Brews, bros and...fierceness?

Last week, I received an email that was an all-out cultural experience. If that immediately sounds unlikely, then the reason why is going to strike you as ridiculous: a frat guy altered my perception of the world...for the better.

The email from one J.W. advertised itself in its subject line as being "from what I can imagine is your smallest demographic," that being a "straight, conservative fratboy alumnus from the South." I cannot argue with that. In these parts, those types are like unicorns (and just as horny, har har!). He wrote about how his fraternity came to be obsessed with ANTM: "We wanted to pick a show that would allow us to be complete dicks to women and every other minority while drunk, and God bless Tyra Lynn Banks for gracing us with at least 10 cycles to do just that."

Although that sounded typical, I could already relate: I've long extolled the virtues in relieving catharsis via ANTM watching. The show's ridiculous format really does lend itself to socially acceptable savagery, and let's face it: savagery is savagery. Frat boys, they're just like us!

In a later email, J.W. broke down the drinking game as well as some ANTM anecdotes dealing with his and his brothers' obsession and it might be the most endearing thing I've read all year. Seriously, they are gagging over this show. They're veritable connoisseurs of fierceness.

Full, well-written (!) text of the email is below the jump. If you haven't guessed by now, the shot above is of the fraternity in question, although I had to obscure the faces and wasn't even told the name of the fraternity or its university so that no one gets in trouble (since there's mention of drinking and forcing pledges to do so and stuff). Fraternities have, like, rules and honorable reputations to uphold and shit. Who knew!

"My fraternity brothers told me that I had to tell you some of the funny stories surrounding our fraternity (and it IS 'fraternity' not 'frat,' and that's how you can tell who was actually in one and who is a douchebag) and Top Model.  At the bottom is the drinking game rules.  This email is a little long, but it's worth it, I think.

You have to understand that what started out as a single drinking game night ended up in us all, at one point or another, watching every cycle.  The same thing can be said for Degrassi: the Next Generation and the English dub of Sailor Moon.  Bad shows make excellent drinking games.

1. During our Beach Weekend after final exams, several of us watched the next-to-last episode of Cycle 6.  Being stereotypical fratguys, we cheered for Sara Plain and Mall to win because she had DSLs, and we played a drinking game (rules below!).  She, of course, got the boot, and my bro (pronounced br'ah) was ENRAGED.  He demanded that we email her, so we snuck into a hotel and got on the complimentary Internet.  We found her modeling website and emailed her, telling her how much we loved her.  Two days later, I awoke to a reply from HER!  She told us how awesome we are, and that she knew a little something about 'partying in college,' and she invited us to visit her and gave us an update on her life.  She had more personality in that email than in the whole damn cycle.

2. We had a Top Gun and Top Model theme party once.  I wore a wifebeater and straight leg jeans and markered "This is a modeling competition, not a fraternity" on the back.  I tried to get my black girlfriend, at the time, to come as Tyra, but she said that she didn't think that she could "make herself that whitewash."  She came as Twiggy instead.  We hooked up later that night, so every time that I see Twiggy, I think dirty thoughts...and it's AWESOME.  I'm the only person I know that gets a boner from Twiggy.

3. I made one 15-person pledge class guess who would win Cycle 8 of Top Model.  I told them that the person who chose correctly would get free liquor, so they all watched the show RELIGIOUSLY every week.  I would overhear them talking about it all the time, which pleased my callous soul.  A marathon of the cycle and the finale happened to both take place during that year's Beach Finals Trip, so we decorated the room with Smart Water and shit, and got ripped.  We crammed 35 people in my hotel room to watch the finale.  The two pledges who picked Jaslene were both present, and we showered them with tequila, in her honor.  We all stumbled out of the room and talked like Natasha all night.

4. One brother met his current girlfriend by butting in on a conversation her friends and her were having about Top Model, and showing the most knowledge.  It's quite possibly the queerest way a straight relationship has ever began.  We always chide him that he must ask her, "Do you wanna be on top?"

5. Another brother called me when he was stuck in a ditch, with a broke-down car, in the middle of nowhere.  I didn't answer the phone, because the new episode of Top Model was on.  He was angry with me until I told him what I was doing, and he replied, "Fuck you...so who got kicked off?"

6. When someone wins something that they should have, but we don't like them anyway, we say that they "Jaslened" it.  The term is quite frequently used in football season.

7. We all agree that if we met Mr. Jay or Nigel in person, we'd probably beat the shit out of them.  However, we feel like we'd play beer pong against Miss Jay. He's sadly the frattiest out of those three.

DRINKING GAME RULES:

1. Every player has to pick one girl for whom to drink.  For example, pick Natasha at the start of the game as your person.  Everyone picks different models.

2. Drink every time your picked model:
~ cries
~ has a confessional
~ uses bad grammar
~ gets 'bleeped'

3. At the judging ceremony, the rules change.  You drink the number of drinks of the order in which your girl is picked.  For example, if Wholahey is picked 7th, drink 7.
~ drink every time someone says "fierce"
~ drink every time someone talks about the camera's feelings..."The camera loves you!"
~ drink for every Tyra-ism
~ chug your drink for the length of Tyra's speech to the final two girls. (This gets worse and worse the higher the cycle.  I nearly had liver failure when fatties Whitney and Diana were on the chopping block together.)"

I'm tickled all over again after rereading that. There's pretty much nothing that I enjoy more than having my misconceptions obliterated. I mean, that drinking game? It's complicated. They devised that shit. Bravo br'ahs!

When I told J.W. that I was going to post this, he wrote me back saying, "Some of the guys wanted me to add that they are honored to be posted on your blog." Dudes, stop fagging out! He added that another referred to this blog as his "guilty pleasure." I don't think there's any reason to be guilty about pleasure, though. Unless, I don't know, you're receiving a blowjob from a gay guy or something. In that case, I'm more than happy to be the electronic equivalent. 

Comments

[Bebop]

Well that's it - my new drinking game for those all-day-long ANTM marathons on the weekend. That's br'ahs!

[mer]

tooootally playing this next cycle.

[TMC]

Awwwww, how cute. Top model... bringing people around the world together. Tyra needs a Nobel Peace prize! Ya' dig?

[Meg]

Dear Jesus Christ on a cross, that's beautiful.
And I, too, considered it the electronic equivalent of, uhhh, oral sex when you posted something I said in your blog.

[Cheryl]

That's awesome, I love that a guy met his gf with ANTM knowledge. I'm also amused they use Degrassi as a drinking game too..that show is as Canadian as you can get (had to force myself not to type 'eh')so how are they able to watch it down there? *shrugs* unless they buy the dvds I supose.

[scorzi]

Warms the cockles of my heart about as much as the time I learned my ex and his college lacrosse buddies all unabashedly sobbed at the end of Dirty Dancing.

"C'mon, I mean, she got the guy at the end...and she got to dance!"

[ihaveneverinmylifeyelledatagirllikethis]

That is so rad. They would be the ideal people to figure out how to create some kind of fantasy football-type website for ANTM. Like a drinking game, but with a more elaborate point system and the chance to win $.

[Cass]

Wow, I wish the frat boys at my first college were that awesome, haha. I realllly want to play that drinking game...

[rach]

' I made one 15-person pledge class guess who would win Cycle 8 of Top Model. I told them that the person who chose correctly would get free liquor, so they all watched the show RELIGIOUSLY every week. I would overhear them talking about it all the time, which pleased my callous soul.'

That is such a sweet email. And I don't see what's wrong with forcing a bunch of guys to watch ANTM.

[Will]

I feel more comfortable coming to the site now.

[spin sycle]

why can't I be back in college again? that sounds like too much fun!

[RD]

I wish I thought of this. I hope I remember by next cycle!

[Miss Lisa Lisa]

ANTM--getting people drunk for an entire decade.

[MANDO]

OMG, I LOVE THESE FRATTIES!

[relan]

one more point for the males of our species... much cooler than anything me or my chick friend came up with :P men ftw

That is quite possibly one of the most amazing things I have ever read

[Jenny]

*ahem* Degrassi is on the N channel late at night here in the States. It is my guilty pleasure--after driving 2.5 hours to visit my mom I get drunk and watch Degrassi after she goes to bed.
And next season? Pfft. I'm busting this out during the next marathon.

And y'know, these guys rock but I have to say that this seems to be a widespread, abeit hidden, phenomenom--my boyfriend watched a ANTM season 6 marathon with me when he was hungover and he wouldn't stop watching so we could go see Kingdom of the Crystal Skull until I told him who won.

[MsKit2u]

I love these boys. But I could not play that drinking table. I'd be under the table before the show was over!

[KatO]

Awww! This reminds me of when i visited my brother at his southern college and me and his buddies watched ultimate cage fighting and then ANTM whilst having some brewskies, and they were just as intrigued by ANTM as I was by UCF.

Coincidentally, my friend and i made a drinking game for old school degrassi, which is much more fun, i think. especially when drunk.

[Emily]

Wait! Don't go away frat sensei, I want to know more about your game! What happens after a player's girl gets eliminated?

[Rebecca]

Stories 4 & 5 just crack me up "Fuck you...so who got kicked off?" That's golden.

[Daniel]

"We all stumbled out of the room and talked like Natasha all night."

BAAHHAAHAAAHAAA!

Classic shit, this post.

[catina]

tickled pink by that email, but i'm still going to be a douchebag and refer to them as "frat boys" for the rest of my life.

[catina]

tickled pink by that email, but i'm still going to be a douchebag and refer to them as "frat boys" for the rest of my life.

[Raignn]

Love it!