A recap episode is just an opportunity to make gifs

OMG, guys, such scandal on the ANTM 15 clip show!

Just kidding! There was virtually nothing! The biggest revelation: Liz is at least a 2 on the Kinsey scale...

Which: duh. I already could tell!

I was irritated that the clip show ran after the finale last cycle, since once America's Next Top Model is crowned, who cares about the minutiae that we didn't get to see? This cycle, however, aired its clip show before the finale and...I still didn't care! However, I have a Crying Count to maintain, and so for the sake of completeism, sop up your discharge with these new entries:

78. Kayla

First of all, tears are clearly a wonderful conductor of electricity.

Secondly, the way that Tyra's voice over set this scene up suggested that Kayla and Jay were going to bond over their shared queerness. No such thing happened - Kayla just cried over being gay. It gets yawner. It makes me wonder two things, though: do you think kids called her Gayla and that was too painful or too confusing ("Why are they implying that I am a formal ball?") to dredge back up as her bully word? That's one thing, surprisingly. The other is: has Jay ever come out literally and said that he's gay? I think maybe he hasn't. In which case: what? Is he just being coquettish with us and attempting to tease us with his obvious sexuality? Is he, true to trends, living burlesque?

79. Sara

Totally forgot this girl's name (even since the clip show aired!) and had to look it up. Anyway, Sara wants her baby back baby back baby back...

80. Liz

And Liz is crying because she can't get Chili's to deliver to the ANTM house. Just kidding, she's crying because of her regrettable hair. Just kidding, she's crying because she already knows how big of an asshole she's going to look like when this thing finally airs. Just kidding, she's not that self-aware. Just kidding, she wants her VHSes of the Grammys now. Just kidding, she, too has a baby, haven't you heard?

81. Ann

The cookie turns soft and stuff, indeed. Ann is so tortured that it's almost nice to see her crying over something that she's happy about versus something like this...

...which is still very funny, but you know, full of pain for her. Whatever. Although participation on this show is a minor triumph at the very best, I'm sure Ann's still a lot farther along than any of those asshole bullies who called her a giant. Her tallness is exactly why she's here, in fact. So ha! Way to show 'em with reality TV. Admirable revenge path, that. Very modern.

What did we learn this clip show? Well, first of all Jane is very, very white.

It's funny how broad, stereotypical ideas of thuggishness really bring out everybody's whiteness.

Another lesson: ALT is disapproving...

Just kidding. We already knew that.

Another thing we already knew:

After watching this episode, I thought of two new nicknames for Liz: Lizbian and Liz Phail. Too bad her time on the show is over. I could've gotten great use out of both of them!

What else? The girls like to watch...

I feel like maybe domestic drama was minimized this cycle because of the giant picture window the girls had of Venice Beach. Usually, all forms of entertainment are banned while filming reality shows, presumably so interpersonal interaction can be the point of focus. Well, who needs a TV when you have naked dudes running around with their penises? That's better than subscribing to Spice!

(Is it even possible to subscribe to Spice anymore or is it all pay-per-view? Hmmm, being that I'm an adult who pays my own cable bill, this is something I can and will investigate...)

Lexie gave birth to a passive-aggressive plate...

That's very lame. This is the last plot point of Lexie's we got to saw. That's very lamer.

Kayla ate string cheese...

...and if only Ann were sulking in the background, we'd have a complete picture. String cheese of strife is a concept that is just waiting to happen.

You can't show bird shit on TV, apparently...

Most hilarious pixelization since Jay Manuel's nipple, y/y?

Zac Posen's face is very pliable...

...but not more so than Chris' face:

Her "Myrtle" character proved to be a boner killer for the male models who visited the girls...

...which just goes to show that if you're looking for something to foster your boner, you've come to the wrong place if indeed it is to ANTM that you have come.

Only two days till we get to watch Ann's flicker of glory before fading into obscurity! (This, btw, is entirely speculative even though I know that finale spoilers do exist -- I always stay pure when it comes to ANTM.) Are you excited? If not, get that way. The finale is just around the corner, much like Myrtle...

Comments

[Anne Noise]

Myrtle clearly should've won.

[SP]

Just a comment about Kayla's word being "queer" in whichever episode that was - according to this interview with her (done after her elimination), she actually chose "dyke" and the powers that be made her change it to something less offensive.

See Page 2:
http://www.afterellen.com/people/2010/11/kayal-ferrel-antm-interview

[Sam]

SP,

Ohhh noooo they oppressed her! *eye roll*

[SP]

Sam,

Well in fairness to her, at least she didn't pick queer like it was some life-shattering insult. "Dyke" is at least a bit more harsh, I would say.

[Mandoir]

@SP,

Ah, that makes do much more sense. I was more or less under the impression that "queer" had been reclaimed as political jargon in the LGBT community - not that I think it wouldn't still be hurtful if uttered in a homophobic context - but I was surprised that she seemed to have selected a word that seems to have been mainstreamed in the LGBT community, as opposed to a currently recognized slur.

[InvestigatoryJournalist]

I am DYING over the Myrtle gifs.

[LexiB]

The Myrtle gifs.... I laughed so hard I nearly weed.

[kdub]

I totally relived Nipplegate when I saw they pixelated the bird shit.

[Muscle X edge]

Ha ha ha!! some of these are really very funny images.

[matthew]

I can not believe they censored Kayla, a homosexual woman, from using the word "dyke". How typical of ANTM to defeat the whole purpose of its own exercise by not allowing the models to reclaim the words that actually happen to be hurtful. A new level of patheticness for the show.

[Sharron]

Myrtle = Fire Marshall Bill

[3ya]

Oh I can't believe you don't have a gif of jane "dancing"! And yes you're right antm is a boner killer!

[emaco]

I thought the first picture on this recap was Antoin Dodson...

[Asics Shoes]

I think these things are very well. Now the network shopping is very wise choice. Thank you for the recommended!

[nargles]

thanks for the laugh rich. those myrtle gifs are killer.

[Pure Cleanse]

Images are somehow funny. Otherwise there is nothing fine in your article. Really.
Pure Cleanse

[VA home home loan]

@ pure cleanse.... what you talkin bout Willis?

[Vigrx Plus]

This is the best thing I could hear from a creative woman in this arid society....apparently there is not much space and time for creative people today!!

[Johanna]

Yeah cleanse whatcha talkin about? Great job as usual Rich