All my heroes

I have been so inspired by people and shit I've found on the street lately, you have no idea. An example of the latter category is this:

I walked past this Chick Book and had to swing back around to pick it up, because if there's anything that I love more than the willful misinterpretation of the theory of evolution (and I do love it!), it's the willful misinterpretation of the theory of evolution en español. You know, I kinda wish my grandfather was a gorilla. That's a lot more interesting than being Ukrainian, and can you imagine how much more complicated my last name would be if that were the case?

After the jump, more stupid shit that amuses me including a vagina arm so graphic that I feel the need to place a NSFW warning on this post.

I mean, really:

Can you believe that? Best vagarm in history. It's not just explicit, it's like sub-Flynt Publications, diseased graphic. It's, like, straight out of freak porn with toothless grannies and 2-foot penises.

Here, bathe in the splendor:

Sadly, I cannot claim credit for this discovery or the brilliant gif that it gave birth to. The is the work of stutterfly.., who posts on my beloved OH NO THEY DIDN'T. Check out Shutterfly's link for a larger version of the Xtina shot. If you dare!

That Clover Hope's great cover story for the June issue of XXL made me feel anything for the Game is really saying something, considering how low my opinion of him was going into the article. The seven-page portrait of a broken man almost immediately plays to one of my key interests: how destructive fame can be. "My life right now is...It's not what I expected it would be after gaining fame and fortune," he says. "My life was better when I was gangbanging, shooting, robbing, stealing, getting shot and selling drugs. I'm so fucked up inside and so emotionally driven down to the ground that I can't...I can't replace the hurt. I can replace the thoughts, but my heart knows what's on my heart, and my heart won't let the pain go." Awww! How redundantly convoluted! This vulnerable side has allowed me to find him actually kind of ugly-hot, really:

Kinda yum, y/y?

But the best part of the article is at the very end, when he gets emo enough to bring the article to as close to theater as the printed word can be. This is kind of spoilery (?) so skip the indented text if you plan on reading the piece:

Moments later, the subject of his criminal past comes up. "I don't even wanna talk about that," he says, beginning to choke up. He's silent for a moment, and tears start to stream from his eyes, over the new red star tattoo, down his cheeks. "I should just say one more thing for you to understand and know. I'm just crying for music. I'm crying for hip-hop, because it's like seeing someone you know, someone you're really in love with die. Slow. The tears coming from my left eye are from shit that I'm dealing with in my life, and the tears down my right cheek are tears for hip-hop. You know that they're real, 'cause you see 'em. The world won't. They'll be able to read my tears, and hopefully they'll figure out that what I love so much is worth saving. And, if not, hey, I bailed out before it went down, anyway. So I won't be blamed for it."

You know, despite what he says, I can see 'em, and they're fucking awesome and each side is completely distinct. Swear!

And speaking of interviews I love, I'm going to blow my own horn for a sec and share something I did for VH1 that I'm particularly proud of: from an hour-plus conversation with I Know My Kid's a Star's Rocky, I cut together 10 minutes of material and posted it. I mention this because a) I don't expect anyone who reads this blog to keep up with anything else I do, and b) I feel like people who read this blog are much more likely to get her awesomeness vis a vis my sensibilities. When I was piecing this thing together, my boyfriend said, "That sounds like Florrie Fisher." That's when I knew my hard work had paid off. If you're interested, you can listen to the two-part interview below:

VH1.com Videos

VH1.com Videos

Also heroic?

 

Rudy for snuggling with my work-out underwears. I normally wouldn't recommend that anyone get their face that close to them, but I guess Rudy's into that sort of thing?

But finally, here's my real hero:

The title of this video is "Yoshi Talks About Sex for 5 Minutes." I really relate to Yoshi's level of articulation.

Comments

[Dagmar]

I'd snuggle with your work out underwears, but I am totally into that sort of thing. Overshare?

Is it wrong that I was slightly aroused by the sight of your underwear? Yeah, I thought so.

Too bad those VH1 videos are only available in the US.

[RD]

I'm happy you liked interviewing Rocky--the people who wrote comments on the VH1 blog (that weren't pro-Rocky) must still be worried about you and your sanity. I'll miss Rocky--she was the only reason to watch I Know My Kid's A Star. Now that she's gone I can't bear to watch the other personality-free mothers and children on the show.

[Y]

OH MY GOD. The tampon question is the best question in the history of interviews!

YOU!!!!

[Jean]

I love your VH1 blogs (only reason I go to that site) but often feel bad because then I see the comments (and thus commenters) and think maybe your audience doesn't get your sense of humor.

[Allison]

Man, that vagina arm thing seemed REALLY graphic for a sec, and then it just became hilarious. I told my hubby the other day he was getting a case of vagina arms, he paused, thought for a second and then cracked up, he said it's the funniest thing he's heard. The next day he started working out. Thanks, Rich for giving me a "gentle" way to mention that he's been having a few too many trips to McDonald's lately.

[Just Some Guy]

re: Rocky

I'm sure Nordstrom is incredibly happy to have hit such a high point in new media brand positioning. You know a brand really has cultural resonance when it is used in comparison to the normal, everyday trials and tribulations of Nordstrom's target female customer, the typical suburban Stunt Woman/Actress/Rocker/Stage Mom.

Rich, if you haven't done so already, please PLEASE suggest to Rocky that she sign up for Rock of Love III.

[Daniel]

I would soooo sniff your gym shorts.

[Jen]

"I love your VH1 blogs (only reason I go to that site) but often feel bad because then I see the comments (and thus commenters) and think maybe your audience doesn't get your sense of humor."

Ditto and ditto.

Stupid VH1 videos are only viewable in the US. BOOOOOOOOOO! And here I got all excited. Humph....

[jtalia]

rich, remember that dating show change of hearts? well, our sensitive gangster friend the game was on...

this is a must see:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=sAXPN3NmJRg
http://youtube.com/watch?v=rAaQM7po3nM

you can thank me later

[Noel]

I love that she brought up the Miley Cyrus performance.She definitely grinded the floor just like Britney in the flesh tone outfit...

also I like the cowboy bedsheets,and find it slightly erotic seeing your underwear...and again it seems I'm not the only one.

[Amber]

Wow, you think she's a smoker?

[spazmo]

Rudy is clearly intoxicated by your musk.
Look at that 'come hither' pose. Feahce! Nice front leg extension, too.

Would porting that Rocky video over to YouTube be a big no-no in VH1's eyes?

[mighty undies]

You knew everybody would drool over your underwear.
I know I did.

[raspberryjamba]

Yoshi yay!

Doh, I can never watch the VH1 videos cuz I'm in Canada... But I needs to see it!

[Patrick]

you might enjoy this:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=j_-1NElYK1o

[Katrina]

I dont have eudora so I couldnt email you.. /find your email around here. but please Rich, on your next blog for ANTM, could you please adress Tyra's crazy and sickening promotion of "only the judges fly first class, enjoy coach" ideas... Wasnt she just promoting a greener more sustainable lifestyle last season? or was that just a trend? Because private air travel accounts for a dramatic increase in our collective global footprint.. thanks Rich, I love everything about you..
viva la winston

[Pete]

Rocky is from a high position indeed...

I love you, Rich

[t kitty]

is that STUBBLE in the vagarm? i just threw up in my mouth, but i can't. look. away.

[Jess]

I'm another one who goes to the "Celebreality" Blog just to read your posts. I loved the interview with Rocky, but I really cannot wait to read your recap of the Rock of Love II Reunion Show (and see all the candid pics). And while your bed sheets are great, I can't say that I have any sympathy for the The Game. I agree that the different tears from each eye thing was pretty hilarious, though.

[nads]

i'm saddened that i can't see those videos just because i'm in Canada! It makes no sense... thanks Rich though for your witty insights, you make my eyes smile..hahaha

[Cass]

I collect Chick Tracks. The older they are, the more absurd.

[John]

i really hope video comes out from rocky's "not porn" video, it sounds awesome, also wasnt sure if you had a rocky's greatest moments video on vh1 or here, she was eliminated way too early from that show

[mara]

wow...we didn't experience 1/10th of rocky on the show which is so sad; and she did an "i love new york" reference?? i've died and gone to heaven.

i read your recaps on vh1, although i have to sift through a lot of shit on that site to get to your posts. they're worth it.

that yoshi clip actually made me laugh out loud. weird.

[Mario]

The site where that booklet came from= pure comedy.

Gay ones are the best. With adultery ones coming in second since one of them has an angel recording a man having sex.

and pics in that underwear? No? Yea, that was too pervy.

[trick please]

Rich, I love you like cooked food; however you gotta outgrow the pre-teen sheets.

You have underwear specifically for workouts? I guess that's kinda like the ones I have specifically for my monthly curse (tmi? yes?)

I love Yoshi man, who knew he could talk? I always knew he was a perv, letting Mario ride him like that.

Rudy!!!

[Dan Johnson]

It's just awesome that The Game is such a big Elaine Stritch fan. Seriously, check it out, he felt the need to get her name tattooed in giant letters across his stomach!! But yknow I felt exactly the same way after I saw her one-woman show. Fab.

[Chad]

The sight of your underwear makes my pants tight. :-)

[Jennifer]

Good luck topping that GIF. I am MESMERIZED.

[dagnabbit]

Oh please oh PLEASE let Rocky be the special guest on Jezzie's Pot Psychology!

Btw, Rich, sounds like you're just as good an interviewer as you are a writer. I've been a bit disappointed with the journalistic skills of some bloggers that have stepped from behind the digi-veil and interviewed celebs. Granted, not like y'all came from J-Schools, but some they(the bloggers) either fall into one of two camps: famewhores or super fans, and neither makes for good listening. That seemingly (hopefully) is not the case with you.

God, someone give you and Tracie/Slut Machine a chat show! That'd be fricking AWESOME.

[jenner]

RUDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is all.

;)

[raymi]

haha

http://www.cracked.com/article_16161_if-juno-was-10-times-shorter-100-times-more-honest.html

[Bourgeois Nerd]

Is it gross to feel jealous of a cat with his paws around a man's gym underwear? Yes, but I don't care.

[Tundrababe]

I love the photos you chose to go along with Rocky's interview. The placement is hysterical! Also, that is an awesome Chick tract find.

[omar]

Ukranian?!?! WHo?!!??!

*drools* hahaha

I can so relate to Rudy myself :P

[mary]

Too much to comment on in this post so I'll go right to the tampon string.

Is it just me or when you asked Rocky if she had situations where her tampon is showing, did her laugh sound a touch maniacial? And her explanation of what she was wearing was kind of like: It was a SKORT, stupid!

Oh god. Now she's crying.... gotta go...

I don't know but I do know I miss her on the show. Sigh.

[Mana Roman]

It looks more like Rudy captured them than snuggling with them. He was like 'MINE! You can't have them! :E' judging from those pictures. XD

...And that vagarm actually freaked me out. Seriously freaked me out. o.o

[vince]

chick books!

i found this one perched on the toilet paper dispenser in the bathroom at work.

the cover provided me some giggles. i saved it, it did not save me.

[Deborah]

Thank God for the illustrated description of vagarm...I could never figure it out until now. I must be getting too old or too dense.

[Queen Lena]

I actually watched that Yoshi video in its entirety. After about a minute and a half it starts to sound like music.