The cat's out of the bag...
...and into a pair of hot pants. Meow!
[Note: Sorry for the delay on this. Shit came up, namely exhaustion.]
Before I get to the meat (or really, lack thereof) of this episode, I just want to shoot a few bullet points out of my reconstructed genitalia:
- I love Ryan:
- I hate Ryan:
- I love Devyn:
- I hate Devyn:
Seriously, that argument she had with JD about the difference between boys' and girls' psyches was more inane than a discussion about the difference between boys' and girls' bikes. At least in the latter case, an argument can be based on physical evidence (in the form of a potentially castrating bar, which I never understood the gender-defining purpose of, but whatever). How do you measure a psyche? How do you hold it close to where you are? How do you measure a psyche? It's like trying to catch a falling star.
Also, Devyn: you're a college dropout. It's not something dubious like your hairline: you are or your aren't and you, girlfriend, ARE. If you don't like the sound of that don't drop out of college. Easy.
- Did you hear how Ryan totally queen out about Gettysburg?
He was so excited, his voice raised like a stimulated penis. Gettysburg is the straight man's butch, bi-curious straight boys.
Oh and speaking of straight guys...
...I love that JD, Sarah and Katelynn presented the idea of going to Gettysburg for that AIDS thing and then Ryan swooped in and was all, "I’m gonna bring my seven crazy roommates to my hometown!” as though it was his idea in the first place. How straight-guy is that?
- How not straight-guy was the "guy date?"
Even fisting with one another!
I love that Chet was all, "No girls." I was shocked that he didn't sit in the back with JD on the way home so that they could hold penises.
- Also, where's JD's Magnum-warranting cock?
Literally, the only explanation is tucked.
- I hate JD.
- My favorite joke in the world?
Q: Where are the girls?
A: They went to get their vagina hair trimmed.
It's like, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but with pubes instead of feathers.
- This is pornographic...
...if you're into feet. I'm not saying that I am, I'm just saying that I could be.
- No, really.
I love Ryan.
- And finally...
...the juxtaposition between Katelynn's altered crotch and this intentionally phallic candle makes this my favorite shot in a reality show ever. EVER!
I think that's everything. Oh wait, let me shake out a Civil War-reenactment ye-olde photo...
Ahhh. I feel so much lighter having rid myself of this memento of our shameful-yet-defining history.
So yeah, obviously, the whole point of this episode was the reconciliation of Katelynn's sexuality and her gender identity. Much like the following gif, the process seems endless.
I don't get the feeling that her horny-teenager shtick is put on. She just seems cluelessly unable to distinguish between what's socially appropriate and what isn't. On one hand, it's at least hilarious if not somewhat inspiring to see someone free enough to think it's appropriate to pole-dance (on a non-stripper pole, which: SCANDAL) in front of what looked like a bunch of drunk-on-Bud VFW-hallers...
On the other, she strikes me as a breeding ground for bad decisions.
Here's a rule of thumb: don't drop it like it's hot on anyone who doesn't know what "Drop it like it's hot" means. Toddlers and senior citizens alike are at the top of that list.
(And of course, you realize that the best part of that gif is the excited moms high-fiving in the background, right?)
But Katelynn doesn't know any better! She's got her wings, but caterpillar habits die-hard.
Or weirdly, even. I once had an off-duty stripper tell me about "caterpillar walking" down a pole and I had no idea what the fuck she was talking about or why that would be appealing. Then I saw Katelynn doing this and at least now I can say that I know what the fuck she was talking about.
It's like watching someone go through puberty, right? I mean, I know that's not exactly what it is, but there is something to be said with the similarity of that process and negotiating how to become comfortable in your own skin...with sexy results.
Or maybe I just think that because I'm reminded of my puberty via Katelynn's very Club MTV moves.
Watch that and throw on the KLF, a brimless hat and some Cross Colours and you're in Wubba-Wubba-Wubbaland all over again.
Anyway, the episode climaxed with Katelynn's "coming out" to Ryan. Despite his asinine comments like, "Oh my god, she cut off her wiener!," "You coulda bought a bionic penis with that [money that you spent to have yours reconstructed into lady parts," and an oddly orgasmic reaction to Katelynn's description of her procedure, not to mention his open shock and disgust...
...I felt like the event was uplifting. It's not just Ryan's teach-me attitude (regardless of how increasingly dubious his sincerity is), it's that Katelynn handled his potentially offensive questioning with patience and good humor (Ryan: "You're Like Pinocchio!" Katelynn: "I'm a real girl!"). I just wasn't expecting her to be so graceful, especially after showing signs of hypersensitivity at that AIDS thing that Chet and Scott were being such stupid assholes at...
But, look, someone who can calmly explain why getting sex reassignment surgery isn't "playing God," and show no resentment for the bonehead who asked in the first place is a pretty fucking phenomenal woman. Katelynn's come along way and she's going to go even further...
...even if her way to self-actualization is a little off the beaten path.