Christina and the lost art of subtlety

I feel like this sort of thing has kind of become my beat, so I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that travesty of a Christina Aguilera concert that aired last weekend on VH1. I've never been a huge fan of the girl, but this show pretty much sucked out any reluctant admiration I had for her and her innate singing ability. Her insincerity and inability to interpret the broadest of emotions have never been more apparent. She is the girl who never knew nuance. When it comes to vocal delivery, it's all one static, constipated line from her and, apparently, this problem is only exacerbated in a live setting. Perhaps she was preparing for childbirth as the only real discernible emotion is that of bearing down.

I've complained about all this before and I'll continue to complain about it because it's a tragedy: she has a wondrous set of pipes that are just being used for ugly most of the time. With all the guttural strain that she emotes, I wonder if she isn't somehow ruining her voice. At the very least, it seems unlikely that she'll forever be able to attack her stuff with this gusto. Tragedy begets tragedy.

To illustrate my point, I collected her major vocal runs and edited them together, more or less in order of intensity. The video below isn't nearly as fun as the Beyoncé or Céline (or even Justin) ones. This one works better as a statement than as entertainment (that is to say it is not in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Viral Video). For many, above everything else, the four minutes below will be an endurance test. Can you hang? I mean really huh-ah-uh-ang-uh-ang-uh-angggggggggg?

Comments

[m]

I can't hang.

I mean:

I caaaaiiiiiinttt a-woawoa haaaaaaaaiiiii po woo woo alaaaangaka-kalang. Neeee...Yessuh

[Steven.]

Sadly, I emulate her style of singing, although I don't particularly care for her freakishly large breasts with nipples that hide beneath her armpits.

[bigpikchur.blogspot.com]

You didn't even mention her circa-1986 Whitney Houston tapping of the microphone with her middle and ring fingers!
Yeah yeah, ooohhh yeah yeah yeah oh alright yah!
Jules
House of Jules

[G.]

Oh, my. I only haaa-uh-aaa-uh-aaang-eed the 4 minutes because you dared us to! Since she always sings (screams) the same way, this video sounded like... well... 4 minutes of the same (painful) song, with many costumes changes. Anyone else noticed how she always raises her right arm at the same time? Must be some kind of tic :P

Well, this video sure proved your point, Rich. I have to agree: subtlety is not her forte. But imagine the sounds that came out of her when she gave birth! ;)

[David]

I made it to one minutes, seven seconds. That's enough.

[racheee]

Jesus she does have a great set of pipes but the way she uses them makes me want to throw myself out a windeeeeeoooowwweeeeeooooowwwwwyeaaaaahhhhhh!

Less power, more substance!

I love you Richhhheeeeeoooooowwwweeeeeoooowweeeeoooow!

[Diva Delux]

OMG!

After 1:25 i was already starting to get a soar throat and a headache

but i hung in Rich, just for you

how that girl is not destroying her voice is beyond me

but it really just bums me out, she has such an amazing voice... i wish she making better music

[Greg]

I love Christina but this concert was so boring I spend the whole hour waiting for something exciting to happen and her voice/singing was just horrible

[Diva Delux]

OMG!

After 1:25 i was already starting to get a sore throat and a headache

but i hung in Rich, just for you

how that girl is not destroying her voice is beyond me

but it really just bums me out, she has such an amazing voice... i just wish she was making better music

[Christina]

Heeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy Rich!! I did the full four minutes and I think I now have laryngitis through osmosis. I need a lozenge.

[Pete]

AAAAAMMMEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNN!

Add to the fact that you can NEVER understand anything she sings. I dare someone to actually know all the lyrics to Ain't No Other Man. In fact, I dare soemone to know ANY of the lyrics to Ain't No Other Man...or Who Ate All The Ham..or whatever it is called

[the maljax]

For some reason I really want to see her do "Tear Me Down" from Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Maybe it was the hair...

[Henry Evil]

You weren't kidding about that being an endurance test.

[Daniel]

What's the name of the movie in your banner? I've been dying to see it and I forgot the name. It's that French one, right?

[HoBuster]

Rich, you are correct in surmising that poor Xtina is grinding her vocal chords to a pulp with this histrionic style of singing. The shame is that her voice is a rare gift, powerful, flexible, and expressive (e.g. Hurt), and much of the time she's just pushing too hard for cheap pyrotechnics.

It's amazing that she can do it at all and I have no doubt she couldn't speak after that performance. Only her youth and stamina will allow this for much longer. Unless she dials it back and/or paces herself, eventually, she will end up with the same low, breathy husk of a voice Etta James has from years of screaming like a barge whistle. There are few singers who can grind on their chords like this for decades and take no damage (Tina Turner, Patti Labellle) but Xtina is not in that class, though it's clear she believes she is.

On a different note: what's up with that hideous stringy polyester weave? Synthetic hair is lighter and more durable for stage wear, but she should upgrade the quality and go the Tyra/Beyonce' route with a full head lace wig so that there's not the unattractive contrast with her 'natural' hair.

[Leanne]

Didn't the two women who played Effie in Dreamgirls (Jennifer Holiday and the other one) do this same one-note hold when they were dueling on BET a few weeks back?
All the female singers do this on Apollo Amateur night too. It's like girls think that to have a great singing voice you have to hold one word for two hours and then scat it for three.

[Lauren]

What killed me was the way she bellowed "Thank YOU!" all the time. She used a completely fake, over-the-top voice even when thanking the audience! Ugh.

[lengli]

I didn't even make it to the halfway point, and I'm of the mind that all those high notes can't be particularly good for a fetus.

[jtalia]

i was waiting for her to do a jennifer holliday gasp of air

http://youtube.com/watch?v=OZvVXsoiRmU (4:00)

i need another vlog where you are seen and heard... staaaaaaaat!

[Jess]

This is what I'm going to hear as I die, I just know it.

I love you Auuustraaallliiyuuuuuuuuuuuu-uuuuuuuuu-uuuuuuuh!!

[gebba]

I don't know, I love her voice, even if its always at that level. And I don't have a problem with the (what do you call it? Warblings or something?) the ups and downs she does in the middle of words. Yes, it would be really beautiful if she would tone it down and use some subtlety, then bust out the big voice for the important parts, but I think that clip was fine! I listened to the whole thing, and wanted to start dancing to it! I also don't think she's insincere, but maybe you meant in her singing.
*sigh*. Why do I always disagree with your music reviews, Rich? I hate the people you love, and you hate the people I love! We'll always have ANTM I guess.

[ehbenoit]

it is unlikely that she is hurting her voice, unless she is performing incorrectly. which i actually do not believe that she is. it is all about diaphragm stamina. hoooooowwwwehhehhhehhhhehhhhhverrrrrrr, the girl really needs to dial it down a notch with the pyrotechnics. it is technique over substance, which tires listeners really quickly, just ask michael bolton. she always cites aretha, billie, sarah, etc. as heroes, yet rarely exhibits their restraint. sad really.

[BlackRaspberry]

it's the first rule of public speaking (and by extension singing): if everything is emphasized, then NOTHING is emphasized.

i couldn't agree with you more about Christina. it's such a waste of a great voice; her insistence on singing everything full-voiced and melismatic makes it seem as though she doesn't mean a word she's saying. it's boring.

[Amber]

i could only last until 1:05. i tried, i swear i did.

[SJ]

PING! Just saw you on ONTD. Yeah baby.

http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/19955524.html

[fan]

haha. i love you australiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

[yo]

Ouch.

[rustyspigot]

Look at what I can do!
We all know Christina.
How bout this!
We know.
Oh yeah, listen to..
STOP IT!

Maybe having a child will mellow her out.

Or bring back skank Christina, she was fun.

[jennypenny]

ow, my freakin' ears!

[spazmo]

In a world full of gazillionnaire "musicians" who steal their riffs from those with actual talent, and phone in their live gigs (if they even bother to actually show up), Christina is a breath of fresh air. Even if said air is being blasted out of her lungs like a train whistle, you've still gotta hand it to her.

I'm a little long in the tooth to actually listen to her music, but if somebody offered to take me to one of her concerts, I'd be inclined to attend (if only for the ridiculous number of costume changes).

Great review, Rich. And holy shit - Mink Stole at the beginning of Desperate Living is my hero too! Mortville is like my version of the land of Oz, man. One day I'll run away with my 500-pound maid and never look back...

[Pook]

Damn. I feel like I need an aspirin and a throat lozenge now.

[milkyaqua]

A lot of critics have said the same thing. She's got a great voice but why does she have to insist on doing scales in every song all of the time? She's also aware that critics feel this way but she says that's they she sings. I blame Whitney for this and most recently Mariah. It seems like every generation it gets worse. Not everyone is Chaka or Patti and even they know when to dial it down. Eventually it will catch up with her especially if she's not getting any formal training and then she won't have a choice. The sad thing is that even older entertainers have resorted to this type of singing to try to keep up with the younger ones (Aretha).

On another topic, has anyone heard the rumor that Beyonce and Tina are doing a duet at the Grammys this year?

[eva]

it was called the down under tour right? cause half the time she looked like she was givin the mike some head :O

[Sarai]

My ferkin' ears are bleeding!

[Sean]

I made it to 1:45 before giving up.

The only thing she's ever done that I will admit to enjoying is "Genie in a Bottle," which was perfectly wonderful disposable pop. My friend went and saw her on this tour and said that Christina doesn't even sing the song live anymore, but uses it as background music for some sort of fan dedication interlude video thing whatever. Blech.

[Casey]

I had considered starting a blog with the sole purpose of expressing my disappointment in Xtina's over-the-top singing. Thanks for saving me the trouble!

[Marcy]

Gawd thanks Rich for saying what I've ALWAYS thought about this type of showboating.

I love her pipes, but I don't want to hear this shit. I want her to use that gift to move me, not to continually audition for me and show me what I cannot do. Its annoying and doesn't qualify as music at all but nothing more than a fucking circus act.

[MikeJack]

My senior year of high school I went around the school doing things like this so I could get in the yearbook as "Class Singer." And I did. That's what mellismas are good for. And while watching this is embarassing, people's respect for their singing voices in pop music has long since gone. Sad, but true.

[Hannah]

Oy.... You know, I really loved "Stripped", but I only bought "Back to Basics" a couple of weeks ago because I didn't want to pay for the double album. Anyway, I was really disappointed and overwhelmed by it. It seems like that feeling is magnified tenfold live.

[demondoll]

I couldn't face it. I've never been a fan of her style, whatever it is it's rampant.

[tom]

wait, I'm confused, I thought this was supposed to be a bunch of clips? ha ha! It sounded like just one of her normal songs...I had to stop at 1:36!

[Keyla]

I either zoned the fuck out while watching this clip or some dark goo started to seep out of my head (a la "The Fifth Element"). Either way, I found myself in a very dark place...

She does have the pipes and one can appreciate some smoothness when she hits low notes, but those damn high notes.

[me]

It's too bad she decided to emulate Mariah and not Whitney. Mariah is the same "Woah ah woah ah" dragged out bullshit, too. Boobs and ass-shaking do not a legend make. Well-used vocals are the key.

[Philippe]

1:54, that's as far as I could get without killing myself. I have never understood why she insists on singing like this...do people really like this?

[kenna]

I made it to 3:05 it's not even 9am and I need something to take the edge off. How did female vocalists come from Aretha to this? Why can't she just sing the damn song straight? So many questions. For fuck's sake Winehouse, get your act together and save us from this catterwallering! I'm not saying Winehouse's voice is anywhere near that of Christina's but it's real, it's unique. Sadly, the 1000's of teenage girls seen in this audience determine the future of pop...I said uh poahoahoahoahoahoahaaaaaaaaaaaapuuuuuuuleeeeeuuuuuhh muuuuuuusseeeeeeeekaaaaah WHOOOO CAN I GET A WITNESS?!?

sorry, couldn't help myself. besos Rich!

[Bas]

OMG! my ears are bleeding!
talent and yelling are not the same thing..

i watched this last and, no joke, woke up with a wicked sore throat this morning. coincidence?

[eric]

gee-eee-aah-ee-ahh-ee-aah-eeeez! ohhhh!

i heart xtina and all but can't she just hold a note for once instead of doing all of these retahded embellishments?

her voice is gorgeous but it's, like, be-dazzled and it ends up soundin' tacky as hell. shooo.

[Meme]

I don't even like her voice. Yes it's powerful and loud and doesn't crack but the actual sound of it is not appealing to me in any way. Its too throaty or something. It just doesn't sound good to me.
And of course she lacks all nuance, passion, or feeling. She's like a wall of unpleasant sound. Plus she looks like a clown 99% of the time.

[Morgan]

It's like she's giving birth through her esophogus with how hard she pushes every run.

[nOva]

one of her dancers looks like you.

[Casey]

The French movie in the banner is Angel-A.

[justin Oliver]

anyone who can never understand what xtina is howling needs to see this hilarious video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x33PgKEgXwM

[s2couto]

As Tina Turner once said, "We never ever do nothing nice and easy. We always do it nice and rough." Excise "nice" from the equation and you have Christina Aguilera's modus operandi.

It irritates me when people group Christina with Mariah and Whitney, also. DIDN'T WE ALMOST HAVE IT ALL aside, these ladies understand that songs have a beginning, middle and end. You don't build a house bricks-first so why would you lambast your way through your first verse with nowhere else to go? Compare the way Mariah eases into the first verse and chorus of MY ALL, then sings in full voice for the second chorus, gradually building to a crescendo after the instrumental break. Is Christina really a fan? Because it doesn't sound like it.

Aside: Why are people saying "pyrotechnics", by the way? Do you mean histrionics? Because pyrotechnics refers to fireworks displays - and I didn't see any Roman candles in the video.

[Kels]

I made it to 2:25. Then my head exploded!

[BayBB]

I feel the same way about X-Tina's singing as I feel about her appearance. It's naturally beautiful but for some reason she feels the need to overdo it and ruin it.

The best she ever sounded was on Save Me From Myself where she sang softly. I wish she could keep it up because she has a beautiful voice when she's not straining.

[Dara]

"Perhaps she was preparing for childbirth as the only real discernible emotion is that of bearing down."

Rich my dear, dear boy...having given birth to a 10.7 pounder less than 2 months ago, I have to say bearing down is the only discernible emotion. May I just add that Xtina had a c-section, so she avoided that emotion as well.

I kinda wish I had a c-section....ouchy, ouch, ouch. I may have screamed like her during my labor & delivery. "Where's my fuckinnnnnnnggggg nubainnnnnnnnnn,woah ah woah ah......

[kartik]

I was never a fan of Chritina Aguilera, and these days there seems to be a monotonic tone about her voice.

Regards

Kartik

www.Fashion-networks.com
we blog at http://Fashionnetworking.blogspot.com

[wicked_plum]

Wow.

I made it through the 4 minutes, but I feel a headache coming on. Is she trying to prove she's not lipsynching (sp?)?

Painful to say the least.

[Ian]

That video made me nauseated (Thank-you, Josie Grossie)

A friend and I took a road trip deciding to listen to her entire Back to Basics album shortly after it came out. We both complained of a ringing in our ears for a few hours after that trip. Ruined everything.

[mara]

i agree with everything you said rich. but that clip only want me wanna see the vh1 special more now, lol. i wish she could go back to being xxxtina tho, at least her crazy makeup made sense then. now she looks like the joker.

perhaps when she starts losing her voice (a la mariah) is when she'll really shine. cuz i really think she's gonna lose that shit, and soon.

[Michael in DC]

No, I can't hang. I'd rather listen to a cat getting a bath from Joan Crawford. "You think this clean?"

[ehbenoit]

"pyrotechnics"

it is often used as a metaphor in describing vocals that are way over the top.

[ehbenoit]

and... explosive... ;)

[Reese]

After years of being forced to listen to the likes of Brit-Brit, JLo, and Ashanti, I'll take Christina any day.

I don't mind the highs and lows- it's better then listening to "Oh bay-bay, bay-bay." Bleh.

[Vanessa]

Sure Christina....occasionally overindulges her amazing pipes and her makeup artist should be shot (there's a setting on your makeup mirror called "Daytime." Until you get the hang of it, you really should use it for any time of day. Also, white blonde hair and bright red lips have been a fashion don't since Eisenhower left office.) She's yet to produce an album I really liked all the way through-and that "Fans" thing is truly shite.

Nevertheless, we can all agree her voice is quite brilliant. She's had some good songs-as much as I tried to scorn all Mouse Club teen pop, I found "Genie in a Bottle" undeniable. You never see pictures of her with her privates hanging out. She was really funny when she hosted SNL. And, she and her husband asked people to donate to Katrina relief in lieu of wedding gifts. That bitch has class. What's a little-er...ok, a shitload-of melisma in the big picture.

[libby-loo]

She is truly the girl with the lead pipes - few real singers can do that over and over and not need some kind of doctor-ordered vocal rest afterward.

[wrathos]

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhheyyyyyyyyyyeeeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeehhhehhhhhahehhdhhhhea
HOOO!woooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHhhhhhhhhuuughghghghghghuuuuughghghSAH!
uhhhOH!
huhOHHHHUGHhuhOHHHGUHhuhOHHHGH!

(translation: I completely agree with what Rich is saying.)

[Arthur James]

That gave me diarrhea.

[Kevin]

I completely agree with Vanessa. While I don't really care for her music, there's something undeniable about Christina, apart from her voice. She def has some class. I don't mean she should be sainted or the queen should make her a dame, but yeah.

Also, I don't get it how one person can list Tina Turner and Patti LaBelle as woman who can sing like Christina does and still do it for decades, yet say Christina can't. That's a baseless claim seeing as how Christina has only been around for a little over a decade. Let's see 20 years from now what she's doing and how she's sounding.

[Chris]

I think she's phenomenal and obviously not lip syncing like most of today's "pop stars" so leave her alone, I can make fun of Dave Matthews nasal rolls all day long, but that's only because I don't like DMB. Get over yourselves, she's got talent, and she's got stability, and she's got class, even Madonna has started to run out of that... what no British accent?

[Kalle]

LOOK MY NEW CREATIVE VIDEO

[LisaL]

"hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhheyyyyyyyyyyeeeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeehhhehhhhhahehhdhhhhea
HOOO!woooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHhhhhhhhhuuughghghghghghuuuuughghghSAH!
uhhhOH!
huhOHHHHUGHhuhOHHHGUHhuhOHHHGH!

(translation: I completely agree with what Rich is saying.)
"

LOL.. couldn't have said it better

[LisaL]

Oh... and I only lasted for 2 mins. As someone else said.. the entire thing sounded like she was singing the same song, but w/ different outfits.
I remember seeing her on Ellen Deg. show a while back and I swear she did the runs after every single note. I couldn't understand a single word she was trying to sing.

[Court]

Seriously. Where would this woman be without the words: "Yeah" "Oh" and "Whoa".

My head hurts.

[Franceu]

what gives you the authority to act like this when YOU KNOW YOU CANT SING ONE NOTE! i hate it when people act like experts when they arent capable of doing the very thiong they are criticizing people about. get a life and most of all, find something better to do!

[Franceu]

responding to Kevin, twenty years from now she will be a succesful woman with a family that supports and loves her, something im sure you'll never have! yes, i said it!

[Jan]

2:23 was as far as i could go.
i don't think it's justified if people who look so freakish can sing well. i mean, there are so many artists who look good, and who don't look like they're straining so hard and still sound amazing.

[Naomi]

To those of you that have something to say, I'm sure think Britney Spears is the best singer ever right? I think it's really funny how you trash someone that you couldn't out-do. And to the girl that was mad because Chris had a c-section and you didn't, you pathetic. All of you are. The day you get up there and compete with that woman, and win, is the day I will kiss the ground you walk on. Until then, kiss my ass, and her's.