The hate that hate doesn't produce

I love that Fred Phelps is always condemning people to death, when he looks like a corpse that's been kicking around for a few months. It's like Weekend at Freddy's Part 5,000. Way to bring a sense of vanity to proselytizing, Fred. Because that's not gay or anything.

I mention this because I recently watched this documentary that Showtime's been running, Fall From Grace, which is all about Fred and his Westboro Baptist Church (I know that there are many documentaries that focus on this church; this just happens to be the one I watched). It's a well-made film, if slightly snoozy on account of its subject. It's sort of amazing to me that someone so full of hate could be so dull, but Fred Phelps' one-note platform (you may know him from his constant refrain: God Hates Fags) makes him just that. Honestly, I'm kind of disappointed. I want variation in my unfounded rage, damn it!

Westboro's efforts don't bother me as a homosexual; they bother me as a human. I have a Hannibal Lector-like obsession with politeness, and these people are just fucking rude. Beyond that, I find their anti-gay message pretty harmless -- any attempts to verbalize their rationale generally trail off or boil down to a few oblique references in the Bible. Clearly, these people are idiot maniacs (who are more into gay people than even gay people are), and it's very easy to feel self righteous in the wake of blind rage. That's not to mention the fact that religious intimidation is utterly meaningless to me. Your terribly translated book of contradictions says what? Your god takes what stance? I know you think it pertains to me and my life, but I assure you, it really doesn't.

Really, the Westboro Baptist Church, per Grace's portrayal, just seems like a group of failures -- no one outside Phelps' family is a member, and their attempts to persuade people of their beliefs are bungled by their alienating delivery. My cats communicate better than they do.

But what I really took away from the film is that for all of their yammering (I'd call it hard work, but, uh, it isn't), they're failures at religion, too. Even if religion isn't for me, I cannot knock its practical application: I repeatedly read about studies suggesting that, by and large, the happiest people are also religious. I respect that positive correlation and would even go as far as tipping my hat to religion's power to transform lives and, sometimes on a very fundamental level, make the world a nicer place. But these people are fucking miserable! Like all of them! I think there was one younger woman who cracked a smile a few times during her interview, and that was really fucking it.

Come on, guys, cheer up! You can't dance on graves without a smile on your face!

You know, it's like he's just begging for a bundle of balloons.

See? Better!

What does Fred need here?

Hmmm. Would that charming, British worm from Labyrinth lift his spirits?

Why, I do think that she would!

These hands look empty...

I'll make it better!

Now they're full of the joy that only lollipops can bring.

This looks like a tough one:

I think I have to bring out the big guns...

Care Bear stare!

Oh, and I also think it's ironic that Shirley Phelps-Roeper has the taste of a blind lesbian.

Makeover!

And now she has the taste of Elton John.

Oh, and speaking of lesbians...

...this son of Fred looks exactly like one.

So yeah: joyless. But you know what the worst thing about all this is? The only thing these people are successful at (besides grabbing cheap press that amounts to only hurting their cause, as homophobia's poster children are stridently fucking crazy) is converting their children. The segment of Grace in which the kids are interviewed is by far the most moving and chilling in the documentary. You expect people who are older and bitter and who don't like themselves to just transfer that onto an already disenfranchised group. It's human nature to attempt a shortcut to superiority, but it seems like something you work toward. The kids in the video below already seem jaded -- for the most part, they are unsmiling and clearly have been robbed of their childhood. And childhood is one of the few social constructs that I support wholeheartedly because I know how awesome it can be (truthfully, I kind of miss it sometimes).

Anyway, the video below probably qualifies as disturbing if you aren't a sick fuck like me. So if you're sensitive about kids being incredibly po-faced and homophobic, you probably shouldn't watch. It's basically the result of what the Westboro Baptist Church probably considers "God's work." Chilling, I know.

Comments

[Desarae]

I thought the 3rd picture needed a package of Charmin, because I image Mr. Whipple telling him not to squeeze the Charmin

[Sarah]

Oh. My. God.

Brainwashing children much?

Although, I'll have to admit that I rather like the little one who was always going about about "B words" and about how he wants to kill the people who say mean things to him. Especially the last line about "I was thinking 'You evil bastard. You're going to hell...FOREVER!!1!11!one!'"

However, if I had to deal with that child in real life, I hardly think that I'd find him so amusing.

Vah, crazy extremist Baptists. They're practically harmless, right?

[Brenda]

I would probably be more offended by this kind of crazy if I were an actual Christian, because I'm pretty the whole point of the Jesus thing wasn't "let's go to the funerals of murder victims and say they are in hell."

[Brenda]

I would probably be more offended by this kind of crazy if I were an actual Christian, because I'm pretty the whole point of the Jesus thing wasn't "let's go to the funerals of murder victims and say they are in hell."

[Brenda]

Oops, sorry for the double!

[Parker]

Ohhh yes, that was my favorite episode of 'Kid Nation'.

[Kirsten]

We just moved from KS 6 months ago, and that man and his kook-nut family members are embarassments to the entire of the human race, but especially to us who were lucky enough to have shared statehood with him. He and his demented followers made the news every day. They attempted to picket the funeral of my best friend's husband after he passed in Iraq, but the Patriot Guard Riders made sure, and make sure at every funeral they go to, that the Phelps Nation can't get close enough to the services to interrupt anything.

Because you know, another of their wonderful teachings is "God hates gay people, so he caused the Iraq war and all the soldiers dying as punishment"

[bigpikchur.blogspot.com]

This site is becoming hazardous to my computer's health, Rich! As I scrolled down in the story, I laughed in a reasonable manner at the photos until I got to "CARE BEAR STARE!" I'm going to need to know who to send the bill for a new keyboard after spitting my drink out all over my desk and monitor.
Jules
House of Jules

[Anita Nooner]

I like to picture Fred at the pearly gates, and St. Peter (it's St. Peter who does the letting in, right?) is looking as his big ol' book, shaking his head, going, "Hmmm, no, no, I'm sorry, I just don't find a Fred Phelps here. Um, gee, (flipping through the pages) well... I think maybe you need to go check with Lucifer, you know. Sorry for the inconvenience and all, but really, you're not here. (Taps book) It's pretty comprehensive. I mean, the Big Guy updates it daily."

[Philippe]

I don't understand why these people get so much press...I mean isn't it just accepted by now that they are a bunch of insane fucks? Why does the media continually focus on them, they just keep doing the same thing over and over anyway.

[inothernews]

I was going to write something amusing and amused, especially after the Care Bear Stare, but obviously I am not a sick fuck because I feel SO BAD for those kids. They have no idea what they are saying...It makes me thinks about when I have kids, how I have to be careful not to totally brainwash them to not go around and be "I have only two photos left in my hands..." and "Winston. Winston. Winston. Winston."

Actually, nevermind. Totally brainwashing my kids into fourfourbots.

[shannon]

Aw, Rich... I was disappointed. I was totally hoping you were going to post that he had died a firey painful death. Ah well, the Care Bear Stare is better than nothing! :) Have a great weekend!

[jasmine]

I can't wait until I have ratty ass kids of my own.

[Allison]

Oh, the shame of living only a few miles from this guy! My friend used to clean carpets in Topeka, and the Phelps were frequent clients, oh the tales he can tell! They've proselytized to him many a time, and he's said, no thanks, I'm not crazy. They were out picketing the Tori Amos concert in Lawrence last month, as they've done every time she's come into town. They come and picket the gay pride festivities at KU every year. Living in Kansas, we're lucky enough to have this freakfest show up constantly at local events. So much to be proud of, creationism and Phelps! Please people, understand, there are some liberal-minded, non-hate-mongering intelligent people who live in the state!!!!

[Christin]

I feel like those kids--save the oldest one in the glasses--see this as a game. Seriously. Listen to the language; it's awful from the mouths of adults but sounds just like a normal child describing a video game.

"I used my SIGN attack and powered up my GOD HATES FAGS special move, and my SHOUTING does +2 Righteous damage, but I don't have enough power for the K.O., but watch! Jesus Christ, I CHOOSE YOU! and then Jesus comes out and kills the bad guys!"
"How does that work?"
"I dunno. It just does. I think Jesus is in a Pokemon ball."

[KelBel]

I kept expecting the kids who stammered to yell out "Line!" because that was all that talk was.

Oh, Rich, thank you thank you for Fred with the Care Bear Stare.

[Serathen]

I haven't watched this program about Phelps though I will now because I enjoy my crazy. Awhile ago Louis Theroux, a British journalist basically followed the Phelps family around for a while and got great access, even interviewed Fred. It was called the Most Hated Family in America and was extremely informative -- especially when the Phelps found out that Louis was unmarried and had a child out of wedlock! Scandal!

[yggy]

Holy Care Bears stare! Love it! If only.

Those poor kids, just mouthing what they hear on a daily basis. I feel sorry for them, not having the joy of growing up in an environment where they can formulate and express a free thought. Very sad.

[Ern]

I feel so sorry for those kids. They haven't had a chance for their logic to mature enough before they're pumped full of the insanity. It will be even sadder if any of them are gay.

[Meg]

Hi Rich! I LOVE that you have a "Hannibal Lector-like obsession with politeness."

I understand that we are all going to have our own beliefs and opinions. It's when people are rude about it that they lose me.

[Leanne]

C'mon Fred be grateful! Rich got you balloons AND lollipops! Ha! Snickering to myself in my cubicle.....

I LOVE reading about nutjobs like this, I can't help it. It riles me up but like a car crash I have to keep watching.

Since the group is made up of essentially their family, when Fred dies do you think it will all collapse or someone will take over?

I want to hear stories about the guy who cleaned their carpets! What was on them that needed cleaning so bad? Blood? Urine? Vomit? Semen? The power of Christ compells you!!!!!!!!

[Jess]

OMG, such a fucking mind warp, those kids.

[Kelle]

Ohh Rich, how I love thee.
I watched this last weekend on On Demand and somehow, I knew it was only a matter of time before we got our delightful spin. It takes talent to incorporate lollipops and care bears into a movie that made me spitting mad. Just another reason why I don't go to states not bordering an ocean.

On a personal note, I saw you (or a guy that looks like you) when I was getting off the subway at Union Square a couple of weeks ago. I almost said Hi but didn't want to be 'that girl'. It was almost as good as that time I crossed the street with John Waters.

[starchild]

you know, the other day my co-worker--another avid reader of four four, said, "I should marry rich." I immediately said, yeah, he's great isn't he? It took us both a second to realize that she was talking about money, not you, and that in reality, I was the one who would've said that I should marry Rich. (except for the fact that you're gay and I'm married, but let's not quibble over details, I'd still say it). All of that to say, anyone who can find a way to get in that British worm from Labyrinth is some kind of soulmate for me.

You remind me of the babe.

[Offended in Flyover Country]

Kelle, Wow. Only visiting states bordering an ocean. You're willing to miss out on a lot of good stuff and great people all because of one psycho nutcase? You DO realize your statement is just an uninformed, sweeping generalization, don't you? There are blue states in the middle, too, you know. Sheesh. Fighting ignorance with ignorance. Whatever.