Céline Dion is amazing

What did I do over my Christmas vacation? Lots of stuff and nothing at all, but most importantly: I studied Céline Dion intently. I'm about 2/3 of the way through Carl Wilson's endlessly insightful entry in the 33 1/3 book series, Let's Talk About Love: A Journey to the End of Taste. I haven't wished that I'd written a book so intensely since I read Larry Kramer's Faggots a few years ago (not that I have the experience, intelligence or skill to have written either, mind you). If the idea of examining the nature of taste vis a vis Céline and her album-with-that-Titanic-song-on-it sounds even remotely interesting to you, read this book and prepare to have your expectations blown and mind expanded.

One of Wilson's early points involves his prejudicial (i.e. pre-book) distaste for Céline, who's basically as objectively uncool as any pop culture figure of our time: "From the start, her music struck me as bland monotony raised to a pitch of obnoxious bombast--R&B with the sex and slyness surgically removed, French chanson severed from its wit and soul--and her repertoire as Oprah Winfrey-approved chicken soup for the consumerist soul, a neverending crescendo of personal affirmation deaf to social conflict and context. In celebrity terms, she was another dull Canadian goody-goody." This, I think, sums up her reputation well for those of us outside her circle of devotees, but on further examination, I'd say that her music's blandness is key to her appeal.

See, it's very easy for someone known as the Queen of Bland to knock you on your ass with her singular bizarreness. Last month, Céline released a 2-DVD set devoted to her just-wrapped stint in Las Vegas, the soul-robbingly successful, Cirque du Soleil-inspired A New Day... schmaltzfest. In addition to the show itself, there are feature-length (seriously!) documentaries on the making of the production, her fans and a real-time look at what goes on backstage as A New Day... unfurls. All are never less than fascinating, mostly because Céline Dion is a fucking spaz. There's almost a druggy effect due to her aforementioned goody-goody rep: watching this stuff, I felt high because I could not believe that boring old Céline was capable of being such a ball of weirdness. Her M.O.R. reputation is hilarious because she is, in fact, all over the road.

Anyway, you probably know how I do: below is an organized clips reel of my favorite moments of the two-DVD set. I'll never love Céline Dion's music (except "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" and "Think Twice"). I'll never be anything but reluctantly appreciative of her voice. But her persona speaks to me on such a basic level that it might as well come with nutritional information. This right here is chicken soup for my soul.

Comments

rich. dude u need a break.

[grownnsxc]

Bonne annee Rich! I have always said that Celene is a black woman trapped inside an anorexic white woman’s body. Look at the way she beats herself every time she hits a high note or talks extremely loud for no apparent reason. Either way, I friggin love her cause she is the hoodest Canadian I know!

[miss nee]

i will never understand why some people vilify celine like she's babs or something. i'm not a big fan of her music, but after watching various clips of her and this youtube gem, celine is as crazy as crazy gets and i love her to bits for it. oh, my nappy headed, celine

well done, rich!

[amy]

Brilliantly hilarious as usual! Thanks for making me laugh so much this year! Happy New Year!!

[killervirgo]

I thought Kathy Griffin was making it up when Celine dedicated a song to the all the parents and to all the children. This is why I love Celine. Also, Imus must be pissed that Celine can say nappy-head an he can't.

[fast_hugs]

I'm crying. CRYING.

[birdgal]

THAT was FUCKING AMAZING. Rich=Amazing. Celine=Awesome. YOU WIN.

[Krystle C.]

I have nothing to say about Celine Dion but I am impressed with your Killer of Sheep reference! Kudos.

[h]

I love it!!! So funny..."THE CLAW."

[cmtg]

Excellent as always, Rich. Have you ever seen this -- http://www.jibjab.com/view/141287

Totally worth watching; even if you don't like WA's comedy, then just for her snorts.

[BlackRaspberry]

Who, indeed, let Celine out and when are they coming back to pick her up?

The video was hillarious. Happy New Year.

[Allison]

That was hilarious, however slightly disturbing for a very personal reason. I'm wearing the same sweater as the "who let Celine out" dancer right now. Good to know he shops in the junior's section of T.J. Max, just like me.

[krup]

where can i get me a bottle of that Celine Solution?!?!

you've topped yourself my friend. kudos for making it through not one but two DVDs...

[Chuck M.]

Saline Dion.

On a side note, could you help get the ball rolling on; "FAT CAMP - The Musical - On Ice"?

[Bobby]

Love this. i'm so getting this book!
seriously though, celine speaks to me on about the same level that mariah does. both are out of their mind, though very talented.
there was a clip i saw of celine recording her new album and in between takes, she would just start belting some part of an aria she was more than likely making up on the spot. and though that would probably be annoying for anyone who had to live with her, i could not help but rewatch and study the clip over and over.

[yggy]

I don't care for her music and she's a big ball of whackiness but she was really sweet to the three fans, so....I respect her for that and her obvious talent as a performer. She is, if nothing else, entertaining. *grin*

wow... that makes me want to actually go see her in Las Vegas (although I know she's not there anymore). Rich, I'm so happy you're back from vacay!!

[Anni]

Oh YESSSS!!! I love Celine.. not even that ironically. I used to listen to the dual gems of "I'm Alive" and "That's the Way It Is" to pump myself up before a depressing day at work. Its total schmaltz but always pepped me up and made me smile. Yay Celine! And thanks for the video, Rich, it's hilarious.

[fan]

HAHAHAAHA. who let celine out?

[Kristen Shaw]

Love yer new pic under Hero

[Lauren]

She's like the crazy aunt I've always wanted!

[RD]

(big, obnoxious Giada De Laurentiis-type grin)

[Christina]

Ah, Larry Kramer's Faggots. That book opened my eyes to many things I never knew existed. My mom bought it at a gay bookstore on Polk Street in SF(shocking). I swiped it from her and I just couldn't put it down. Good stuff indeed. Celine's weirdness is awesome and so are you, Rich.

[Courtney]

This was truly awesome. I am crying!

[James]

I love you and I love Carl Wilson.

[spazmo]

Before she took off for Vegas, she did an interview for Canadian tv during which she suddenly started rapping some batshit made-up-on-the-spot rhyming couplets.

After a moment of stone-faced shock, my friends and I dissolved into gales of helpless laughter. We had to hand it to her, though - the girl's got flow.

Great clip. I have a feeling '08 is going to be the annus mirabilis of FourFour!

[Julia]

I LOVE her. She barked like a dog for Kathy Griffin. She is crazy and I love her, she just needs to cut her sons hair. No offense.

She and I did IVF at the same time, so she has a soft spot in my heart forever. That freaking song she sings about her son kills me.

Julia

[Julia]

"Before she took off for Vegas, she did an interview for Canadian tv during which she suddenly started rapping some batshit made-up-on-the-spot rhyming couplets."

This is why I love her.

[Trent880]

I do not love her music, but I have LOVED her since the first time I saw her awkward ostrich self perform with Destiny's Child and blurt "You go gurlfreend" and "Raise dee roof!". And the whole Katrina spiel on Larry King? Total. Nuts. But totally genuine nuts.

[milkyaqua]

I've always been neutral about Celine. On the one hand she seems genuinely nice as far as her fans go and she has a powerful voice. On the other hand she sings crappy songs, LOL and most of her hits have been covers of other folks' songs. As for the crazy, I just assume most entertainers aren't dealing with a full deck. As for being a black girl trapped in white girl's body...that doesn't sound so crazy. She's covered Patti Labelle's If You Asked Me To and Tina Turner's River Deep, Mountain High along with her most recent homage to Tina. She copped the intro and everything from Tina's appearance on VH1's Diva show. Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgAIp5UBDS0.

This is Tina's version. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nq20b4eb6z0

[jules]

I f'ing, f'ing, f'ing love you for making me laugh so hard every time you make one of these works of art. The part that made me cry (from laughing) was "All of the parents + all of the children of the world= fucking everybody!!!"
Whew. Another brilliant video.
Jules
House of Jules

[ngaire Bartlam]

SO freakin FUNNY!!!!!!

Love it!

Ngaire In Brisbane Australia.
say hi to Winnie for me!

[Maura]

Hey Rich, will you enrich my internet life and please cover Miss America: Reality Check a la ANTM? It's only 4 episodes!! :) Please??

[icki]

Ok, I'm officially in love with you, your cats AND Celine Dion.

[ryan]

I love it. She's just a goofy french-canadian girl. If you know any of them yourself, you'll know what I mean. I love their lack of self-consciousness and ability to genuinely enjoy life without having to pretend to some false "cool" crap. It's why Quebec is the most lively and liberal province, and this is coming from a born and bred english-canadian.

[James]

Mariah has released a 2-disc DVD too. Are you gonna dissect that too? Please tell me you are, 'cos ONLY then will I be YOUR #1 fan.

[Rich]

Nah, there wasn't enough fodder on the Mariah DVD. The only thing that I could come up with is putting her various freakouts in slow motion (which I did briefly in the Beyonce-fans rebuttal video I did last month). Otherwise, really, just not enough insane material to work with -- Mariah's just too guarded (although, thanks to that DVD, I'll now say "What's your name and why do you want a hug?" as often as possible until I die).

Will check out the Miss America reality series, but I can't promise anything. It didn't work out with Crowned, and it really should have, so who knows.

[miss maria]

Her craziness is patented Quebecois-brand weirdness. They are a special breed.

[Danielle]

Well I choked on my Stoli Arnold Paler and cried a little....fucking great clip, Rich!

[James]

Aww thanks Rich for replying. I'll still be YOUR #1 fan for doing that. I bought/watched Mariah's DVD last weekend and I thought as batshit crazy as she is, she does put on a pretty good show. I just loved her in all Diva-best at the end when she whines about her heels and has to take a golf-cart ride from the stage to her dressing room. LOL!

[Michelle]

Rich, I just fucking love you, okay? I just fucking love you. Happy New Year.

[Pinwiz]

OMG! I got the chance to see her in Vegas last year and I cried true tears. And now I absolutely HAVE to get the DVD.

Bravo!

[rowdykatie]

6 and 7 made me crack up! All the parents and all the children? Are you kidding me?

I'll never forget going to the Las Vegas airport and seeing her giant face plastered on the wall above the escalator so that as you're descending, all you're seeing is Celine getting closer and closer. I wish I would have seen this video back then, I would have been able to laugh a lot more at the poster.

[The_Swimmer]

OMG THIS VIDEO IS SO FUNNY!!!!!!! LMAOOOOOOOOOO

CELINE, YOU'RE THE BEST! I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

[studpup]

she's as crazy as mariah, but there's something more genuine and open about celine. it's like she's in on the joke and laughs with you when you laugh at her. it's endearing in some warped way. plus, the segment with the fans? (sniff sniff) was really sweet.

for the record, her french recordings are a lot better - not as much of the by-the-numbers bombastic yet bland pop singing, but with a bit more emotional depth in the vocals. or maybe i need to just go sleep...

[studpup]

oh and the "= fucking everybody!" line was especially perfect because i literally said that in response to her comment! lol

[T]

Crap, the Celiney goodness is no longer available. Damn. yeah, if you ever see her mocked on the Soup you'd see her loopiness in all its glory. She's an endearing nut.

[Patrick]

Celine Dion has my undying respect ever since she SIGHT-READ a song on the LIVE broadcast of the Academy Awards because Barbra Streisand couldn't be bothered to show up. The woman didn't know the song by heart, and yet she winged it in front of one of the largest audiences on television.

She also seems to be 100% aware of the fact that she's not thought of as cool, and doesn't mind acting like a nut. Gotta love that, even if her songs are a little too bland for my taste.

[spiffy]

I love that Celine is a little kooky (or maybe a lot kooky) and she knows it. And truthfully, most of the dance remixes of her ballads are actually pretty good -- then again, I'm one of those old-school hands-in-the-air club anthem-y disco fag, so maybe I'm just a bit biased...

And that new album cover? Fierce. Who cares if her music is bland? That's what remix DJs are for.

[Dream]

Hee-larious. This is fantastic. Not as good as Beyonce though, she gave you more ridiculousness to work with.

[duane]

Rich, without you, my life would be a dark, humorless place. Thank you.

[nanyu fonseca]

this is awesomw!!!! i've never laughed so much in my life.

[dalia]

i am not a fan of all of her songs, but i love the woman for her sheer kookiness alone. she is a GEM, whether most canadians want to admit it/accept her or not... there is no one nicer, stranger, or unintentionally funnier (and the woman is truly hilarious) than celine. well done. my giggling is making my co-workers curious/jealous.

[Michael in DC]

I forgot how much I missed you over the holidays. LOVE IT!

[Mike V.]

Great post!

Man, the amount she sucks cannot even be measured.

She is truly awful.

[faith]

oh thank god you posted something!!! missed you rich!

[ger]

Brilliant. And you made ew.com's popwatch today with this one!

[Cinemama]

Brilliant book, I've been enjoying it over the Holidays as well. My partner is an editor at Continuum and slipped me an advance copy. I've never cared for Celine, but I now find myself almost defending her. What's happening to me?

[Jackie]

I watched a Vegas concert of hers on VH1 a few years ago and it was the most amazingly hilarious thing ever and has given me fodder for countless imitations.

Also, have you noticed: she's kind of like everything Kathie Lee Gifford didn't quite get to be.

[Jackie]

Oh, and the Dr. Evil comparison is pretty spot-on, but take a gander at Powder too.

[Brandon H]

Clarification:

Beyonce: Maniac
Celine: Lunatic

Thanks. 'Bran

[Nutjob]

When I saw the clip posted on EW's PopWatch blog, I KNEW it was your doing, Rich. High-larious! Seriously. :)

[princemoney]

best header ever

[Rainbucket]

This motivated me to look up miss Dion on wikipedia, and what it had to say about her Vegas show:

"Despite the complaints of expensive tickets; the show has sold out almost every night since its 2003 opening. According to Pollstar, Dion had sold 322,000 tickets and grossed US$43.9 million in the first half of 2005 [...] By the end of 2005, Dion grossed more than US$76 million"

Whatever I think of her music, she's a certifiable genius.

[Philippe]

So funny...even better than the Beyonce clip! I love these videos, they are genius!

[Cher]

Do I get to shoot lightning too?

[relan]

as much as we canadians mock her (my brother must be her top-mocker) i can't help but like her. i know her brand of crazy is particularly evident in quebec but i think that streak runs across the country. we're all a little loopy, though, after watching that vid, some of us are apparently a lot a bit loopy :)

and i know i will never be able to get that image of her with the saline mask out of my head. its weird, and yet, i want to try it!

[heyhey]

@1:20 she sings the "Close Encounters Song". Explains *a lot*.

[Ernie]

OMFG, this was fucking brilliant. BRILLIANT.

[Jess]

Perez has this video up on his site without giving you any credit. Just FYI.

[Matt]

Congragulations on being featured on Perez! I'm glad that you are finally being appreciated on a higher level...hopefully this may lead to greater things...

You may want to ask for a credit/reference from him because the video is getting a LOT of comments already...

CONGRAGULATIONS!!!

[Keyla]

You being featured on perez hilton: is that a good or a bad thing?

[Matt]

I hate to post twice, but I just wanted to let you know that Perez does NOT WANT you to have credit for this...I commented on his post saying that I was glad that he too was a FourFour reader and I saw another one accusing him of stealing the video from your website, but they were both pulled within a few minutes...Fishy?

[Rich]

First of all, I find Matt's first comment wholly offensive. If appealing to Perez Hilton's taste is an honor, FUCKING KILL ME.

Second of all, I really don't care about credit or whatever, in this case. It's just what happens when you put something on a source as open as YouTube. A lot of people have been really kind about linking back here if they post the video, but they're either friends or exceptions. I DON'T expect be credited, especially by someone as devoid of scruples as Perez. It's not the other way around.

Ultimately, now around 200,000 more people will get to see it and, for real, that's awesome enough for me. In the end, speaking to people (even anonymously) is much more important than a link.

But thanks for the concern!

[Kate]

Amazing, Rich. God I love reading your blog. It just makes me smile each and every time I visit. :)

[Keyla]

Ok. You being featured on perez hilton is a bad thing. Glad we're on the same page.

Btw, you're a fucking genius.

[Megster]

Two things:

1) Having seen Celine live in Vegas, I have to say the hypothesis needs to be upgraded to thesis. People laugh...but Celine is amazing. The only annoying thing her show is right beforehand when the camera pans to the audience and zooms in on nearly everyone and expects them to do something funny/quirky. Annoying for non-camera hogs like myself. But that doesn't even actually involve Celine herself!

2) If this video subsequently causes more people to be exposed to the Beyonce Experience as well, it will be doubly worth the mention in Perez.

[John]

I sent Perez an email about this and he decided to post it. :-) Awesome job, I'm an avid Celine fan.

[morgan]

wooooah mention on perez.

[Lolainchesaway]

I put this on Perez pages:
You know what would be even more amazing????
If you gave Rich from fourfour the freaking credit!!!!!!!

http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/2008/01/cline-dion-is-a.html#comments

What a fucking cunt! I tried not to curse on his blog just in case his
fucking site wanted to omit my comment.

[mighty undies]

damn it, everyone's in love with you dude...I'm gonna have to try harder now.
You'll be mine.

[studpup]

perez is featuring this? ew. i mean yay for the extra views of the vid, but ew. perez. ew.

[Joan]

That was sooooo worth the wait! You still got it dude!!!

[saigon]

heeee... i posted your video on a techno snob list in seattle and let's just say... it brought out strong reactions. i love your blog, your video clips, and your wry and witty observations. i will never like celine dion, but i now see her in a new light - a wacky new light.

[rachel]

i've said it once, and i'll say it again: you are fucking amazing!

[vicki]

RICH! i have been working out to spotting trains since u posted it in 06! i'm glad u got me a new mix to burn off the cals!

[vicki]

posted wrong place

[ATSWU!]

Okay, so you've covered Beyonce and Celine, and revealed them to both be stark raving mad bottomless wells of hilrity.

You might be onto something. All these Divas Live type bitches.....you better clip-ify them all, honey! Isn't it crazy? All the ones with big, powerful voices/hair/gay followings (Liza, Diana, Aretha, Patti LaBelle, Barbra, Celine, Mariah, Beyonce, etc.) have these secret whacked out crazy stage/dressing room personas...and the ones with lil' small voices are just plain whacked out crazies (Sorry, Britney. :( )

[mel]

you're also featured in the Best Week Ever as the Best Viral Video of 2008, which is pretty awesome, but I think you knew that already.
http://www.bestweekever.tv/2008/01/02/the-best-viral-video-of-2008-realized/
And you rock. You may or may not have known that already.
Love, Yet Another Canadian Fan.

[Smartie]

I have not been able to stop watching this video! I downloaded it so I could put it on my PDA and watch it and continue wetting myself laughing. I've forwarded it to everyone and stuck it on my blog.

You deserve a fucking big gold dude award for this. I love you.

[Haystacks]

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

[ask]

I am going thru the worst break-up of my life (seriously, I cried all through my yoga class today - luckily the power went out and no one could see me) and I actually caught myself laughing out loud when I watched this. Thank you - and Celine - for being my Prozac. If only for a moment. *sigh*

So, I have to say, this has gotten to us kids that work in the Colosseum, and we think it's hilarious. In fact, I'm putting it in my work e-mail tomorrow morning.

[pdxprofessor]

she is nowhere near as amazing as you rich! i haven't laughed so loud and long in many days. between that video montage and your NYE response to the question, "is she dead?" at slutmachine's party -- "no, she's resilient," i think i want to be your new BFF. for real.

happy 08. keep on keepin' on. i love it.

Okay, this has made me love her now.

[James galliford]

I truly do enjoy celines singing voice and like her so much, mainly BECAUSE shes such a retard. This video was the most hilarious thing ive seen in my life. You got her right on the money. I have to watch it again you are amazing!

[katy]

That woman is ALWAYS performing. It's like she's always on stage.

Happy 2008 mon ami Rich!!! Keep up the posts!
baisers, KZ

[napdan]

omg, rich you're my hero

[raymi]

you need to go to quebec or meet my old french teacher i have so many cheesy things to share i don't know where to begin.

[SarahNicole]

#7 on "The Must List" in this week's Entertainment Weekly! This video is everywhere!

[ashli-dominique bradford]

well what i think about this vid is that it is retarded and insulting to canadians and especially celine . i really dont have a problem if ya'll dont like her put that doesn't mean that ya'll have to try and pull down her rep for God's sakes if only ya'll could see that shes no goody-goody shes a real down to earth and caring person at heart. i really dont care if u wanna say i'm jjust another irritated celine fan i really dont all i'm asking is to stop making these ridiculous vids about her cuz it doesn't break her it only makes her

[nick]

excellent work!

[Lora]

Whatever she's inhaling ("saline" - yeah right), she needs to CUT THE DOSE!!!

[Alyssa]

thanks for making my day

kijlokjlklj

[Joey]

I love Celine, I love the Vegas DVD, and I fucking love this video and the follow up video you made of clips from the CBS special. I love that she's willing to show her batshit crazy side to the world, even if it's sometimes embarassing to watch.

[elka]

Elliott Smiths said that his experience with her backstage during the academy awards changed his opinion on Celine. She was a great person through and through, and crazy.

[barbi]

CELINE----SIMPLY THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i cant explain how i addore this woman!!see you celine in berlin