Welcome Return

Ready? OK!

Before I get to talking about the lovable butterball of an MTV documentary that is Return to Fat Camp, first I would like to meditate on the reason we all tuned in:

Can you say "Om?" Dianne looks so peaceful, so zen, so...much like someone who lives in a van down by the river. Seriously, I was expecting her to hike up her pants and give me a coke-fueled lecture, like, any second.

Dianne was not a main subject this time around -- she merely popped up here and there quietly, possessing all the wisdom of a sprig of sage. She's like Yoda if Yoda had a glandular problem, different pigmentation and was not from Alabama.

Many will lament her lack of screen time, but I kind of liked things this way -- her impishness reached new heights as she...

...exited the bus...

...talked on the phone (she looks like someone so strikingly here in the eyes, and I can't figure out who it is. Tatum O'Neal?)...

...basked begrudgingly...

...played volleyball (I guess she got over her aversion to balls?)...

...and drank water. This part was actually awesome: Sam, who we'll discuss in just a bit, was bitching about being fat even though she was among the thinnest campers, and undoubtedly the thinnest person we've followed thus far. Her counselor took issue with this, saying, "When you say, 'I'm so fat,' if someone is more overweight than you, they're gonna say, 'Well, if you're so fat, how am I?'" Uh, fat. You're at fat camp. Duh.

The absolute best Dianne moment came when the despicable Adisa (again, we'll get to her in a sec) was lisping like Daffy Duck all about her upcoming quinceañera. "My quinthe! My quinthe!" Adisa is clearly black, and it's unclear at best if her racial makeup goes beyond that. After Adisa left the area to undoubtedly prey upon the need to be dominated and exploited within some weaker camper, Dianne asked the camper next to her...

"Did she say 'My quinceañera?' Is she Spanish? Cuban?"

I love that she's as amused by this whole thing as the viewers undoubtedly are. Ah, Dianne, you've learned the joy of mocking others. I finally feel that we are one.

Also, I love that if you have a quinceañera in Dianne's world, you're either Spanish or Cuban. There's going to be a lot of sad 15-year-old Mexicans this year. Sorry girls, it's Dianne's mandate, and she, after all, is the queen of the world.

Obviously, with that title, no one that the filmmakers followed this time around had a chance at living up to Dianne. That's a given and it's OK: we'll always have the original Fat Camp. And, I'd argue that collectively, the four kids they followed this time around were more compelling than the ones in the original. Really, Dianne's the only one who made a truly lasting impression (though, it was pretty awesome seeing Petey living up to his douchey potential with a chinstrap...

...yammering about the girl-to-boy ratio to a kid who I suspect, deep down, does not care. So that's cool.). Anyway, the kids this time around were so awesome and the drama was so ridiculous (Hairbows! Lice! Failed quinces!) that I'm not afraid to say that Return to Fat Camp is just as good, if not slightly better than Fat Camp.

And you know how I love me some Fat Camp. MTV has an atrocious tendency to focus on members of society above the age of 20 whose vileness and vapidness are at constant odds (see The Real World and A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, which I've taken to calling Teelya Taqueelya, just because it's a little more fun that way. In recent days, I've developed a crush on referring to it as Tila Tacheelya, too. You have to amuse yourself somehow, you know?). But for some reason, MTV cannot lose when it sets its focus on those under 20, My Super Sweet 16 excepted. Endlessly entertaining shows like Made and True Life have this wonderful ability to take the lives of teenagers seriously and present it in a way that feels simultaneously lighthearted and far from condescending. I think all the talk of MTV being out of touch is bullshit. Representing the youth of today accurately and entertainingly is a far more noble endeavor than pandering to it (though, obviously, MTV does plenty of that, too).

Mostly, I'm just thankful for Fat Camp. Here are our campers:

Justin

I like Justin because he was clearly using his sprained leg as an excuse to get out of activities, but he didn't let his walker go to waste. If you don't need it to walk, use it as a fort. That's what I always say.

Other than that, though, Justin's the only certified dud to have been followed in either of the documentaries. He left halfway through camp because, clearly, his heart wasn't in it. Also, he was sort of hazardous to everyone around him. He, like, put eye drops in some kid's stagnant water. It was weird. He also kind of giggled when recounting his gargantuan weight gain, but at the same time, refused to reveal his weight:

And then, during the final segment of the show, was it just me or did it look like he was taking a gravity bong hit?

I do like the most likely unintentional but still poetic parallel between "weight loss" and "burner." Get it? Because you burn off calories/weight? I can only hope that if Justin releases a memoir, it will be called, A Watched Weight Never Boils.

Oh, but for all his inertia, Justin, impressively, was able to do this:

If he can do that, he's not really morbidly obese! He's faking it! Faker!

Dan

The thing is, I kind of relate to Dan. See, I was once a ladies man.

 

And I've done this more than a few times:

But this?

Nightmare territory.

For whatever reasons (I assume there are many), Dan has separation anxiety. He is 14. His parents seem like awfully nice and nurturing people. However, if you ever wondered at which point being supportive turns into an all-out weenie roast, look no further than Dan's case. He is Milhouse as a boy.

When his phone is confiscated, he sort of stammers what could serve as a perfectly good catchphrase, were he actually animated and on a weekly series: "I don't get that whole no cellphone rule." Dude, cut the cord. You can't see it, thanks to modern technology, but CUT IT.

Other than that, Dan seems like a nice kid and in the end, he loses a shitload of weight. He seems to be an overachiever with plenty of potential. I just hope that he doesn't put his mind to living with his parents for the rest of his life.

Adisa

Lordy.

I'm sure people will become upset at my lack of sensitivity toward a minor, but I cannot describe Adisa as anything but rancid. From what we saw, she is a terrible person. She's a troublemaker who simply cannot wait to spew her bile: when she arrives at camp, she reintroduces herself by saying, "Did you miss me? Good!" For some reason, her friends find this hilarious and the girl that she says it to, for obvious reasons, finds it humiliating.

OK, so I'm not saying this because of any weight thing (seriously!) but for a while, I've been thinking that New York fills the pop-cultural void left by Miss Piggy. It has nothing to do with appearance...OK, it has little to do with appearance. Mostly, it's that she's this loud anti-hero that most people would throttle if only they could shake themselves from the trance they fall under whenever she's on screen. Adisa one-ups New York by having the thick, mayo-filled falsetto that I previously thought Frank Oz was capable of. For example, here's her barking orders at her minions who are making cards to her aforementioned quince. And, just for the nausea of it, here is another.

And here's the card:

I like to think that that last comment is snarky, fat-camp humor. Realistically, I think it just might be the truth.

Oh, and that party turned out to be a disaster, mostly because Adisa felt the need to be exclusive about things and only invite certain campers (hence the invitations):

She couldn't even get kids to go to a party that was held on grounds that they weren't allowed to leave. Like, what the hell else did they have to do? But see, that's what happens when you try to leave people out. This isn't karma, it's cause and effect.

I don't blame her fellow campers for avoiding her. Though it seems that Adisa can seduce a few kids into Pavlovian responses to her barking, I like to think that most people find her as insufferable as she is. I hope, so at least. Otherwise, Adisa needs an intervention now because her ravenous ego is the stuff that propels people to spearhead genetic cleansing. At one point, Adisa claims surprise over always finding herself at the center of drama and yet, moments later, we see her practically knock over girls to confront a bunkmate on rumors of a drug problem even though moments before that, they had already discussed and settled it.

That incident leads the ever valiant camp leader Tony Sparber (my hero, seriously) to call Adisa's mother -- from the sound of it, Adisa's behavior is largely permitted as her mother can't believe that Adisa is being accused of bullying. "You actually think I would make this phone call if there was not a serious problem?" asks Tony, incredulously. Adisa would seem to be a link in a familial chain of entitlement. You see it a lot on reality shows. Seriously. I suppose that she cannot be blamed entirely for her agonizing conduct, but for real: it doesn't make her any easier to deal with.

In the begging of the episode, she does this to emphasize where she'd like to lose weight:

And all I can think is: SLAP HARDER.

In the end, Adisa reflects on the her changes: "At the beginning of camp, I was much fatter. I was much louder. I was a tad bit ruder." She's either completely self-aware, admitting that she's changed very little in the rudeness department, or completely up her own ass, claiming that she was only a tad bit rude in the first place and so altering it did not require much. I admire neither scenario: PLEASE SOMEONE INTERVENE NOW. THE FUTURE OF OUR PLANET COULD DEPEND ON IT.

So yeah, no redeeming qualities at all, as far as we see. For all I know, footage of Adisa helping AIDS patients and singing to children was left on the cutting-room floor. However, the Adisa I got to know is no one worth knowing.

Although, I did snicker when she said, "I'll be the bigger person, even though she weighs 1 lb. more than me." I mean, that's clever. I also found this endearing:

Because that's exactly how I would have reacted to...

Logan

Imagine Courtney Love with a smattering of fly DNA and an addiction not to drugs, but food. That's Logan. More times than not, Logan punctuates her sentences with a Pat-like, "Eh" (here's an example). This is one of her endearing qualities.

Oh, in the shot above, Adisa is reacting to this:

 

It is what Logan calls "chub rub." She explains in graphic, harrowing detail: "It hurts. It was bleeding a little, like in places unmentionable." Of course, the irony is that she just fucking mentioned them. Thanks, Logan. You know, I consider myself a progressive gay who isn't afraid of the vagina at all, but instead is fascinated by it. I see it everywhere. It's always on my mind. Until now. I think Logan's description made my feminist spirit retract with my balls.

Although, I gotta give it up to her for "places unmentionable." Nice word organization. Clearly, this girl is smart, and that's kind of her problem, at least for our purposes: her nonstop whining posits her as this entry's Dianne, but she's a little too self-aware for her own good. You'd never catch her singing "Sweet Home Alabama" because she knows how laaaaame that would be. It kinda takes the fun out of her, but only kinda, because for real: Logan is awesome.

I mean, Blonde Redhead? At 14?

OK, so maybe she's not entirely self-aware...

...I mean, that's her friend, right? And she wants her friend to, like, continue to breathe, right?

But on the upside of her quick wit, she's good for wonderfully succinct assessment of her life and its problems:

"My weight is such an issue and it causes problems and I hate it and I hate everybody and I just wanna die!" That's like a speed memoir, so direct and to the point. Eat your heart out, Hemingway!

Logan, pretty awesomely, gets lice. She hates this. How do we know this? Because she tells us: "It's not fair! Why did I get lice? (Sob!)" Oh, Logan, you're smart enough to know that that's one of life's great existential questions. An answer would defeat its purpose! I do love that she blames getting lice from "the dirty, big bitch in my bunk." I mean, if it were a clean, little bitch, it just wouldn't be fat camp, right?

Anyway, Logan must throw her hair things way and she goes on and on about this, and in the process says the phrase "hair bows" about 5,000 times. Hair bows as opposed to what? Bow-tie pasta? I don't think so: the lice would slide right off. Anyway, a counselor eventually replaces Logan's precious hair bows and Logan recounts the tale: "Since all my bows got taken away because they're lice-infested, some counselor, I have no clue who she was but she's Chinese, she went out and got me more bows. Eh." Let me guess: that counselor is going to have a quince.

Logan, by the way, is the one that Adisa confronts about drug use, on account of Logan's ever-present sunglasses:

"OK, all my kids in my bunk think I'm doing cocaine 'cause I wear sunglasses. They're like, 'Are you hiding your dilated pupils?'" I get the feeling that Logan loves this, if only because it gives her the chance to say a big-girl word like "cocaine."

Predictably, before the end of camp, she's had her fill of Adisa:

As long as you make it look like an accident.

Six more quotes from Logan that show just what kind of a gem she is:

"I got my period and I'm fat and I have to do my activities and I don't want to!"

"That was the first time I cheered, ever. That was the first cheer I actually went along with." - How monumental!

(When informed that she's lost 2 lbs.) "Ohmigod that sux." (When it's then pointed out that this brings her total up to 8 lbs. in two weeks) "OK."

"You skanky bitch! You skanky fake bitch. Eh." - I love how the "fake" twists the knife ever so slightly.

(While approaching the camp with her mother and brother) "You're walking away from me, come 'ere. Don't hold my hand, I'll look awkward. No, RJ, let go of my shirt. No, let go. No, you're awkward, let go!" - I love a girl who isn't afraid to put her teenhood on full display. You know who else loves that? The camera.

"I lost a lot of clothes in the laundry, I got lice, I've been picked on..." - You''ll notice that Logan cries. Like, a lot. I'd give her her own personal crying count, god knows she deserves it, but it'd be so one-note. So just imagine this...

...like, 50 times.

Anyway, I love Logan a lot, but I love Fat Camp alum Marisa's response to one of Logan's tantrums even more:

"Get a disease, and then I'll feel sorry for you!" I think that this is a great philosophy for dealing not just with Logan, but people in general. Return to Fat Camp, you teach us so much. You are far too good to us.

And, finally, there is Sam.

I feel for this girl. I don't know what drives me more: the fact that her wet-or-is-it-crispy hair could be found on approximately half of all females that I encountered from birth to age 18, or that she's so explicitly damaged: "I don't like my weight. I don't like my size. I don't like anything about my body."

Sam makes me sad, although I do love that she completely takes advantage of her hot status at fat camp (at the start, she's at most 20 lbs. away from her target weight of 125 and decidedly slimmer than most of her fellow campers). "At home, I walk through my school and no one notices I'm there. I'm 5'2", I'm chubby, I'm walking through the hallway. I'm taking up space. But here, I'm not taking up space." Only in guys' hearts.

She is a big fish in a small pond, and given the circumstances, that statement verges on literal.

She has this guy that she tells...someone about in the only context in which a person should discuss a "confusing" relationship: while applying eyeliner.

"He's not really my boyfriend, but he is, but he's not. It's a confusing relationship but it's worth it." In lieu of shrinking her or spending too much time worrying about how irreparable her mother's attitude has been to her self-image ("She can't actually wear them, but she enjoyed buying them," says her mom regarding a pair of jeans), I will merely say that it thrilled me that she hooked up with a hot guy...

...and that she ended up getting down to 130 lbs.

Beautiful. So are her guns.

But before you start thinking that she's a strong woman, consider this:

I'm not quite sure that that constitutes a happy ending.

Comments

[scorzi]

First!

Saw this on TV and was walking around my apartment saying "I need to call Rich!" Rich, you need a hotline number we all can call when we see great pop culture.

[Blanched]

The pic of Diane on the phone: she looks exactly like Jenna Bush in the eyes, no?

[Butt Nugget]

I was sad that Dianne was not featured, especially since she's fatter than ever - clearly she didn't stick to any sort of diet during the winter. Brilliant recap as always...

[Josh]

!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Josh]

!!!!!!!!!!!!

[silky jumbo]

the "fake" that logan tossed in her insult was enough to send adisa off of the deep end. well played, logan. well played.

[Wendy]

Bjork! Dianne has Bjork eyes in that one shot.

[Erin]

I was trying to explain to my friends the Logan/Hair Bows issue when they asked me why in the world I was freaking out about DVRing Return to Fat Camp. At least there's one other person in the world that understands

[Tiff]

They should make this a weekly show because these once a year specials are just not enough to satisfy my fat camp obsession.

[Mango]

I was so happy to see your prediction for a Fat Camp 2 to be true!

I was majorly bummed that they taunted us with a few glimpses of Diane. Logan was pretty awesome, especially her meltdown over the lice/bows.

I thought Adisa was hilarious, especially when she was enslaving her friends to make birthday invites and then goes, "You're all invited to my quince. You can all give yourselves a card you just made."

I also loved her blubbering on the phone to her mom: "There's this girl in our bunk who cries a lot and wears sunglasses and we thought she was doing drugs!" Amazing stuff.

[tom]

this just made my day. I wish I watched tv more.
-her eyes do totally look like jenna bush's
-I have a friend who does that "eh" or "unhh" when she's pleased with something she just said, it's so annoying--we talk about her all the time--we've even tried to mock it, but that's surprisingly a hard sound to replicate

at any rate i love you and your blogs unnhh!

[Stephanie]

I knew you'd come through.
The quince thing was just plain terrible.
Even though the camp I went to as a teen over 10 years ago was not a fat camp, but a regular camp (arguably), as much as I love this show it makes me cringe about the camp lifestyle. It's so cultish and adding the weightloss thing to it makes it soo much weirder. I would have loved to have Rich recaps at the end of every camp day back then. If I were recapped at the time, I probably would have been like that girl in that cycle of ANTM who got forgotten by the acting coach lady and at judging. And I'm super ok with that.

"Imagine Courtney Love with a smattering of fly DNA..."

This was the funniest and best description of Logan I could have ever imagined. I am jealous I did not come up with it.

[meepmorp]

It's Tea Leoni that she looks like.

[MsKit2u]

Dianne looks like Reese Witherspoon "in the eyes".

Good recap. :)

[Nicolars]

(she looks like someone so strikingly here in the eyes, and I can't figure out who it is. Tatum O'Neal?)

It's Jan Michael Vincent! Check out an old picture of him if you don't believe me.

[MsKit2u]

Damn it - I meant Renee Zellweger!

[Twinkie]

I think she looks like Mariel Hemingway for some reason...
http://www.imdb.com/gallery/granitz/1088/Events/1088/hemingway_mariel.html?path=pgallery&path_key=Hemingway,%20Mariel

[jenna]

Dianne equals Bjork, right?????

[Stella]

Why aren't we friends in real life? Why can't we be the kind of friends who call each other and screech in the phone "RETURN TO FAT CAMP" and then hang up, because we would be close enough to not have to say anymore? New York is big, but not big enough for us not to be friends.

[jtalia]

i finally understand those who don't watch top model but still enjoy your recaps, cause i missed fat camp2 but still feel as if i soaked in the experience... i actually desired to be double my weight to get into fat camp, wow-eh

your GIFs will keep me smiling all week

[T-Rye]

Diane was channeling some Bjork-ness with her eyes in that frame, yo...

[Jacbak]

The best part of my weekend was realizing that a) a Fat Camp sequel existed and b) I caught the first glimpse of it. That my husband was just as excited was icing on the cake.

I wanted more Dianne. I could have had two hours of Dianne and been thrilled. But her Adisa comment was pretty satisfying and keeps her on a pedestal. As little Petey as there was, I would have loved less. That guy is the male form of Adisa. I was almost sad to see him thin. Ugh! Evil, I know.

And as for Adisa. Sigh. I think age and growing as a woman teaches that there's nothing good about being known as a bitch. It's a meanspirited way to be. And its just so trite. I hope she works it all out. Yikes.

[Rioux]

My roommate and I tuned in part way through (sadly), just in time for the hair-bows freak out. Before we knew what her actual name was, we referred to Logan as "Shades". Somehow, it just seemed to fit.

[mel]

watching this on saturday, my first thought was 'oh boy I can't wait to read his (your) recap.'
and man, you made my afternoon.

I was waiting for logan to say to marisa, 'obesity is a disease!' and start crying some more.

[katie]

OMAGAH i went to World Sports Camp (ironic no?) with adisa in 5th grade!!! she was on my floor and she was VILE, her voice was soo carrying and she always hogged the showers. although i remember her being quite a bit wider at WSC than in these pictures, so good for her i guess?
anyway love you rich your recaps are amazing

[lady vengeance]

How can I see this documentary if I don't have MTV US? Stupid MTV Canada! You are nothing to me!

Please, someone has to get this up on youtube or something! I beg of you!

[Meredith]

I'm sooo glad you recapped this! I hope there is a third Fat Camp. As a fatty, it is always nice to see my people on TV. Now if only they would cast a fatty on the Real World...

[Scott Free]

I think Diane looks like Mariel Hemingway "around the eyes" but what do I know.

[Jess]

I am totally with Lady Vengeance!!! MTV Canada sucks so much! I can't believe they wouldn't air this...booooo, BOOOOO!!! Someone please get it up on YouTube ASAP!

[Titsley LeMieux]

Rich - did you notice the Bubbles' drastic weight loss? He's ripped now and back in Fat Camp 1 when he was dating Braelyn he was humunga! "Bubbles - gemme a cwaffee - creme and sugar!" Maurisa seems to have lost the spare tire she masked so well in FC1. XOXOO

[Steven.]

Don't make fun of me. It's not nice.

And, I'm not fat - I'm big-boned.

[Keeley]

Bless you Rich

[Christina]

I, too, was disappointed by the lack of Dianne, and resorted to screaming her name any time she flashed on the screen. Logan's hairbow incident was very amusing, but I kept thinking MTV was just trying to hard to make her Dianne 2.0. You, Logan, are no Dianne. Thanks for the recap Rich, I was so looking forward. Well worth the wait :)

[Julia]

Oh Rich, thank you!
I concur, I missed Diane, she was my hero with her aversion to balls, and her rocking out! Love her to death.

Ewww Adisha. I loved Dan, that would have been me if my parents were rich and sent me to fat camp, and I were a boy, he is a good kid.

Logan, I felt bad because everytime she was crying, I laughed. I am a grown woman, and I was laughing at a teenager crying. What the hell is wrong with me?

Julia

[kathryn]

Listening to Sam complain about being fat was really annoying; BUT it was more annoying that she hooked up with that Mike guy as opposed to Kyle!

[Anna]

Rich,

OH MY GOSH, I have been to this site so many times because I am a little obsessed with Living Dolls, and I only just now realized that you are ALSO the owner of my all-time favorite cat WINSTON, of Cute Overload fame. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU ARE THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!

Lots and lots of Swan Brooner and Winston love,
Anna

[mer]

Adisa is what I imagine Bobby Kristina is like.

[bigpikchur]

"Can I smother her in her sleep?" "As long as you make it look like an accident"

Rich, you are the best. I almost spit water all over my keyboard when I read this post.
Jules
House of Jules

[Laura]

I am so glad you did this recap, the entire time I watched it I hoped you were watching!

Oh Dan, sweet Dan. But more importantly, I love that the girls swooned over him after he was cast as Troy. Hello ladies, welcome to years of unrequited love for sexually ambivalent actors. As a fellow teen actress, I salute you all.

[Amber]

Oh, Rich, you are too good to me! I have had the skankiest day, and this recap has made me laugh - almost uncontrolably - for the past 5 minutes.

With the impish Dianne and the Courtney on food not drugs Logan, this is your best. recap. ever.

i am eternally grateful. <3

[Amber]

Oh, Rich, you are too good to me! I have had the skankiest day, and this recap has made me laugh - almost uncontrolably - for the past 5 minutes.

With the impish Dianne and the Courtney on food not drugs Logan, this is your best. recap. ever.

and I am eternally grateful. <3

[Gillian]

I'm sorry, but Logan's hairbows from Claire's totally discredit her Blonde Redhead t-shirt.

[chelsea]

umm...you have no right to judge adisa by a 2 hour document you saw on mtv. you do not know her at all and dont have a right to say what you did about her. maybe she wouldnt have been such a brat to logan if logan wasnt such a whinnie baby about everything. honestly adisa is the nicest person ive met in my life. and with those cards...you dont know one bit of what actually went on there. she was kidding around with us all and isnt seriously that demanding it was all a joke with the bunk. unless you were sitting right there were i was you wont know the least but about adisa. or anyone in our bunk.

who do you seriously think you are to watch a 2 hour show. then critise all the people on the show? if you didnt notice the show was about 5 campers who were overweight and needed help because they didnt feel comfortable with their bodies. they are extremely self conciece with low self eestem. and then when they lose weight and start to gain confidence. some person who knows the least bit about all these people critise them? wow you should feel special that you have have to bring down people with low enough self eesteem to get your kicks? yeah your are one real cool person.. not so much

[spazmo]

I don't know any Spaniards (nor Cubans, for that matter), so I had to look up "quinceañera".

I am totally reminded of that scene in Polyester when Cuddles announces she's having a debutante ball, and Francine (trying to be as gentle as possible) says "Oh, Cuddles, you're too old to be a debutante!" (As if age was Cuddles' biggest problem, heh.)

[Brittany (girl w. red hair and glasses) BFF w. ADISA!]

Okay, here I go...First of all, I'd like to say that Adisa is one of the most nice and caring people in the world. MTV tried to make her look "funny", but you guys are just like the people that are in the camp and take things WAY too seriously...Adisa was kidding with the "invitation" thing and was making it as a joke. Why do you guys care so much that she had a quincenara and shes not Spanish? It was just a joke because we were trying to make it a "sweet 16". I bet that none of you would ever have the balls to go on that show so shut up. Unlike some people, Adisa has lost the weight in a healthy way and looks AMAZING. Adisa and I would wake up at 7 in the morning and go for runs...Adisa worked her ass off and MTV did not show that once. You guys all need to get lives and stop criticizing her right now. At least she is not making a you tube video claiming MTV ruined her life because she is acting as the bigger person...just like she said on the show. So all you haters, get over yourself...Also, you have NO idea what happened in the other thousands of hours at camp...Logan became a huge bully and made girls cry so get your facts straight. Have a good life, Adisa is the shit and I love her, BYE!

[Brittany (girl w. red hair and glasses) BFF w. ADISA!]

UMM WHY DID IT SAY POSTED BY SPAZMO?

WTF. ITS BRITTANY - THE GIRL WITH RED HAIR AND GLASSES...

ALSO MTV SHOWED THE WORST PARTS OF THE QUINCENARA...IT ACTUALLY WAS FUN...WHAT ELSE SHOULD WE HAVE DONE FOR HER BIRTHDAY AT FAT CAMP?

[Brian]

"So yeah, no redeeming qualities at all, as far as we see. For all I know, footage of Adisa helping AIDS patients and singing to children was left on the cutting-room floor. However, the Adisa I got to know is no one worth knowing."

Rich included this for a reason.

[chelsea :]]

so sam...you are a nice girl and evrything but you made a mistake by choosing mike over kyle. kyle is such a sweet guy, pretty much the nicest ive ever met in my lifetime :]

[chelsea :]]

well brian then you are a low selfish cunt sorry to be mean. because i am not a mean person what so ever. haha but adisa is the coolest person by far. and you are making a mistake by saying that

[KiCK]

i guess its time i stopped running and actually did some explaining. im kyle [long haired kid aka rejected] and if u dont b leve its me then suit urself because im not writing this to convince people of my identity. first of all every single one of those kids on the show was cool me and adisa fought once but she was friendly afterwards and actually apologized she after all is human and so is logan but u wudnt notice after the way theyve bin mawled on line by the army of non stop bloggers. i really didnt know logan too well but im sure if i did we'd b friends. dan is my current girlfriends best friend and i can honestly say me and him had a lot of run ins at camp but now we r friends and i see him almost every weekend and hes continued to keep up with the diet and excercise of the camp. and finally. sam i havent spoken with sam since camp and for all the people out ther that feel bad for me thank you but its okay the way the situation went was like this. iv bin overweight my whole life and needless to say attracting girls was harded than anything. then i went to camp and i was for the first time in my life considered "attractive" to girls once i realized this i went balistick and it ended with me hooking up with 14 girls during the 8 weeks of summer and more after camp. so i dont blame sam at all for rejecting me, she did the right thing but i will say that it wasnt staged or scripted and i honestly had strong feelings for her but those have since subsided. ive bin doing well keeping off the weight and am currently dating an awesome girl that i went to camp with and ive never bin happier. so thnks for your support and if u didnt support me then hey dont sweat it ur opinion free country. thanks for reading.

[sarah]

no no - in the eyes: leonardo dicaprio, without a doubt.

[Mags]

"He is Milhouse as a boy."

Brilliant.

I only caught a few minutes of the show, and I hope I can catch the repeat at some point so I can see the whole thing!

But reading your recaps, I have a few reactions/questions: 1) Marisa got totally anorexic or something. I hope she's OK. Did they address this in the show? 2) There's something about "Petey" that will always make him douchetastic. 3) I totally loved me some Sam.

Keep up the good work, Rich. Your recaps are awesome.

[CassieFromNaples]

I had a Spanish class with Justin Perez (the kid who tried to poison someone with visine) my sophomore year of high school. He was such an absolute douche bag then too.

He would constantly disrupt class by yelling out absurd sexual things that the teacher and I found to be annoying. But seeing as how it was a freshmen Spanish class, everyone else would laugh, which encouraged him to continue and forced the teacher to give up and cancel class many, many times.

It took me about two hours to get over the shock of seeing such a nasty, unruly kid unfairly get his 15 minutes of fame.

[Meg]

mayo-filled falsetto = brilliant. i checked your site 3x a day apres 'return' to see your take on it, and was not disappointed when you FINALLy took it on. btdubs my bff nannied for the kid that doesnt care bout the g/g ratio. we actch used to steal his ritalin when he was a mere babe. scary. his parents are neither nice nor supportive to tell tha truth. well, i guess he's got a nice singing voice. right??? "i'm not NerVous, I'm Just Sweating and Hot" yeah y'are1!!!111!!

[Cliff]

Justin sure does look like he is hitting a gb other than the fact that the bottom of the bottle isnt cut off haha...good spot

[Nicole]

as soon as i saw this on mtv i couldn't wait for you to post the recap, because i knew you would.

all my dreams came true! i love you rich!

[Gwen]

Love the Miss Piggy/New York analogy. Oh, & you need to stop looking at Tyra's vagina arms. Then you wouldn't be so haunted by vaginas. Get a disease already, so I can feel sorry for you. You're awesome, Rich. Have I told you that lately? Although I've never seen this show, I can safely pick Logan as my hands down favorite. Logan? If you're reading this? You had me at Blonde Redhead.

[Paco]

Another vote for Mariel Hemingway.

[dondadav]

Trust me, those are definitely Bjork eyes on Diane. I actually saw Bjork's eyes ini person at the houston airport this evening! Oh, and Adisa looks like one of Keenan Thompson's Saturday Night Live characters.

[yungrii]

two snl references in one post! amazing!

can you please post a sound clip of "Teelya Taqueelya" because i am sitting here saying it to myself and im not sure pronouncing it correctly.

[yeyy]

Twinkie beat me to it - she looks like Mariel Hemmingway!

Or maybe even Margeauxxot Hemmingway in the movie Lipstick.

[JOK]

Recently, quite a few celebrities were said to appear on the millionaire luxury club "www.Meetrich.com". OMG!!! Are these famous guys fond of internet dating for now?? Maybe they are indeed so rich that they feel boring sometimes to need new things?

[Laura]

As if the recap wasn't good enough, we now have the minor characters of Return coming to defend Adisa in the comments.

Awesome. This gets more delicious by the second.

[christina]

This might be the best thing that ever happened to me. It's as if you've curled yourself up into a little ball in my heart, Rich.

And that the actual kids from the show are posting comments just makes me tingle a bit.

[yeahkate]

whoah. What just happened up there?

[Leanne]

Are they the ACTUAL kids from the show or people making stuff up? The grammar and punctuation is horrible, so they might really be the kids. Whatever. I was a nanny and camp counselor for years, and no matter how hard it is being a teen (fat, gay, goth, straight, short, whatever) some teenagers need their asses kicked and a big reality check about life.

LOVED when Tony called out Petey in the first one on his shit and loved how he called out Adisa on this one!!! Appalled her mother actually tried to argue that her precious daughter didn't do anything. As a side note, my boyfriend is Hispanic and he felt that anyone who's not Hispanic and decides to label their fifteenth birthday a quinceanera is as stupid as a Catholic calling their confirmation a bar mitzvah because it sounds trendy.

If the above posts are really from the Fat Camp Kids: You guys are CHILDREN. I don't care how much your parents are shelling out for camp (and for this camp and other fat camps it's a LOT) you're not special, and you have no God given right to be so smug to other people. MTV can cut film to portray someone however they want, but if Adisa said bitchy things, then the camera doesn't lie. She might be a young bitch, but she's a bitch.

[stephanie]

Leanne, you beat me to it. I was going to say that a non-latin person having a quincenera is like a non-Jew having a bar mitzvah. Just call it a birthday party.

[Felicia]

I also think Rich needs a hotline because I thought the same thing when I saw that Return was on!! I am sad for Sam too. Shes beautiful and was just as beautiful when she got to Fat Cat as she was when she left. Adisa and Logan are typical teenagers who obviously don't get a lot of attention in their every day lives, so when they get into a situation where they do, they take advantage of that fact. We all know people like that. Hopefully they'll grow out of it. Once again Rich, you wrote a master piece of a review!!

[Lisa]

Um, can I just point out that "latino" is an ethnicity, not a race. It is possible to be black and Latino. I'm not saying Adisa is, I'm just saying it's possible.

[George]

Holy. crap. I totally missed the Pat-esque "eh"s at the end of Logan's comments. LMFAO... over and over again.

[mariaaaaa]

"she looks like someone so strikingly here in the eyes, and I can't figure out who it is. Tatum O'Neal?"

The name you are looking for my friend is Clint Howard:
http://www.sleepingwiththelion.com/media/clint.jpg

[Susan]

I was totally comparing Logan to Pat from SNL....the little "eh" at the end of all her sentences was too much! I thought...I wonder if Rich caught the similarity...and of course you did!!

[Bapril]

First rule of Fat Camp: don't fucking talk about Fat Camp. Oh, and bring donuts.

[JenKatz]

YOU GUYS .... it's WINSTON! That's who Diane resembles!

[ridwah]

I think Dianne on the phone looks like that kid from Family Ties, Brian Bonsall.

[mariaaaaa]

"YOU GUYS .... it's WINSTON! That's who Diane resembles!

Posted by: JenKatz | December 06, 2007 at 01:18 PM"

I stand corrected!

[noelle]

not tatum o'neal, leann rhimes! duh!

(i can't lie, i got that from the twop forums. they said she looked like leann rhimes and cartman had a baby)

[Tom]

That person Dianne looks like "in the eyes"? Anna Nicole.

http://www.celebwelove.com/Anna_Nicole_Smith/anna_nicole_smith04.jpg

[Jen]

Somewhere, Rudy is laughing his ass off over the fact that Winston may resemble Dianne around the eyes. So funny!

Whether or not those posts above are real, they are hilarious. If teenagers are really that dumb, I fear for the future of our country. But it's still funny!

[Adisa]

Whoever made this website has no life and needs to get a day job. I dont see why you people care about a 15 year old girl who you dont even know. Mtv portrayed like a bitch, and im really not like that.

and i have shown this website to my lawyer and he will be contacting the author of this website.
- Adisa

[Emily]

Mmkay, kiddies. This is a grown-up blog. If you can't spell correctly and make logical arguments, then please save it. Go to school, read some books, get off the Internet, and don't give a shit about what others think. We play like big kids here. That will not change.

[Jacbak]

Very well put Leanne.

[Brittany (girl w. red hair and glasses) BFF w. ADISA!]

Adisa goes to a better school then you probably went to...get a life...why do you guys care so much about the quincenara, seriously? and yes, this is really us...so get over it. and she is not scared to take legal actions.

[liz]

How does a fifteen year old have a lawyer?

We love you Adisa!

[mariaaaaa]

^^^^^^^
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!...

*SIGH*

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

[adisa]

that will change when i slap you with a big fat law suit!

[stephanie]

probably can't sue over this, sorry to tell you. The fact is that this is an open forum and you can come here and defend yourself. it's not like Rich talking about you on his private website is going to cause some big rift in your life. if you don't like what you are reading you don't have to read it. or you can defend yourself if you so choose. but i don't see where anything Rich has said is slanderous in legal terms.

[stephanie]

probably can't sue over this, sorry to tell you. The fact is that this is an open forum and you can come here and defend yourself. it's not like Rich talking about you on his private website is going to cause some big rift in your life. if you don't like what you are reading you don't have to read it. or you can defend yourself if you so choose. but i don't see where anything Rich has said is slanderous in legal terms.

[mariaaaaa]

Okay, okay, okay, enough laughing at children. Their contributions to the comments (if it is indeed them) brings up interesting questions. Like how do you control how you are portrayed in the media? Frankly, you can't. Once you agree to participate in a reality show, you just better hope that you come off in a way that captures the real you and keep in mind why you decided to participate in the first place.
I assume these kids participated in the show so they could share their reality, the reality of being an overweight teen. By sharing their story they could inspire other teens and maybe get other people to empathize a little. If their bratty behaviour was the prevailing characteristic that was highlighted, then perhaps he or she should take a moment to reflect on why they behaved like that and why MTV would want to show them in that light. You are not too young for self reflection.

At the end of the day, though, don't worry about the comments of others, you will never be able to control it. Ever. Just keep in mind why you wanted to share your life.

Oh and, uh, opinions are not actionable offenses.

[stephanie]

probably can't sue over this, sorry to tell you. The fact is that this is an open forum and you can come here and defend yourself. it's not like Rich talking about you on his private website is going to cause some big rift in your life. if you don't like what you are reading you don't have to read it. or you can defend yourself if you so choose. but i don't see where anything Rich has said is slanderous in legal terms.

[LaSexorcisto]

I don't believe that the kids from the show are actually posting here. More than likely they're trolls. Brittany is the lap dog whose name Adisa kept yelling out so I can see why these posts look legit.

I don't care if she's 15, Adisa's definitely rancid. In the sage words of Heather B (of Real World 1 fame) [the producers] only use what you give them. If you don't want to be portrayed like an asshole, don't act like one.

"Adisa", don't you mean big-boned law thoot?

[stephanie]

probably can't sue over this, sorry to tell you. The fact is that this is an open forum and you can come here and defend yourself. it's not like Rich talking about you on his private website is going to cause some big rift in your life. if you don't like what you are reading you don't have to read it. or you can defend yourself if you so choose. but i don't see where anything Rich has said is slanderous in legal terms.

also, 'big fat lawsuit'! ha ha!

[stephanie]

probably can't sue over this, sorry to tell you. The fact is that this is an open forum and you can come here and defend yourself. it's not like Rich talking about you on his private website is going to cause some big rift in your life. if you don't like what you are reading you don't have to read it. or you can defend yourself if you so choose. but i don't see where anything Rich has said is slanderous in legal terms.

also, 'big fat lawsuit'! ha ha!

[Brittany (girl w. red hair and glasses) BFF w. ADISA!]

hahah, um this is brittany. adisa and i are best friends, im actually on the phone with her right now thank you very much. and we're laughing quite hard at all you people with no lives. THANKS!

[Panamanian]

Half of Panama's population is black. Adisa might be Panamanian.

[LaSexorcisto]

Sweetheart, you're the one with no lives if you're trolling the internet to see what people write about you. Tell "Adisa" hi for me like the little lap dog you are. And to stop being rancid.

[klate]

Oh. You are the wind beneath my wings today, Rich. I didn't get past "a van down by the river" before i spit my water on my screen. THANK YOU. i've been having the shittiest day and that just made me laugh for the first time.

[Jacbak]

I was laughing at all these comments and realized. THESE PEOPLE HAVE MET DIANE IN THE FLESH. Why is Adisa even being discussed? Tell us about Diane's fabulousness!!! Is she as awesome as I imagine???

[Bridget]

Oh lordy.

I was in high school not too long ago and I'm SO GLAD I didn't go to summer camp. Being in a place full of kids that are largely ignored by their peers, and come into a position of power who abuse it and bully the other kids, does not sound like my idea of a good time.

Adisa, you cannot sue someone who states an opinion based on facts, and if it is you and you do have a lawyer then your lawyer would know that. You can only sue someone for lying about you. You gave them the footage to portray you as a bitch, and you signed up for being on a reality show whigh might not portray you in the best light. It would be wise to learn to consider all possible consequences before making a decision in the future.

[Nate]

I loved this recap, first.

Also, I am SHOCKED you didn't include Adisa yelling at that one poor girl Jessica all the time in your recap. I felt so bad for her! I didn't even get why Jessica was there, because she looked pretty normal to me. Either way Adisa tortured her.

[John]

While I've been a fan of the ANTM recaps for some time, this is the material that keeps fourfour rss'd in my toolbar. It's funny, en pointe and never takes itself too seriously.

And the underlying flak of our present-day culture is always much appreciated.

Stay sharp, Rich.

[Kenna]

First:Rich, I love your work, thank you so much for what you do.

If someone has already said this, sorry, but, the first image that popped into my head when I saw Dianne was Bjork, she looks like Bjork in the eyes.

I will always sing "Sweet Home Alabama" the way Dianne did, for the rest of my days.