuck me you big dick muthafucka..."

[Hateraid]

WOW...Two Minute Brother....I am all the way back right now. If you start talking about Synquis and Finesse, Antoinette, All of the Roxanne's and then the Queen....Mc Lyte....you will have my undying love.

This is why you're hot.

[Nicolars]

Oh man, that takes me back...thanks for posting "Two Minute Brother" and "No Means No", Rich.

[claire]

Go change your Kotex! That was a great song ...

[Jen]

"I can't help but feel that we're going backwards sometimes."

Dude, things are totally ass-backwards. How many of the current mainstream female acts would you consider positive role models?

[MattGaymon]

Oh Christ, just when I think this site can't possibly get better.

[jim c]

according to my research there were 3 official B.W.P. videos. (at least that MTV aired.)

No Means No
Wanted
We Want Money

since you work for vh1 you should be able to access those old music video reels and enjoy. and please upload to dailymotion!

[bluebee]

When I first clicked on this thread and saw the card with the two women on it, I thought you were going to tell us that the woman in the turquoise windbreaker is New York from Flavor Of Love. I thought this finally proof that New York is like fifty years old. *sigh*

[blah]

where the eff did you find bwp tracks or do you have the cd? i've searched high and low for it online with no positive results. oh how i loved their stuff. i used to listen to it while cruising on the weekends. ah, the 90s.

[geekgirl]

One of those BWP chicks was a substitute teacher here in Newark, NJ. West Side High to be exact. We all knew who she was, and she wanted respect. Yeah, right. She was the biggest fraud of them all, because by day, she was Ms. Prim and Proper. By night she was Ms. Bitch with a problem. Well, at our school, she was just known as a bitch.

[Mara]

wow...just wow. this is awesome.

i vaguely remember them for some reason, but an mp3 of this kotex song would be greatly appreciated, all thats running thru my head from the mentions is what. the. fuck???

[kelly ripafart]

"haaaaaaay ho! how you dooin'?"
"i'm fine, muthafucka, but yo momma's the goddamn ho!"

that is one of my favourite albums of all time! thanx for giving them the shout out they deserve!

[foxxy]

Wow, thanks Rich. I needed a laugh tonight.

What is it with all the crap animated films of late. If you ask me, it's all been pretty bad since Nemo. I haven't seen Happy Feet but it looks just awful. And that one with Chris Rock as the zebra was pretty bad. Cars couldn't have been any good. And don't forget that robot one with Robin Williams. Not mention Shrek the Turd.

Is it so hard to find decent writers? I'm not asking for much. Seriously. I liked the David Spade animated film about someone getting his groove back. How hard was that?

[Keisha]

We have boxes of those Yo! MTV Raps cards at my house...(my mom's a big collector - cards, dishes, comics, etc) I think my brother and his friend finally opened the last of them a year or 2 ago, but we still have them all. I even had a box of them myself.

I should pull some out...they're actually really funny to look at.

[Elaine]

Oh, I am too young to have been around when they were, but I read a book a few years ago about women in the music industry, and the BWP were my favorite section. Thank you so much for posting that song, I've never been able to listen to them before.

[sneakmove]

that's ed lover rapping on "two minute brother," btw. he had some connection with them and also a group called no face, which did a song called "half" (as in "she took half of everything i own" - skanless hoes!!!) nothing like hearing ed lover bust nasty-ass sex rhymes.