Katarzynana, na na na na, hey hey hey...

Riddle me this:

Was Katarzyna so boring that the shot above serves as a visual metaphor for her ability to fade into whatever background she's given (even big, ugly, pink bed linen), OR, was she so boring that I kind of had to just take whatever half-assed concept I could dig out of my butt to serve as the intro to this recap?

Hmmmmm.

I have sad news, but don't cry about it. No one else is: for the first time in the history. Of. My. Recapping. Of. America's. Of. Next. Of. Top. Of. Model. Of., no one cried! Whitney came the closest when she was almost eliminated again...

...but you know that you're not going to see Whitney crying until Edna's Edibles burns down again. And no, I'm not just saying that because she's the plus-sized girl. Edna's Edibles had soul; Over Our Heads didn't. Real talk.

So yeah, I can't even know what to say about this lack of tears. Actually, it's kind of a relief - the fewer things to write about, the longer I get to sleep. Tonight, I shall dream of demons playing slot machines and disembodied sex in which I'm not sure whose what is going where. Heavenly, no?

Update: I fucked up. All of this is wrong. Well, all of it except for the part about Edna's Edibles having soul.

Actually, I don't even get that much of a break because there was a plethora of Tyraisms this week. Janice leaves, she picks up the crazy slack. The girls cease crying, she picks up the easy-target slack. This woman is bleeding for us. Bleeding! I hope you appreciate it as much as I do.

Tyraism of the Week No. 1

"Mama's in charge today, and mama's going to be taking her babies' pictures!"

The best thing about this is that she's holding the camera up to her tit, as though it's a breast pump. She lives as she speaks, I suppose.

And speaking of tits...

Tyraism of the Week No. 2

"Us girls that have these boobies, here?

It's like, yeah, fashion is all about...

...uh uh! But because we have these, we have to go...

...uhhhh."

I'm fairly confident that merely regurgitating and gif'ing that (regurgigifing?) suffices in explaining its awesomeness. I just have two things to add: what about girls with boobies that aren't "here," but that are on their backs? Are they not allowed to be high-fashion?

And the second thing is: uh uh all through the day to the break of dawwwwwn.

But that kinda goes without saying: pretty much the second supporting point to any of my arguments is "Freak Like Me" owns you and your life and your ass, you dirty little whore.

Tyraism of the Week No. 3

"Yes, that's your thing. You have to think, 'More fashion, less sex.' It takes the hooch away."

I think by that logic, anyone who's emaciated needs to think more food, less undernourishment. It takes the starvation away.

(Major props on "hooch," though.)

Tyraism of the Week No. 4

"Bonsoir ladies...wait, wrong country..." What follows is about 50 seconds of free-associative nonsense and bizarro accents. It's pretty much this show in a nutshell: stupid shit begets more increasingly stupid shit until it all climaxes with Tyra talking like a vampire. Yep, that's pretty much how it always goes, always!

Voilà!

Tyraism of the Week No. 5

"This kills me because I photographed both of you this week. And remember, I said, 'Mama's photographing the girls'? And that's what I feel. I feel maternal toward both of you."

One girl's going to see the end of her dreams of pseudo-modeling and yammering mindless lies at us for 15 seconds during the Cycle 11 commercials, but the person it's really killing is Tyra. Hmmmm. Sounds like someone's finally getting their comeuppance!

Tyraism of the Week No. 6

"You have it, but that's not enough!"

If she were to follow Tyra's example, Katarzyna would have needed to add a "bull" and an "sh" to the front of her "it." But knowing her, she would have made it completely unpronounceable, too. Mind the Z's, Kat!

1. Speaking of, why don't we listen to one last Katarzyna megamix? For the road? No amount of learning tools would have ever helped these people learn. The poor, poor thing.

I have two wishes for Katarzyna's future: that she finds herself in the company of people who respect her pronunciation requests, and...

...I hope that Katarzyna finds herself a katarzybra.

(But for real, she did seem gentle and lovable and thus, not at all right for reality TV. I hope she doesn't feel bad about being all but edited out of the show - the strength of your reality TV character most likely has an inverse correlation to the strength of your real-life character. I don't know why I feel the need to spout such obviousness in the wake of Katarzyna's leaving. Maybe it's just that Katarzyna was so docile that she was the equivalent of a human deer to me, and every time she talked [all twice], she took on the persona of Bambi's mother as a girl. And like some acid-eating, Disney-obsessed, chronic-masturbating Holden Caulfield incarnate, I feel the need to save her from this world of falseness. That's just a guess, tho.)

2. You wanna see what gay is?

I see this:

...and I think this:

(You know that instead of a heart-string-pulling, twinkling melody, a belch would sound for as long as you had that thing open.)

I see this...

...and I think...

...this.

Seeing these girls dressed like "gladiators" or whatever definitely struck me as ridiculous...

...but what's even more ridiculous is that I have no frame of reference for this shit at all. My dorkiness just doesn't enter the arena of leather-clad hand-to-hand combat. No Gladiator. No Lord of the Rings. Nothing. Not even Willow. Come to think of it, I guess I avoid this sort of thing, however unconsciously. I like Caligula, and while I'm tempted to do something with the fisting scene (as always), I don't think y'all's ready for it.

Like, I'm so gay and lame that as we're seeing close-ups of the girls in their gear...

...I'm thinking that something like this is the next logical step:

That's me: so gay and lame that, unlike the rest of the planet, I liked the Ewoks. I thought they were cute and, be it a repeat viewing of Return of the Jedi or the TV movie Battle for Endor, I'd watch them like this...

...saying all the while, "Those lovable scamps!" and sighing frequently.

All of this is to say that the only kind of sword fighting I know about has nothing to do with actual swords.

3. But the best thing to come out of the gladiator thing?

...after seeing this, Whitney will forever be known to me as:

4. The second best thing?

Getting to look at the smoking-hot Alex Mariotti. And don't even think about taking points off for the spandex shirt. He's Italian, OK? He can't help it. If you start knocking him for his shirt, that's like being racist against Italian people. Who are you, Titney? Is your best friend Italian? Huh? Huh?

5. And speaking of stupid things Dominique implied/said begetting further stupidity, this might take the oddly-bitten-for-lack-of-teeth cake:

"I was a real high-fashion model, OK? And Tyra took my pictures! I mean, this is just a slap in the face to everybody else in America, 'cause nobody else can say that Tyra took their pictures. But she took my pictures! And Tyra loves me." First of all, I'm shocked that she could remove her mouth from mama's nipple-camera long enough to actually say this much. Second of all, why's it gotta be "slap in the face?" You and I know what Dominique means, but she uses the most needlessly hostile language to get to her destination that doesn't even exist (like, no matter how long you suckle, your shit's over in two weeks and you're not a high-fashion model, Oldie Hawn). This is, like, dictionary-definition aggressive stupidity.

There's a real love-me-because-no-one-else-does vulnerability in Dominique's words and sometimes the social awkwardness that comes out in just the way she moves her eyes breaks my heart...

...but I wonder if that isn't part of some plan to turn me to stone or something.

6. This week, in an email titled "antm comparison craze," a reader named Meg B., wrote: "Did you notice how many people were compared to other things in this last ANTM episode? Here's the ones I heard... Dominique is Cruella DeVille...

...Whitney is Xena's Sidekick...

...Whitney is a mushroom..."

(And to this one, I say, that's not a mushroom...

...that's a mushroom!)

"...Whitney is Mae West, etc."

So true. Everything is the new everything else. <Corky St. Clair voice>That's fashion!</csv> And there were even more:

In this one, J said to Katarzyna, "You were making this face," although the side-to-side proves that, uh, no she wasn't. I love how the judges not only spell out their uselessness, they spell it out phonetically.

This was more of a contrast than a comparison from Nigel, in which...I don't know. Katarzyna was so wrong she was right and then she went back around to wrong again and landed in Dominique's cleavage that so badly wants to exist while Tyra fed them both with her lactating camera. Or something.

I'd like to add a comparison to the mix:

...and one more, on a meta level:

It's all one big analogy, and frankly, that makes my job ("job") a lot easier.

7. Two things connect the following shots: they all occurred within seconds of each other, and they all illustrate the various ways people facially deal with constipation:

   

Give it up for the clenched fists!

And you know Tyra's got IBS, so she's all...

And that ends this week's Pretty Party.

8. And who haven't I talked about enough. Oh, that's right!

For one thing, she looks like Jon Stewart in that picture. For another, she isn't always easy on the eyes to begin with, but she makes her situation so much worse with the nasty faces she makes. She, like so many, is her own worst enemy. She's also my corneas' worst enemy. Consider this gallery of Dom's most unfortunate faces to be the Pretty After-Party:

 

Maybe it's not her fault, though. Maybe it's those interesting bones Paulina rhapsodized. Paul-Paul makes Dom sound like the Elephant Man, which...is pretty spot-on, actually.

9.

That's because, unlike Anyway, you are not the Princess of Power. Hang up and try your call again, She-Naw.

10. I took this gif, for no particular reason (perhaps to have another fake conversation with Titney Warner, as talking to myself on a blog always makes me feel socially adequate)...

...and then I realized that I really want one of those cat clocks with Whitney's head on it, and so I made it:

It doesn't tell time, but I'm quite sure that doesn't matter.

11. Here's one more for the road:

I guess aggressive stupidity was kind of the motif of this recap. But then again, when isn't it?   

Comments

Whoooo!

[Angela]

Can I just say that this show is getting so BS. If I were Katarzyna I would've walked off yelling at Tyra to get my f*ing name right and learn some respect. But that's just me.

first

[Angela]

Oh, and can we please make sure Tyra never gets behind the lens again? Her first time using studio lights??? Really??? I couldn't tell from the crappiness of it all. If I were these girls that shot would be coming out of my portfolio.

[titney]

Nooo! Jon Stewart is actually attractive! :D

I love your recaps, Rich!

Man, you know this show is getting horrible when you don't enjoy Rich's recaps as much as you used to. Tyra has crossed the line from kinda crazy to completely annoying. And I don't think I can look at these faces for another week.

Thank god you blog about other things...like 90's dance and R&B (more mixes please!!).

[little dictator]

anyway princess of power is genius. genius!

(oh, and you're not alone in loving the ewoks, but i'll deny it if asked.)

[RD]

The most glaring thing about this episode was its title: "We Are Spartans." And this part of the show is being filmed in Rome. It's stupid begetting stupid begetting Tyra as a vampire.

[Joe M]

That close-up of Dominique in the gladiator gear is the ONLY time I've thought she was even remotely attractive. Mainly because, as you have pointed out, Rich, she keeps her spazzed-out face perfectly still. If you removed Dominique's personality, you'd have a pretty girl... That panel intro where Tyra switched accents 15 times in 10 seconds was hands-down the most bizarre she has ever been and the girl has been plenty bizarre. At that point, Paulina was seriously second guessing her decision to hop on the ANTM train.

[Icarus]

Rich! Awesome, but you're wrong!!!

Dominique definitely cried. Here's a screenshot.
http://img31.picoodle.com/img/img31/4/5/5/f_Domm_733ddc5.jpg

And maybe Fatima?
http://img33.picoodle.com/img/img33/4/5/5/f_Fatm_9ce8049.jpg

[Miss Lisa]

My Wed. night class ended and I finally caught an episode last week. (Looking around brightly) What'd I miss? What'd I miss? Apparently--not too much. Random thoughtlets: Marvelous GIFs. The cat clock--have mercy--that's one for the ages. I always thought I could see the zippers in the backs of the Ewok costumes. Does that count as "fashion"? I can't believe the gladiators didn't bring up images of my favorite Brigitte Nielsen film, "Red Sonja." WHAT a badass. There's nothing in this show that couldn't be fixed with more Paulina and a frontal lobotomy.

[Joey]

Thank you for finally calling the bitch out on her insane accent devolution. Seriously why does she always go Jamaican?

Also, I loved that she "parlez'ed italiano"

That just sums it up doesn't it?

[ellen]

The Whitney Kit-Cat Clock. Brilliant!
Thanks for the recap!

[John]

in the constipation picture of Orange Jay, are you sure he's trying to force something out...or force something in?

[Joey]

Oh, also, when Paulina offered to take over hosting the show, our group (with whom you are intimately familiar dear Rich) definitely yelled "Yes! Please!!"

Because we're ALL in love with Paulina, espcially Noah.

[sissygirl]

I agree, this show this season is like.... sometimes I stare at my TV in complete disbelief... Tyra is becoming such a wench

great recap as always. i was suprised though you did not mention about tyra's self absorbness when everyone mention how wonderful her photo is, eventhough the judges where commenting on the girl in the photo, not who captured the photo?

[Vanessa]

I know that it is far better career-wise for Katarzyna that she was sent home but still--bitter. Why is Dominique still there? Why is she wearing a sweater and leggings like it's 1984 and we're back in my high school breezeway sneaking a smoke before First Period? Why is her shameless (and yet I feel heartfelt and sincere) Tyra worship allowing her to remain? And bless you for calling out that jive about Miss Jay and Katarzyna's gladiatrix poses.

Mmmm...these grapes are sour. Altho seeing the fierce chochkes you conjured up (Dom's burping box and the Titney clock) almost made all that worth it. If Anyway and Fatima are not the top 2 at any rate, I am so done with ANTM. Until, you know, the fall.

[Diana]

Could we also please talk about the endless sucking up to Tyra at panel? The way that Paulina, Niles, and the rest went on about Tyra's photos made me sick to my stomach.

[Chris]

I could pretty much watch that last Tyra gif for eternity and never get bored. And the vampiric "and myself, Tyra!" will haunt my dreams forever. Thanks, Rich!

[Erica]

Loved it Rich, but you failed to mention THE BEST MOMENT of the show when Jay said "Where's she going?" in a completly different voice than normal in response to Tyra's slithering that came right after that last gif. Oh, and Angela (second comment down) I was praying for that too!! But she just walked off...perfect example of her lack of personality? I think so...

[CBETA]

This was the best:
Who are you, Titney? Is your best friend Italian? Huh? Huh?

As for that guy in the tight shirt (I guess it was cold out) Make me think dont blame him for wearing that, he's Titalian!

:)

Loved the Catcher in the Rye reference!!
And, the Dominique-music box was PRICELESS. I just about died. (:

[jtalia]

TITNEY!

[yo]

VAMP! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[cdawg]

i was thinking too that Jay's "where'd she go" would make it into the recap, as a somewhat gay turned straight reference... Tyra thinks she's all that she could turn Jay with a mere BJ!

[KT]

I always preferred Over Our Heads to Edna's Edibles. does that make me shallow?

ugh i fucking hate shitney.

[Lau]

What? No GIF of Tyra looking like she's going down on Mr. Jay?

[scorzi]

In no way am I fashion model pretty, but if I'm going down I'm taking Dominique down with me. She looks more busted than Lisa did! She looks like a recovering alcoholic pushing forty. I'm glad she's gotten sober, but stay away from a camera.

[BlackRaspberry]

I also have not seen Gladiator/Lord of the Rings/Willow, etc, and COMPLETELY thought the Ewoks were adorable. Power to the people.

[Sarah]

Love the cat clock.

[nate]

I thought Over Our Heads was actually pretty cool. But I also preferred Punky's Place over the Warnimont's.

[barby]

The ewoks were my favorite!

And Katarzebra as an ewok made my day.

Thanks!

[Bebop]

Titney! Love it!

When the hell are they going to axe Dom? Is it going to be like Renee and only tell her that she's too old when she's in the final three?

[pete]

i was thinking about Grace Jones too. Tyra pulling out all her accents is SO ridiculous, and to me a Jamaican accent is the easiest to fuck up and make her sound ignorant. i am fairly amazed that Dominique has made it this far. i'd like to see her make top 3 just 'cause i need the laughs...she reminds me of Lisa, the one who peed her diaper w/ the jackass dudes a couple cycles ago. she was definitely one i wanted to last longer for comic relief.

[pete]

i was thinking about Grace Jones too. Tyra pulling out all her accents is SO ridiculous, and to me a Jamaican accent is the easiest to fuck up and make her sound ignorant. i am fairly amazed that Dominique has made it this far. i'd like to see her make top 3 just 'cause i need the laughs...she reminds me of Lisa, the one who peed her diaper w/ the jackass dudes a couple cycles ago. she was definitely one i wanted to last longer for comic relief.

[I'm just sayin'...]

Uh, Rich -- I watched last night and I'm 99.9% sure thatDominique cried at elimination.

[Marcella]

Wish the Whitney-cat-clock into the cornfield!

[aB]

If you watch Jay's lips in that last GIF you can see that him silently mouth 'i love you' to Tyra.

[Cdnluv4Winston]

Your recaps always kick-ass! I find myself looking for moments in ANTM thinking 'will Rich have this in his recap, how about this?'

I think Paulina looked AWESOME at panel, her hair was gorgeous.
No mention of the hot guy they had to 'battle' against in the challenge? hubba hubba he was smokin

[MJ]

You're totally not the only one who loves Ewoks. I wanted to live with them in their tree houses on Endor and have wacky adventures...Still do, actually. They're like grown-up chattery teddy-bears that LIVE!

[Kay]

Seriously, I never thought I would get to the point where ANTM made me question...ANTM. Dont get me wrong. I will watch until the day I die, and the recaps just make it so much more fun (Thanks!) but seriously they just arent even tryint to make sense any more. Since when do they keep the one that doessnt look like a model in person, especially this late in the game and get rid of the one thats good in person and in photos. Doesnt make sense. but really this whole thing has never really made sense. So whatever. Im just thankful I have something to watch to take me away to a far away fantasy land.

[Erin]

oooooh my god, the titney cat clock was hilarious!!!

[Henry Evil]

I'm surprised you didn't get a gif of Tyra looking like she was about to go down on Jay.

[Amy]

Rich, you missed it!!! Dominique and Whitney both cried after Kat was eliminated.

[Amy]

[IMG]http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r188/kimjongilyi/whit.jpg[/IMG]

[IMG]http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r188/kimjongilyi/dom.jpg[/IMG]

[Frank]

If you ask me, a MUCH better name for Whitney is Shitney.

[hilarity ensues]

dominique cried at the elimination!
i remember wondering why she was so sad when she keeps talking about stomping out the competition. PLOT HOLES.

[Rolling Prawn Hold]

I HATE the annual ANTM boring edit. It's usually my favorite model of the season, too.

[katrynane]

I keep wondering why the editors haven't tried for a different story arc. Next week(or the week after) Dominique will go home for looking too old just like Renee & Jade. But of course they not only accepted her into the competition looking old, but let her continue.
Not that I want her there, I just hate the old comment that they use every year.

[kdub]

I always thought the Ewoks must be pretty stinky little animals, cute as they are.

[kemperboyd]

The fact these girls are the final four just underlines the horrific fall in the qualiy of antm

[Deb]

Dominique is the Gabrielle Carteris of the show. Everyone knows she's way older than her "character", but no one has the heart to tell her how obvious it is.

As for the "We are Spartans" title (as someone pointed out, they are in ROME), I immediately thought of "Meet the Spartans", since that was a spoof movie; seems appropriate as this show has become more like a spoof of the modeling world!
Kat's much better off, and I still love Whitney- but dammit, I'm losing points on the fantasy league now that my girls have been in the bottom two the last 2 weeks!

[Dan]

As soon as I saw Alex Mariotti on the show, I knew he'd make an impression on your Rich (not to mention myself)... I was just sad he wasn't the guest judge or around for the rest of the episode.

[Joan]

Holden wouldn't have been so messed up it he had ANTM to distract him.

This recap should be in your "Best Of" portfolio...hilarious, snark plus and spot on!

Thank you, Rich!

I wonder if Tyra visits Four Four and still thinks she's all that.

[Christian]

The Oldie Hawn reference had me tears. HAHA

[milkyaqua]

Well on another forum we've been calling Whitney Titsy Flibnips but Shitney is popular too.

To show what a complete ass Tyra is, Kat has said in her interviews that she told the panel from the start if they had trouble with her name they could call her Kat or Kate because those were nicknames her family/friends used for her. She said Tyra told her that Katarzyna was the name her mother gave her and that's the name that would be used. She also echoed most exit interviews and said Fats and Whitney were the main bitches. Ugh!

At this point I don't care who wins although I'm getting runner-up vibes from Anya based on Tyra/Nigel comments this week. So it'll probably be Whitney as the winner. Tyra will have her plus winner for her 10th cycle no less. We also know that being bitchy and fake is not an issue for a winner of ANTM, e.g., Tootie.

[Sheba]

"I HATE the annual ANTM boring edit. It's usually my favorite model of the season, too."

I totally agree! It is always my favorite model, and just bc they're not ass kissers or psychos they get the boot. grrrrr
Why no mention of the gratuitous ass kissing and praise of Tyra's crap photography?

[mando]

Corky St. Clair voice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4 REELZ

[Nadia]

Tyra's photography = PHOTOSHOP.

Honestly, i can make any shitty photo look like a piece of art with the magic of PS.

Also, Rich, i don't know why i didn't enjoy your recap as much this week, maybe i'm more of a cookie cutter kind of person as opposed to a cynism/sarcasm /darksomethingthing lover.

Recaps are great but, like some others, I think I'm kinda over ANTM :(

You can only stretch the elastic band of suspended disbelief so far.. This was 'twang' season for me.

Recaps are great but, like some others, I think I'm kinda over ANTM :(

You can only stretch the elastic band of suspended disbelief so far.. This was 'twang' season for me.

[Jess]

Great recap! One of my least favorite episodes ever (I mourn thee, Katarzyna) - but you managed to have me rolling around and laughing. Kudos.

[tough titneys]

oh them accents and the singin like oprah (dying buffalo) kills meh I say!! I'd rather poke my eardrums out just to hear the rushing of blood out my ear!

[Kenna]

"If you watch Jay's lips in that last GIF you can see that him silently mouth 'i love you' to Tyra."

Posted by: aB | May 05, 2008 at 02:12 PM
_________
that killed me, dead...under my desk. I swear, I saw it too, looks like he's saying it through his teeth.

[Matty]

Best. Sentence. Ever.

[bebe]

omg Rich, this one made me cry! You are beyond genius!

[Gwen]

I'm in love with the name Titney. I'm totally taking it for a baby name. (Kidding....I think.) Anyway as SheRa was wonderful, as was the Dominique fart box. You just get better & better at these recaps. Well done.

[SARAH C]

hey,

i'm surprised you didn't include anything about tyra's blatant arrogance when paulina and the other judges were commenting on the girls IN the picture and tyra was all "thank you!"

this should be brought up at least in the next recap k? lol

[Nikki]

Rich, could you make a gif of Shitney eating Fats and then exploding like that chick did in Cloverfield... I can't stand either of them!!!!

[Nikki]

To add one more analogy, Jay Manuel watching/listening to Tyra comment on her photo shoot during this week's episode : Rich watching/listening to Slutmachine's more risque/drug-involved responses during Pot Psychology. SO. FUNNY. It's this attentive look followed by a laugh of genuine amusement coupled with slight embarrassment stemming from true affection. Good stuff.

[Bon]

Whitney Cat Clock!!!!!!! Aaaaaahhhhhhhh! I LOVE it!

[Vera]

I'm kind of disgusted by the fact that I found Jay Manuel bizarrely attractive in this episode. I have no idea why. I've never found him attractive before, and yet...

Also, Fatima really *does* look like an Ewok. Scary.

[Lars]

I just found out that Anya was not foreign-born, as I had assumed, that people from Hawaii supposedly speak that way. My boyfriend was also shocked: he thought she was deaf.

[BayBB]

Once I got down to the brown cloaks, I knew the Ewoks were coming!

I gotta say, the the jewelry box ballerina, She-Ra and the clock were genius.

Over ANTM? No. Great recap Rich! I love the Dominic belch box and accent-confused vampire tyra.

[Jamie]

As weird as this may sound, didn't Dominique cry when Kata was eliminated??

[B Star]

Tyra is Toonces and ANTM is the car.

[redb]

Well I can't recall if Val wore a cloak in Willow but I thought of Grace Jones in Conan when I first saw Fats.

Oh and Dom looks like one of the Sand People from Star Wars in hers.

[vzech]

doMANique cried when Katarzybra was eliminated! you missed that! great recap as always

[dodger]

go clenched fists! go clenched fists!
titney looks like kristy swanson in deadly friend. she's still around, i need a win ok. of the 6 cycles i've seen i'm 2/6. i need this. does anyone else pick there winner early? i do it after makeover. + size better bring it home. awesome recap as usual, amazing gifs. happy cinco de mayo.

[phtadd]

The Whitney cat clock = completely brilliant and hilarious!

[Jay]

Glamazon Hunteresses?

[Daniel]

Yeah, Dominic cried when Katarara got axed.

[catina]

this was one of your best!!

SERIOUSLY!!

when i got to the domi-stink jewelry box i laughed so hard i was suddenly overcome with an overwhelming wish to have been your gay 2nd-grade best friend. we would have sewn barbie clothes while fighting over who was going to be steve trevor or wonder woman.

[Steve Abramson]

OMG - the two people that pointed out Jay's "I love you" in the last gif are geniuses!!!

Not only does he look like he's saying it, but the eye contact he's giving her... really adds NEW meaning to his constipated photo up higher (maybe Tyra's fisting him and that's why he loves her)...

Excuse me, must puke at that thought...

Good job as always Rich
Steve

[mfg]

You're not the only one who loved ewoks. They kicked some serious ass and they had a creepy witchdoctor! But, seriously, that scene when the one ewok dies in battle and his friend tries to shake him awake while that damn innocent flute music plays - I have to leave the room. It's too fucking sad.

"Hang up and try your call again, She-Naw."
I am going to say this all week.

[Kristen]

I was really hoping you'd make a gif of the part where Tyra sinks to the floor during her and Jay's interview. I figured you could doctor it to make it look like she was 'going down ' on Mr. Jay.

btw, The Whitney Cat Clock gif is genius!

[Donna]

Oh, that clock is the best! damn.

[Um...Yum!]

I love your recaps! You should include more videos.

And for some reason I just think the Katarzywok picture is really cute. You combined two things I love. haha

[Miss Kizzy]

Titney & Oldie Hawn.

And I'm spent!

[LLJ]

Check out "Kat's" legs in the first group gladiator shot. They look thinner than matchsticks! How can she walk on those??

[Meg]

I'm glad my name managed to weasel its way into the recap with the aggressive stupidity theme! And did I mention you always have ridiculous names for your images? I enjoy hovering my mouse over the pic's to wait for the impending joy it will bring to my life

[Loretta Swit]

Truly inspired recap this week! Dom is growing on me like a fungus... and I blame your constant visual assault!

[dalia]

hey! this one was actually friggin' HIIII larious, where your last few recaps were merely funny. good on you, rich!

Dominique doesn't resemble Cruella de Vil nearly so much as Phyllis Diller.

[Casey]

You really need to send the She-Ra Movie idea somewhere cause Anya would rock as the Princess!

[Robae]

I'm so glad Whitney has made it this far. But it's inevitable that she's not gonna win because this season's theme is "High Fashion". Which means that they need skinny and tall. Like Fatima or Anyway.

[omar]

hahaha, hilarious recap as always!
Still though I was looking for the GIF where Tyra just dips below and disappears! That's one of the best things that happened! :D

[Johnny Boy K]

Yes. Alex Mariotti.

I hope he's shipped in for future, minimal-clothing shoots as a muse of sorts.

[raymi]

"as talking to myself on a blog always makes me feel socially adequate"

HAHAHAHAHHAHA

ungh tyra was retardedly brutal to swallow this episode when she went down to the ground beside silver freak hair even he was like ENOUGH.

[pricolatino]

She-Ra! Oldie Hawn! Titney! Vamp! Clenched Fists! Kitty Clock!

I'm still in love.

[Laura]

Props to Kat for being one of the first actually educated people to make it this far. Unfortunately that, plus being a good person rarely allows you to stick around. As everyone said before me, great titney clock and ewoks are awesome. keep up the hilarity please. who knew ANTM could get even funnier than it already is.

[kylie]

omg i laughed so hard i SNORTED.

can you manufacture a titney clock, plz? i would buy a bajillion.

[Charlie]

I thought Katarzhyna would beat Dom Deluise and Skintima. Bummer.

[A]

Disturbing Dominique music box and She-Ra Anyway for the win. <3

[Melanie]

I use to find Tyra entertaining but now she has become unbarable. And now that Dominique is gone the show has become completely unclimactic. I love Titney, but the judges HATE her and Fatima is just really bad at everything so it's obvious Anya will win. I really feel like they had no talent this season so Tyra was like fuck this and let dominique stay and made everything ridiculous for pure ratings

[Easter Buffy]

I don't know. The fact that there have been no go-sees in Rome and no one has once told Whitney to shut her mouth for a photo (remember Mr. Jay harassing Heather in Cycle Two when they dangled them over a hole is a warehouse to scare the shit out of Catie) makes me think that it's in the bag for Whitney. I think Tyra knows that Whitney won't book any go-sees in Rome because the designers won't have clothes her size for her to wear and how can Tyra keep Whitney after she eliminated Heather for not booking any go -sees in China?

Oh, wait, she's Tyra, that's how. Expecting consistency is my bad.

Still, I'm 'spicious.

Man, only two more recaps from Rich and another four months of nothing to look forward to on Monday! Wah.

[Kat]

Does anyone else think that Whitney sort of looked like Conan the Barbarian? You know...with the headband and the sword and the fake hair and stuff??

And I mean that in the best possible way. I love Titney.

[angela]

Whitney looks nothing like Xena's sidekick, lol. Besides being homely with white and blonde hair?