It's Britney, bitch?

I'm not so impressed by head-shaving (done it), umbrella swinging (too harmless) or bare vaginas (duh), but I love the latest turn that Ms. Spears' Wild Ride has taken. I'm not talking about her supposed wild night last night, as I don't even have the patience to read tabloid copy on her at this point. I mean to say that as Britney Spears' drugged-up, kids-free life crumbles for all the world to see, her musical output (almost a footnote at this point) is being heaped with praise. Britney Spears has her first critically acclaimed album under her belt. How fucking absurd is that? What's next? Sprouting wings? I think that's the only thing that has a shot at shocking me after this.

Even if you single out Blackout from the rest of Britney's terrible decisions and place it in its own context, it still seemed destined to fail up until the moment that it leaked on the Internet. There was that terrible VMAs performance. The "Gimme More" video that followed (because I Know Who Killed Me really needed a sequel and fast!). The fact that Blackout's album art is just the "Gimme More" single art with hideous colorization. The utter lack of promotion that Britney has planned for it. Coming from someone as chemically erratic as Britney Spears, though, that she achieved consistency at all (even if it was by a uniformly sloth-like approach to Blackout) seemed like something of a feat.

Certainly, not much is expected of her, nor does it have to be -- all she needs to do is show up to make Blackout's subtext delicious. Over Bloodshy & Avant's brilliant M.I.A.-lite production complete with shattering glass rhythms and bird-ish squawking, Brit moan-warbles on "Piece of Me": "Don't matter if I step on the scene / Or slink away to the Philippines / They still gon' put pictures of my derriere in the magazine." Her fame is so ingrained, it's de facto, so why should she bother exerting any effort? Britney had a hand in writing some of the album's 12 tracks (I'm guessing that she wrote the moans and purrs), but her name is missing in the credits of the two would-be confessional tracks, the aforementioned "Piece" and the pretty fucking moving Neptunes-produced Federline fuck-off "Why Should I Be Sad." These tracks are all the more revealing for what they aren't than what they are -- whose life is Britney's anyway? It seems that when you live as publicly as she does, virtually anyone has the authority to tell your tale. And so they do.

And while that fact makes these songs gloriously fit her current out-of-control situation like fake teeth on a child beauty pageant contestant (or maybe a partial denture on a meth addict), even the ones that don't specifically comment on her life feel so appropriate right now. There's genius stuff done with her vocals throughout -- the progression of the vocal production on "Freakshow" seems to suggest: 1) Someone with a range as anemic as Britney's shouldn't sing; she should rap, and then a switch: 2) Someone as wack as Britney shouldn't rap, she should have her vocals heavily manipulated. It seems like an exercise in achieving sonic potential all around. Bloodshy & Avant did that track, as well as "Radar," which has similarly ear-tickling vocal manipulation. But there's a certain morbid charm to her straightforward vocalizations, too: if you want to apply her life to her music, the words that flow out of her mouth are best interpreted as druggie babble anyway ("I fall off the edge of my mind," or, "Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby / Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby / Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby / Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby," anyone?).

And babble and babble -- I like to think that Britney sleepwalked through most of this, showing up at the studio inebriated and letting the producers do their thing while she essentially rubber-stamps the tracks with her larynx. Blackout isn't exactly Volta, but its progressiveness goes beyond what you'd expect from a well-manicured career. Here, Brit's sloth pays off -- she's too uncaring to be anything but a top-shelf puppet. There's a shuffle beat here ("Ooh Ooh Baby"), a nitrous-inspired jungle bass line there ("Freakshow"), a filtered-to-fuck Italo bass line that's often naked and beatless ("Radar"), a pumped-up "Promiscuous" beat acting...promiscuously and showing up in a few places ("Piece of Me," "Break the Ice," "Perfect Lover"). Of course, I'm a little biased because I'm in full support of the house stomp that's reshaping what it means to make a club track (wow, club tracks that are made of actual dance music -- whoever would have thought?), and that's is all over Blackout (courtesy of Timbaland protege Danja). Even better: I am thrilled that we've progressed to a point in time when regressing by way of a Eurodisco track is socially acceptable. "Heaven on Earth" is Blackout's absolute highlight -- it starts dark and sounds like it's going to fall into Confessions on a Dancefloor-style ugliness, but instead it points itself up and takes flight. It's a beautiful thing, the combination of uplifting Italo and Britney Spears: her awful voice has never been put to better use. It feels like heaven, perhaps, but mostly, it just feels like home.

I figure that Brit's just doing what she does (acting like a puppet) incredibly well here, and I'm fine with it. Faulting her for having nothing to say is like faulting Cheetos for making your ass fat and fingers stink. It's just what they do. Blackout is very 2007 in that its production way outshines everything else (songwriting craft, vocal delivery, taste). The effect is virtually charitable: Britney's a conduit for some extremely talented producers to reach a massive audience with their theses on the future (or at least extreme present, like ahora mismo) of pop music. But I won't discredit her input entirely, for it's reasonable to believe that Britney at least chose what would make it to the album. She's made up for a year of bad decisions with 12 fabulous ones. Blackout is a hell of a fun listen, but it's so much more than that: it's a failure of a failure; the one that got away and went terribly right. All things considered, its disaster potential was so high that its successs reads as an antidote to our current trainwreck culture. As a rare break from the monotony of schadenfreude, Blackout is Britney Spears' greatest contribution to society thus far. 

Comments

[Mel]

Agreed.
baby baby baby oooohh
Too bad shes all out of wack.

Definably her best music, shes ever made.

Ever.

[blah]

not even if you paid me. i refuse to support the trainwreck that is britney. and i even bought "in the zone". the damage has already been done you worthless excuse of a mother and talent.

[deeyou]

It's been on repeat all day, I was surprised by how consistent it is. Nothing to skip!

[Chaka_Kahn]

I agree with you. As far as mainstream pop albums go, Blackout is pretty great. I don't know if I would credit Britney with picking the tracks that ended up on the album tho. (Maybe picking Gimme More as the first single. It's nice and trashy.)

[JR]

Rich! Dude! I've been listening to this CD over and over again for days trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with me...because I actually liked a Britney album from beginning to end. But your review actually puts things in perspective...in a way that my murky muddled brain never could. I now fully accept the fact that Britney and her super-producers have actually done good! Thanks for enlightening me yo!

[David]

I agree its incredibly surprising and such great fun. It's clearly not a deep endevour but who cares? It's Britney Spears.

A part of me wishes one of the tracks was spoken word though. How fun would THAT be? Great fun, that's what it would be, GREAT!

[Queen Lena]

I've never wanted a Britney album in my life. I've never bought one.

I don't even have any illegally downloaded Britney tracks on my ipod.

However, this album is fucking excellent. And it makes my heart cry to think that I might actually buy it.

[Vanessa]

" a rare break from the monotony of schadenfreude"

Dude, you are a genius.

I remember hearing back sometime after the head shaving and before she lost her kids for the 1st time, that she was "working on a new album." The fact this thing even exists and is available for purchase is a miracle in itself.

I often see pictures of the Brit and wonder does no one in her entourage give a shit for this poor girl? Is there no one who when cares enough that when she shows up in a camisole and Uggs saying, "I got my new dress on yall. Let's go to Starbucks" feels the need to say "Britney, that isn't a dress. It's an undergarment. Put some britches on." Anyways, I guess my point is I'm glad her producers cared enough to give her music underpants.

[Brad]

If everyone was told this was a new album by Annie or a Goldfrappe protege, everyone would think it was the dance/electronica album of the year. Hands down, it's the best dance album in a long ass time. Maybe this will stop Fergie from being played on the radio.

[Mandy]

I went down to Target today - sold out. It was sold out at another Target too. The clerk said there was a rush at the first one for it. I saw an old woman snatch up the last one.

[amanjo]

I've been listening to the album for the last several days (I got connectionz), and I'm loving it so damn much. But the one track I don't like is "Heaven on Earth." It sounds like an outtake from Paris Hilton's album. The vocals don't sound like BritBrit at all but instead whoever sang for Paris last year.

[princemoney]

I love britney on drugs.

[Shanene]

1. Rich, I love you.
2. Seriously, though, it is Brit-Brit's best album ever. All of her albums are decent and she has songs that are classic, but this is the first one with literally no filler. Every song is enjoyable and feels fresh. You gotta love it.

I can only hope this is as popular as it deserves to be.

<3 BRITNEY <3

[Madame M]

The WaPo review didn't warm up as much to the album as others did -- I just say that to state a fact.

You are an amazing writer. I felt myself hearing along with you. Thank you.

[Shana]

Strange, isn't it? Hmm.

[Jere]

You've perfectly expressed my thoughts regarding this album.

[Steven.]

Oh baby, baby... I have my copy.

[dodger]

Rich your such a creep with the sleepaway camp shim for a hero. ugh, nightmares tonight.

ya i listened to it out of curiosity but never cared for her, didn't like this either. too each there own.

[Bobby]

I trust your reviews, but was a bit dismayed to see that you've quoted three sources that are not at all credible as far as music criticism goes.

[moss]

Yes, I agree with every word! Thanks for making me less ashamed of liking this album.

[aj]

Rich,

For a (somewhat) positive review, you've employed some odd adjectives--"anemic?". I can see why you'd find the album sonically interesting, but I also think it's weird how music critics, including you, to a degree, have decided to praise Britney's album because it sounds as ramshackle as her life. If she had produced something that sounded slick and well-produced, something that sounded as if she gave a damn, would people have been angry with her? Should we really hold Britney to an artist's standard of "authenticity?" I'm confused.

[janine]

Good for her. I won't be getting it because I'm not huge on dance music beyond Giorgio Moroder. aj, "anemic" isn't always a bad thing. It takes as much effort to show restraint sometimes.

[svrb]

Rolling Stone isn't a credible source as far as music criticism goes? I'll admit I don't read it, so maybe I'm out of the loop here, but isn't that kind of what the magazine is supposed to be all about?

Anyway, this review almost makes me want to buy this album, or at least download it. And for that, I can never forgive you, Rich. I share your love of all things house and house-inflected.

[swunicorn]

when she says "I like this part" at the bridge in "Break the Ice" I heard for a moment what it would have been like if Anna Nicole had ever recorded her ahlbomm. She lives in you, Britney. VLH - Never forget

[gi_janearng]

*YAWN*

Britney's 15 minutes were up a long time ago.

I'm patiently waiting for her to meet Anna Nicole Smith.

[mariaaaaa]

Well said, Vanessa: "Anyways, I guess my point is I'm glad her producers cared enough to give her music underpants." To put a finer point on it, I wish she would trust and listen to someone in her life as much as she trusted and listened to her producers. Maybe if she had that kind of faith in someone in her life she'd put on her damn panties, so to speak.
I'm happy for her. Oh and I don't see Anna Nicole when I see Brit, I see NEELY O'HARA!!!!

[Kat]

I love "Break the Ice", I think it would have been a better first single. It's actually not awful. I'm a pretty big fan of dance and electronica, and it passes pretty well for dance music (pop has been drifting toward dance music for a while, but it seems to have never actually gone there). This is her first album I've actually enjoyed.

And thank god the "Hot as Ice" we all heard originally wasn't the actual album version, because that was the worst song I had ever heard! haha.

[milkyaqua]

Nice that she's getting decent reviews for this album because that may be the last nice thing anyone says about it. The record label has basically said that they know a tour isn't happening and are trying to at least get some vids done (decent ones unlike Gimme More) to push the album. However, they can't seem to get together with Brit. They make appts for her to come in, she asks them to come to her house, they show up, she has the asst say she's not feeling it today. This is like the auditions that were set-up for her to pick dancers for the vids and possible tour that she insisted she had to be at and then cancelled (twice). The record company is not amused. Frankly, I'd think Clive Davis has enough on his plate dealing with Whitney Houston's comeback much less having to try and rein in Britney.

[JLeRoy]

100% agreed.

And yes, "Heaven on Earth" is definitely the highlight. So very beautiful. It could easily be a lost track from Sally Shapiro's album (which I'm sure you're familiar with, but if not, definitely check it out).

[christiaan]

is it me or does "toy soldier" have the same catchy music thing as trina's "no panties?"

i don't think this is her best album, but i enjoy her dance music and think it's quite fun to crank it up in my car.

[Kim Monique]

I feel better ... just got it and I was ashamed to love it. A couple of songs I didn't like, but for the most part, it's fun Europop. Don't tell anyone ...

[Nick]

Finally! Somebody who tells it like it is!

I'm so sick of hearing the two extreme opinions about this album:
1.) The haters who are going to hate Britney's music regardless, shit-talk the album (probably without even having listened to it), and actually review her lifestyle more than her music.
2.) The hardcore "Team Britney" fans who think she can do no wrong, and get all bent out of shape by those who don't worship her.

It's refreshing to read: "Yeah, Britney's a trainwreck, but this album is spectacular". So, thank you.

My two favorite quotes:
"Faulting her for having nothing to say is like faulting Cheetos for making your ass fat and fingers stink. It's just what they do."
AND
"...the one that got away and went terribly right."

So poetic, and so true.

One thing that's baffling me about this album, however, is "Heaven on Earth". Everyone seems to think it's her standout track...and I just can't get in to it. It's actually one of the few songs on the album that I don't even "like".

Favorite tracks (in order): "Toy Soldier", "Get Naked", "Piece of Me", "Freakshow", "Break the Ice", "Ooh Ooh Baby"

[millie]

Great post, Rich!

Nick, I agree. Toy Soldier is my favorite as well. Heaven on Earth isn't bad, just meh. It reminds me of Care Bears.

Does anybody else feel like playing Nintendo while listening to this album?

[Miss Dahlia]

Great post-- Pretty much summed up my feelings for the album, only much more eloquently than my review of "awesomer than I imagined that hot mess to come up with." I'm giving you advance notice that I will be trying to pass your opinions off as my own while discussing the record with my friends this weekend ;)

And-- OMG mariaaaaa!!! I've been saying the same thing: Britney is TOTALLY Neely O'Hara!

[always answer b]

Here's what I want to know: is Blackout spectacular in the realm of pop music alone, or is it a good genre-crossing album? I just have a hard time accepting that any of the pop-tarts today are responsible for legitimately good albums, and you will therefore never hear me say "It's a good album" without adding "considering it's pop."
Call me a cynic but I hate the overproduction that is rampant in music today and I consistently long for something that is more artist driven - even if it is trance or house or something obviously made in the digital era but commanded by the loving ear of an artist. I can't swallow that our mainstream pop music is assembled by a calculating team of producers and writers that want to hang the song on the "artist" whose name goes on the album, like an ill-fitting sack on a mannequin.
Britney's album sounds exactly like what I hate, not because it's Britney, but because there's no heart. I won't deny that it's probably catchy, danceable, and fun, but is it really good music?

[Dimitri]

I agree with a lot of what you said Rich and like many of the others here, I feel guilty for liking this album. I found it surprisingly catchy and edgy. However one thing I don't like though is that the songs are about her life (bitchin about men, Kevin, the paps, etc.) and I find myself ALMOST get sympathetic for her. But then I catch myself and say NO! I can't be sympathetic for her because she's a freakin' train wreck and has made some very bad decisions. I mean come on, the kids thing is really the straw for me. So anyway yeah, I just feel conflicted when listening to this CD. I guess you could say it's a guilty pleasure.

[HelloKitty]

I was also wondering what was wrong with me for liking this album. Then I realized Britney has no responsibility for this album being good. I totally give all of the credit to the producers. Seriously, I would love to meet the team that did this and tell them that they are probably the hardest working individuals on the planet.

Also, I loved the extra voices on "Piece of Me". I didn't mind the digital voice alteration. Also, TIMBERLAND needs to be THANKED. "baby, baby, bayyyyybaaaaaahhhhhhh"

[Leogoddess]

I have been playing this cd for the last week. Hey I have no guilt about liking this album I knew as soon as I listened to it she had nothing to do with it. I totally saw her just showing up and doing what the producers told her to do, why can't I be so lucky? So I give props to the producers who actually brought this fruition. I'm totally in love with the dance tracks and the slow ones too my daughter is already making a cheerleading routine for Hot as Ice (isn't that what it's for?). Get Naked is my favorite!! Luv it, so what? It's Britney Bitch!