Not capable of serious introspection...and loving it!

Cathy Horyn's snooty New York Times article "Snooki’s Time" was wrong about a lot of things -- it was full of the kind of insults you wouldn't be surprised hearing at a trashier venue (say a meat market like Bamboo), it had too many unsupported points (for example, after talking about the difficulty in carrying on a conversation with Snooki and the need to go "down to her level," Horyn does not demonstrate this with an actual exchange with Snooki, but with one involving a childhood friend of hers), and it claimed that "even viewers who claim to love Jersey Shore usually find it hard to say why," even though since December the Internet and MSM have been full of people saying exactly why (in the words of Angelina during the show's intro: UM HELLO!?!?!). Congratulations, Times, for asserting your status on the high/low culture divide by telling and not showing. You must have convinced us all, since we're all apparently as stupid as you think Snooki is.

One thing that I cannot say for sure is wrong or write is Horyn's claim that Snooki "simply isn’t capable of serious introspection." But then, neither can Horyn, who as far as we can tell, spent enough time with Snooki to write a few paragraphs, did not administer any kind of written test and is not any kind of accredited head shrink, anyway. Maybe Snooki really isn't a creature of introspect; or maybe she's smarter than Horyn would like to admit (maybe!) and decided not to share her inner thoughts with a snob who was going to write a smeary article; or maybe still, she was distracted by shiny things. Who knows? Horyn paints this as a problem (in the context of getting to the bottom of Snooki's appeal), but I think of it as a solution. Thank god Snooki and the rest of her gang don't dwell too long on connecting the dots from inside to out. Not only is that tedious, who wants to watch a bunch of superegos zzzzzzz-wrestle on TV? Id is in, baby. Id is in. Framing the point in terms of ability is, of course, more snobbishness -- regardless of what Snooki can or can't do is what she actually does. Explosion is this young woman's medium. Attacking Snooki for expressing herself in broad strokes is not very different than attacking Pollack for dripping.

Snooki, the Situation and Pauly D have, in fact, never seemed more in possession of their art than during the audio commentary that runs over five of nine episodes on The Jersey Shore Season 1 DVD set that was released last week. (Come for the commentary, but stay for the uncensored episodes, which treat us to previously unintelligible lines such as Sammi's "I don't fuckin' fuck like that!" as well as the infamous Snooki-punch edited back into its episode, a decision, which after such brouhaha, hurts my head more than an actual punch to it.) Since the typical reality show format employs running commentary on the action anyway (in the form of interviews that cut away from the main storyline), it is particularly bizarre to add another layer of chatter on top of the short-attention-span chaos we've grown to love. The three of them (and only those three) enter the recording booth with their egos ablaze -- not content to merely state what is going on in typical I-have-nothing-to-say-but-am-being-paid-so-will-participate-in-this-DVD-commentary-anyway manner, Snooki, the Situation and Pauly D often recite the show. Snooki likes saying "BITCH!" along with herself during the intro (as in, "I'm going to Jersey Shore...bitch!"), but even obscure, seemingly innocuous lines like Sammi asking Ronnie, "Did you guys hook up?" after he left Karma with Jwoww or, "They kept coming in," in reference to the entrance procession by Vinny's family apparently bear repeating/forecasting. Listening to them admire themselves, it is clear that they are giddy fans like the rest of us -- except they are not us. The Jersey Shore audio commentary tracks are perfect documents of the heightened, fascinating narcissism of the reality star that sometimes runs these shows like a perpetual motion machine (the acting out provides themselves entertainment, which makes them want to act out again and more ridiculously so as to provide themselves with future entertainment, which will only make them want to act out more...)

According to these people, this show is so real. So, so real (Ronnie cries after his boardwalk fight and Snooki enthuses, "That's real TV for you!"). Lots of people are "retards." Sammy and Ronnie are assholes. Everyone on the show is an innovator, especially the people in the room -- they pat themselves on the back for "starting" beating up the beat and GTL ("It's a national sensation," boasts the Situation). "We’re gonna bring them so much business! 'Cause they think we’re all gonna be there again," is Pauly's prediction for Seaside Heights this summer. Some awkward moments arise, since the Situation is a mostly amoral douche -- listening to him squirm when the scene of him trying to pick up just moments after Snooki was punched is worth the price of purchase alone (he stops short of comparing it to not crying over spilled milk, and mumbles something about wanting to salvage the night). The most hilarious phenomenon occurs as Pauly repeatedly expresses surprise at what he's seeing -- it's often regarding other people's interviews or things he wasn't in the room for the taping of, but still you figure he's seen the show by now, since he can fucking recite parts of it and all. I guess The Jersey Shore has so many complex and confusingly nonsensical charms that they reveal themselves only in repeat viewings. It's like classic Godard, really is what it is.

Anyway, by now I hope it's clear that this commentary is delightful -- it was a great way to refresh my memory in anticipation of Thursday's Season 2 premiere. A few more of my favorite quotes an exchanges from the commentary tracks are after the jump...

Upon watching Snooki flip around:

 

Snooki: "Who does that? Only me."

Pauly on the same scene: "I just seen cuca!"

On Snooki's observation that lobster is alive before you kill it:

Pauly: "Everything’s alive when you kill it."
Snooki: "You know what I meant."
Pauly: "I know."

The Situation on reality: "This is just so real. Sometimes you come across jerk-offs, you know?"

The Situation on reality, Take 2: "This is for real, man. That’s reality right there."

The Situation on reality, Take 3: "It’s life, man. Good times, bad times. It’s reality. Stuff like this happens, you know? Fights, make-ups, break-ups, you know? Stuff like that."

Pauly on GTL: "Yo, we created that and changed the world with it."

The Situation on credit where it's due: "Ronnie did make up that word. I will give him credit. 'Smushed' is his word."

On talking to women:

The Situation: "See, when you say 'kinda cute,' you're giving a compliment, and at the same time, you know, it's a halfway. You know what I mean?"
Snooki and Pauly, monotone and in near unison: "Yeah."

On nothing particularly consequential: 

The Situation: "We're just trying to set up the whole...you know...you know...(Laughs) situation, I guess!"

On her post-punch self:

 

Snooki: Ugh. Trainwreck.

On brolicness:

Snooki: Your arms look huge.
Situation: Yup.

Pauly D on Snooki and Jwoww's journey to Gorilla Central: "They’re like female versions of us. What the hell?"

Pauly D on a slow-mo shot of himself and Jwoww grinding at Karma: "Matrix! Matrix! That's The Matrix right there!"

On serious introspection:

Snooki: "I look orange."

Not capable, my ass.

Comments

[Stephie]

I might have to buy this just to hear Pauly D yelling, "Matrix!" Beautiful.

[Julia]

It's just a bunch of kids. I love them. They love when people make fun of them, (Jimmy Kehl, Twilight,) I love them! LOL! How many pompous assholes would allow THAT?! None.

[Mariella]

Loved it, so tempted to actually buy this show, but I wouldn't put it with my regular DVD collection. Like everyone else, I can't explain.
Cannot wait until Thursday!

True blood, Mad Men, and Jersey Shore! A trifecta of brillance!!

[Jon]

I love this world. Inception is the new dumb, and Jersey Shore is the new smart.

[Tina]

I love your take on it all, Rich. So right on the money. Thank you for this. I'm not big on 'reality tv' at all, but I am thankful for the beautiful and fantastic train wreck that will be Jersey Shore: Miami!

[Kiloran]

I actually read the article in the Times before coming here and I'm glad someone called this lady on her bullshit. She had obviously been tasked with writing something about Snooki and she didn't give a shit. The whole article is pointless and badly researched. Not up to NYT standards at all!

[L]

stating that the people of the jersey shore are irrelevant is also to say that the tribe 'Ashanti' of Ghana is as well. It's anthropology. I consider the jersey shore a show filled with intellectual prospect

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Man, a truly interesting way to look at some thing that most people find difficult to comprehend. Before this post, I never quite envisaged that this is how things go.

[dissident]

Pauly's a DJ, Mike was a stripper, Snooki was/is in training to be a vet tech, you know, delivering baby cows. Those kind of gigs require some intelligence.

[dissident]

I am watching it now, Snooki called Angelina pale, Angelina said Snooki was tan, Snooki retaliated that she liked being tan. heh.

[Heather]

My dentist, who is Italian-American from Brooklyn, gave me a check up while the Jersey Shore was running on TV. He was telling me about how much he and his middle-aged friends love the show, how they were just the same in their early twenties as the guys on the show, and how they used to go to the Shore and raise hell in the summer. People like this show because it's fun to watch, I don't think there's much else to it.

Know-it-alls like Horyn enjoy foisting their misery on others. Life is hard enough, can we not just have this one hour a week not to worry about the fucking oil spill or Afghanistan??

[Crystal]

I haven't taken Cathy Horyn seriously since she tried to excuse herself for calling Christina Hendricks large (with a distorted picture of Ms. Hendricks btw). It's young people having fun at the shore; what else are you looking for?

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