Two awesome things happened on last night's season finale of Paris Hilton's My New BFF:
1. Despite having been eliminated last week because he's a boy (even though he's had that penis at lest since the first episode annnd even though Paris picked a boy, Sam, to be her British Best Friend), Stephen won!
(I think in addition to being her new BFF, he's also in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Tim Gunn.)
He didn't rejoin the competition or anything: when Stefanie and Tiniecia were standing in front of Paris at the final elimination ceremony, she called out his name instead. Her rationale was, "Although he’s a boy, he’s sweet, kind, cute, funny and real." I'm glad that a little thing like external genitalia didn't hold him back. Since boys are to this show what plus-size models are to ANTM, I found Stephen's win to be particularly triumphant. We should all eat some ice cream and wear (at least) clear mascara in his honor.
But really, I totally queened out and gasped in a room by myself last week when Paris eliminated him, so clearly, I was emotionally invested.
2. When it was down to (what they thought was) the Final 2, Tiniecia attempted the old reality trick of throwing her competitor under the bus via rationale I've never before witnessed: she accused Stefanie of smelling bad.
That was seriously the long and short of her explanation as to why Stefanie would make a bad friend. And it was mostly long, as she said it over and over and over again, each time more hilariously:
"Instead of saying, 'Stef, you funky, you stanky,' I just was like, 'Stef go ahead and get dressed while you take a bath...you know, you go ahead take a bath and I'll get your stuff ironed.' And she was like, 'No.'"
"She don't bathe and I throw hints in a nice way all the time. You know, 'I'll get your stuff together and you go take a bath.' She couldn't even take the hints. I wasn't about to be like, 'Stefanie, you funky, come on now.' I wasn't about to do that. I threw nice hints and if she can't take them, that's her being funky."
I love all the self-administered back-pats here. Clearly, Tiniecia is the Gandhi of restraint. This lack of self-awareness is almost good as that in this other quote from Tiniecia:
"Stefanie said I was inconsiderate. I went the fuck off on Stefanie." Yeah, there's no better way to prove your consideration than by going off on people.
Is it any wonder this chick didn't win?
And Steven or no Steven, I think we all (well, all four of us who follow this shit) know who the real winner was:
That's all the time the straight-dude competitor's name was mentioned in a single episode (I think the fifth). They were obsessed with him and he totally gave them something to do. Not that they appreciated it!