The big event of last night?
All Chet (and ugh, Scott!) and no queer makes The Real World Brooklyn a dull show. :( Seriously! There wasn't even a Ryan gif to lead this thing with!
I mean, this is the best I could come up with:
Granted, Ryan's adorability was reduced this week after his prank freak out. Says Ry: "Pranks are good. Trust me, I love ‘em, but there’s good ones and bad ones and it’s about timing." Bullshit. The entire point of most pranks is to catch someone off guard, and while it sucks to be woken up particularly if you have a veteran's case of PTSD (which, thank you subtitles)...
...being woken up is the risk you take for setting the slapstick tone. It's important to be sensitive of people's shit (that's the moral of every single fucking breath these people take), but you know that you're opening yourself up to be fucked with by fucking with other people. And so, if you have special needs in the field of fuckery, you lay off the pranks or you end up looking like the merry hypocrite when you're screaming at someone for spraying shaving cream on you while you were asleep.
Plus, the prank that started this week's episode, that whole reverse shoelace thing that amuses Ryan so?
What kind of wack shit is that? Have you laced a pair of shoes lately? If so, you are aware it takes approximately two months to complete that task. If you embark on such an endeavor, the joke is on you for caring so fucking much as to unlace someone's shit, lace it back up the wrong way and then unlace and relace your own shit so as not to arouse suspicion of your rogue lacing. These people are so bored, and that's fine as long as they aren't boring. But they were this episode, so again I say :(.
Plus, you know, it gave Ryan the opportunity to jizz on JD.
I love how after Ryan's revenge, JD just went on with his business like having a thick white substance sprayed on him was no big thing.
Have you ever jizzed on someone and then watch them proceed to, I don't know, make a sandwich or relace their shoes backward? I haven't but that would be weird, right?
Also, I would like to report that my spell check kept replacing "jizzed" with "jazzed." Just when you thought talking about ejaculating on men couldn't get gayer...
The point of all of this is that I find myself agreeing with JD, even if his behavior would seem to run counter to his "No more pranks!" bitching of Episode 2. I think at this point, he knows that he can't beat Ryan and Chet so he's joining in the pranking. So yeah, fuck you, Ryan, for making me side with JD. You have a lot to make up for. I'm just gonna blow off some anger and stare at this gif of JD's mincing mischief.
Kinda makes me feel better about the situation.
And so does Devyn's amazing quote: "Flying off the handle over shaving cream could definitely be a cry for help." When overdosing on aspirin and eating a pot of poinsettias doesn't work, there is use in crying over spilled cream, it turns out!
That quote was great. Many of the other things Devyn said were not.
In reference to Scott's clear and obvious lack of interest:
"Obviously, we are semi-attracted to each other on some level."
"After Scott breaks it off with Marissa, I know that he is going to be in this whole rebound phase. What’ll happen is eventually his eyes will open with each one of them and he’ll realize what the problem is. And then he would admit that he has a crush on me."
"I don’t think he’s taking these girls seriously and I do think it’s extremely weird that he’s only dating black girls. Scott is trying to make me jealous in some weird way? But I don’t know!"
In reference to the Unofficial Guide to Scott Herman Dating...
"That’s why I don’t want anything to do with it, ‘cause I think he’ll be more pissed if I did it, ‘cause he’ll be, like, hurt."
I feel like Devyn’s trying to make me embarrassed in some weird way. Who knows if a few of these quotes came to pass in a different sequence, or perhaps earlier in the season when it seemed like Scott gave anything close to a flying, fleeting fuck about Devyn. But god, she has the desperation of an aspiring actress and the delusion of a reality "star." On one hand, I'm glad she found the right place for herself. On the other: she's more tragic than her wig.
Also, I wonder if her fingers are made of noodles.
ALSO, the guy she's homemade-foaming all over herself about is the biggest narcissist of all!
"Here I am. I mean, here I am, but also, here I am!"
I love Scott's defense of, "I do a lot of listening...first!" when you know all he's doing is listening for a break in the conversation so he can break out the brag book. Scott's pretty in a smooth-crotched Ken doll way...
...but his investment in his appearance suggests that a lot of polite nodding would be required to interact with him. And you know what the thing about polite nodding is? It's fucking boring!
I do enjoy that as non-gay as Scott clearly is...
...he still can come off as pretty fucking gay. They look like a couple.
And now they look like a couple with problems. Perhaps jazzing problems.
Whatever. Scott sucks and he looks better in the dark.
And in silence.
And finally, there is Chet.
Just in case you didn't know his name, he wore a hat. And just in case you didn't know that he's legit...
...he wore a bracelet. And just in case you didn't know what F.O.E. means...
...MTV's got you. And just in case you didn't know that TRL was canceled...
...you can talk to a security guard. Or me! Come on up, I'm on the 8th floor!
Despite looking like Hot Topic's afterbirth at best and Orville Redenbacher at worst (note to Chet: if the primary difference between you and O.R. is buck teeth MAKE MORE DIFFERENCES) and Rihanna often on top...
...I thought Chet was kind of likable this episode. Despite his having the lofty, deluded and now-irrelevant goal of hosting of TRL, I thought he was a decent interviewer (though he could tone down the geek-sage routine a la, "Did you know that the origin of Illinois actually means a superior tribe of men?"). He was impeccably researched and quick on his feet. Out of everyone we've seen pursuing their dreams, Chet was the most natural and plausible, besides Earring Magic Scott, I guess. Although he was creepily close to Pete Wentz -- when he got in there, he stayed in there, as though he was aiming for the social equivalent of the prolonged fornication that some animals have because their penises are barbed. Like, dude, you aren't friends, old or new and even if you felt that way, please don't make note of it. It'll just end up sad for you. For Chet's delusion, I wanted to place one of his special moments in a special picture frame. But I couldn't decide on which I liked more, so here are both:
Anyway, I know I've bitched about this being The Very Special World, but without a real exploration of social issues, this episode fell flat. It got to the point where I was thinking, "More transsexualism, please!" And then I saw the previews for next week, in which Ryan blurts out to Katelynn...
..."You were born a guy, weren't you?" Looks like someone's on the road to redemption!