I feel like I'm in the throes of seasonal affect. I don't know if it's a matter of coming from a few days in the California sunshine to be smacked in the face by dry-ass blasts of misery whenever I turn a fucking corner (or even when I don't), or if it's just that said blasts of misery seem here to stay forever (if the world is supposed to be warming, don't we at least get a period of tropical enjoyment before we all have to start wrestling for water and shit?). Whatever. It's a dark time.
And then, adding insult to dry, cracked skin, I get this fucking message in my inbox:
I'm telling you, YouTube fosters the most idiotic way of assessing situations, no matter on what side of any given issue said idiot falls on. I don't understand how reporting on hatred is in any way inappropriate, and I really don't understand how anyone could watch that video and figure that whomever posted it condones the point of view represented (in case you missed it, it was from that doc about the Phelps family, and it featured kids spouting the anti-gay nonsense that's clearly been programmed in them). More and more, I feel like hyper-sensitivity just breeds moronic decisions.
But that's just me being dark again. Even before I got this email that now has YouTube death breathing down my neck, I was low. So on the subway yesterday, I tried to cheer myself up by listening to Groove Theory's "Tell Me." It usually seems to do the trick, but it didn't that time, so I let my '90s playlist play on and the next track was En Vogue's "Don't Let Go (Love)," which actually did make me feel better. That song has always been about hope to me -- it was the last thing the original lineup released together and it's one of the best things they've ever done. As morbid as it is, I find it really uplifting that one's final moment can also be the one that shines the brightest, not because of the finality, but in spite of it. Anyway, here it is:
I know, it's so queer to find hope in a fucking En Vogue song, but sometimes you gotta take it where you can get it, you know?