She was a bitch until the bitter end, and I, for one, wouldn't have wanted it any other way. You were robbed, baby girl!
I mean this...
...? What part of Brazilian sex appeal (which = Cycle 2's "Italian sensuality," btw) do these people not understand? So annoying. Whatever. Natalie has her whole life to prove these yahoos wrong. Hey Nat, make 'em say...
Nobody cried this week. Natalie sounded kinda pissy in her exit interview, but then, what else is new?
"I wouldn't recommend anybody to get a lot of sun bronzes. I'm not talkin' about color. I'm talkin' about health."
Right, because Tyra's only invested in things that are good for you. Like this show, for example.
"You have this sort of...
...It's like you're making a sound effect."
Really, Tyra? Is it like that?
Or do you just want it to be like that so that you get to make the sound effect? Inquiring minds...
"She's the noun, not the verb. She looks like a model, but she's not modeling."
This is eloquent and cleverly put. I can barely believe that it exists!
1. Oh my god, how much do I love Allison? Well, take Tyra's love of ribs and multiply it by fish.
Her hair as it is, she looks like an abandoned child. Her weave's all, "Don't throw me away!" and Allison's all, "I don't know any other way!" This is what happens when young girls have babies and synthetic hair. It looks like her scalp threw up a hairball. It looks like ramen noodles attempted to arrange themselves on her head and then gave up.
She looks more metalhead than ever.
She could totally fit in with Kenny's stoner crew in Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead.
Or she'd be perfect for the opening scene of This Is Spinal Tap, when all the fans are talking about what they like about the band.
I have two words for Allison: the leather. (That means "I love you" in fourfour!)
2. You know who I love almost as much?
I'd love her even more if she'd help her girl Allison out in the realm of face distortion. But whatever. As they say on reality TV, this is a competition.
I mean, Celia's always doing the best shit.
Here's what that reminded me of:
In other words: complete classic. This might be the best ANTM mishap since Anyway fell off the bus. Oh, and then Aminat said something about if this happens twice, then she'll gets violent or whatever (I failed to take down the exact quote, and I'm not going back to get it since we're talking about Aminat). It's like, go somewhere already Aminat. Home would be ideal, but even to the bathroom using McKey's Seventeen cover as your one-handed read would suffice.
BTW: Do you think the powers that be refuse to acknowledge the lezzie shit so as to make these girls more attractive to a wide audience i.e. CoverGirl? Because I do.
Ahem. Where was I? Oh yes, the best shit indeed:
Even Celia's much-maligned photo, I thought was great, given the rules of this anarchic universe:
Isn't this the epitome of advice Tyra once gave to Sheena: model the opposite of what you're wearing? Isn't the fact that Celia isn't camping right along to her outfit a good thing? Oh, but don't expect her to do right since she's...
They act like she just magically became 25 years old. Hey guys, newsflash: you don't turn 25 overnight. It takes 25 years, in fact, to get to that age. I know, I know: radical concept. Unfortunately, I think this signals the beginning of the end of Celia's time on the show.
3. Though I wish it were Fo's, and not just because I incorrectly predicted last week that she'd be going home this week.
I got so sick of hearing her complain about Teyona picking Celia to reap the rewards of last week's challenge, as though Teyona weren't being completely sensible and fair by doing so. Hey, Fo, maybe Teyona doesn't like to hang out with nose-pickers...
...who wear their spot-treatment on camera...
...and say "Scarofski" instead of Swarovski. Ever think of that?
I love that Fo has stopped taking care of her hair, as well. Bitch acts like white girl with a weave! All those tears shed over her new 'do are seeming more and more justified.
And you know, I wouldn't mind that Fo acts like a baby, if she also weren't as short as one. The combination of the two makes me want my blankie.
4. Here's more proof that girls can't do anything right:
Just kidding, ladies. Without you, I'd have very little to talk about. And look, guys are stupid, too:
5. Speaking of stereotypes, is anyone getting sick of this being referred to as the "black girl pose?"
I think it's more like the black ladyman's taunt than the black girl's pose. And not even any black ladyman, just the one above.
However, I did think that, "You're looking quite caaaaasual today," was pretty brilliant as insults go.
I mean, J couldn't look casual if his weekly gimmick depended on it so maybe he's just jealous, but still: I'll take grandiose bitchiness where I can get it.
6. That line was good, but Sutan's re: Carmen Miranda's death was even better:
"She died a painful death!" This was, of course, hilarious to Allison:
Oh, Sutan. For moments like these, you'll always be my favorite. I would stroke your arm tenderly if a) I were there and b) someone didn't beat me to the punch:
I love that it gives him brief but decided pause. I said it before, but this time I mean it: Women!
7. Oh, and speaking of Carmen Miranda, let me get this straight: Natalie's picture was lacking in Mirandaesque humor, but Fo was criticized for being too Mirandaesque and not making it her own...
...while Teyona's shot wasn't Mirandaesque at all, but it was still "fantastic"...
Just making sure I have that logic straight, or as straight as possible given that it's positively serpentine.
8. Teyona's shot was great, though. But you know what?
Her mouth is massive. She takes after Mama!
Between Teyona's mouth, Allison's eyes and Tyra's hair, this is the cycle of big. But for the lack of Whitney! Put them all together and you get an ANTMonster:
Or, alternately, a terrible-looking drag queen. Watch out, Miss J. You're about to be replaced by a fierce Frankenstein.
9. If you've made it this far, Fernanda says...
I also want to acknowledge the fact that we got to see the real-life girl from Ipanema.
I have nothing to say about this, however.
10. When I saw the Tyra Mail, the reason why they went to Brazil became entirely clear:
Dominique lives! Never forget!