Amis you much

I consider Amis' elimination a great loss.

You know?

23. Aimee

Aimee cries because of what I assume is lingering religious-based guilt that makes her too modest to show the rest of the girls her meat curtains. Well, Aimee, have I got a photo shoot for you!

24. Lauren

Aw, Lauren, don't let tranny old Jaslene make you cry. Do what the rest of the world does and laugh at her!

25. Fatima

Is she more than just a pretty face, wonders Tyra as she picks over her Bottom 2. More than, less than...

...who's counting, really? (Besides me, I mean?)

26. Fatima

Thinking makes Fatima's skull hurt. But what's worse: so does not thinking.

(Allow me to interject an apology in advance if this recap is more moronic than usual. I'm hopped up on Sudafed, but I soldier on to bring you nonsense in response to nonsense in response to an industry of nonsense. That is my commitment to you.)

Tyraism of the Week No. 1

(Sung introductions)

I am so not amused by her overt attempt to amuse me, and yet, I feel like something really bad's going to happen to me or my blog or Winston if I don't present this clip for your ringtoning needs. Hmmm, maybe I, too, am a hamster.

Tyraism of the Week No. 2

"Bottom teeth. Rrr. Rrr. There's a way to do a growl. You were going (growls), as opposed to (purrs)."

So, there's a way to do a growl that isn't growling at all, but purring. Right! Not since she showed us a little dance called the Lazy Hippo has Tyra been more confused about what animals do. She's still learning, just like the rest of us!

Tyraism of the Week No. 3

"We wanna see your hair in a bun next week. We feel there's something that's still a little (little orgasm, little orgasm, little orgasm) when we look at you."

That bun is only gonna make her sexier when she inevitably shakes it out during her girl-on-girl scene in Librarian...and Out!

And speaking of things that remind me of porn...

Tyraism of the Week No. 4

"You wanna be in this industry, a lot of the times, that's how you're gonna be treated: like a side of beef."

You know, Tyra amasses a lot of wind in her hair by walking the line between telling it like it is and being despicable. However, here, in reference to the most absurd photo shoot in the history of. America's. Next. Top. Model., she's being nothing but prophetic. I think this is her way of beaming to us what we all believe: to give this show the farcical tawdriness that it's missing, sooner or later one of these girls is going to end up in Hustler. I mean, really, this is what she's telegraphing, right?

Even better:

Because if you're going to objectify, at least be fucking repulsive about it. It's so unpretentious, it's nauseating. I'm glad Tyra and Larry Flynt are on the same page.

Oh, I'm so happy that this recap reintroduced me to the exciting world of Hustler covers, because for real, they are amazing. I recommend taking the time to go through them all here. They are of such bad taste that, taking them in all at once is the visual equivalent of having your tongue shit on. I will share my favorite, but you'll have to click to see it because it's so wondrously gross that even I am too shy to post the image.

Click here.

I like the detail, but I love the promise of interactivity.

1. But you know what I don't love?

That Amis is skipping out of our lives. It may make her feel good, but it makes me feel like anus.

I'll miss her because she referred to Jaslene as a "sandwich," despite the fact that, per the visibility of her clavicle, Jaslene has never eaten one. I'll miss her for saying, "Jaslene said something that really made me think. She's like, 'What do you want? What do you want to be?' Or like, whatever. I don't remember what she said exactly." Apparently, Jaslene made her think so hard that she couldn't think no more. I'll miss her for "outer-body experience." I'll miss her Amis crack.

I'll miss her complete unawareness of what "Axl Rose...a" looks like:

Actually, Axl Rosa is an awesome Garbage Pail Kid name of her. She should have gone an extra step and wore roaches in her hair as accessories.

...And also strung popcorn for when the roaches get hungry.

Serioiusly: bitch is straight-up GPK.

I bet that it tastes like booger when you kiss her. And I guess I mean that as a compliment? I don't know anymore.

Finally, I'll miss her for her attempts to be, in her own words, "campy." That is how you play this shit. Can you imagine the snot-drenched levels of inanity she would have reached had she been kept on for a few more weeks? Too soon! Too soon!

2. And with Anyway given the we'll-get-back-to-her-since-she's-clearly-going-Top-2 edit (which is fine with me), at least we have Stacy-Ann picking up the brainwreck slack.

Haaay!

Heeee!

Huuuuuh!

I assembled a little megamix of Stacy-Ann's stupidest moments. Enjoy. I'm sure there's more where it came from. I have to believe that, really: that hope is what keeps me alive.

3. That's the future, here's the past:

Look at how smug she is. She's channeling the Fonz. You know that she thinks that being America's Former Next Top Model is like being an ex-president. In fact, I wouldn't be at all surprised to find out that she demands to be called "Mr. President" on all references.

And you know she was just waiting for a girl she could get all condescending with and ask, "Do you wanna be here?" I bet she practiced it on the way over. It all stems from how badly she DID want to be there, as if dropping everything to spray air freshener every time Tyra's IBS acts up is something to be proud of.

Oh and this?

To call it "girlicious" would be an overstatement. Or maybe an understatement. Or just fucking wrong. Ain't no girl-anything in there, that's straight Peniscat Dolls.

4. Although, that doesn't mean that Lauren gets let off the hook.

You know she's all-thumbs when it comes to fashion, but did you know her brush was all-thumbs as well? It's been a week since she had that shit installed and she already looks like Sigmund the Sea Monster.

Here, girl: have a cartoonish snaggletooth to complete your look.

I did love her shot and The Texas Chain Saw Massacre reference that helped her get there...

"I was just trying to be, like, kinda scary. I kept thinking of Texas Chain Saw Massacre. I was pretending I was Leatherface."

Wait, what does Dominique have to do with The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. Anybody?

Shit, I can't take it anymore. This recap is like one big Pretty Party, and it's about to get bigger with the official Pretty Party, which is devoted to the girls' meat curtains. This show tries to out-crass me, and I crass it right the fuck back.

And the partridge in a pear tree to all this shit is...

...a pepperoni earring. That concludes this week's Pretty Party.

5. I felt like Whitney had the only appropriate reaction to this shit:

Similarly, she had the only appropriate reaction to Dominique's bizarre I'm-still-here-because-I-know-you-think-my-geriatric-looking-ass-is-a-threat rant at the beginning of the episode:

But best of all was her reaction to Fatima's nonsense:

Aside from a sense of humor and loyalty, a neck with rhythm is the trait I most seek out in women. You wanna be friends with me, you gotta be able to make it snap. Bottom line.

Fatima really is such a dumb-ass, too. For her to say that Whitney likes to stir things up is like the pot calling the kettle circumcised. Not that I should expect much from a woman who couldn't button her shirt properly...

...and thought that thought that no one would notice. Do you think Fatima has, like, ever outsmarted anyone ever? She couldn't even outsmart her fucking wardrobe!

And speaking of that show...

See? Even when Whitney isn't trying, she's entertaining. I'm so hooked up that I have access to uncensored footage of this show. I couldn't resist taking a grab of Whitney's houston in all of its exposed glory...

That's a spicy areola.

6. Yeah, and even though she looks old...

...Dominique looks better? I think? Maybe it's the new hair color. Maybe it's that the pedestal she says Tyra put her on last episode didn't get her such flattering light. But whatever, she's a lot less difficult to look at this week.

I think?

I don't know. I don't know anything anymore except that she's maybe some sort of part-time Islamic fundamentalist...

...and that her head is, like, huge.

Like Falcor-huge.

You know that shit gave her a boner, too. (To fully get what I'm talking about, click here, but be warned that it may destroy your childhood.)

7. Oh Miss J.

I love that his unabashed display of femmy homosexuality didn't seem to threaten the firemen at all.

I mean, they were probably cast and, in that case, more than likely gay. But still.

But you know what I didn't love?

Being reminded that Miss J somehow, somewhere has genitals.

Oh and while I'm at it, here's who I'd do, since a group of firemen is always going to contain something fuckable, no matter where or what:

Can I get totally piggy and implore you to check out this one's shelf of an ass?

Yeah, you know what? Looking at that again, I have to say: totally cast, totally gay.

8. More misadventures in mimicry with Miss J:

It started with this...

...to which Miss J responded...

So:

He also said that she looked like a pekingese:

So:

My two cents? As much as I love their smooshy faces, pekingese look like Critters:

So:

If all this is true, therefore:

It's like a mathematical proof, hold the math and the ematical.

9. Oh and just in case you didn't believe me last time, Aimee is totally Valerie Cherish:

10. You can see Anyway's ribs and spine:

I don't have a point. I just thought you would like to know.

11. For my final comparison of the week, I'm cribbing from an email I received from Leah C., who says Whitney looks like Wynonna Judd, whose album title suggests that I would get along with her.

Instead of doing yet another side-to-side, I thought I'd have some PlanetHiltron-inspired fun:

She's got the right amount of makeup to be a Judd and everything. It's in her blood!

Oh, and my second favorite adventure in Internet surfing this week came from Google Imaging "judds." Almost as fun as the juggs Hustler provided.

12. I want to give it up for this woman, for real:

I think more than anyone else, if you had to pick someone most responsible for the success of this show, it's her and her brilliant eye for casting. Seriously, hats off, lady, you keep me in love. (Although, and I totally did not notice this till after, so don't think I took this screenshot just to be a smartass, but, isn't her name MoCk? Did she and Ken get married when I wasn't looking? How convenient would that be? You lose a letter but gain a husband.)

13. Finally, one more more awesome thing about Amis: when she said goodbye, she did so while wielding a shit stick...

God, considering the lowest common denominator tone of this episode, what else did she need to do to prove that she should be here? She belongs! She belongs! If not on this show, then in my heart. Forever. Always.

Comments

[Charlotte]

I have been refreshing waiting for this, yes! Thank you Rich, for giving me something fun to do when I'm supposed to be studying for finals. You're awesome. :)

[That Weird Girl]

Fantastic recap, as always! <3

(also, First!)

[i dream of gene shalit]

sheeesh! ribs and spine! that is ridiculous, can't believe i missed that while watching. i know they're all skinny, but eww.

[erma]

Question: Is it soooo rediculous not to want to shower with people??

Great recap! Feel better!!!

[Andrea]

Ribs and spine. Mmmmm. I'm hungry.

[Jean]

The pekingese is definitely the most attractive of the bunch.

[Amanda]

Rich... great recap

but i told you last week that Whitney looked like Wynnona Judd

[dig]

Dominique looks like Nicole Ari Parker from Soul Food (the series) after Damon broke up with her for the umpteenth time. Stacey Ann's voice is as annoying as my phone when I don't check the messages. One more thing I think Claire should have been in the original Aeon Flux movie. I wonder about that chile Anya too children of the cornish for my liking.Another exceptional post. Can you please find a pic of Chris Rock as Jazzy Jeff's sister from Fresh Prince of Bel Air and post it mext to Marvita?

[squid]

First - try some Benadryl doggie downners to offset the Sudafed puppy uppers.

Ugh - the meat on meat screen captures make this photo shoot so much more in your face - what is it with "don't smoke in the ANTM house," but we drape you with raw marbly slabs? Bring back the snakes and tarantulas for daring shoots. Oddly enough, raw meat (vs. air jerked model meat) is not photogenic.

Some cow died to dress models? Or did they clean up the raw slabs, cook, and dish it out to unsuspecting crew members as "insert repulsive kebab name here?"

Don't get me wrong - I eat meat, I wear leather. Useful, and tasty!

Thanks for the salami earring as I overlooked that - I gotta get a pair. Don't you think Winston would approve? Although after watching him Hoover up, Hoover down, and Rudy work clean-up, I can see why you wouldn't want them eating near your face. Unless you wanted your lobes trimmed (mutilation humor about fleshy pads! I can sink to new lows, too!)

Amis - Avis? Trying harder? But it hertz?

As always, thanks for my the highlight of Monday morning (sometimes the hole day).

~redsquid

[Vgirl1936]

First of all, just have to say that I have gotten to the point where the only reason I watch ANTM is so that I can read your recaps on Mondays! They are incredibly awesome!

And second, am I the only one who thought that Amis was Lisa from Season 5's clone? Except less crazy and annoying and more cool and watchable??

[Just Some Guy]

Jaslene sucks.
___ ___ ___

I'd like to see a "Psychopath Reunion Cycle" where the nuttiest whack job(s) from each cycle are brought back together. Naomi Campbell could host. Instead of handing out photographs in panel, Naomi could just chuck a cell phone at the head of the woman getting eliminated.

[RectilinearPropagation]

I LOVE your non-mathematical mathematical proof.

"Question: Is it soooo rediculous not to want to shower with people?"

No, but it's rude to insist on showering before anyone's had a chance to use the toilet if you aren't going to let anyone in the bathroom.

"Amis - Avis? Trying harder? But it hertz?"

YES!

[Storm Keas]

Dominique looks more and more like a granny tranny version of Jeri Blank every week.

[katie]

I think Whitney looks more like Patty Hearst.

[RD]

There's a Hustler article that's even worse than all those Hustler covers--sometime in the 70s Larry Flynt had a spread with a "Beauty and the Beast" theme. With sex. It was nice to know that Flynt loved simulated beastialty as a kid.

[yummi]

im mad amis is gone too.

[forrestunknown]

Anytime you can throw in a B movie from the eighties ... well it makes the sngels sing with joy

[milkyaqua]

Oh, okay, I can see some Patty Hearst, Wynnona Judd and Anna Nicole in Whitney's current look.

The meat thing was just wasteful and as usual on this show tacky. Also, love how Tyra is eating a porterhouse for two when a lot of us were waiting for that platter of ribs instead.

None of those pics were great but Fats probably had the worst one. Also, I have nothing against the bitches of the house but at least be able to back up your bad attitude. Fats has failed to do this. So far she's only managed to piss off both of the Jays and stick her nose into stuff that's not her business and why didn't she just pull the sweater over head?

Amis does remind me of C5 Lisa except Lisa could sort of model. Not surprised to see her go either. Now if we could get rid of Stacy Ann and Dominique. Lauren needs to stop with the punk girl crap. Amis', Whitney's, Fats', and Lauren's hair all look ratty. Tyra's orgasm sounds to Kata were tacky but that's Tyra for you.

[Lea]

AHHHHHHH I have been refreshing since 9 this morning. Not that I am rushing it's just I hate my job and I need a reason to get up on Mondays.

[Erwin]

I saw Lauren today at the Lorimer stop in Brooklyn...she's very nice, seems like she lost some weight, and she got rid of all the extensions that they gave her.

[pricolatino]

Sigmund the Sea Monster??? *dies*

And why is Dominique starting to look more and more like the third Olsen twin/triplet?

[Each]

when that horse sank in the mud, my mom had to take me out of the theatre, for reals, crying like a fucking girl.
thank god i am a girl, would have been embarrassing for my 9 year old ass.

that and i wanted that giant turtle for my room.

[Bryan]

Does anyone else think that the very first gif of Amis is just like the one of Lisa c9 where she screams "MY MUFFINS!"?

[Jenny]

Awwww, no screen cap of Amis' nasty ass holey bra? Seriously, look at when they're quick-changing for the fashion show--GIANT holes in the side.
Couldn't her grandma forgo her rent in order to buy her some decent undies for reality tv? Tsk tsk.

[Cynic]

I am rooting for Hoocherzyna. She looks like a model and seems to be fairly articulate - judging from the 2 or 3 times that we have seen her speaking in the last four episodes...

[Kaylyn]

"Question: Is it soooo rediculous not to want to shower with people?"

"No, but it's rude to insist on showering before anyone's had a chance to use the toilet if you aren't going to let anyone in the bathroom."

Actually, she said it herself. There are 2 other bathrooms the other girls could have used. She announced she was going to take a shower so that anyone that needed to use the bathroom could before she locked the door. At least she said something instead of just going in and locking the door.

[Kaylyn]

and also, thank you very much for this Rich. It truly makes the entire ANTM experiance so much better

[RD]

Sorry about the repeat comment. My internet is weirder than usual today.

[Krista]

I hope they fried up all those meat panties and used them to feed homeless youth after the shoot. Or at least people pretending to be homeless youth for a day.

[cloudy]

I am scared to go to sleep tonight for fear of dreaming about the Falcor ear boner.

[Wholahay]

I love your recaps, but I'm disappointed you didn't mention the fact that Tyra called Amis' attitude "laissez faire"! I didn't realize that the government didn't interfere in Amis' economy.

[Vanessa]

First--ok who is buying used Hustlers? Does a stranger's spunk add a dimension to the editorial subtext?

I am so glad to hear you too are in mourning over Amis (and so many of my fab fellow acolytes as well.) She did indeed remind me of Lisa C5 although she didn't seem likely to pee in a diaper and thus I could love her without fear. Also, Jael from C...8? I lose track of this shit. Anyways, because she did remind me of those two, I feared she was not long for this cycle.

This cycle is already ass over teakettle better than the the last cycle though so I'm not complaining much.

[generalmills]

I don't ever think I need reminding of Miss J's scrotum!!!!

But for those who need to know
http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/2007/03/dont_let_the_do.html
Point 14

[Steffy]

Dominique looks like Oksana Baiul the figure skater..it's uncanny; the teeth baring, the grimaces, the wrinkly forehead....

[summer]

this episode was wallowing in ridiculosity!
- having JASLENE judge ANYBODY. (side note: seventeen mag chick tried to glam it up a little, haha)
- the firestation quick change/run way show. and if the fire fighters weren't judging, why were they there? i think dominique's show was appropriate. ms j set it up like a burlesque performance, then got insulted when dom went for it.
- the meat. nuff said. (and why in tyra's pic was she eating rather than wearing the meat?)

[Julia]

I could not watch the meat thing. I mean, what about E-coli??? EWWWWWW, all around, EWWWWWW. They could have gotten E-coli in their vageans, I do not mean to be gross, but this was so immensely gross.
Julia

[emilochka]

About the whole Amy/shower fiasco - it's not just that she didn't want to shower with anyone (and, really, who wouldn't want to shower with catty models?) but she didn't want anyone using the toilet while she was in the shower. She wasn't trying to be selfish; she just didn't want near strangers peeing near-where she was bathing!

Maybe this should be added to the screening process for next season: "Do you have a problem pissing with company and/or being around others who are pissing?" On second thought, if they took only "yes" answers, Cycle 11 might take a rather different direction!

Also, what the hell was with Jaslene! Rich, you said it - she just wanted to make someone feel bad. Sorry, Cha Cha, you may have the look but you need at least twenty more years of pills, sex and surgery before you can even attempt to take Janice's place.

[winston for president]

OMG you have access to uncensored footage? Lucky duck! I totally want to hear the Elyse rant in its full uncensored glory.

A+ recap, as always.

[Gwen]

You should recap on Sudafed more often! Love that you explored the wonder of Hustler covers. That one of the meat grinder is too perfect.

[jordanbaker]

I couldn't watch that photo shoot without wondering how many of the girls ended up with e. coli of the vag.

[TyrasSmellyCunt]

Man. I tried to listen to that Stacy Ann remix. I had it way too loud with headphones in. Now I have retardation ringing in my brain.

Awesome recap. Hope you feel better soon.

[hal]

I think Whitney looks like Angie Harmon plus sized edition. That last shot of Amis with the firehat (helmet?) looks like Chloe Sevigny.

Also, I'm not nearly as picky with firemen. I would have just passed out numbers, and told them to get in line.

[Wanda]

Wynona Judd or not....I love Whitney. Most fun Plus size girl that they have had in a long time.

[Scott Free]

Hal, you're spot-on about Whitney/Angie Harmon!

Nice recap, Rich. I've gotten jacked the past few weeks and have had to work Wednesday nights, so thanks for keeping me informed.

[rachel]

i didn't think about wynona judd, but the first thing out of my mouth when whitney got her blonde hair was "well. now she just looks like trisha yearwood."

[kiki]

Rich, I love you, but you completely squandered the opportunity to re-Christen Amis as "Anus".

[Cass]

I'm in a boring college class trying to entertain myself, and it took everything I had to keep from cracking up in the middle of it looking at your proof that Fatima = Critters. Hahaha.

[Haystacks]

I do loves me a Neverending Story refrence. And that meat stuff made me want to vomit. What the hell!? It is ANTM not Fearfactor....

[Ern]

I have to wonder: for all the judges' bitching in past seasons about models looking and photographing old (Renee, Melrose, Lisa, etc.), WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO TELL DOMINIQUE? She looks like she could be the mother of any of the 3 I mentioned.

[shine]

hha~~~really interesting. by the way, i foung some hot and sexy pics on http://www.intimatemingle.com which is a free dating site for young people.

[Johan]

Dude, Rich, I have been reading fourfour since 2006, and I have rarely commented. However, I felt the need - and not because of anything you've said here! I recently took in the latest showing of "Pot Psychology" and lost my shit, because you two together are like retarded funny. Especially when Slutmachine said "Go on Judge Judy" and you IMMEDIATELY nodded enthusiastic agreement, as though it was a foregone conclusion.

I will be reading your shit as long as you are writing it!

[Mwabi]

I was doing fine until...is like the pot calling the kettle circumcised...LMBAO! Rich, you's a fool for that one!

[reddahlia01]

Rockin' that headband, Amis looked like she was straight Cobra Kai from the Karate Kid. "Sweep the leg, Johnny."

[Kyle-Steven]

so I has having an immensely shitty day, thanks to a group of immensely shitty people. then I remembered it was Monday, aka the Only Thing To Look Forward To Is ANTM Recaps day.

and I was grossed the fuck out.

which I suppose is fair, since this was probably the grossest episode in ANTM history, but this is seriously the grossest recap you've done. the links? both of them? (SCRATCH AND SNIFF?) and I'm still trying to get out of my mind the vision of that discolored...

anyway - thank you? :\

[Miss Lisa]

I was going to suggest raw meat bikinis after the homeless model shoot, but Tyra read my mind or something. So next time: prescription drug abuse modeling. It's an important topic. When will they do the mental illness awareness shoot? I guess the whole season is one big mental illness awareness shoot. Here are some creative themes to look for:
http://www.fiftysigns.com/html/tableofcontents.html
This show has not jumped the shark. It has touched the shark while wearing a ineffectual shark-proof monitor.

[Pumping Irony]

1. More Lazy Hippo, please.

2. Anyone else think Amis looks like Debbie Gibson?

[jacquie]

Do:<

I don't get it. I don't get it. I do NOT get it.

Can someone please explain this photo shoot to me?

What was the point?

Was it a stance on something?

Was it pro or anti meat?

Was it selling something?

*ITA with Rich...I will miss Amis. She had mucho personality. But it's just as well. She would have gotten eliminated down the road for not having one at all... (who IS Amis? We still don't know!)

[rhp]

lauren as sigmund...holy heck, i knew there was a reason i loved her the most. perhaps her next adventure will involve her eating a paper bag and/or hiding from the other monsters on the beach. you could have an entire sigmund-themed episode of top model, and it wouldn't be any different from a regular episode.

[Lacey]

you are definitely on sudafed but i love you. I think every girl should give her elimination speech with a fudgesicle in hand. Word.

[Jasa]

I loved Amis' walk in the fashion show! Way better than Lauren's!

[Nuse D'Aughntrice Jackson]

Is anybody else tired of every darker black girl being accused of looking mean all the time? at least this week Tyra realized it when she was all, "oh, Marvita doesn't look mean at all..."

Why does Tyra read those faces as mean? I fear the answer...

[MissB]

Great recap as always!! But this cycle these girls SUCK!!! Usually by the third or fouth episode some of them have it, and sometimes I could spot out who can at least make it to the top 5...but not with these girls!! First I think this cycle has some of the worst looking girls to date. Dominique is just ugly! She is one of those women that have to wear makeup all the time. Marvita is not cute. Stacy-Ann bugs the shit out of me! Lauren reminds me of Heather from the last season...she can take a picture, but outside of that she is clueless! IMO none of these women deserve the title ANTM...Tyra and her crew need to replace these girls!!

Miss Lisa said:
"This show has not jumped the shark. It has touched the shark while wearing a[n] ineffectual shark-proof monitor."

Now THAT, is hilarious.

Rich, thanks to you, I've now been subjected to way more Hustler covers than I will ever own up to.

[Chelle]

Best recap ever! I adore how spot on your references are. I mean, Lauren as Sigmund the sea moster? Classic.
And am I the only one who sees Dominique and thinks Ani DiFranco, only not as intersting or as talented? Also, Stacey Ann looks and sounds just like a mogwai. Seriously, Google image results for "Gizmo"-she's a dead ringer!

[Mardi]

Did anyone else think that the photographer for this shoot was absolutely terrible? Usually there's at least one photo each episode that I'm really into, that I really like. Even though it seemed like they were doing some interesting stuff during the shoot, it didn't come through in the photos. That guy sucked!!!

[R.Kitty]

First of all my sympathy with the sinuses. I spent my only day off yesterday on sudafed, benadryl and whatever else I could find to numb the pain.

Secondly - great recap. I am glad others have seen the innate WYNONANESS of Whitney - the obscene hair really brought it out.

Jaslene - she thinks she's Tyra now - and what the hell was she wearing? Does a model wear that Jaslene? You know you didn't learn that from the Jays.

...and speaking of the Jays - someone please kill the glitter on Ms. Jays eyebrows.

[Rocksteady]

Am I like the only person who thinks AMIS's face looks very similar to a post-cracked out Amy Winehouse. Not style/hair wise, but facially they look a lot alike.

I spit my gum out when you busted out the Sigmund SeaMonster.......CLASSIC!!!

Still hate Dominique.....total fugliness

Still hate Jaslene.....she gives Tranny's a bad name.....

[itslikehoney]

Awesome recap Rich! I ADORE you. I busted out laughing at my desk at work when you compared Fats to a Critter, that was just brilliant. I'm expecting her to roll into a giant critter ball and crush the rest of the girls.

You should post a picture of Winston showing Fats how to growl properly.

And I love Whitney's talented neck, it makes her stories so much more entertaining.

[Dee]

I don't know if anyone posted this before but, doesn't this photoshoot remind you of the Flaming Lips video for The Yeah Yeah Yeah song?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MHBIoGh6Og

Maybe that's where Tyra gets her ideas from...while sitting on her ass...eating chips.

[chriso]

I knew I could count on you to continue the trend of "meat curtains" jokes about this episode that me and my friends have been beating to death since it aired. Yayz!!

Also, the Aunt Sassy/Aimee comparison made me spit out my gum from laughter.

[Bunny]

Falcor video. So. damn. traumatizing.

[Crazy Lizzy]

I could have gone my whole life without hearing or seeing "Beef panties".
I could have also gone my whole life without seeing or hearing Dominique.
Thank you, ANTM, for forcibly broadening my horizons. And thank YOU, Rich, for an awesome recap.

Wtf is with Dominique's new hair? The colour is better, but is that greased up slick supposed to make her look LESS like an Italian mobster guido? Seriously, I want to dress her in a zoot suit and stick a cigar in her mouth!

[Marianna]

HAHAHAHA OMFG GREAT RECAP. as usual.

anyway here's a clip of Toccara going crazyy on some celeb show:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xDzy_v1dNs

omgzers

[Joy]

i'm pissed they took the online episodes away. now i can't read watch the show as i read your blog. :(

[lois]

your recap SO made my day, as always. thank you!!!
OMG, scrap that Girlicious shit, they should make a sort-of-girl group show for trannies and call it Peniscat Dolls! Now THAT i would watch!
And i know this sounds weird but Stacy-ann reminds me of Ralph Wiggum from the Simpsons. just a lil bit.

cheers Rich!

[amber]

I loved how Mr. Jay was trying to pretend to be all knowledgeable when he referring to the machine behind the girls as a "band saw." If you don't know what kind of saw it is, call it "saw" and save yourself the embarrassment!

[Mark]

I am excited about show~~this show rocks! I have reand many related informatin at a celebrity site Richromances.com. I found some hollywood celebrities have profiles over there. It is amazing!!

[GuyDeluk]

Thanks a lot for your recaps. Love the way you make this show more entertaining. Whitney is so winning this thing- at least she'll be top 3 (I hope so). Did you notice that in addition to looking like Anna Nicole, she resembled Ana Matronic from Scissor Sisters in her last photoshoot?

[Anna]

Dear Rich,
Thank you so much for saying "beef curtains".
Love- Anna

[scott]

rich - you know that scratch 'n' sniff hustler cover you linked to? well, two of my students found that very issue last fall while exploring an abandoned police station in detroit. it's even more "wondrously gross" in person.

that judds album cover you made is going to haunt my nightmares now, haha its amazing! you put what looks like the current wynona in place of that old one haahhahaa

[matt]

I can't believe they eliminated beautiful "sad orphan" Marvita over pig-faced Whitney. I fucking hate this show. Which is why we all watch it LOL.

[pphillipp]

Hey, *I* was the one who said Whitney looked like Wynona. HEY!

[Mario]

Photoshop Amis' face on a Bel Ami twink.

Cause I know if she were to turn into a butch lesbian she'd totally get hit on by me, if, of course, I thought she was a man.

[EasterBuffy]

Can't wait for you to comment on Dominique's parting shot at Whitney during their heated debate over the phone list. Please don't fail me, Rich. I won't say anything else for fear of spoiling it for someone who hasn't seen it yet, but it's even better than Bianca's, "Look at your thighs and I'm done."

[ask]

EasterBuffy - I need my easter gift early? Are you referring to the "where is the - -"? Because if that was "slang" for something - I am hopelessless unaware- or misheard it?

[cinnarose]

Whitney looks very much like the blonde on Cashmere Mafia, the on and off lesbian girl. I'm too lazy to look up her real name, but she was also on Kitchen Confidential playing the annoying daughter of the restaurant owner.

[meg]

not to be weird, but i love you.

you are the only person who's managed to crack me up all day long.

can't wait for your next recap, rich!

[EasterBuffy]

Dear Ask,

No, I totally missed the comment you're refering to (and I downloaded the episode from iTunes, so how sad is that? Actually, I just hate commercials and that's why, but I digress). As Dominique leaves the kitchen area, she snaps, "You look like you're 30, but act like you're 12." In my opinion, that's not only petty and unnecessary, but if Dominique would look at Dominique closer in the mirror, she would see that her words hit a little too close to home (oh, God, I'm talking about her the way she talks about herself! Help me!) Anyway, Ask, that's what I was hinting at and I still hope Rich comments on it, because it's a priceless dig that needs rebuttal (seriously, Whitney's, "Where's the Saran Wrap?" was such not a good comeback and, if she needed Saran Wrap so much at that moment, for what nefarious purpose of retaliation?). At least Whitney cops to her flaws, but if you pay attention to Dominique's individual interview retorts, she really twists the argument to her advantage. Whitney says she has no reason to respect Dominique, but Dominique then (in her individual interview) says that Whitney says she respects no one and that Whitney would be racist towards a Jewish girl with blonde hair and blue eyes and a Catholic girl with red hair and green eyes. I thought that was considered bigotry, but hey, I digress.

Looking forward to Monday! Have a groovy weekend.

[ask]

Thanks. I thought if "Where's the Saran Wrap?" was code I was seriously getting old. ;)

Thanks for the laughs.

[JoyPNW]

i don't usually type in all caps but this is necessary DOMINIQUE LOOKS JUST LIKE JILLIAN MICHAELS FROM THE BIGGEST LOSER!

it's uncanny.

have a great weekend! i can't wait for monday

[tsao]

Isn't Ken Mok extremely gay? If anything wouldn't that lady be his sister?

[jtalia]

eureka!
stacy ann is the black paris hilton
i wonder if its already been said...?

[ac]

she is lovely. I‘m curious.She wrote blog on a celeb dating site recently named “mixedfriends.com”. It attacted many fans. Is she feeling lonely?

[matt]

OK maybe I need to get out more but I always find these spammers like ac above oddly amusing LOL

[Shaquita]

Stacy Ann is an ingenious character in disguise. She's brilliant. All the weirdness/fierceness of Furonda with the hilarity/nonsensical nature of Natasha. Gotta love her.

And Fatima is sneak ferosh. She's making this season.