Voting no

I love how Kanye West and 50 Cent have structured this whole album-release-date competition as an election. There's a debate, grassroots campaigning and an unending amount of mudslinging from both sides. That speaks so much to their respective characters. I mean, seriously, what kind of person would effectively compare himself to a politician? I hate them both for wasting my fucking time: announcing "We're both assholes!" would have gotten the point across all the same.

The thing is, they are politicians. They're both power-binging for the sake of power-binging (because their unending lyrical braggadocio isn't going to change anyone's world but their own). Neither would ever take a stance that could hurt their respective futures (even Kanye's bravest moment, "George Bush doesn't care about black people," found him just stating the obvious). Neither would rock the boat musically, either -- Kanye's Graduation is more electronic than his past work (he calls it the "future of rap music," which means that rap is just catching up to Daft Punk circa '01 and/or the vintage-synth-having, Michael Jackson-sporting '80s. He's calling hip-hop retarded, OK?). 50's Curtis is occasionally softer than usual. Either side's new material isn't shocking or particularly fantastic. They'll both lie to your face (Kanye's done with MTV? 50's quitting when he inevitably loses this silly marketing scheme? Now they both just called you retarded.) These two men are slimy, slimy people who gleefully substitute savvy for conviction every chance they get. They have nothing to say except for that which has a chance of grabbing your attention. Choosing one would be like choosing the lesser of two evils. Of course, you could buy Ani DiFranco (here, Dennis Kucinich, obviously) or, I don't know, Kenny Chesney (who's...Christ...uh, Larry Craig?). Go ahead, throw your vote away.

At least this is an election that you can avoid entirely and sleep at night knowing that you didn't have some indirect hand in flushing the world down the toilet. Yeah, you'll end up living through the presence of 50 and Kanye, but you'd have to anyway if you pay attention to pop culture. The only thing that's going to come out of this is that one massive ego will expand -- the other (the loser's [50's]), will just stay where it is, as this will be such an easy thing to forget once it's over (it is, after all, based in pop music). My point is: you can't change things here. The rich get richer and louder and louder. You're powerless, and while I tend to think that this is true even in the grander scheme of things (democracy be damned), you can thank 50 and Kanye for reminding you of it all over again. See? I told you they were assholes.

Comments

[Jackie B.]

This stupidity is a great example of why today needs to be a holiday. Completely tasteless. How soon we forget. Thank you for pointing out that they both suck. I hope Kenny Chesney wins.

[jtalia]

50 sucks for selling out and making a song with justin timerlake (sooo gangsta)and kanye's diva bitching gets in the way of his decent music. i'm buying 20 copies of kenny chesney's cd

[spazmo]

Say, if someone took a brick to each of their hyper-inflated craniums, this whole self-serving celebrity carnival would end in a draw, wouldn't it?

Just a thought.

[peelbuhg]

Kanye West is a disgrace to the black race. If ONLY he'd been white - if ONLY. We'd have him dancing around crying about being a CRACKERASSCRACKER and that Colin Powell was planted in the White House to ultimately undo the Arian Race. Ahh...one can only wish. Now FITTY - I like. I hate that he's gotten himself involved in this thing - but I do believe he sincerely cringes every time Kanye opens his mouth to represent the black race. So that makes me feel better. ah.

[be right back]

Make out! Make out! MAKE OUT!!

If they're two assholes, is the emoticon version of the picture you posted ))<=>((, à la Miranda July?

'Cause that's all I'm seeing up there now.

[summer]

I like Kanye's music. Late Registration stayed in heavy rotation for several months in my car. I'm sure I'll be picking up Graduation. At least Kanye's consistent. He's been ego-tripping since his debut.

The Kanye/50 thing is obviously just marketing. I just ignore it and move on.

[claudia]

loved the Kang and Kodos reference

[Gary]

They just need to hit, down-low style but on PPV. Seriously-is there a way we can get them both to retire from their careers?

[Marti]

Toooooooooootally unrelated, someone's nipping at your heels, Tyra-wise. http://skyllo01.multiply.com/photos/album/187/Tyra_Banks_gifs Lawd have mercy

[Shay]

This unrelated, but I really expected your "My Hero" section to be a photo of Midget Mac. Just sayin'.

[Leanne]

My bf says when 50 Cent smiles he looks like Donkey from Shrek. Anyone else see it?

[BAM BAM]

@ Leanne

Mmm-hmm, yeah.

[princewilliam]

how about 50's shaped up pubes in the liner notes???

im suprised thats not the only thing talked about today.

[niwdenapolis]

They are probably both on DL.

[Zach Retox]

meh, I bought Kanye's album today, fucking sue me.

[Henry Evil]

Kanye calling his horse shit "the future of rap music" worries me that he'll guest star on this fall's Top Model to tie in with Tyra's "future of fashion" theme.

NO, TYRA. NO!

[Sarah]

Is anyone else annoyed that they did this on September 11th? Take the day off from being a douche, especially Mr. "I Run New York" Jackson.

[BayBB]

Love Kanye until he starts talking, then I just want to slap the crybaby out of him! I sincerely believe he is the product of not enough whoopin's growing up.

That being stated, I not only bought Kanye's album, I pre-ordered it! I find him to be the lesser of two evils and if buying Kanye's album helps 50's star to shine a little more dimly sign me up for 100! That and his first 2 albums were the ish!

[lizzie]

go animal collective!!!! their album comes out today..a better purchase than either of these if you intend to buy an album

[panajane]

Did anyone see the video of Kanye freaking out backstage at the VMA's for not winning? What a tool. The VMA's gave me Kanye O.D.

[Michelle]

Thanks for summing up that whole mess in an eloquent manner. All I did was mutter "Oh my hell" when I got the RS issue in the mail; then I actually attempted to read the damn thing. I got as far as the part about how super-awesome it was of these two super-awesome superstars to ACTUALLY POSE TOGETHER when I realized around midnight what anniversary was dawning and I threw that shit in the trash.

[Jess]

Ugh, I hope 50 does retire. He's such a hypocrite, calling out Ja Rule for making "bitch music" with Ashanti when he did the same thing a few years later with "Best Friend," among others. However, I do have to say that I don't find either of them to be as loathsome as The Game (though I guess that would make both 50 and Kanye guilty by association. Seriously, there is no song that enrages me more than "Wouldn't Get Far," but that's another topic...)

As others have commented, I find Kanye to be the lesser or two evils, mainly because he seems less misogynistic. Then again, I don't own any of his albums, so perhaps I'm wrong to make this assumption. Either way, they're both ridiculous and disgusting, especially when talking about all their fucking money, but Kanye appears to be at least a little introspective, and he doesn't continually rap about his car wreck. Meanwhile, 50 still raps about being shot - not once, not twice, but nine times, just in case you've forgotten.

And to whoever said 50 looks like Donkey from Shrek when he smiles - I couldn't agree more!

[chriso]

Off topic, but holy shit, Paul Carrigan. He makes me moist like a snack cake.

[felipeanuel]

^^ Off topic, but thanks for naming that porn star over in the my hero section. I knew the face, but I forgot the name.

[Revive]

God, what egotistical assholes. As if it wasn't bad enough that they're having a mock election, they deliberately put it on a day that they wanted to divert all attention from a national tragedy to them. Disgraceful.

Who is Paul Carrigan, btw?