fourfour

I came to collage, lage, lage, lage

Here's a heads-up that I paid tribute to the 2010 phenomenon that I most loved rolling my eyes at -- club music about clubbing -- with a collage poem similar in function to my /\/\/\Y/\ review at the Village Voice's Sound of the City (it's called "The Ballad of 2010"). Yes, I know, dance music about dancing predates this year. Yes, I know that insipid lyrics in pop music are par for the course. But I also know that acts of the past like Chic and Inner City handled this subject matter much better and that there was a time when dance songs could be matter of factly about anything (well, anything like love), instead of pummeling you on the head with what you already know if they're effective in the first place (that dancing is fun, for example!).

I also kind of of appreciate really stupid shit (look around this blog!), so understand that this critique is not without bemused affection. The hours I spent assembling it and coding each line to jump to the corresponding song should suggest as much anyway. That's part of the reason, by the way, that posting has been so light up in these parts. That and, oh yeah, CHRISTMAS.

Happy birthday, Jesus

This sign is up in rural South Jersey. I love it so much. It's a Christmas gift to the eyes.

Merry Christmas or whatever!

Festive holidays!

For the past few days, I've been doing pre-holidays visiting at my mom's house. This house is a work-void. Things that normally would take me hours take me days. Hence, the light posting. Please accept this supercut of Mariah Carey saying the word "festive" over 30 times during various recent promo appearances for Merry Christmas II You as the fourfour spin on the televised yule log. Just put this thing on a loop and feel the holidays in your soul and/or nightmares.

On 2010...

In case you haven't been following, all this week, Rob Harvilla, Zach Baron, Sean Fennessey, Maura Johnston and I took part in a critical roundtable series of posts at the Village Voice's Sound of the City blog. It's amazing to be able to write in such great company (I respect all of these people as both writers and friends) and between the five of us, we covered a hell of a lot of the year in music. My particular entries discussed mostly house and R&B, with the latter containing a particularly brutal screed aganist the 2010 Chris Brown revival (I don't want to say I hate anyone...but I fucking hate that guy and his shitty music). Apparently, it ruffled feathers of his fans (I'm staying out of the comments section, but hearing good things about it).

Anyway, it's been a little light on the writing around here this week -- this is just to say why.

Who would you rather: Mrs. Garrett or a group of Kiwi monsters?

I'm so obsessed with this clip of Mrs. Garrett singing "O Holy Night" to prisoners on a Christmas episode of The Facts of Life (she's so ridiculous and really, really serious about it!) that I had to do something with it. And something I did (see above).

I've also been wanting to repost this clip from A Monster's Christmas of a bunch of people in rubber suits tenderly singing "Silent Night," since I kind of jumped the gun when I was reunited with this old childhood favorite and reviewed it as soon as I found the DVD, way back in March. Sorry. I get excited!

 

Nothing says Christmas like absurdity! And really, a bunch of monsters singing about the virgin birth of Christ is nowhere nearly as ridiculous as the mall's about to get, amirite?

But anyway, if you had to choose, who would you fuck out of these two scenarios (obviously leaving out the little girl)? Maybe if you're into group sex, or are a furry (/rubbery?), you'll go for the monsters, but I pick Mrs. G because of her throaty vibrato. I'm sorry, it's arousing.

I have a feeling you're gonna say Jo, though.

Not in Kansas Anymore: a supercut

Above is the fruit of a few months of work: various instances of people saying something close to, "We're not in Kansas anymore." Despite the fact that no one gets the original line from the The Wizard of Oz completey right ("Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore"), it nonetheless evokes that film every time it's said. What's interesting to me about that is that it's at cliche status at this point, yet unlike, say, "catch-22" or the also frequently mangled "You're going to need a bigger boat," the saying hasn't superseded its source, no matter how many times it's been said (as evident in the amount of times Toto and Dorothy are brought up alongside it). It's pretty amazing how tenacious a hold Oz still has on pop culture (I find myself referencing it constantly, and not just in the "Kansas" way).

A full list of the movies and TV shows included in this clip are below. Supercut spoiler alert!

Winston update!!!

It's been a while since I posted a slice o' life on Winston. The video above has several slices. As you can see, he's been extremely busy, with a rich, fulfilling life full of a range of activities. That's why it's been so hard to get him to sign off on a new video.

You will see me again

 

With last week's end of America's Next Top Model Cycle 15, I thought this cut of exit interviews throughout the years was appropriate. Above are some of the more self-aggrandizing examples that being eliminated has produced -- so many of these girls vow to us that we'll see them again and that they'll be as big as Tyra Banks promised. How many of the 50 or so girls above have made good on that promise? The answer, of course, is virtually zero (I guess Fatima has done all right?). I don't know if that makes this video hilarious or so, so sad (but I'm thinking it's the latter).

This cliche is, of course, prevalent on unscripted TV in general (American Idol has a large number of people who voice such this-isn't-the-last-you've-seen-of-me sentiment), but I think it's hilarious how many examples come from ANTM alone. A lot of girls would kill to be saying, "A lot of girls would kill..." upon being eliminated from clown school, apparently.

(All credit goes to reader Mike [aka rustyspigot] for giving me this idea over a year ago. Sometimes I'm a little slow on the uptake, but I generally come around.)

The non-credits roll...

 

Above is a clip from last Wednesday's episode of The Insider that Tracie spotted and snagged for me. Though they've added some typical tabloid-TV sparkle wipes, they play the first 20 seconds of my Everything you need to know about Mariah Carey on HSN video from last week. The clips and cuts are identical. I didn't see this episode's credits, so for all I know they maybe said something about the source of the video coming from YouTube (in this clip it sure doesn't seem like they're selling the montage of Mariah talking about her pregnancy as anything but their own). Whatever. Obviously, this happens. And then what happens next is I post about it. It's too much part of the natural order of things to get upset at this point. I'm laughing, really I am.

(And in a weird way, their taking a 20 second clip counts as fair use, I guess, credited or not. Right?)

Update: Via the New York Times Arts Beat blog, The Insider has responded:

As a fast-paced daily news program, we are presented with numerous news items to incorporate into our broadcast. This news item went into our show without a mention of the blog, but we are posting a story on TheInsider.com about the fourfour blog post with a link to the site.

It's nice to be acknowledged!

The days of choosing between volume and length are over

The amount of bacon sandwiches a $100,000 CoverGirl modeling contract can buy is truly jaw-dropping.